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Why I do play (and with whom)

Posted 01-21-2018 at 06:42 AM by CSasha

Yesterday, I had some outing talk with my friends, revealing that I had kinks. They seem to be quite vanilla, not even gentle ass slaps, anal or deepthroats (Your kink is different but your kink is okay). They wondered "How can people like this", which simply is the colorful variation of life and people. Diversity. I personally believe it might have to do something with connections we made (i.e. spanking = the only attention, so it's the main connection with love), but just my uneducated opinion.

Anyway, another question was "Why do people do this (just on a call/PM/post/dare by others)". For me, it's a whole different story, fun, and thrill with others consentually involved. It's doing something for others pleasure and entertainment, and hence giving me please despite physical and other discomfort, pain, or humiliation, to name just a few. And the same whenever I am on tge other side.

But there's one issue very important to make this work. People forget about it so often. Communication and Expression. When I give you a dare, tell me when you did it and how, but also WHAT DID YOU FEEL AND THINK? How do you feel after it? It's also true for me as the dare receiver. Are you pleased by the report? Does arouse you what I did? Are you laughing about or enjoy my humiliation or temporary misery?

I know there are plenty of people not reading zhis, just not educated or worst, not even caring. And so these words tend to be preaching to the priest. My solution is to prefer playing with people with similar behavior, so I get the most out of my effort and playtime. And continue to play with them, and stop playing with others.

Sometimes, getDare seems full of jerks, fakes, and ghosting, but if you find a way to survive and live with it, there are plenty of cool and enjoyablr play partners here, you could learn to know over the course of time.

I wish you all the best.
Posted in getDare issues
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Hopefully they were accepting of your kinks, Cassandra. Even if they don't understand how you can enjoy them. I've been fortunate in that most of the friends I have told about (some of) my kinks are actually quite accepting about it. And I'm with you in that it isn't necessarily the *ACT* itself that is enjoyable, but rather the fact that the other party is enjoying my suffering (physical, mental, emotional, what have you) and submitting. Hence why I don't just go around doing these things any old time. Doing them just to do them... Bah. lol

    I also 100% agree with you on the reporting side. From both sides. One of the big reasons I stopped the dares thread. Someone would give me a dare. I'd ask them if they want a report and 99% of the time, it was a no. >.<

    I hope that you continue to have a long, enjoyable experience on here. And meet other people who like to both give and receive reports of the experiences. :-)
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 08:48 AM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  2. Old Comment
    sir sam's Avatar
    I agree,
    The thinking and feeling is sure very important. To me it’s the most important. Some people can endure more than others. To me it’s hotter to have a sub crying after (for example) 100 spanks, than having a sub enduring 200 easily.

    It indeed goes both ways. Subs should KNOW their dom understands their feelings and is gratefully receiving their suffering for them.

    When I started on getdare I was not aware of that and I just handed out tasks and was happy to receive a report. Quickly I learned the most important feedback was “around” what happened, not the simple fact.
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 10:13 AM by sir sam sir sam is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Wedgiebondagebabe's Avatar
    I love the blog posts that are coming out of getDare especially now. I wish so many more people took the time to ready them and understand them. What you say about communication is something I try to put into the mind of every denial raffle winner. It is something I try to encourage in those I play with. It is the foundation that I work off of.

    Thank you for saying it so well.
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 12:20 PM by Wedgiebondagebabe Wedgiebondagebabe is offline
  4. Old Comment
    sonicboom1979's Avatar
    I agree with your post about the thoughts and feelings before during and after a task. The only way to grow in any relationship is communication. Yes you can complete tasks and move on, but what fun is that? For random people that just want the one time interaction, they don't really care. But if you want to play more than once, you should probably learn what your partner is thinking and feeling as to make the experience good for both players. Also, with someone that you are committed to and play with often, it is important to know there feelings when you are not playing also. So if you know they are sad or upset about something happening in life, it will affect your interaction differently then if they are happy and excited. Thank you for your post
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 01:01 PM by sonicboom1979 sonicboom1979 is offline
  5. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Many thanks all. It's great to get some echo.

    Yes, my friends are tolerant, they are just so vanilla. Like when I got more and more open about it and talking (after one of them accused me of not giving out anything), they wouldn't want to listen on the many kinky possibilities ...

    They don't mind what I do as long as I am happy (and they are not involved).
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 02:47 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cassandra View Comment
    Many thanks all. It's great to get some echo.

    Yes, my friends are tolerant, they are just so vanilla. Like when I got more and more open about it and talking (after one of them accused me of not giving out anything), they wouldn't want to listen on the many kinky possibilities ...

    They don't mind what I do as long as I am happy (and they are not involved).
    Glad that they are okay with it, even though they don't want to discuss it. Guess they won't ever be upset about you not sharing now, though. lol
    Posted 01-21-2018 at 02:50 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
 

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