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The Shy Exhibitionist

Posted 12-16-2017 at 04:13 PM by maleforyou

As part of a new, and temporary rule, I've effectively got to blog about something I'm uncomfortable talking about for the next 4 days...today it's my not so closet exhibitionist side.

For as long as I can remember I've been shy, not just someone who'd rather keep themselves to themselves but (certainly when I was much younger) painfully so. I'd stutter when even slightly uncomfortable (be that talking to someone new or just, well talking about things like in these blogs ) and I'd expose my skin about as much as a devout nun (tops and sweaters stay resolutely on unless it was the middle of a heatwave and I'd never dream of wearing shorts). By my teens I'd managed to outgrow the stutter and could, at last, unwrap myself into at least something comfortable, even it'd take me a few more years to take off a t-shirt at a beach say.

All of that makes it all the more perplexing that I enjoy exhibitionism as much as I do. There's something about exposing yourself to a group of strangers that I find incredibly alluring. It doesn't even necessarily need to be sexual, one of my favourite Youtube music channels is La Blogothèque which is effectively musicians playing street performances to an unsuspecting public. I wouldn't go as far as saying it turns me on, but whatever is one level below that would probably describe it best. There's something authentic and intimate about this kind of thing, kink related or not, that I just love; warts and all this is the real me!

It's always been my favourite type of porn so it's little wonder it eventually tickled my curiosity enough to try it for myself (the kink version, I'm not brave enough to start singing ). It started relatively soft talking on a chat site to some random girl for a few hours before we got talking about naughtier things that somehow resulted in her asking for a nude pic of me. My head quickly dismissed this as definite no, but it still took very little convincing to send that first pic out ("O, it'll be fine just censor your face"..."I won't share honestly"). I think the first time doing anything kink related is the most fun and probably explains why I still remember it so vividly, from how excited it made me feel to the shock to realising I'd sent the decensored pic by accident...and then the surprise at how this only made me more excited. I can remember all that detail but can't honestly remember if I got a pic in return

The first toe dipped into the exhibitionist water was enough to put me off for a good few months but the "damage" was done; I was hooked. This kink, more than any other is the one I have the strongest love/hate relationship with. The constant battle with my rational mind ("Ah, what are you doing exposing yourself like that, anyone you know could see") with my kink side ("Hey, this is a lot of fun...shut up!").

Never-the-less I elevated from pictures to private webcam sessions relatively quickly before elevating further into public webcam sessions (albeit with my face out of shot now, my rational mind wins some arguments luckily). From that ridiculously shy boy afraid to take off a jumper to routinely stripping off entirely (and more) for multiple total strangers at a time and enjoying it a lot. While it's obvious that the protection of doing all of this online helps (it feels safer to be able to simply sign-off when things get too much) it's still something that causes occasional tinges of worry.

Some of the most fun I've had kink-wise has been with these type of exhibitionist shows as it excites me just enough to try something for the first time and go that little bit further than I would normally; from extending that CBT just a few more hits to my first pee play session soaking my clothes through before keeping them on for a while. It's an addictive drug that's helped me explore my kinks. In the future, I'd like to try some small amount of actual public tasks which I guess is the next level but one where I'm sure my rational mind's argument of "Don't include non-consenting people in your kink" will be harder to ignore.

For now anyway, my kink and rational minds have reached an agreement that while camming I'm showing off to such a small audience that the chances of anyone I know finding out are infinitely small (someone would need to feel the need to record, then post somewhere, then that gets somehow enough traction to get seen by someone I know even though I don't share any personal info) that the Maths add up; the fun of doing it far outweighs the risk. Like most kinks, it harms no-one (other than occasionally the consenting party lol) and it's fun and that's about all that matters...even if I'd rather not have to explain that point of view to someone I know.

(Ugh, I need to work on trimming the length of these blogs I think. Hope that insight into one of my kinks was of interest to anyone who managed to skim through)
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  1. Old Comment
    Cstelle's Avatar
    This was a good read. (And some parts even strangely hot...)

    Don't trim.
    Posted 12-17-2017 at 12:20 PM by Cstelle Cstelle is offline
 

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