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Women, men and other humans Part 1

Posted 11-19-2017 at 04:26 PM by CSasha
Updated 11-19-2017 at 06:37 PM by CSasha

Growing up in a small German town in the 1980s and 1990s, I have always tended to be of different opinion and a social alien. Maybe if I hadn't questioned and challenged so many standards, I wouldn't have had as much trouble. Anyway, I did, and I also suffered from ubiquitous sexism, quite balanced positive as well as negative, though I tended to overlook it. Even recently, I noticed I am sexist myself. Still today, for me it's in plenty of commercials, ads, everyday phrases and simple sayings, as well as behavior and attitudes. It burdens me. Maybe I would be fine merely being a woman or a man if not for too much sexism. But things are how they are.

Since the German Federal Constitutional Court came up with this decision, which will force the state of Germany to cope with a third gender entry or drop the issue of an official gender at all, I consider changing my gender registration to the third option. For me, that's a big deal, which could become a final relief. I even discovered I might do so in my passport thanks to the European Union travel regulations (page 20). After we have a new government here in Germany, we might even get a reasonable law which allows anybody to change their officially registered gender quite easily.

I might want to do that.

Having looked into the issue of gender for more than two decades, so far I have learned this:

- There are women and men. Many many people identify as one of those two and are deeply hurt when you doubt or challenge it. And still plenty of people don't, and are harmed by being pressed into one these labels.

- The aspects male and female can still be useful for me. I learned to appreciate confidence, strength, leadership, the positive energy of aggressiveness, providing for others. I love the healthy balance with delve into, expressing and sharing feelings, empathy for my fellow human beings, care for myself and others, sensitivity and sensibility, making myself beautiful and attractive, providing and taking each other's bodies. As far as I experienced the many overt and subtle restrictions on women and men, I don't want to be one of them.

- Everyone knows best by which name they want to be called and addressed. It doesn't need to be their official name. Names are very significant for self-identification. You are very disrespectful and rude anytime you don't use the names other humans insist on for themselves. That might even change over time. Just remain sane and keep it reasonably consistent. It doesn't matter which official name or nickname others or the state attribute them. A person's name is that person's self-determined right.

- Everyone knows best which gender they are themselves, as which gender they feel happy, satisfied and content. Unless you want to hurt, humiliate, degrade, dominate or depress somebody, trust them that they know better.

- The content of a person's crotch is none of your business unless both of you consent to share it, of course. A person's sexuality is none of your business, also unless you both consent.

- Your consent with your name and gender trumps other people's opinion on both. It's more important for you than for others, no matter how much they may be troubled with your choices. The same is true vice versa: Other people's consent to their name and gender trumps your opinion on both.

- Sexuality is a complicated issue. If you are heterosexual for example, that doesn't mean you are attracted to any woman no matter how she looks, nor what she does. It doesn't tell anybody if you prefer butts, tits or genitals, which sex position, dirty words or cuddling. No kind of sexuality makes up for missing consense. It just indicates which partners or sexual activities you might be interested in or not. Nothing else. Don't take anything for granted. Nothing is natural.

- Consense is vital for shared sexuality. Whatever you approach, make sure your partners consent with you not only at the start of it but all through to the end. Stop as soon as they or you don't agree anymore.
If you accept that, for example as a heterosexual man, no woman nor other human beings have to fear any assault from you. And then the same goes for you regarding other men and any other human beings. What a pleasant world this could be.

- Sexuality isn't as simple as you think. Hasn't the internet taught us, that if it exists, then there's porn of it? The devil is in the details, and it may even change over time. People change. Thinking of consent, people may also change their mind, right in the middle of that sweet act. Accept it, please.

- Gender is a problematic issue. Two sexes aren't natural, nor are our label, behaviors and other attributes for them. Other life forms than the human species have between none to 36,000 sexes. You just have to remember ants and bees to become aware of pretty different numbers and relations of sexes already. Even animals with two genders show us plenty of variations. Even human societies show us different arrangements between women and men, up to ancient acceptance of gender minorities. But the most important we can learn from ourselves about gender is, that human species evolves, biologically as well as socially.
Besides that, I have found it more and more difficult to follow the logic of different approaches to gender definition: Is a man only a man as long as he has a penis, and a woman just a woman as long as she has tits and a pussy? Are certain sizes required? How about fertility? Is it only when he or she once had those? How do you know without looking into each other's pants? What about anything different? There are all kinds of individual cases in nature. Variety is natural!
Do chromosomes determine gender? Have you ever tested yours? The difference is tiny, and again, there are all kinds of variations to what you think exists. Life is wild, diverse and colorful!
Is it the level of sex hormones? Have you tested yours? Where's the exact border between woman and man? Again, you better look around all the cases which exist.
Or is it a particular behavior? German men love soccer, cars, hate shopping, think reasonable, keep their emotions for themselves, are strong, capable of doing any work with wood and iron, able to learn anything they don't know yet and can open a bottle of beer in two hundred different ways. I guess there's a different definition for American men.
Or is it meeting a particular score from checking plenty of those criteria? Do you do sports three times a week? Do you have hairy arms? Love driving a fast car? Fucking others from their behind? Yes, yes, yes, yes? Then congratulations, you are +4 manly. Oh, you are a woman? My bad.
The truth is, we are all individual, and it's better this way. Don't force anybody to "be more manly," "don't be a sissy," "don't throw like a girl." It may hurt a lot!
Sex and gender are not as easy as in Kindergarten where we learned that you are a boy if you have a penis, and otherwise you are a girl. And if you cry as a boy because it hurts, you are soft, a sissy or gay. And it's alright if boys are fighting, but not if girls are. Let's get out of Kindergarten!

Part 2
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Total Comments 6

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    SilverSwitch's Avatar
    Thanks for sharing!
    Posted 11-19-2017 at 06:43 PM by SilverSwitch SilverSwitch is offline
  2. Old Comment
    saruman's Avatar
    Life is diverse....
    Posted 11-19-2017 at 09:24 PM by saruman saruman is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    This blog was still in my backlog of ones I wanted to read and I'm glad I did.

    This is a fantastic post Cassandra and I don't know what to add to it. Humans are complicated. Life is complicated. We understand only a tiny portion of our brain. There is so much that constitutes to a persons identity. Who are we to judge or determine who is what?

    It bugs me even if people get all upset about a transgender woman wanting to use the woman's bathroom. Why do we have separated bathrooms anyway? I don't at home?
    Posted 11-23-2017 at 11:14 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  4. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Many thanks, Jaro.

    You probably don't have a seperate bathroom at home because you don't host plenty of people less intimate to each other and uneasy with sharing the same bath with people of the opposite gender. There are some unisex bathrooms, but it's the rarer case opposed to seperated bathrooms. I also guess there's still a certain risk for unisex showers, once for assaults or at least insults, and therefore the fear of people using it. Though on the other hand there are nudity communities and things lika saunas, though it depends on the country how the culture and rules are.
    Posted 11-23-2017 at 01:13 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    I understand what you're saying Cassandra.

    I meant only the toilet actually. Not sharing a bath or shower. But I guess it makes sense in a way.
    Posted 11-24-2017 at 09:03 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Ly Ph's Avatar
    The whole idea of gender identity is confusing and can be harmful. I know through my life there have been many questions of am I woman enough to be transgender. I enjoy playing sports with friends, I hate soap operas. I find it hard to enjoy a lot of "chick flicks". Ultimately I spent at least 14 years of my life trying to work things out (the internet and connecting with other people helps a lot, but that was just starting to get popular when I was growing up).

    With that said I find pronouns to be important. Neutral ones when unsure are fine but incorrect ones can be more hurtful than I assume most would assume. I know again other than neutral ones its assuming that are only finite states, but for me its like a painter pouring there soul into a painting only to be told its rubbish getting it put in the bin and being told to try harder.

    I have heard people say that mens toilets are discusting and they wouldn't want to share for that reason but honestly its just a misconception (at least in my experience).

    Sexuality wise I think if you find some one attractive and enjoy being around them then go for it.



    I guess ultimately I want to say love and be loved (or don't be a dick which every you prefer :P).
    Posted 11-24-2017 at 12:12 PM by Ly Ph Ly Ph is offline
 

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