Three Things
Tags bdsm, blackmail d/s, blogs, canes, humiliation, jameser, lola.fox, pain, punished, punishments, rules, submissives, writing prompts
I’ve been browsing the forums more often than normal due to a little extra free time at work. I noticed a few patterns in threads, some blogs, and even through conversations I’ve had in chat and through kik. I decided to pair this with a journaling prompt I’d read a while back and make a list of three things that it seems like everybody wants, but I’m very happy without.
1. Punishments
I see a lot of requests for punishments - not that this is a new thing. Even when I joined the site, I found the thought of a rough punishment really alluring.. I thought it meant pain and humiliation and all the things in between. I came to realize though, as I explored submission deeper and deeper, that I didn’t need to be ‘punished’ to feel those things since I quite like them, I just had to admit to liking them and make my need known. You can enjoy being caned until you bleed or being degraded until you have tears in your eyes without the negative connotations. For me, punishments were given after I was given a task that I was set up to fail just to achieve the above kinks, which is not the right way to go about it [at least for me, anyway]. I would feel terrible that I couldn’t complete this complicated task in just the right way and felt like a failure. I would have knots in my stomach because I didn’t want to disappoint or give anything less than perfection. The “punishment” would ensue, and instead of floating into subspace from a blissful spanking session, I would drop for hours due to all the negative emotions that came with the failure. Over time I learned that this was not the only way to reach my desires or being spanked of objectified, and am much happier being able to beg for it instead.
2. Rules
You could search rules on this site and spend the rest of your life browsing through the results. I was so intrigued by stories of people having so many rules to follow, constantly reminding themselves of their submission at every moment of the day. I gave it a go and tried several times to incorporate daily rules. I tried to ease into it with just a few a day, I filled a three page document full of them, and I even tried just doing permissions for things like sending a message for what I would wear for the day every morning. Each try led me to the same conclusion. I felt stressed out and limited by my rules. I didn’t feel creative being able to send surprise photos in interesting positions, I felt trapped by my detailed requirements and bored of the repetitiveness. I felt like a fraud trying to half-heartedly complete edges before bed every night when I was too tired or just not turned on. I felt irritated waiting for a response while waiting to dress in the morning. I felt overwhelmed trying to complete complete a never ending to-do list before the end of a busy day to not classify as a failure. I get the idea and the intended reminder of being submissive, but for me a prefer the spontaneity. I want to receive a message from James, taking the time out of his busy day to remember me. I want to do what will turn him on that very moment, not be preoccupied with last weeks stale thoughts. Since cutting out tedious daily rules from my life I feel much, much more at ease.
3. Blackmail
This particular kink seems especially popular lately, and I understand why. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time which often produces the perfect hormonal cocktail for an exhilarating kinky play session, but I just don’t want any part of it. I’m too anxious of a person to live in fear of being exposed. Though I’d like the idea of being pushed into new kinks I’m nervous to try, I really need to ease into things slowly and cautiously in order to go in with an open mind. Even being on the opposite end of blackmail I don’t think I could expose James purely out of selfishness because I don’t like to share! I love just being able to read about it, without needing to participate
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[DISCLAIMER: There is nothing wrong with any of the above topics if you are okay with including them in your play, this is just personal opinion and it is in no way a reflection on how you should live your life.]
1. Punishments
I see a lot of requests for punishments - not that this is a new thing. Even when I joined the site, I found the thought of a rough punishment really alluring.. I thought it meant pain and humiliation and all the things in between. I came to realize though, as I explored submission deeper and deeper, that I didn’t need to be ‘punished’ to feel those things since I quite like them, I just had to admit to liking them and make my need known. You can enjoy being caned until you bleed or being degraded until you have tears in your eyes without the negative connotations. For me, punishments were given after I was given a task that I was set up to fail just to achieve the above kinks, which is not the right way to go about it [at least for me, anyway]. I would feel terrible that I couldn’t complete this complicated task in just the right way and felt like a failure. I would have knots in my stomach because I didn’t want to disappoint or give anything less than perfection. The “punishment” would ensue, and instead of floating into subspace from a blissful spanking session, I would drop for hours due to all the negative emotions that came with the failure. Over time I learned that this was not the only way to reach my desires or being spanked of objectified, and am much happier being able to beg for it instead.
2. Rules
You could search rules on this site and spend the rest of your life browsing through the results. I was so intrigued by stories of people having so many rules to follow, constantly reminding themselves of their submission at every moment of the day. I gave it a go and tried several times to incorporate daily rules. I tried to ease into it with just a few a day, I filled a three page document full of them, and I even tried just doing permissions for things like sending a message for what I would wear for the day every morning. Each try led me to the same conclusion. I felt stressed out and limited by my rules. I didn’t feel creative being able to send surprise photos in interesting positions, I felt trapped by my detailed requirements and bored of the repetitiveness. I felt like a fraud trying to half-heartedly complete edges before bed every night when I was too tired or just not turned on. I felt irritated waiting for a response while waiting to dress in the morning. I felt overwhelmed trying to complete complete a never ending to-do list before the end of a busy day to not classify as a failure. I get the idea and the intended reminder of being submissive, but for me a prefer the spontaneity. I want to receive a message from James, taking the time out of his busy day to remember me. I want to do what will turn him on that very moment, not be preoccupied with last weeks stale thoughts. Since cutting out tedious daily rules from my life I feel much, much more at ease.
3. Blackmail
This particular kink seems especially popular lately, and I understand why. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time which often produces the perfect hormonal cocktail for an exhilarating kinky play session, but I just don’t want any part of it. I’m too anxious of a person to live in fear of being exposed. Though I’d like the idea of being pushed into new kinks I’m nervous to try, I really need to ease into things slowly and cautiously in order to go in with an open mind. Even being on the opposite end of blackmail I don’t think I could expose James purely out of selfishness because I don’t like to share! I love just being able to read about it, without needing to participate
. [DISCLAIMER: There is nothing wrong with any of the above topics if you are okay with including them in your play, this is just personal opinion and it is in no way a reflection on how you should live your life.]
Total Comments 7
Comments
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A nice blog! I fully agree!
I once posted a blog with similar thoughts
I guess in the beginning we find it difficult to admit we just like pain or humiliation. Especially in a committed relationship however it becomes very negative and depressing that it requires a failure to drive a treatment. It was quite liberating to admit that I liked to torture my pet even when she had done nothing wrong, and it was liberating to her to receive that without any negative thought. In fact it was much hotter to both to just "go" for no other reason than to inflict pain.
I also share your thoughts on blackmail. In my opinion it's a bad thing. I have reasons which I plan to write a blog on because it's quite elaborate but I need to find the time todo that.Posted 09-29-2017 at 09:38 AM by sir sam 
Updated 09-29-2017 at 09:59 AM by lola.fox -
2 is a big thing. Depending on how I feel is how many rules or how much time I will dedicate to rules. Personally I find them more fun if they are smaller easy to do things generally plus maybe shorter term rules like say for a weekend. I call the smaller rules reminders.
As for 3 I think I agree with you. There is always the option to get out of things without blackmail which can be bad for trying new or scary things but personally I am too scared to send people pictures (I blame my first shitty domme) never mind give them blackmail evidence and risk it being exposed
Posted 09-29-2017 at 06:34 PM by Ly Ph
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1. I have a different take on punishment. I feel that if you actually enjoy a punishment it is not an actual punishment but a funishment. For me, when I say punishment, I mean something that is really not fun to do at all. Something that really makes me miserable!
When I first joined the site I was turned off totally by all the extreme punishments. Now I am okay with it and my Misses can punish me but only if I really deserve it and need correcting.
2. I do love my rules but I do see as well that they can be a bit annoying at times to keep up with or waiting for a permission. But it works out well most of the time and I wouldn't want to lose my rules for the world.
3. I have gotten myself into a blackmail relationship now and I don't quite know yet how I feel about it. Yes it is indeed scary. But I think it's also pretty exciting as it makes online control very real. What I do know is that I think this can be done safely with the right people. I think I couldn't get better and more trustworthy people to blackmail me now. But the risk of exposure is still there, or else it wouldn't be blackmail.Posted 09-29-2017 at 08:13 PM by Jaro
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I don't think that blackmail is a bad thing in general, I just think it's not my thing. I don't really hesitate to send incriminating photos and James knows every personal detail there is to know about me, but I like the comfort of knowing I have nothing to fear. It's taken me a lot to work up to this level of trust so I'm enjoying reveling in it as much as I can. Even if my Dom and I were to switch, I know all of his personal details, even passwords for things, but I still want the things that we share to be cherished in a sense.. There are a few things I like to keep just for us!Quote:Originally Posted by sir sam
A nice blog! I fully agree!
I once posted a blog with similar thoughts
I guess in the beginning we find it difficult to admit we just like pain or humiliation. Especially in a committed relationship however it becomes very negative and depressing that it requires a failure to drive a treatment. It was quite liberating to admit that I liked to torture my pet even when she had done nothing wrong, and it was liberating to her to receive that without any negative thought. In fact it was much hotter to both to just "go" for no other reason than to inflict pain.
I also share your thoughts on blackmail. In my opinion it's a bad thing. I have reasons which I plan to write a blog on because it's quite elaborate but I need to find the time todo that.Posted 09-29-2017 at 08:40 PM by lola.fox
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I think I just don't do well will adding stress to my dayQuote:Originally Posted by Ly Ph
2 is a big thing. Depending on how I feel is how many rules or how much time I will dedicate to rules. Personally I find them more fun if they are smaller easy to do things generally plus maybe shorter term rules like say for a weekend. I call the smaller rules reminders.
As for 3 I think I agree with you. There is always the option to get out of things without blackmail which can be bad for trying new or scary things but personally I am too scared to send people pictures (I blame my first shitty domme) never mind give them blackmail evidence and risk it being exposed it makes me lose all motivation knowing I have a mounting to do list that I can't give my 100% attention to. We do often wager bets and things like that that cause short term rules, but it's more spontaneous so I think that helps me swallow the 'rules' pill. 
I'm sorry you had a poor photo experience with your first domme! I get it since when I do photo threads I always end up having people overstep with keeping my photos and treating them as their personal property and it makes me want to end it all, but thankfully I have a good support system if anything were to happen, which eases my worries a bit.Posted 09-29-2017 at 08:45 PM by lola.fox
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I know there is a difference between punishments and funishments, and that's what I've noticed a lot browsing the forums and having to experience in past relationships.. but now just the thought of failing my Dom makes me feel truly rotten inside. It's not the actual punishment itself that bothers me no matter how much I'd dislike it, it's the residual feelings that linger for far too long. If I only had to deal with doing a task I really despised, I could handle it, but the mental/emotional aspect of knowing I let down James hurts me too much. I much prefer have the leniency that he currently gives me with time schedules so that I can give a task my full attention than have to jump through hoops to get something done in a strict time restraint. I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but I'm glad that I found someone whose idea of kink matches up with mine ;P.Quote:Originally Posted by Jaroface
1. I have a different take on punishment. I feel that if you actually enjoy a punishment it is not an actual punishment but a funishment. For me, when I say punishment, I mean something that is really not fun to do at all. Something that really makes me miserable!
When I first joined the site I was turned off totally by all the extreme punishments. Now I am okay with it and my Misses can punish me but only if I really deserve it and need correcting.
2. I do love my rules but I do see as well that they can be a bit annoying at times to keep up with or waiting for a permission. But it works out well most of the time and I wouldn't want to lose my rules for the world.
3. I have gotten myself into a blackmail relationship now and I don't quite know yet how I feel about it. Yes it is indeed scary. But I think it's also pretty exciting as it makes online control very real. What I do know is that I think this can be done safely with the right people. I think I couldn't get better and more trustworthy people to blackmail me now. But the risk of exposure is still there, or else it wouldn't be blackmail.
As for the rules, that's good! That's the beauty of BDSM. There's no one way or right way of doing things. Even our own personal standards change with partners or over time, and I think that's awesome to be able to watch. Especially when you blog about it or have a site like this where you can look back on your posts and see how much you've changed over the years.
You definitely chose the perfect people to enter a blackmail relationship with! It's also nice that you're all beginners so you can explore boundaries and set them together rather than have preconceived notions of what might have worked in the past with different partners. I think that blackmail in general is really intriguing because of the risk, but I'm just glad I can be a bystander to it and not have to participate. Hopefully my OP didn't come off as knocking your kink, as that truly wasn't my intention!Posted 09-29-2017 at 09:01 PM by lola.fox
Updated 09-29-2017 at 09:03 PM by lola.fox -
Excellent blog post dear. You have a gift for writing
Posted 09-30-2017 at 07:16 PM by Rascal.
