Still Fantasizing About the Past
Posted 02-10-2016 at 11:17 PM by Rose_Angel
I last posted just under a year ago. Wow how time flies. So just a quick update for anyone who cares/ knows me, etc. I'm getting married this year, planning to buy a house next year with my soon to be husband, and I have a wonderful call center job working for an insurance company. Life is grand. No real complaints. Anyway, that's not what this blog is about, but I figure after a year of being inactive, I'd mention it. So, onto what has really been on my mind lateley...
It's been a bit over a year since 'completely' giving up online play. I did have one unplanned cam session last summer with an old friend. It was short, sweet, and quite painful for me, even though it was incredibly tame to what I was used to in the past. I look back at the dares I or others created for me in the past, and am stunned that I was able to endure and inflict such pain on myself.
I think about how dedicated I was to completing tasks set by my former Master, and the will power I had towards carrying out the rare, but painful and/or boring and/or tedious and always effective punishments.
It just amazes me on how much I've changed. While I still on occasion fantasize about 'having' to do such things, I have no desire or want of submitting to anyone.
But wow, am I thankful for the time I was submissive to my former Master, which anyone that knows me previously, probably knows who I'm talking about.
Not a month goes by I don't have at least one edge or more remembering my submission to him. Often when I can't get to sleep, even if not horny, I'll plug in my wand, place it on/over my clit, and remember serving him. I often think of the 500 lines I had to write in one sitting, spending most of that time on the floor with a homemade gag in my mouth, in extreme discomfort. There was a time where he stated 'if' I ever get to cum again. Silly me, I asked him what he meant by that, to which he responded something along the lines of 'exactly what it means'. Haha.
I think about the couple months of denial I was in near the end of my submission to him, and imagine that I'm still not allowed to cum (though on a side note... I actually haven't cum in about 5 months now).
It amazes me how just one person had such an impact on my life, and though we haven't talked in over a year, he still has an impact on my life. My thoughts, my fantasies, etc. It might sound crazy, but to this day, it is nearly impossible for me to cum unless I have a toy/dildo inside me.
After the two months of denial mentioned previously, it switched completely to being required to cum once a day, and only when I had a toy inserted in me. Any edging had to be done without. This was 3 years ago, and I still generally need to insert a toy to 'actually' orgasm.
To be clear, he isn't the only person I think about. I also often still fantasize of submitting to my 'lesbian lover." Whenever we talked about the idea of me serving her in person, we'd generally say I'd go at least 3 if not 5 years of serving her before she would consider letting me cum. And of course, that fantasy involved me standing in the corner..... a LOT. And if I so much as attempted to cum and was caught, I'd spend at least a fortnight in the corner by day.
There are other scenarios with each of my former master and lesbian lover, as well as other people I'd played with that come to mind on occasion.
And these thoughts/ past fantasies only come up in general when I'm edging, which also isn't that often. I probably edge perhaps 3-5 days a month, and only one or two at a time.
I just wonder if I'll ever have something else to fantasize about. I just can't believe it's been over 3 years since submitting to anyone, and that after all this time, I still reminisce so much about my past.
To others I'd played with, had session with other than Dravot and Frosty, such as SDK, Shadowice, and a couple others, I think about those times too on occasion. But for those, I just think about how much fun I had. But with people besides Dravot and Frosty, it was all mainly just fun and quite pleasurable. When I fantasize to edge, it's the thought of pain/torture that gets me going.
Perhaps I'll post again in another year after having been married. As usual, no editing is planned for this post, and I just typed out my thoughts as I went with no plan on how it would flow.
It's been a bit over a year since 'completely' giving up online play. I did have one unplanned cam session last summer with an old friend. It was short, sweet, and quite painful for me, even though it was incredibly tame to what I was used to in the past. I look back at the dares I or others created for me in the past, and am stunned that I was able to endure and inflict such pain on myself.
I think about how dedicated I was to completing tasks set by my former Master, and the will power I had towards carrying out the rare, but painful and/or boring and/or tedious and always effective punishments.
It just amazes me on how much I've changed. While I still on occasion fantasize about 'having' to do such things, I have no desire or want of submitting to anyone.
But wow, am I thankful for the time I was submissive to my former Master, which anyone that knows me previously, probably knows who I'm talking about.
Not a month goes by I don't have at least one edge or more remembering my submission to him. Often when I can't get to sleep, even if not horny, I'll plug in my wand, place it on/over my clit, and remember serving him. I often think of the 500 lines I had to write in one sitting, spending most of that time on the floor with a homemade gag in my mouth, in extreme discomfort. There was a time where he stated 'if' I ever get to cum again. Silly me, I asked him what he meant by that, to which he responded something along the lines of 'exactly what it means'. Haha.
I think about the couple months of denial I was in near the end of my submission to him, and imagine that I'm still not allowed to cum (though on a side note... I actually haven't cum in about 5 months now).
It amazes me how just one person had such an impact on my life, and though we haven't talked in over a year, he still has an impact on my life. My thoughts, my fantasies, etc. It might sound crazy, but to this day, it is nearly impossible for me to cum unless I have a toy/dildo inside me.
After the two months of denial mentioned previously, it switched completely to being required to cum once a day, and only when I had a toy inserted in me. Any edging had to be done without. This was 3 years ago, and I still generally need to insert a toy to 'actually' orgasm.
To be clear, he isn't the only person I think about. I also often still fantasize of submitting to my 'lesbian lover." Whenever we talked about the idea of me serving her in person, we'd generally say I'd go at least 3 if not 5 years of serving her before she would consider letting me cum. And of course, that fantasy involved me standing in the corner..... a LOT. And if I so much as attempted to cum and was caught, I'd spend at least a fortnight in the corner by day.
There are other scenarios with each of my former master and lesbian lover, as well as other people I'd played with that come to mind on occasion.
And these thoughts/ past fantasies only come up in general when I'm edging, which also isn't that often. I probably edge perhaps 3-5 days a month, and only one or two at a time.
I just wonder if I'll ever have something else to fantasize about. I just can't believe it's been over 3 years since submitting to anyone, and that after all this time, I still reminisce so much about my past.
To others I'd played with, had session with other than Dravot and Frosty, such as SDK, Shadowice, and a couple others, I think about those times too on occasion. But for those, I just think about how much fun I had. But with people besides Dravot and Frosty, it was all mainly just fun and quite pleasurable. When I fantasize to edge, it's the thought of pain/torture that gets me going.
Perhaps I'll post again in another year after having been married. As usual, no editing is planned for this post, and I just typed out my thoughts as I went with no plan on how it would flow.
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