Coming Out

So, as I've begun to grow and mature, I realized that I was attracted to women, but I also liked boys. Guess who was trying to figure out their sexuality at fourteen! Me.

Some of you might be thinking, But techie! I thought you were a lesbian. In fact, it says so in your signature! and you would be right! I am a lesbian (or well, homoflexible) but when I was fourteen, I thought I was bisexual. It's only recently that I've realized there are so few men I'm attracted to that I classify more as a lesbian than a bisexual. (Classify? God, I sound pretentious)

But this is my coming out story and when I was coming out, I came out as bisexual.

I went to a very very big high school in a very religious community. There were roughly four thousand students at my high school and the majority were Christian. Specifically, Mormon or LDS. Now, I could rant about the Mormon religion (and I might make a blog post in the future) but for now just know that my school wasn't necessarily religious, but many many of the students and faculty were.

When I started realizing that I was bisexual, well that deserves an entire internal monologue so I'll probably make a confession about it later. But it was difficult.

My parents are against same sex marriage and my dad is very against anything involving that kind of community.

They frequently talked about how disgusting it was to see two women or two men kiss on tv or in a movie. It infuriated me.

So, one day while I was arguing with my ma about how that sort of talk was horribly offensive, she asked me why I cared and I just blurted it out. "Because I'm bisexual!" We were the only ones home and for a few seconds, we both sat in silence at my confession.

I started crying and my ma pulled me into a hug. She told me that she'd been attracted to some girls when she was my age and that I would grow out of it. Less than comforting words to a sobbing fourteen year old. I left the room and we didn't speak about it again.

Flash forward three years. I'd told a few of my friends, but no one in my family knew, besides my ma, but I assumed she'd forgotten about it.

I am the youngest of five kids. Two older brothers and two older sisters. At the time, the younger of my brothers was living at home.

I decided to tell the younger sister first. She was the closest to my age with only a two year difference. She'd expressed to me in the previous years that she thought girls who said they were bisexual just used it as a way to whore around, so I was a little nervous.

She was at college, so I called her and after some mindless small talk, I told her that I was bisexual. In all honesty, I don't even remember her reaction. She didn't really care. I think she said, "Oh, cool. So, what are we doing for comicon?" It was anticlimactic, but it set the ball rolling.

I decided to tell the brother living at home next. He is about seven years older than me and we were never close as kids, but he also had to put up with my parents' bullshit, and I also wanted to know how he'd react.

We were driving home from somewhere, just the two of us, when I told him that I was bisexual.

"I knew it! *My oldest brother* owes me ten bucks" He explained that they'd had a bet going as to whether or not I was queer.

My oldest sister was next. At the time, she was planning a wedding, so I figured she wouldn't really care. However, she was still religious, unlike the rest of my siblings.

We were out to dinner, my sister, her fiance, and my brother. Fiance and brother left to do something and I told my sister that (spoiler alert) I was bisexual.

"Okay. Do you have a girlfriend?" I told her no and when her fiance got back, she told him that I was bi and I think he said cool as well.

My oldest brother lived out of state, so I figured I'd tell him later. My dad was the last one left.

We were outside, arguing about something, when I told him I was (what is it? Was I a pokemon? Was I a member of the mob? Was I in trouble with the law? None of those things!) bisexual (you guys were so close).

"How would you even know that?" I was really taken aback with how aggressive the words seemed. No one had ever asked me how I knew it and suddenly all the coming out stories I'd read and all the comebacks to those types of questions flew from my mind.

"I just know, Dad." Classic.

Flash forward to April 1st, 2015. I'd come out to all my friends and I decided to make my facebook status, "I'm straight" for April fool's.

I commented on it immediately and added "April Fools! Haha, me, a heterosexual, haha!" to it.

That night, I got a call from my oldest brother who I'd forgotten to tell and who had been forced to ask my other siblings for an explanation.

I would not recommend coming out the way I did. Sit everyone down at once and rip that bandaid off!