SM advise?! Please help

[hanginginthere]

Hi Everyone so i need advise (obviously :P)

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much. But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble. I want to be able to please him but i dont know if i can. Ive been given a task, one which im really nervous to do and ive been stressing ALOT over it. (he wants me to suck a couple guys (that i dont know)) and really ive only given 2 bj's my whole life so im super nervous and he knows this.

But i have been questioning myself and my motives to be with him. Do i really want to change my morals. i know ive always looked down upon sluts. Do i really want to be one. if not do i want to be with my Master. I want to be with him but i dont know if i want to be his slut or if im ready to be his slut. we're taking a break until i figure out what i want because he doesnt want to be causing stress. I also dont want to leave him because i dont want to be a slut he's really amazing. I don't know what to do...

[D25]

Have you brought up the specifics of this with him or just that it's stressing you out? If you bring the specific issues to his attention and why it makes you feel that way, dialogue is opened and a good solution can be found.

If you have already done this and he hasn't budged on the issue and you haven't budged on the issue either, I reccomend you take this time to examine why you want to stay with him and why you've looked down on sluts. Was it really a moral you held or was it something done to fit in somewhere? Sometimes the answer is right in your face and you don't see it without some outside help.

Sorry I'm not more help, but it's something.

[lilysmaster]

As a Master it is okay to push your sub's limits to a point. You should voice your discomfort with the task and if he continues to push you into it then maybe you should not trust him as a Master.

[hanginginthere]

He knows im uncomfortable with it i have told him before and i have tried again today and he pretty much told me i dont have morals Im a slut. I have aloso told him about me not wanting to be passed around the town several times and he pretty much has told me i have no choice over it and that he owns me

[db25]

Hi Everyone so i need advise (obviously :P)

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much. But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble. I want to be able to please him but i dont know if i can. Ive been given a task, one which im really nervous to do and ive been stressing ALOT over it. (he wants me to suck a couple guys (that i dont know)) and really ive only given 2 bj's my whole life so im super nervous and he knows this.

But i have been questioning myself and my motives to be with him. Do i really want to change my morals. i know ive always looked down upon sluts. Do i really want to be one. if not do i want to be with my Master. I want to be with him but i dont know if i want to be his slut or if im ready to be his slut. we're taking a break until i figure out what i want because he doesnt want to be causing stress. I also dont want to leave him because i dont want to be a slut he's really amazing. I don't know what to do...

Ultimately the master/sub relationship is built on trust and mutual respect. You need to tell him you're not sure and really not comfortable doing this because of your values and morals. If he truly loves you and values you as his sub, he will also respect and protect your limits. If he doesn't, it's time to find a new master.

[D25]

He knows im uncomfortable with it i have told him before and i have tried again today and he pretty much told me i dont have morals Im a slut. I have aloso told him about me not wanting to be passed around the town several times and he pretty much has told me i have no choice over it and that he owns me

And that's where it becomes not OK. As lilly said, it's time to start thinking about whether it's a good idea trusting him as a Master then.

[lilysmaster]

Then now would be a good time to inform him that you are no longer property of him if he can not respect you and your limits(morals).

[hanginginthere]

I think i will try to tell him one more time and see what happens... I really like him :/

[D25]

I think i will try to tell him one more time and see what happens... I really like him :/

It's hard sometimes. It's better to separate and be a little hurt than keep going in an unhealthy relationship and be majorly hurt.

[Invisible]

Yeah I agree totally with Lilysmaster and D25. In my view this is not something that you should be asked to do and certainly not required. This shows a complete lack of respect for you.

[sweetsong]

He sounds like a selfish asshole.

Don't ever compromise who you are for a boy. A boyfriend or even a "master." You'll only regret it in the end.

You have to answer to yourself above all other people.

[Riley Taylor]

You're allowed to have your own beliefs about right and wrong. If you think sexual acts with people you don't know well are wrong, or even just wrong for you, then dom or no, he doesn't have the right to make you do something you don't feel is for you. There's a difference between carefully and slowly pushing limits and making someone do something he or she is ethically against.

Does he just want you to do it, or has he kept pressuring you despite your saying you don't want to and explaining the reason? If you just said you didn't really want to, he might think you're nervous and that's it and that he's going to be there to help you overcome your nervousness. If you explained why, and that it would genuinely hurt your self-esteem and make you think negatively about yourself because you compromised your morals, and then he insisted, he's a complete douchebag and you should drop him. There's a big difference between being dominant, and having no respect for someone you're supposed to care about.

[yours_slave]

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much.

This and,



But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble.

This. Those two things really doesn't match. Do they? 100% agree with lilysmaster and sweetsong. If this one is your first master, you may not know about other masters. I know, there are tons of assholes who claim their selves as masters. But to not forget that still there are lot of good masters out there. It's really good that you trust, love and respect your master very much. We don't want to end your relationship by any mean. Don't get us wrong. But as others said, I think it's time for you to look for a new master.

[Star Shadows]

I think what other users have said is right, if he isn't listening to your concerns and respond to these accordingly then you really do have quite a serious problem. As much as you do like your Dom if he is unwilling to give you choice or compromise on this then you may be better off walking away. It isn't a positive sign in a relationship.

[hanginginthere]

Thanks everyone for all your advise :) Its really helping.. I'm still going to try and talk to my Master one more time about this and if he doesnt do anything about it ill find someone else.

[Star Shadows]

Thanks everyone for all your advise :) Its really helping.. I'm still going to try and talk to my Master one more time about this and if he doesnt do anything about it ill find someone else.

Thats good, don't hesitate to drop me a PM if you do need any other help. Hope everything works out well for you.

[nellybell]

Hun, never feel like you're being pushed into something you are unsure of or is morally compromising to you. I get the feeling that at the very least you are new at this, if not your first master. He seems like he is basically trying to take advantage of your lack of knowledge, and trying to get you to conform to the assumed version that people thing this lifestyle is about.

What you need to know is, while he is trying to tell you, you have no morals or right or a choice, you really do. You have your limits, and most of the time for a good reason. Not wanting to be passed around the town like a blunt is a very good limit to have. You are understandibly unwilling to do that. Messing around with guys you do know really can go bad. Rape and STDS and a terrible reputation that can follow you.

A master only has the power you give him. A master is supposed to understand how you are feeling about things, if you feel you are uncomfertable or you feel you are being put into danger by something your master wants you to do and you say something to him, he is supposed to understand. He either doesn't push at it again or does so in a way you are far more ok with. That is a basic thing that he should be able to do. You should not associate with any dom that knows you're not ok with something but won't give up on it anyway.

If he doesn't change and keeps pushing, LEAVE. As much as you like him, I assure you, there are far better masters out there, ones that will care for you as much as you care for them and won't put you into bad situations. We are all here for you, and would rather write you long ass messages trying to help you than see you hurt.

Like stars said, send me a message is you need any help or just want to talk. Be safe, nelly.

[Star Shadows]

What you need to know is, while he is trying to tell you, you have no morals or right or a choice, you really do. You have your limits, and most of the time for a good reason.

A master only has the power you give him.

We are all here for you, and would rather write you long ass messages trying to help you than see you hurt.


These things are very important to remember for anyone on the site, they should be immortalised in pretty goldenness.

[hanginginthere]

Hi everyone so i guess i should update you all because you have been so helpful and i am so greatful for all of you! :) Really i would hug you all if i could (and it might look really weird if i hugged my laptop screen :P)

anyway i have told my Master of my concerns and why i have them. I told him it was a safety issue with me... He has not yet responded however i will give him tonight and tomorrow to finally respond because he is NEVER this busy at least the while ive been with him he hasnt been. So im assuming if he doesn't respond to me he doesn't want me and he didnt love me as much as i thought he did.

thankyou all for all your great advice.. i will keep you updated on what happens between me and him. :) I love you guys hehe <3 *hugs*

[D25]

Hi everyone so i guess i should update you all because you have been so helpful and i am so greatful for all of you! :) Really i would hug you all if i could (and it might look really weird if i hugged my laptop screen :P)

anyway i have told my Master of my concerns and why i have them. I told him it was a safety issue with me... He has not yet responded however i will give him tonight and tomorrow to finally respond because he is NEVER this busy at least the while ive been with him he hasnt been. So im assuming if he doesn't respond to me he doesn't want me and he didnt love me as much as i thought he did.

thankyou all for all your great advice.. i will keep you updated on what happens between me and him. :) I love you guys hehe <3 *hugs*

I hope it works out for you. It's always sad when people can't work things out.

[nellybell]

Hi everyone so i guess i should update you all because you have been so helpful and i am so greatful for all of you! :) Really i would hug you all if i could (and it might look really weird if i hugged my laptop screen :P)

anyway i have told my Master of my concerns and why i have them. I told him it was a safety issue with me... He has not yet responded however i will give him tonight and tomorrow to finally respond because he is NEVER this busy at least the while ive been with him he hasnt been. So im assuming if he doesn't respond to me he doesn't want me and he didnt love me as much as i thought he did.

thankyou all for all your great advice.. i will keep you updated on what happens between me and him. :) I love you guys hehe <3 *hugs*

*hugs* no problem hun, we are here to help all you have to ever do is ask! Good luck and I hope that things either work out or find someone even beter :3 Don't feel like you are under any obligation to stay if you are unhappy no matter what he tries to tell you.

Welcome to getDare!

[hanginginthere]

So he finally got back to me and told me that it would be better to part ways. He doesn't have time for me and we don't want the same things in our relationship. So he said it was best...

[D25]

So he finally got back to me and told me that it would be better to part ways. He doesn't have time for me and we don't want the same things in our relationship. So he said it was best...

I'm sorry. *hugs* Don't let this keep you down though. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent or anything.

[hanginginthere]

Thanks :) I think ill be okay. Im really sad but im sure ill find someone else who actually loves me or has time for me or has the same needs/ wants as me. or maybe all of the above :)

[D25]

Thanks :) I think ill be okay. Im really sad but im sure ill find someone else who actually loves me or has time for me or has the same needs/ wants as me. or maybe all of the above :)

You will. One way or another you will find someone worth your time and efforts.

We're all here for you. I think I'm just the only one awake right now :p That's what happens when you job makes you awaken at ridiculous hours of the morning I guess.

And my offer still stands. Feel free to talk about anything really if you want to.

[sweetsong]

Thanks :) I think ill be okay. Im really sad but im sure ill find someone else who actually loves me or has time for me or has the same needs/ wants as me. or maybe all of the above :)

You definitely deserve those things. (: Good on you for sticking your ground. At the end of the day, you won't continue to love someone if they demand you get rid of your self respect.

[Star Shadows]

Hi everyone so i guess i should update you all because you have been so helpful and i am so greatful for all of you! :) Really i would hug you all if i could (and it might look really weird if i hugged my laptop screen :P)

anyway i have told my Master of my concerns and why i have them. I told him it was a safety issue with me... He has not yet responded however i will give him tonight and tomorrow to finally respond because he is NEVER this busy at least the while ive been with him he hasnt been. So im assuming if he doesn't respond to me he doesn't want me and he didnt love me as much as i thought he did.

thankyou all for all your great advice.. i will keep you updated on what happens between me and him. :) I love you guys hehe <3 *hugs*

Hope you find all that you are looking for. Congrats for standing your ground on this. It takes a lot of bravery.

[Dom6BDSM]

Thanks :) I think ill be okay. Im really sad but im sure ill find someone else who actually loves me or has time for me or has the same needs/ wants as me. or maybe all of the above :)

Thats the right spirit.

[nellybell]

Good for you dear :3 The sadness will pass I promise. Don't go hopping into a new relationship right away. Take your time and try and find someone who really clicks with you, someone who honestly cares about you as a person not just you as a sub. You will be more likely to stay in a HAPPY relationship and have a better expirence with s/m.

Good luck!

[yours_slave]

Hi everyone so i guess i should update you all because you have been so helpful and i am so greatful for all of you! :) Really i would hug you all if i could (and it might look really weird if i hugged my laptop screen :P)

anyway i have told my Master of my concerns and why i have them. I told him it was a safety issue with me... He has not yet responded however i will give him tonight and tomorrow to finally respond because he is NEVER this busy at least the while ive been with him he hasnt been. So im assuming if he doesn't respond to me he doesn't want me and he didnt love me as much as i thought he did.

thankyou all for all your great advice.. i will keep you updated on what happens between me and him. :) I love you guys hehe <3 *hugs*

Oh honey. Sorry to hear that he ended you up like this. But it's good that you stick to your thing.

That's why I told you that I don't think he loves you. A true master NEVER EVER put his/her slave in danger. s/he may push limits but that doesn't mean he is to be a irresponsible dumb ass.

Most people thinks slaves are not strong and slaves are only for masters' pleasure. Wrong! Being a slave doesn't mean s/he is not strong by ANY MEAN. s/he is a very strong and a normal person who is getting turn on by being submissive. Now which part of my last sentence says masters can do anything they wish with their slaves?

Another mistake most 'masters/mistresses' do is, they think they don't have any responsibilities at all and the slave is a piece of property to amuse them. What the fuck? Honestly don't they have brains to think such a little thing? Slaves are fucking humans. Not properties! And in any kind of BDSM relationship, master/mistress have more responsibility than slave. It's master/mistress responsibility to take care of his/her slave. If s/he cannot do that and if s/he cannot find time for that, well, s/he is not having dominant personality then. Believe me, I'm a switch so I know from both point of views.

A true master/mistress is a one who protects his/her slave as a treasure because a true slave is a gift to his/her master/mistress.

Find a one who protects you. Do not choose ones who just use and throw you away to garbage. It will make you sad at the end.

I'm owned and I'm not looking for any kind of BDSM relationship here. I'm here to help people and I know there are more experience and helpful people than me, are here. So do not hesitate to ask if you have any questions.

Wish you all the best honey! Take care!

[peaceful_soul]

Alright, I am going to throw in my two cents. I am going to try not to talk about the things that have already been talked about in this thread, as the educated responses are just as good as mine, so I do encourage you to listen to them. :)

Alright, here we go...

Your "Master" (if that's what you want to him) or so-to-be formal "Master", seems to lack the mortal adjustments that revolves around the idea of what it means to be a human being and a slut. From your stand point, this Dom has given you an instruction that clearly shows (and I am sure I am not alone on this one) that he does not have any regard for you or your well-belling. This instruction has potential to lead you or anyone else for that matter, into a direction that which most people see as, a "low" point in their lives.

What is a low point? To me a low point is a situation in someone life where they they have to spends years struggling with trial and error finding a direction which will lead them back to a place in their life that they were once happy.

Lets talk about the consequences of such a task or any related to the matter. Such a task can be lead to: Unhealthy conditions, problems with the law, problems with yourself, affects on your loved ones, and so much more. But lets talk about a few shall we?

Unhealthy Condition

Do you know who you are preforming oral sex too? Ah, apparently you were instructed to have it with a stranger, someone who you know of idea of their background health record. Unless your willing to take these men to a clinic and (if you live in America) pay for their check-ups for related conditions that may affect you, your at a large risk of getting STD's. Why kind of STD's can you get some oral sex? The list of the risk factors that can be obtained from having oral sex with an unhealthy individual may include but (certainly not limited too): HIV, Herpes, HPV, Gonorria, Chalmydia, Spyhilis and/or Hepatitis B. Lets talk a little about them, and how they show relevance to oral sex.

HIV: A study shown by Center for Disease control or CDC estimates that 1in5 people have a type of HIV, and that there has not been any sign of a decline since the late 70's. True, HIV has been shown that is it more promptly obtain via intercourse, however should you have any cuts or sore in your mouth, no matter how small the wound, you are in stick of obtaining HIV. This risk does increase dramatically when not using protection and the act of ejaculation in the mouth is present.

Herpes: There is a different between genital herpes and oral herpes, or more respectively HSV-1 and HSV-2. However, both types of herpes can both be obtained through oral or intercourse. Yes, you can indeed get HSV-1 though oral. The usage of condoms does present itself to reduce this fact, although the FDA shows that there is absolutely NO guarantee that condoms will prevent obtaining herpes or any STD at that matter.

HPV: Also know as Genital human papillomavirus, is the most commonly obtain STI that is obtained to date. The cdc tells shows facts that approximately 20 million people in the U.S. alone show signs of HPV. The types of HPV include: Genital Warts, Cervical cancer, and RRP.

Gonorrhea: Generally not enough research has been shown to give evidence that Gonorrhea is as high of a risk factor for Women, as if it for men. However, don’t let this fool you, Gonorrhea is circulating the globe today, and many studies show that Gonorrhea is has close relations with oral sex in catching via throat infections.

Chlamydia: In relation to Gonorrhea, Chlamydia is more relevant to men, than to woman in the process of oral sex, but the risks should never be underestimated.

Syphilis: In contradiction to Gonorrhea and Chlamydia, Syphilis is extremely common to transmit via oral sex. Health officials have reported that over 36k reports have been shown in the past years, and that in the U.S. as many as 15% of the cases have been related to oral sex. There are three stages of Syphilis that should known; however for the sake of description, I will leave that research up to you to find.

Hepatitis B: The research is inconclusive as to whether or not hepatitis B can be transmitted via oral sex. Oral-anal contact, however, is definitely a risk factor for hepatitis A infection, and it may also be a risk factor for hepatitis B. There is however, a vaccine to prevent Hepatitis from entering the body. ;) For anyone else who is reading this, the act of “Rimming” has shown strong relations in being diagnosed with Hepatitis, and using a vaccine should be talked about with your doctor before use in this situation.

Problems with the law

I am not going to spend as much time as I did with the health conditions, as I feel that those are the more serious factors that should be considered in this situation.
We all know what prostitution is right? Having oral sex with a random person, may very well be served by authorities as prostitution, and thus resulting into paying a fine and even serving Jail time. You may say, “Well I am not stupid, I will be careful and keep it on the down-low.” Well I got news for you; cops keep their investigation even lower. If you are a minor, then you might not be serving conditions for punishment as serve, as if you were of age, but this is always debatable from state to state, or country to country.

Problems with yourself

You may not realize this now, but creating a self-reputation for yourself as a slut, may lead to some major issues down the road. It may start out as oral sex with one person, but what if your this “Master” tells you to engage yourself in other situations, you may get the mentality “Well I already went this far, why not?” and then that may always be agate way to other problems such as: You might find yourself involved with a gage of people who may want to do more than just have oral sex. Remember, a stranger can be anyone. You might actually find yourself being an underground sex slave…and I really don’t think that, that is the type of slave you want to be. Blackmail is also present, as anyone with your name face and location can ruin your life, leaving you in some server holes that I don’t think you would feel very happy exploring.

Problems with your loveones

Can you honestly live with yourself knowing that people around you such as your friends and family know that you are out soliciting yourself as a sex object for random people? If you can and feel okay with it, then you really need to check yourself, because that is something that no one who has any since of human mortals should live with.

What’s a real slut?

Want to know what a real slut is? It’s someone who has given up on their live dreams and only use their body to get the things that they want, usually is ends up being drugs or a place to stay for the night. Homeless people can be considered sluts, people who are infected with diseases, people who just don’t care about themselves or anyone else as long as they get what their body craves. Is that what you really want? To be a person on the street looking for the next cock to suck because you like the idea of a quick thrill, undermining any consequences that happen afterwards? I should hope not.

If this “Master” has any regard or respect of even calling himself a “Master” in the BDSM lifestyle or even a human being that has moral standers for his fellowman, then be better DAMN FUCKING well understand what he is asking you, and this should be considered anything but a complete and unforgivable joke that he has lad upon you. If you get anything out of this, get this: YOU are in charge of your life, no matter who is your Master or not, you are ultimately in charge of what you do, and if you bring yourself into life-changing situation that may alter the way things are conducted, then you have no one else to blame but yourself. Do not let someone change the person who you are, that IS NOT what BDSM is all about. BDSM is a lifestyle in which you explore the aspect of what it means to be a slave to you, and to find a Master who respects you, limits, and your life. I went through the trouble of writing this all for you, so that you understand the importance of what you are approaching. Please take care of yourself and wherever this lifestyle takes you.

~Gin. ;)


Sources:
http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/byAudience/ForPatientAdvocates/HIVandAIDSActivities/ucm126372.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/STD/Syphilis/STDFact-Syphilis.htm
http://aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/overview/statistics/