Help me understand

[darren]

:confused:As a quite new member of this forum, I'm interested in exploring what the attraction of the master / slave relationship is: not least because I haven't worked out why it interests me so much.

I wondered if analyzing the posts on the slave / master board might help, so I looked at recent posts, and this was the result.

Not many surprises at the top:
First with 29% came male slaves seeking female masters
Closely followed by male masters seeking female slaves at 24%
Male slaves seeking male masters got 16% and male slaves looking for masters of either (or unspecified) sex, got 11%.
Male masters who didn't care about the sex of their slave scored 7% and those specifying male slaves got 5%
Strangely female slaves wanting male masters, at 5%, were higher than female masters wanting a slave of either sex at just 1%
There were no females seeking specifically females.
And, yes, I do know that the percentages don't add up to 100 - my sample size was only 83 posts.

So, a pretty poor showing by the girls there, but a quite surprisingly high number of posts by men wanting to be dominated by someone or other (56%).

Of course, wanting is one thing ... the statistics for satisfied clients may tell a different story.

So, I don't know how that helps me with my search to understand the allure of the sub / dom relationship. If anyone can explain what appeals to them as a slave or master, please submit a post here.

[Pikachu]

The attraction for me as a slave is the feeling of being dominated or humiliated.
Or you may jsut want to be a slave because you don't like making choices for yourself and you want someone to make those choices for you.
Or that you don't like being in control in fact that is is oe of the main aspects of a slave master relationship control.

Whilst the attraction of being a master is quite different the feelign of bossing someong around the feelign of controlling someone elces life causeing them humiliation/degradation being seen as someone who is above everyone elce and jsut want to treat people below them as useless meaningless sluts who's only purpose in life is to be used and abused.

Alot of slaves and masters will change between being a slave/master allthough the technical term for this is a switch.
Switches are switches because they want to experience all of these attractions of being a master/slave.

Most people start a slave/master relationship because they are curious about what it may bring....or how it feels either way and i can almost guarentee you everyone of these slaves/masters will try the other side of the coin because they are curious

[Sum]

For me i like to know that I've earned so much trust with someone that when i tell them to do something they'll do it. I also like to have slaves push their (soft) limits even having limits that were hard become soft or things they actually find they enjoy. Think it's because i like to play with the social constraints that they have and try to work past what they consider taboo.

Oh that and i must admit I'm a bit of a sadist.

[lydiab6]

For me, it is more a need than an attraction. I have always found myself drawn to the lifestyle of M/s even before I knew what it was. By this I mean that I would watch movies/television shows and read books and find myself intrigued when anything closely related to M/s showed up.

It is a chance to be in total control of something, in a world where a lot is out of your control. Or, a chance to trust that someone else is out there taking care of you, taking 100% responsibility for your actions. Both are appealing features.

[Merlin]

[...]So, I don't know how that helps me with my search to understand the allure of the sub / dom relationship.[...]Simple answer... they wont :)

Also there is no simple answer to this as this will differ from person to person ...

In general you can say Doms are Persons that want to Control, that like the feeling of someone being "under their spell" up to the point that the other person needs his orders just to feel complete.
A Sub wants to let go... have someone that takes all responsibility all fear from them to let them "fall" with the confidence that nothing will harm them and that way be able to fully concentrate on their feelings and pleasure...

You could also read my thread Being a Dom (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=7645).
(Reminds me to write another part :) )
Or i would also offer you to ask me some questions if you have any...

[SubMissChievous]

I found this question quite interesting & thought to start a thread myself in the past to askthis question (but couldn't find the right words) as I realize that the attraction is very different from one person to another.

For me, I think the key word would be "control". Some get into the lifestyle for the sexual part of it but for me it goes a lot beyond that. Not that there's anything wrong with the fact that some relationships are kept "in the bedroom". But personally I need more than that. Of course, the sexual aspect of it is there & is important but the presence of rules & guidelines affecting my daily life give me a sense of comfort & security that makes me more confident & happier about myself. Without those the rest would not make much sense for me.

And as mercyou already mentioned, the fact of not having to make choices... Or even better, having someone you trust enough to make choices for you knowing that they will help you & care for you when needed. The more you gain trust in your Master/Mistress, the more you're likely to explore sides of yourself that you wouldn't otherwise & gain confidence in the process.

[darren]

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, and thanks for giving so many well-considered and eloquent answers.
It's obviously an extremely complex area.
What was good was to find that so many of you felt very comfortable in this kind of relationship.
I have read Merlin's "being a Dom" which seemed to make a lot of sense, and I was interested in Chloe's take on the sexual side of things, which brings me to another question: there seem to be a large number of people seeking either same-sex partners or not specifying gender. Does this mean that, for many, the sexual side is not important in itself, but just a sign of trust between two people? How many guys, who would consider themselves 'straight' have male slaves or masters?

[darren]

I've just noticed there's a long-running thread " are you straight or not" which goes some way to answering my question above.

[Davros]

I think straight male slaves sometimes seek straight male Masters because it makes it humiliating to start with. If you're a straight male and you have to perform slave acts to another male, that can be a task in itself as you may feel uneasy.

[Big_Joe]

Well personally i would consider myself straight but when it comes to slave/master I am almost more in favour of having a straight master because i can feel as if they understand me more. This derives from the fact that I personally feel the sexual side of slave/master should have a very small part in the relationship. When I have been a slave in the past I have sometimes made sure that the master is not in it for sexual reasons. To me the sexual side of it is only about 5%. It is about control for me - being forced to do things you dont want to do just feels good.

[Fiendish]

I'll say this:

There is no one answer to why people are attracted to the Master/slave relationship.

I myself don't know exactly why I'm attracted to it- I just am. It feels natural for me to be a Master.

This is a question you have to ask yourself, no one else knows why you personally want this.