Is this for real? :''(

[CuddleRainbowz]

Hello,
Well I am extremely depressed and sad at the moment. Sorry to grumble but I am. At the moment, I am sitting at my mother's house, in the attic, totally distraught.
This morning I was at my house and me and my Boyfriend (Also Dom but more boyfriend) were having a little row. We always have these silly little rows about random things; This time, it was about him always checking out other girls. We had talked about this hundreds of times before and it always ended up with a sorry and a cuddle. Usually followed by a lie down on the sofa with him happy again. For some unknown reason he got more angry than usual and started pointing out bad things about me. Saying I'm stupid and ugly. Of course I tried to calm him down. I gave him a hug and he pushed me away. He told me he was tired of how protective I was. He swore and I swore back. He ended up storming off to our bedroom. I made myself a coffee and just wondered what had happened. Our fights were never this big!

An hour later, he came back and was fine. He cuddled me and everything was much more happy. We ended up going upstairs and had an hours kip and the other thing couples do in bed...
Everything was fine. He even told me that he loved me and that he would never leave me.

About another hour later, whilst I was in the kitchen, he had a change of heart. He brought back up the conversation again. He got angry, very angry. He smashed a few plates and really scared me. He was always this nice gentle man with a dominant side. But not an angry disruptive side.

I told him I was scared and that I was going over to my mother's for a couple of hours to calm down. He told me that going to my mother's was leaving him. I argued that I wanted him to calm down. Which he did in a couple of seconds. He calmly told me that he was fine and that he was sorry. But in a matter of minutes got angry again and told me to leave. He threw me some of my stuff (Laptop, phone and other important things). He told me he does not love me any more.

His word is always final. He's not going to get back with me. I miss him so much and I love him. He was my rock and my soul. All I have now is broken memories. I can't believe what has happened. What should I do? What do you think will happen? Do you think he might get back with me? Should I say no if he asks? Should I back down? Please please help me.....

I am utterly and totally ruined. Remember: I have been with this guy for 3 years. We have talked about children and getting married. I know I am 18 but all of this is deadly serious. We have lived together practically since my 18th birthday.

Now its all gone....Just like that.


Thanks for reading,
Cuddles xxxx

[Sasahara]

It's hard to give meaningful advice without knowing either of you, so take everything you hear on here with a BIG grain of salt.

But it sounds like he is flip flopping a lot today, so I wouldn't be so sure his word is final on breaking up right now. He has been going back and forth throughout this argument.

You do need to decide what you want for *you*. Is your relationship and your love for him strong enough to push through this? Or is what you saw today enough to make you want to move on? Only you can answer this for yourself.

If you do get back together, it sounds like there might be some communications issues you should work on if you are both willing...

I hope this helps a bit. Other than that, all I can offer is my thoughts, empathy, and internet hugs...

[CuddleRainbowz]

I like internet hugs. He never has mood swings....It's so out of character for him?

[Sasahara]

*more internet hugs*

Give it a couple of days and see how the dust settles is my advice. And if you get back together and the mood swings persist, that might be a sign of other issues he should get checked out...

[MasterPain]

things will get better, anger brings out the worst in people.

us guys have no real set instints for dealing with heartache. we get mad or quiet. men are bottlers, then we rage. and while in the rage we are compleat morons we say and do things we ultimatly regret. and calming down doesnt mean that the triggering event is forgoten.

it was a good desision to get out of there for the moment, give eachother breathing room, give it a little time, send a text.

sometimes relationships need these little bumps. its a shock now because it is still fresh and instant.

us men think in conflicts, "if your not with me your leaving me" is the common mindset while pissedoff. rationaly it is for your safty so that you wont get harmed, but to his angered mind he is being betrayed.

i cant really give to much other then observations on my actions when angry, and being an outsider to conflicts.

my advice is in a few hours or a day message him if he didnt message you first. talk and see. it doesent sound like its over it just sounds like he had one bad day or stressful event.

[CuddleRainbowz]

Thankyou. Still upset. Its good to have a guys point of view. I have sent him a text no reply yet but hoping.

[CollaredBlondie]

*hugs muchly*

First off, I'd like to point out that it's better that he smashed the plates than smashed your face...

It sounds like a pretty serious event hun. I'm with Sasahara though - give it a couple of days and send him another text, asking how he is, if you two can talk about what happened. Say that you're worried, because you know he's not normally like that, and that if there's anything wrong, he can always talk to you.

Y'see, to me, that sounds like he was bottling a lot of things up and took it all out on you at once.

But yes, give it a couple of days and try talking to him. That's all I can realyl suggsts :( Sorry love, I hope it works out okay *Hugs more.*

Blondie
xx

[courtezan]

I am sorry you are so sad right now. **hugs**
I am not exactly sure what you did that means you need to be the one who backs down. :confused:
From what you've said he is the one who is behaving in an unusual way..

I would leave him alone for two or three days and let him calm down. You two obviously need to talk about this, but you cannot talk to anyone unless they are calm and clear headed.

If this kind of behaviour is really out of character for him it could be that he has other things happening in his life that you are taking the heat for. Many times people will attack the ones they love because they know they will understand and forgive them.
Please be very careful of a man who can become so violent that he scares you. The strength of the anger you have told us about concerns me a great deal.
I do think you should try to get him to explain why he is acting out like this, as it might help you understand why you are feeling so wretched right now, but I think you should be prepared to walk away from him if you have to.
I understand that you love him, and that that love is very important to you, but if he is going to be violent towards you then you need to think about what that love is worth. Is it worth your life?
Perhaps that sounds melodramatic, I make no apologies for that. You need to be careful with domestic violence, it starts small but can get worse so gradually that you don't realise how bad it is until it is too late. I have seen it happen, and although I am not saying that is the case with the two of you, I am definitely asking you to be careful.

[CuddleRainbowz]

Thank you all so much. I am taking everyones advice as to give him some space. Sent him another text and voice message. Sleeping at my mother's tonight.

[nellybell]

Some space will really do your two some good. You both (I assume him too but I really don't know xD) are very young to be living together and sometimes that can really wiegh on a relationship and maybe he had just been keeping it to himself.

It could be really over or maybe you two just had a fight that just got a little over-board. You will just have to talk to him about it when he is ready to talk which doesn't seem like right now.

When he ready to talk though, make sure you start over the phone or through texts. Make sure he isn't still in a fighting mood before you go back to the house. It was just plates then, but it could be more the next time. That is something you want to be very aware of. No garuntee that it wouldn't ever escalate to that point no matter how unlikely it would seem.

Be careful hun. *hugs* and I hope things get better for you.

[GetdareTEO]

I don't know what to tell you, I have never had that feeling, but I feel sorry for you. :'( And I hope you find a good solution on your problems :o <3 Hugs from here