Third Time's the Charm [FICTION]

[Coyote]

This story is called "third time's the charm" My first post will be mainly the introduction with the characters setting stuff like that. I Hope you enjoy. Oh yeah this story will be in the form of a radio broadcast like H.G. Wells War of the Worlds Debut
(Radio Broadcast)
"Michael was an average seventeen year old boy, average grades at school, average athletic ability, Average looks but there was one thing he was incredibaly good at and this thing... was poker. Five-Card-Draw to be exact.

He was friends with a girl his same age, Alora was her name, she was drop dead gorgeous with perfectly shaped breasts. Alora was also good at poker. She and Michael have beeen competing for three years. Sometimes Alora would win but other times it would be Michael.

After School on friday Alora would come over to Michaels house while his parents are away to play some poker like they always did on friday but tonight would be different, tonight would not just be about win or lost a poker game it was a game of "Brtchs tghs dfhsa I am Crisch Breaking up stay tuned for Brtzz More on this story.

[Sluttyslave]

This is very well written the end builds suspense making viewers want to come back and read more

[anayguy]

keep it going and interesting

[DareByrd]

awesome i love the way your writing it

[Coyote]

sweet!! i am glad that you are enjoying it

[Looking4somename]

So far so good, I hope you make something original out of that.
And please oh please - don't make this another "submissive male" sort of story. There are just too many of them.

By the way, Poker's awsome (I prefer Texas Hold'em, though, more sophisticated.)

[Coyote]

it isn't a submissave male story... or maybe it is stay tuned to find out

[Coyote]

i AM CURRENTLY WORKING ON THIS STORY WITH SUM1(2) SO THE NEXT PART WILL MOST LIKELY BE OUT IN ABOUT 2 OR 3 DAYS

[Glutgod]

Cool its a great story so far!

[Sum]

next part is written awaiting editing and consensus by coyote, you guys are gonna get to see my prose style :eek:

[molten man]

Great story. Please continue!! It has a good start!!

[Sum]

Hey all, I must appoligise on coyote's behalf for the delay, as "coyote is experiencing technical difficulties with his home computer"

He's asked me to continue and post the next part that i've written, continue on with it, I do hope that in the near future however he'll be able to return and write more to it (and kick my ass if i've gone all wrong)
If you're interested here's the p.m he sent me.
my computer is all funny so i want you to write thje story the way you want it and post it on the actual thread. i will be on when i can but my computer is so messed up i can barely type this.


when you write it just say that "coyote is experiencing technical difficulties with his home computer"

My first part here is continuing introduction really. I expressed concern with coyote over the radio format (it has many diffulties surrounding it to write well) so this part isn't meant as a radio play as such, though is in a style that could probably be adapted. So here goes... (oh and any help on poker would be great, i know bugger all!)

Comments and feedback would be great!

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It's early evening, the dusk drawing in, we find Michael sat at the large oak table in his dining room. Rain gently running down the window pains.
As he sits, an observant person cannot help but notice the slight tremor in his leg, is he shaking slightly? He rubs his hands together, clammy palms perhaps?
Deep within the strange dark places in his mind he runs over the check list for what must seem like the thousandth time.

Slowly he stands, pushing his chair back across the soft deep pile carpet. He walks through to the toilet. Slowly he turns, to the sink, out stretching a visibly shaking hand to the cold tap. He runs his hands under the cold water, ringing them under it, cups them and splashes his face. Painfully slowly he raises his head to face the mirror, his eyes follow tracing their way up a few seconds later.
Staring, just staring, this though you would not realise it dear reader is a person who believes he can hide all emotion, watch as he enacts his transformation, though this greater than any he's previously needed.
"Calm down"

A pause, deep breaths

"mustn't know anything's different"

He of course knows that there are two things that can go wrong, one serious and one a mere annoyance. He could loose his nerve or she could blow him out.
The latter of course is the annoyance, as 'things' would have to be, rescheduled.

The door bell rings

"She's here"

He takes the towel carefully and deliberately drying his hands, never taking his eyes of the now gently smiling face in the reflection. When finished with his hands he raises the towel to his face, with hands now steady, without the tinniest hint of the shaking and trembling which was there before.
Watch as the towel covers the face, mopping and dabbing, removing the water, and hiding the emotion, under layers of perfect tranquility. See as he removes the towel the cold black emotionless eyes of his best poker face that stares back at him form the mirror.

"Time to play" he says as he adjusts his shirt and heads towards the front door.

[molten man]

Nice. Keep it goin!!

[Sum]

Ok, I'll try to finish this chapter soon, just need to familiarise myself with poker!!
I've decided to keep writing semi in a play style, rather like dialogue written in this way, but then I'm a drama student.

Oh and for those unfamiliar with a beat, it's a small unit of dramatic action, can be considered as a thought or tact, that won't ever be. Beats are never repeated but themes from them reside and re-occur but never in exactly the same way.
A recent style is to mark some in stage directions to highlight certian beats importance.
I like this as a style, so have done so.

Enough of my preamble...

Interlude

It's been three weeks since missing teenager Alora Rothchild was last seen. Police continue to search for her whereabouts. The public are urged to come forward with any information. Her friend Michael Jenkins is the last known person to have seen her on the night of the 22nd of.....

(grows quieter until can't be heard anymore, click)

Michael smiles "It's still all over the news, enjoying the notoriety?"

(a sound of breathing, chains rattle slightly)

Chapter 2

There she stood, on his porch, before the rain covered tarmac, the streetlights sinister yellow glow reflecting off the standing water.
Her auburn hair hung about her shoulders protected form the elements by her umbrella. Dressed in that comfortable style she has. Flat furry boots, tight but not skinny jeans, just tight enough in fact to show off the curve of her hips and from behind those two curved guardians to her alter of sodom. Her top a fresh white blouse, with the top buttons undone, just enough to show a tantalising peek at on the top of her delightful cleavage nestled beneath. Above a light jacket off setting and framing the picture of her upper body.

Michael smiles and steps a side, helping her out of her jacket as she wipes her feet and shakes off the umbrella.

Alora Miserable, miserable, miserable
Micheal yeah
Alora i mean it was sunny yesterday
Micheal can i get you a drink
Alora er, yeah, water would be great
Micheal ok, I've set everything up in the dining room
Alora ok.

With this brief exchange away the two separate briefly, Michael to the kitchen to pour the drink and Alora to the living room, to warm her self by the radiator

Alora (laughs, calling though to him) could've lit a fire
Micheal too last century
Alora (smiling) Victorian
Micheal servants and masters
(they both laugh at their private joke)

Inside the kitchen, Michael's had has begun to shake again a little, as he withdraws the matchbox from his pocket.
Slowly he opens it, staring at the powder inside. Snaps it shut again, and places it back in his pocket.

Alora (calling) So when're you parents back?
Micheal They've got an early flight in the 30th
Alora wow
Micheal Yep
Alora what you gonna do with yourself?
Micheal (laughs, entering the dining room and handing her the glass of water) Get bored most likely.
A beat
Micheal You look great this evening
Alora Thanks
A beat
Alora Shall...
A beat, they sit at the table.


Michael's mind is still aflame with what he's to do, he smiles to himself, she really has no clue. But how could she, he's been so meticulous. Even joking around about servants and masters in the past to see her reaction.
Now he finds himself almost sure, almost sure she'd actually enjoy this as much as he would.
Images form his fantasies invaded his mind without warning making him look away form her for a second.

Alora (slightly flirtatious) What?
Micheal Was just thinking, when the cat's away the mice will play

With that Michael stands slowly, pushing his chair once more across the floor, moving to the drinks cupboard he removes a bottle of his fathers, 12 year old Dalwhinnie malt. Stands looking at the bottle. He jokingly assumes the air of a connoisseur. Taking a glass and pouring himself a generous measure, sniffing it once twice, then sipping.

Micheal (now the perfect butler) What can i get you ma'am?
Alora hmmm

She comes over, her sent all around him, gently lowering her body by his as he crouches at the low cupboard again. He takes a little breath in as she rests her hand on his back for support.

Alora hmm

He can see her thinking, probably trying to remember some drink her mother would drink. He knew she'd want to keep in character as a part in this brief excersion into innocent rolepaly.

Alora Ah yes Jenkins, I'll have a port and lemon
Micheal Very good m'lady

He mixes the drink, his heart skipping a beat as he thinks for an instant of skipping the build up and pouring the GHB from the matchbox in.
No no, he tells himself, that's just a last resort. Give her a fighting chance, follow the plan. And anyway he was finding the tension fun, the challenge of constant bluffing.

They return to the table and sitting comfortably Michael begins to shuffle, clearly and confidently without a shadow of emotion and in his best Los Vegas voice announces to the room

"The Game is Five-Card Draw"

[ManicD]

Ok, I'll try to finish this chapter soon, just need to familiarise myself with poker!!
I've decided to keep writing semi in a play style, rather like dialogue written in this way, but then I'm a drama student.

Oh and for those unfamiliar with a beat, it's a small unit of dramatic action, can be considered as a thought or tact, that won't ever be. Beats are never repeated but themes from them reside and re-occur but never in exactly the same way.
A recent style is to mark some in stage directions to highlight certian beats importance.
I like this as a style, so have done so.

Enough of my preamble...

Interlude

It's been three weeks since missing teenager Alora Rothchild was last seen. Police continue to search for her whereabouts. The public are urged to come forward with any information. Her friend Michael Jenkins is the last known person to have seen her on the night of the 22nd of.....

(grows quieter until can't be heard anymore, click)

Michael smiles "It's still all over the news, enjoying the notoriety?"

(a sound of breathing, chains rattle slightly)

Chapter 2

There she stood, on his porch, before the rain covered tarmac, the streetlights sinister yellow glow reflecting off the standing water.
Her auburn hair hung about her shoulders protected form the elements by her umbrella. Dressed in that comfortable style she has. Flat furry boots, tight but not skinny jeans, just tight ....


Sorry to say, I pushed on a bit but lost interest about here

[Sum]

Sorry to say, I pushed on a bit but lost interest about here

Fair enough, guess i'm not getting to the action quickly enough. Was thinking my style wasn't really right for here, why i've never posted a story here before and have only done so now once i was asked.

[molten man]

I liked the writing. He is writing flashback!! So he skips to the present and then back!!