It's all in a name

[Star Shadows]

It’s all in a name.
A Dominant or A Master.
[Substantially shorter than my last post, though all of this is opinion]
This is something I have had a lot of thought on, and varying response to. I actually have a great deal of issue with the use of the word master. And it does seem to give me differing degrees of hassle. I don’t think that the name master is one that someone can force upon a submissive/slave. I feel personally that the name master is the measure of the dominant behind it. The submissive should be the one to choose when a dominant has truly became their master not the other way around. Only now have I begun to be more vocal about this.
Some dominants when approached on this matter, have accepted this view, some even agreed with it. But others have disagreed vigorously, and essentially made sure I called them a master anyway.

So I guess what I am trying to get to is this. You know my opinion. That the name master is earned and not a god given right.... and that every time you begin a relationship you begin as a dominant (unless you’re a submissive) and build up to becoming a master. But I am curious as to your thoughts also... so debate away

[cara.loverin1989]

This is a very interesting topic. I have been a master to a few people, not presently however. I don't know if it is just me that does this, but there are 2 things that I ask potential slaves before we actually start the relationship. I ask what they like to be called or refered to as and I ask what they would prefer to call me. Now this has to be aceptable to me, but one of my past slaves and I liked having a more equal relationship so she called me Cara or Miss Cara which was what she liked best and this was completely fine with me. My other past slaves all prefered to call me master or mistress.

I believe that this is a somewhat varring topic, because different people have different preferences. I just try to do what makes the both of us the most happy and/or what fits with our relationship.

I dont know if this is what you were looking for, but this is what I think.

[Night-1991]

TL;DR = Don't use the name Master unless you've got the experience to back it up.

Agreed, but this is gonna drag out the 'elites' of the M/s area who doubt my ability to call myself a submissive, just saying.

[curdares]

I honestly think it depends on the people involved. As usual though, it's really based on what the sub wants and believes. If the sub doesn't want to refer to their Dom as Master/Mistress, and the Dom insists, the sub knows this person isn't for them and keeps looking.

Same goes for being addressed, it all depends on what feels right to you and your Dom. There is no right answer here, like just about everything in this little corner of the world.

As for my specifically, I tend to use sub/Dom as opposed to Master/slave. To me, slave just feels like they have no choice in the matter, when in reality, they have the ultimate final say (no thanks, bye). It's just my preference, and if a sub wants to be called slave and call me Master, I'm not dead set against it. I'm also not against the sub referring to me as Master to others just for simplicity even if I'm never referred as Master in our play time.

[sweetsong]

I like to be called my fist name... by everyone. (:

I think I agree with the idea that it's up to the people. Not everyone will have the same feelings about what "master" means.

I also say "sir" a lot. "Thank you, sir" to the gentleman who held the door for me. Is he my dom? Certainly not. It's just a nice thing to say. Some of them say, "Please don't call me sir, you make me feel old." To them "sir" has nothing to do with BDSM but somehow it makes you "old." Though I use the term for any male that holds the door, 4 to 94 years old. :p

Annnnnnyways, all that to say, I think it should just be left up to personal preference. (:

[Anjelen]

As i've stated before, outside a relationship, 'Master', to me, is a measure of skill - moreover a measure of respect for skill, like one'd state a person to be a "Master craftsman", etcetera.

So i take issue with those people describing themselves as "Master thisorthat" when in my eyes they aren't - either by immaturity or inexperience, or for any of a thousand different reasons; as it has been pointed out many a times, a 'true' Master will be known as such through their actions and words, not through the title they adopt.

Likewise do i take issue with people calling me Master when i don't know them - i've received, and will probably in the future receive, various private messages and instant messenges from submissives who's first adress to me was "Hi Master" - No. I am not your Master. You adressing me as such makes it sound to me like you've drawn, for me, the conclusion that i shall be, inevitably, your Dominant - wich ironically enough makes me not want to be your Dominant.

Likewise, unless you have been instructed by your Dominant to adress me as 'Sir', don't. I've myself been trained to adress other Dominants as Sir, while i submitted to my various mentors and mentrices - and i pass this on to my own submissives, as a token of respect to those that have managed to train my ungrateful self beyond my being a problematic submissive at best, due to not having an inherently submissive bone in my body.

See my name near the top of my post? That'll do. Anjelen - or even Guus, if you can pronounce the hard G. If you can't, that's alright; it gives me no end of amusement to hear you try ;)

That said - once i take on a submissive i do insist on being adressed, by them and them alone, as 'Master'. Not because i have mastered them, but because it is a reminder to me that i must master them. And, admittedly, because it differentiates me from those i will instruct them to refer to as 'Sir'.

Not inherently out of ego, however. I know fully well, despite or perhaps because of my experience, that i have a lot to learn still - and therein another reason for my insistance.

If you are my submissive, my slave, my toy, or whatever the flavor of the month happens to be -
- Call me Master to remind me of the responcibility i have towards you.
- Call me Master to remind me that i must indeed Master you.
- Call me Master to remind me that i must be worth being called such.
- Call me Master to remind me of the mutual respect that must be.
- Call me Master to differentiate me from other Dominants.
- Call me Master to differentiate between 'play' and 'talk'.
And last but not least,
- Call me Master because you enjoy doing so, and i enjoy hearing you do so.

These reasons are abbreviated for readability - and there are a host of other reasons, and my reasons are mine alone - kudos to all of you who do not agree with me; no offence ment, or taken.

-- Nunc Intellego --

[Star Shadows]

@ Anjelen: I never looked at it like that. I think that must be a prime example of why discussion is vital to relationships. Especially in ones as these, there are few black and white right and wrong answers here, it all varies on the person. I think that's one of the right reasons to do it. Thank you for enlightening me.

[Leopard]

My personal take on this is that 'Sir' is polite, 'Master' is only to be used be someone you own, and then, should be earned, never demanded. And yes, it's a reminder that you have a responsibility to that submissive, not that you can lord it over them. However that's only a personal preference; others have all sorts of ideas on how titles should work.

At the end of the day, use what works for the two of you in your relationship.

[Midnight]

I've always felt like Master is a title that is earned; not only does the submissive need to earn it from the Dom but the Dom also needs to earn the respect and trust of the submissive as well.

For a submissive to say "Master" to whomever owns them, they are really saying that I trust you and I give myself to you.

For a Dom to allow a submissive to call thems "Master", it says that the submissive has earned the right and that there has been a level reached that makes the Dom happy.

That's my two cents.

[Leopard]

I've always felt like Master is a title that is earned; not only does the submissive need to earn it from the Dom but the Dom also needs to earn the respect and trust of the submissive as well.

For a submissive to say "Master" to whomever owns them, they are really saying that I trust you and I give myself to you.

For a Dom to allow a submissive to call thems "Master", it says that the submissive has earned the right and that there has been a level reached that makes the Dom happy.

That's my two cents.

I agree completely. When I said it's something earned, I meant more that the Dom earns the respect of the submissive expressed with the title "Master." (I know this isn't the way many many others do it; I don't care.)