A Stranger from

[NameNot]

This is my first story but dont go easy on the comments. If the characters seem a little young for you then by all means pretend they'r older. Any tips will be apreciated. Oh and if I dont post for a long time somthing may have happened (like if I fell off a cliff) the sombody please continue the story for me.

Lucy was happy, her parents had just goten here a new laptop for her thirteenth birthday, that was nice. But the fun part was that she was going to have a sleepover tomoro night with her friends from school. She was sad though that they would not be there to help her have a fun party. She just remembered them saying "your a teenager now Lu dear", "You need to learn responsability". Lucy went up to bed exited, tomaro was friday and she would be having her birthday party. She just wondered what on earth she would do after the party. Her parents would be gone for a entire week! She thought here parents had already aranged somthing with one of her friends parents. She had no siblings so that was good for her parents. She got into the shower and noticed somthing "Hmm, ya know, I look kinda hot" she said aloud, then giggled. She washed herself and payed special atention to her tiny barly developing "hills" and "Pee Hole". She wondered why washing her privates felt better then washing the rest of her body. As she got into her PJ she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. Just as she was turning the lights off she noticed her laptop and dicided to have it charge as she slept. Some dust went up her nose and she let out a sneze. She got into bed and noticed somthing wet between her legs, she reached down and felt somthing sticky. "Ewwww" she said aloud, "My sneze came out my Pee hole". Nevertheless, after much tossing and turning she ignored it and got to sleep.

[Blackvamp]

I suppose it's a good start for your first story, but it needs alot of work. You should sepperate the speaking parts from the rest of the story so its easier for the reader to read. It also wouldn't help to add a little more details to the story because it seems very rushed -- one minuite the main character gets a new computer and the next shes going to sleep. Slow the story down a bit and don't be afraid of it getting too long. Imagine your the character and go through everything you want to happen in detail so the reader can visualize what you want them to see.

hope I helped :)

[TheDare]

Thankyou for the reply, I will try to incoorporate it into my next chapter.

[TheDare]

Chapter 2
(In case there is confusion her parents left last night)
Lucy woke up early that morning; she had forgotten to set her alarm last night. Now she was wishing that her mom was still here to wake her up. She couldn’t miss the buss, and then her friends might think that she is sick and might not come to her party!
“Where’s my backpack!” she said aloud.
Ah in the corner, as always, she was panicking, and she knew it, put that doesn’t mean she could stop. She undressed as fast as she could, her panties where still sticky from last night and her mom hadn’t done the laundry. She would have to go without. She grabbed the first things in her dresser, a pink tang top and short shorts. She grabbed her backpack and ran outside, 3 steps outside and she stopped dead. She realized 2 things, she forgot her shoes and, more importantly, it was snowing out. Tang top and short shorts aren’t the best choice for snowy weather. She ran inside and said
“BOOTS!” to no one.
Here is where its bad to be wealthy, when your looking for your boots. Piles heaped up in the closet of shoes, she flung them around in panic for a minute or two till she found her boots. She was about to head to her room when she heard the bus. She had about 30 seconds to get outside. She went out as is in short shorts, a tang top, and boots.
She made it to the bus on time, and being the only one at her stop, she wasn’t teased about her dress, yet. As the bus pulled up and the driver opened the door, she dashed up the stairs, because it was quite cold out. The buss driver shook her head as she passed by.
“kids these days” the bus driver muttered
She was in eight grade so she should of sat in the back all the time, but she didn’t like most of the girls back there. She hoped being older would make her more like everybody else, so now she would sit in the very back. There was nobody there because hers was the first stop. But others would be sure to follow.

[Nick]

Well, this story's title kinda scares me since it's "A stranger from" and that automatically makes me think it's gonna be a creepy 40 year old man that's the stranger.
As for your story, try to make the parts a bit longer from now on.
Also, make sure you check spelling and grammar cause there are quite a few mistakes. Try using a word program before you post it here. Keep going, writing more will only make the next parts better.

[dareme314]

looking forword 2 it