Devil's Vaults

[Jockstrap]

He knew that he should have never done it. Davis knew he should have never sleep with the governors daughter, she was 15 and he was 16, but that made no difference he knew that the punishments to come would be so horrific. He knew that the governor had put to death hundreds of people underneath the vaults of the State House. Jenna had started to show the life which was developing inside of her, and Davis knew about it. He begged Jenna to let him kill the baby for there on lives but Jenna refused. When the governors directory pounded on his door 2:00 in the the morning it was no surprise even though he was started. He was dragged by his feet across main street and through the gates of the state house. The lawns were dark, but beautiful and Davis felt some comfort. The proceeded there way up into the granite steeps of the State House. At the very top of the gas lights eliminated the platform. And a magnificent chandelier made of iron hung above the door. Something was hanging from the chandelier and Davis couldn't tell what it was from the base of the stairs but as he was dragged up the granite stair he could tell what it was. It was his lover and his unborn child. He was pulled through the door into the lobby covered in the finest of details. Silk rugs lines the iron stairs, brass light filled the room with a rusty glow and the dome from the rotunda below let in the light of the moon. A firm wooden chair was sat out before two golden thrones and Davis was cuffed to the wooden chair with metal brackets place over his ankles and wrists as well as his neck. His clothes were stripped from him violently with a silver knife. He sat the nude as they placed a silk blindfold over his blue eyes. There was then something that he noticed about the chair after he was undressed that he didn't notice while he was dressed, the area where the crotch would rest in the chair had been cut away, now leaving his penis and testicles to dangle about three inches below the seat of the chair. Davis was crying out on the inside, but he wouldn't let them know it. He created a baby like a man and he would suffer the consequences like a man. He heard the iron door open on the adjacent side of the room. He knew who it was. The Governor and the Directorate of the Vaults. The image of the face of his lifeless lover pierced through his head with ever footstep they took.
http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs049.snc3/13637_1273829998599_1015390110_803134_1255281_n.jp g
Davis and Jenna

[Jockstrap]

Davis just wished he could take it all away. He knew that if he had used the condom that Jenna had asked him to use that she wouldn't be daed and he wouldn't be here getting ready to endure the "Saluda". The "Saluda" was the worst of all the states tortures one so horrible that it was reserved for those people who committed acts against the first family. His testicles began to throb at the thought of what would be done to them. He knew that the would be sticking hundreds of glowing red needles into the testicles, and he had also heard that the would lift his body over twenty feet feet from the ground and then drop him, breaking his back and paralyzing him before he was castrated and cremated alive. But these were only suspicions. He was simply hoping that the would quickly castrate him then take him outside and hang him with his lover. The men sat down in front of Davis and they were announced as the would have been at any formal occasion. The Governor had brought with him a leather belt that was covered with rubies and emeralds cut so sharply that the could have pierced though leather. The governor said nothing, but lifted his leather belt and struck it across Davis's teen chest, leaving deep cut even down into the muscle and one nipple had been cut in half. The the Directorate of the Vaults began to coat the teens chest in salt as in pulsed in pain. This was done forty life leaving the boy crying out for death. He begged that they might just castrate him and hanging so that he might receive peace, but they planned otherwise. As he sweated his balls had dropped and were left there tempting the men to hurt them. The directorate pulled from his coat a thin platinum wire and made a loop that he the pulled over the teens testicles and pulled tight preventing blood flow. He then pulled out a gold tube that seemed quite large. Davis's blindfold was remove so he could watch as they placed the gold tube down his penis. He screamed in pain and his eyes bulged out and became blood shot. The Directorate sliced a deep cut on the boys thigh to use as lube and after and hour of stretching the tube was no longer visible. A sac was placed over Davis's head and a noose was placed around his neck. His hands were bound together and his feet were bound together as the brackets were released he feel to the floor. The doors to the platform outside were opened and he was dragged down the steeps to the base of the building, he gasped for breath. He could smell the smell of burning flesh as he knew that Jenna had been cremated in front of the State House as it was customary for teen mothers. He was dragged for about a fourth of a mile before they reached a marble staircase and at the bottom of the staircase was a thick iron door and above the door read "Nemo me impune lacessit" meaning "No one provokes me with impunity" he knew he was at the Devil's Vaults.

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v644/44/75/1015390110/n1015390110_217467_3728.jpg

[Jockstrap]

The directorate continued to drag him down the steeps and the iron door was closed behind him. Davis knew that it was the last time that he would ever see daylight. The corridor was dark and the torches on the wall glowed slightly, due to the lack of fresh air. Davis could hear the faint screams of the other that where being tortured in the other chambers. He knew that he was probably the youngest in the chamber and was probably planed to endure the worst of the tortures. He was exhausted and after being dragged a little farther he was brought into a brick alcove were a metal chair, which was bolted to the floor, sat in front of a table that was cover in all sorts of torture devises and tools. Everything on the table was made out of gold and the items were things such as knives, weights, chains, wires, clamps, and other strange devises. As the was about to be sat in the chair the removed his hood and he saw that in the seat of the chair was a long and thick nail, no less than 2 inches across and 4 inches long. He begged for mercy with no hope. The guard lifted his battered teen body up onto the nail and it was slid deep into his anus. He screamed out in pain because his tight boy whole had never had anything inserted into it. His ankles were bolted to the chair and his hands were bolted to the table out in front of him. His head was tilted out in front of him and leather strap kept in from coming up. A clamp was inserted into his mouth and was cranked to its maximum, almost braking Davis's jaw. The Directorate proceeded to read him his sentence.


Davis Tweito has been condemned to endure the Saluda, the worst punishment in forced by the State, one so great it has never been preformed before. Due to the sensitive nature of this punishment only very few details may be disclosed to you at this time. When can ,however, explain a few things about it to you, first your tongue will be sliced out to prevent you from begging, you will be castrated but not until we feel we have sufficiently tortured you, and you will be tormented with the worst tortures the world has yet to conceive. In your last moments of life you will be placed in a casket and cremated. All other tortures that you will endure we can neither confirm or deny. They will begin immediately

Davis fainted, but was then awoke to the smoldering smell of hot coals. A knife and clamp were glowing red in the fire the burnt behind the table. The directorate retrieved them and began to move toward Davis. A guard stuck his dirty hand into Davis' mouth and pulled his tongue out. Then the clamp was tightened to his tongue and steamed as it smoldered on his tongue. Davis screamed and tears bolted down his face. The directorate pulled the tongue out 4 inches and at its base he began to slowly slice through the tongue. After 30 minutes the tongue was removed and Davis began to mumble, as he could no longer pronounce words.

The directorate then pulled out the gold tube that had been in Davis's penis and turned to the fire and got out a chastity devise that was glowing red hot from hours in the fire. His legs were spread and his genitals were covered in oils. The chasity devise was put on his balls as he screamed bloody murder, so much so that the nail pierced into his prostate. This cause some seamen to drain down onto the seat. Davis passed out as his balls and penis were being cooked alive.

[Hunterman36]

It makes a really good torture story and is very creative u get an offical gold star

[Dicedarefan666]

The writing seems a tad immature in places. Not saying that you're an immature person, but rather, that your writing style isn't fully developed. I know this is the case for many young writers, just keep working at it.

I can tell you're trying to provide detail. Translating Latin for example, was a nice tactic. But really, the story would have been much better if you had elaborated on the relationship between Davis and Jenna. Maybe give a chapter to that at the beginning. Then maybe continue on to the governor's point of view, to contrast his love for his daughter to his duty to the state. Perhaps he is forced to order his daughter's execution by someone higher up in the chain of command, and now he wants revenge, but the only person he can take it out on is Davis? This would also be an interesting opportunity to show that the government is run by a few heartless officials? Perhaps you could even call it the Order of the Thistle, since you use their motto. Sorry, I know it sounds a bit like I'm trying to write the story for you, but I just want you to see some of the directions you could have taken this story to make it so much more than just a torture story, with nothing but scene after scene of torture in it. (Which in my opinion, could use a tiny bit more suspense to heighten the anticipation, but I suppose that's a matter of personal preference.)

There are some tiny grammar/syntax and spelling errors. Although, considering the nature of the site and taking into account many previous stories, it's relatively forgivable.

Most torture stories that are this extreme honestly don't affect me that much, simply because they're very unrealistic, (Which yours is a tiny bit, but it doesn't suffer as much from this as some other stories I've read on here.) and because there's absolutely no character development I don't feel attached to the character in any way. I can't really care about what's happening to him. You clearly try to solve this problem by writing in little key phrases, to show his bravery, like the one suggesting that he made the baby like a man, and he was going to take the punishment like a man. But even more than that, posting pictures is a really interesting idea, and it did help me connect with the character some. I'm unsure if others will feel the same way, but it's unorthodox, interesting, and relatively effective, so it helped to catch my eye.

Overall, I give this story a 7/10 not the most quality literature, but not bad, especially considering I'm reading it on gD. You clearly have a ways to go, but you're showing me that you're probably on the right track, and that your writing will improve with time and practice.

If you continue to post, and what I read deviates wildly from what I've said here, than I'll try to post again.

[cloi_gurl]

Well, i liked it. Good job.

[Jockstrap]

I am concidering continuing this story if y'all want to comment and add ideas please do :D

[McFly]

The picture is a really good idea, helps picture it. Maybe if you could get more?

[Jockstrap]

yea haha i could hook yall up