Solo Play

[sciencegal]

Many of us do not have a regular play partner that we can interact with, and therefore play by ourselves most of the time. Playing by yourself can be just as much fun as playing with someone, but maybe a little advice would help to spice up your solo play. Don't let the fact that you are doing things to yourself hold you back from enjoying the activities you want to do.

There are always factors that you should consider before doing any sort of play. Knowing

Please discuss and leave your own advice/tips/tricks for how you approach solo play. Consider the following questions when you start your discussion, but please feel free to add in your own thoughts or ask questions if you have them.


What are some things that you do to spice up your solo playtime?

Do you find not having a partner to communicate with holds you back from doing something you're interested in?

Is there any advice you'd like to pass on to those who engage in solo play?

Do you consider the risks/safety concerns before attempting something by yourself? If so, how much research do you do before attempting something you've never done before?

How often do you step outside your comfort zone and try something different, even if it's just a new spin on something you've done 100 times?

Don't be shy, share your thoughts and tips to help out anyone struggling with solo play.

[sciencegal]

I've been aware and keenly interested in BDSM for years, however I have little to no experience in an in-person setting. My lack of experience didn't stop me from wanting to experience kinky activities though. I've found online friends/partners that I've played with, as well as simply doing things by myself because I wanted to. I do not always have a play partner, but I never let that stop me from experiencing what I want to. All of my kink-related experiences have been done in a solo capacity up to this point. I've been the one doing everything to myself, never at someone else's hand. While I would absolutely love to experience some kinky play with an in-person partner, I don't let the fact that I do not currently have one hold me back. Over the last several years, I've crossed off a lot of items from my kinky bucket list just by biting the bullet and trying them myself.


What are some things that you do to spice up your solo playtime?
I often find that setting up a scene in my head helps me to get into the mood a little bit more. If I were in the mood for a spanking, I might think about why I would be receiving one, and try to mix up what I use to spank as well as how hard and how fast I do it. This helps me bridge the gap between simply smacking my bum and fully enjoying a kinky activity.


Do you find not having a partner to communicate with holds you back from doing something you're interested in?
For me, no. But I know many struggle with this quite a lot. Having someone to discuss the activity with while it's happening is very powerful, and it can really add an extra element of excitement to the play scene. However, I don't find it's necessary to fully enjoy an activity. A lot of times, the activity itself is usually very enjoyable, so I find that if I focus on the sensations, I don't miss having someone there to talk to. I know I'm a little bit more independent in my play style, but I don't let lack of communication hold me back.

My suggestion for those who struggle with not having a partner to play with would be to document your activities. Write up a report and post it to your blog detailing what you did and how it made you feel. The act of writing the report will help to simulate the experience of having done the activity for someone. Even though the report is not for someone specific, I know many people will really enjoy reading it and likely get inspired to try some more play themselves. In my past adventures, I've done most of my more "extreme" play simply because I was curious. I wrote up a blog detailing it and that really helped me to feel like I was doing it for something other than my own curiosity.


Is there any advice you'd like to pass on to those who engage in solo play?
My best advice is to just go for it. Don't wait around for the perfect partner to play with. Try things yourself, get a feel for it, and when you do find a partner, you'll be that much better prepared to handle the situation. I also strongly recommend doing your research before trying something as well. On paper, a lot of ideas sound really fun and enjoyable. However, as I've experienced many times, things don't always translate all that well to the real world. Don't be afraid to try something even if it doesn't work out. Learn from your mistakes and try to adapt it so that your next attempt goes better. And if you absolutely did not enjoy it when you thought you would, at least now you know it's a limit.


Do you consider the risks/safety concerns before attempting something by yourself? If so, how much research do you do before attempting something you've never done before?
A big part of my kink experiences has centered around experimentation. I see something in porn, or a blog post that excites me, and I decide to try it for myself. The first thing I do: research. I do not walk into any activity knowing nothing about it. Since I am playing by myself, if and when something goes wrong, it's all on me to get the situation under control. This is not meant to scare you, just to remind you that being fully aware of the situation and what it entails will give you peace of mind and allow you to fully enjoy your activity.

When I do my research, I generally start with a Google search, and then find articles that give me detailed information about what to expect, how to set it up, what could go wrong, and what I should expect to feel. I find that last part to be very important for me as it allows me to mentally prepare for an activity while at the same time helps me to know if something is going wrong. If I'm supposed to feel a cooling sensation, but instead I feel nothing but a fiery burn, chances are something is not right. Little things like that will help to keep you safe.

I also do not want my fun to impact my life in a negative way, nor do I want it to impact others in a negative way. What do I mean by this? Let's say that I was very curious to try self-bondage. I go out, buy some rope, and tie myself up. But I didn't really research all that thoroughly, and I inadvertently left my knot just out of reach to release myself. Now I'm stuck. If I lived with a roommate, I would have to wait for them to get home and free me, which would be a negative impact to their life since I am now forcing them to interact with my kinky activity without prior consent. Similarly, if I didn't live with a roommate, how on earth would I get free?

I think it's very important to know what you are doing before you do it, and to always have a backup plan in place, just in case. The above example is a little bit more involved than what most people would do by themselves, but it helps to highlight that a little bit of planning and prep work can really help keep you safe.


How often do you step outside your comfort zone and try something different, even if it's just a new spin on something you've done 100 times?
Again, experimentation is a huge part of what I do. I also love creativity, so finding ways to spice up what I already like doing is a huge part of what I do. Does that mean that every time I do something, it must be a brand new experience? Absolutely not. But I'm always looking for new ways to do the same old thing I've done a thousand times. When the mood strikes for a spanking, I try out different positions, different locations (over the bed, over a chair, on my back with my legs raised high, etc), and different spanking implements to help keep things fresh for me. If I were only to spank myself with a ruler while leaning over my bed, I feel I'd get bored of that rather quickly and lose interest.

I also am always on the lookout for new things to try. Something like trying new items to insert to create new sensations is something that I really enjoy. This has led me to experiment with many different household items, many of which are rather enjoyable, and many are incredibly frustrating.


The bottom line
Don't be afraid to play with yourself, and do your research beforehand to keep yourself safe. Only you are able to determine exactly what is and isn't safe for you, regardless of if the idea to do the activity came from you or someone else.

[LitDarkness]

Many of us do not have a regular play partner that we can interact with, and therefore play by ourselves most of the time. Playing by yourself can be just as much fun as playing with someone, but maybe a little advice would help to spice up your solo play. Don't let the fact that you are doing things to yourself hold you back from enjoying the activities you want to do.

There are always factors that you should consider before doing any sort of play. Knowing

Please discuss and leave your own advice/tips/tricks for how you approach solo play. Consider the following questions when you start your discussion, but please feel free to add in your own thoughts or ask questions if you have them.


What are some things that you do to spice up your solo playtime? I really don't. I might look some things up, and do some of those or make something new to try out. I made a chastity belt out of bandannas once, which could easily come undone when needed and tested that out once.

Or, I may act out some stories, I write.

Do you find not having a partner to communicate with holds you back from doing something you're interested in? No, I don't. I actually like doing some stuff without a partner.

Is there any advice you'd like to pass on to those who engage in solo play? Do not do anything you can't get out of. If you couldn't get out of it in a emergency situation, it is not safe.

Do you consider the risks/safety concerns before attempting something by yourself? If so, how much research do you do before attempting something you've never done before? I do, just enough to make sure it is safe and if I notice it isn't safe, I don't do it.

How often do you step outside your comfort zone and try something different, even if it's just a new spin on something you've done 100 times? I do a little bit. I think it is easier solo as you are doing this for yourself and there's no shame on not being able to complete it. (Not that there should be shame with a partner.)

Don't be shy, share your thoughts and tips to help out anyone struggling with solo play.

The main thing is, be safe, and do some research at the very least.