Lullaby
05-29-2018, 07:32 PM
Opening and purpose:
I have received many many private messages asking me how I brought it up with my partner that I wanted to pursue a little (DDLG in my case) relationship with a hesitant/reluctant partner. That is what this thread will be all about. The following methods are ones that I have used to bring up things with my partner. Please feel free to post your experiences and tips as well!
Some background:
This guide is based off my first daddy. He had been my dominant for several months before I ended up bringing this up to him. He had a little in the past, but didn’t like dealing with them due to that experience. He did not know how to deal with this when I brought it up, so we will refer to him in the guide as a reluctant partner.
Guide to the Reluctant Partner:
The hardest thing to do for these type of partners I have found is bringing it up to them. Whether you are worried about their reaction, worried they won’t like you when they find out, or you have heard them tease or make fun of others for this in previous conversations. It can be really hard to figure out how to ask your partner to be involved with your little space.
Step one: Start out small!
Start off with a small item that makes you feel small and work from there.
The way I began to work at this was not through the big questions such as “will you be my Daddy” or “can you get involved in this”. I started out small. I had tested out the waters first by getting myself a pacifier (This can apply to a sippy cup, or another object depending on the age of your little space). I had asked my dominant to control when it was that I could use this. He agreed feeling like it was a small thing and easier to manage.
Step two: Slow progress
Add something else to your partner’s control if they are willing.
After a few weeks of this, I wanted to try diapers. I agonized over this decision. A wonderful friend informed me that diapers are used in lots of humiliation play and most dominants they had been with wouldn’t feel too odd about it. With this in mind, I brought it up to my dominant. Who expressed his concern with the direction I was headed. He wasn’t entirely happy with this, but did not reject. I ordered the diapers with this in mind.
Step three: Be patient.
Remember that progress is being made even if it is slow going.
I am certain if you are like me, the hardest part of trying something new is being patient. I wanted to keep pushing, to get him more involved, to have him help me with the feelings I was feeling. Touching these objects made me feel small and submissive and I felt enormous pressure to dump it in his lap, to give him control, but knowing he wasn’t happy with that..I waited. A few weeks after that he came to me and inquired if I still had any left. I said that I did and he was willing to try! Progress!
Step four: Continuing small steps (or in this case the addition of everything, steps 1-2, at once in my case)
Help your partner be more comfortable. Combining the being steps helps them “warm-up” into the role.
The first time that we combined them had been a bit embarrassing for me. My dominant had been getting more comfortable with me slipping into little space at this point (Though I still did not call him Daddy formally besides a few accidents). I was very happy with the progression, but was feeling frustrated with my little space being shoved to the back burner. While in the diapers and my pacifier, he would focus on masochist tasks, or humiliation. While these were fun it left me feeling neglected… this leads me to the next step!
Step five: Speak up.
Being in a relationship with someone, whether it be BDSM or vanilla, relies on communication. Our partners are not mind readers no matter how much we wish they were at times.
I had been scared to push very much and it lead to many episodes of depression. My advice would be to talk this out if you feel frustrated with the pace. Remember the worst your partner can say is no. I spoke up 3 weeks after the mixed play and I’m glad I had. It opened the door to rules and little time being set aside. Remember, even if they say no; give them time. Do not push if it makes them uncomfortable!
Step six: If unsure ask.
After a time, your partner might be comfortable to take steps but might be waiting on your go ahead.
After about two to three months of waiting, imagine my shock when my dominant decided he was alright with being called Daddy. In fact, in this particular instance… I kept my mouth shut. I was absolutely worried I wasn’t supposed to comment. It was because of that I had to wait another few weeks to give it another shot. Your partner might be willing to try, but you need to help them when they do. Give them feedback and ask them what parts they have liked, or make them more comfortable, and what might not.
Remember that everyone is different and not everyone will get comfortable with this in a few months. Some people can take years to become comfortable to new things like these, the very very important part of this guide to remember is that you need patience and communication to talk to a partner if you feel they might be reluctant to participate in your little space.
Note: these steps work well for newbies (Those who are interested but feel like there is an overwhelming amount to learn) as well.
For these partners, my suggestion would be that you help them along the way. Show them some examples of some rules that would be good to follow. For example, if you work at 8 AM that you do not go to bed later that 12.
I have received many many private messages asking me how I brought it up with my partner that I wanted to pursue a little (DDLG in my case) relationship with a hesitant/reluctant partner. That is what this thread will be all about. The following methods are ones that I have used to bring up things with my partner. Please feel free to post your experiences and tips as well!
Some background:
This guide is based off my first daddy. He had been my dominant for several months before I ended up bringing this up to him. He had a little in the past, but didn’t like dealing with them due to that experience. He did not know how to deal with this when I brought it up, so we will refer to him in the guide as a reluctant partner.
Guide to the Reluctant Partner:
The hardest thing to do for these type of partners I have found is bringing it up to them. Whether you are worried about their reaction, worried they won’t like you when they find out, or you have heard them tease or make fun of others for this in previous conversations. It can be really hard to figure out how to ask your partner to be involved with your little space.
Step one: Start out small!
Start off with a small item that makes you feel small and work from there.
The way I began to work at this was not through the big questions such as “will you be my Daddy” or “can you get involved in this”. I started out small. I had tested out the waters first by getting myself a pacifier (This can apply to a sippy cup, or another object depending on the age of your little space). I had asked my dominant to control when it was that I could use this. He agreed feeling like it was a small thing and easier to manage.
Step two: Slow progress
Add something else to your partner’s control if they are willing.
After a few weeks of this, I wanted to try diapers. I agonized over this decision. A wonderful friend informed me that diapers are used in lots of humiliation play and most dominants they had been with wouldn’t feel too odd about it. With this in mind, I brought it up to my dominant. Who expressed his concern with the direction I was headed. He wasn’t entirely happy with this, but did not reject. I ordered the diapers with this in mind.
Step three: Be patient.
Remember that progress is being made even if it is slow going.
I am certain if you are like me, the hardest part of trying something new is being patient. I wanted to keep pushing, to get him more involved, to have him help me with the feelings I was feeling. Touching these objects made me feel small and submissive and I felt enormous pressure to dump it in his lap, to give him control, but knowing he wasn’t happy with that..I waited. A few weeks after that he came to me and inquired if I still had any left. I said that I did and he was willing to try! Progress!
Step four: Continuing small steps (or in this case the addition of everything, steps 1-2, at once in my case)
Help your partner be more comfortable. Combining the being steps helps them “warm-up” into the role.
The first time that we combined them had been a bit embarrassing for me. My dominant had been getting more comfortable with me slipping into little space at this point (Though I still did not call him Daddy formally besides a few accidents). I was very happy with the progression, but was feeling frustrated with my little space being shoved to the back burner. While in the diapers and my pacifier, he would focus on masochist tasks, or humiliation. While these were fun it left me feeling neglected… this leads me to the next step!
Step five: Speak up.
Being in a relationship with someone, whether it be BDSM or vanilla, relies on communication. Our partners are not mind readers no matter how much we wish they were at times.
I had been scared to push very much and it lead to many episodes of depression. My advice would be to talk this out if you feel frustrated with the pace. Remember the worst your partner can say is no. I spoke up 3 weeks after the mixed play and I’m glad I had. It opened the door to rules and little time being set aside. Remember, even if they say no; give them time. Do not push if it makes them uncomfortable!
Step six: If unsure ask.
After a time, your partner might be comfortable to take steps but might be waiting on your go ahead.
After about two to three months of waiting, imagine my shock when my dominant decided he was alright with being called Daddy. In fact, in this particular instance… I kept my mouth shut. I was absolutely worried I wasn’t supposed to comment. It was because of that I had to wait another few weeks to give it another shot. Your partner might be willing to try, but you need to help them when they do. Give them feedback and ask them what parts they have liked, or make them more comfortable, and what might not.
Remember that everyone is different and not everyone will get comfortable with this in a few months. Some people can take years to become comfortable to new things like these, the very very important part of this guide to remember is that you need patience and communication to talk to a partner if you feel they might be reluctant to participate in your little space.
Note: these steps work well for newbies (Those who are interested but feel like there is an overwhelming amount to learn) as well.
For these partners, my suggestion would be that you help them along the way. Show them some examples of some rules that would be good to follow. For example, if you work at 8 AM that you do not go to bed later that 12.