Punishment & Funishment

[Butterfly]

7590

In the near future, I would like to see a completely new section devoted to getDare Mentorship & Education. My hopes is that this will be a section devoted to discussing important topics and answering questions that people may have, no matter their experience level is. I also think it would be a great place to share resources that may be scattered throughout getDare, as well as in other places on the internet.

In the meantime, I am going to create designated threads in the advice section that will focus on one topic. Each topic will have discussion questions, as well links to any resources that I have found. People are encouraged to answer their questions, share their opinions, definitions or experiences as well as link to any resources they have found helpful. You may also ask questions relating to that topic and others can help answer them.

The only rules (other than the getDare posting rules) is that everybody be respectful to others. No personal attacks will be tolerated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOPIC: Punishment and
Funishment
In this thread, I would like to focus on dos and don't of interacting on getDare.

What is a punishment?

What is your philosophy about using punishments in D/s relationships?

As a sub, do you enjoy receiving punishments? As a Dom, do you enjoy giving punishments?

What is the difference between a punishment and a funishment?

Please feel free to share your experiences, definitions, opinions and any resources you find many be helpful.

[Butterfly]

Punishment and Penalty (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=75472) by techiegirl

Let's talk about "funishments" ... (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=72809) by redambergreen

My feelings about giving and receiving punishments (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81196) by Butterfly

Please punish me for failing your task (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=85733) by sir sam

[littlemissslave]

What is a punishment?
To me a punishment is a task that you won't enjoy that is ideally meant to correct bad behaviour. They can be easy to extreme depending on what the person who is being punished has done wrong, take for example you failed to get up at a set time in the morning. To me this shouldn't get as harsh of as a punishment if you didn't repeatedly keep doing. The punishment could get harsher over time but it would be less harsh the first than say if you had an orgasm without permission for the first time. The punishment severity should match how bad the thing the person is being punished for is.

What is your philosophy about using punishment in D/s relationships?
I partially believe that whether or not you use punishments is up to the nature of the relationship. At the very beginning of a relationship I believe punishments shouldn't be used unless they have to be especially if the two in the relationship don't know each other that well. This is because they are only just getting used to what each other can handle and what is/isn't possible. While I think this I also believe it's totally up to the dom whether they deem it a suitable reason for punishing their sub and that they believe the punishment is also suitable. It can also differ between different relationships because it's not a one size fits all kind of thing and everyone has different standards. However I do believe that if the sub has genuinely tried their best and not succeeded they shouldn't get a punishment and perhaps the sub and dom need to have a talk to discuss how they could make easier and more possible and then perhaps try again.

As a sub do you enjoy receiving punishments?
As a short answer no. As I long answer I really dislike receiving punishments because it means I haven't done the best of my abilities and I only really get punished if I haven't tried my best. Whenever I am punished I like to make sure I know what I'm being punished for so I can focus on trying to do my best so that I don't get a worse punishment. Personally I don't think any sub should like receiving punishments because it means that they have done something wrong. A sub may enjoy receiving a finish mentioned because it's the same feeling as getting a punishment but they know that they haven't done anything wrong and it is designed to be more enjoyable for them. I'm not a dom but in my opinion I don't think nay dom should really enjoy giving punishment either because it me as that either they are being too harsh on the sub or the sub isn't giving each best of their ability. I believe a dom should always be patient with the sub before jumping to giving punishment because they may just be having a bad day and be struggling a little bit.

What is the difference between a punishment and a funishment
So I touched up in this on my last question but here I'm going to go slightly into more detail. So I've already described what a punishment is but what exactly is a funishment? This is a fake or fun punishment. It is designed to be pleasurable for the sub and not make them feel displeased with themselves. A lot of people get punishment and funishment mixed up. They will ask to be punished and then they will be upset when the punishment is something that they don't actually enjoy. Usually this occurs when they haven't really done anything wrong but they just want to have a bit of fun. What you should always try to remember is that of you haven't done anything wrong but you want the feeling of punishment you should probably try for some funishment instead.

I also found an article of punishment vs. Funishment so I'm going to link this here:
http://dominantguide.com/4369/punishment-versus-funishment/

[Mr. Devious]

What is a punishment?

Punishment by definition: the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offence.

What the offence is can vary greatly among various relationships. This is where the subject can get a bit controversial. No two dynamics are the same so it's almost impossible to say what deserves punishment and what doesn't.

What is your philosophy about using punishment in D/s relationships?


I really don't like to need to give real punishments. I never set my sub up for failure and with Butterfly specifically I know if she breaks a rule or requires a punishment she feels so bad about it that the punishment itself is nothing compared to how bad she feels about needing it.

They are needed and I think for most rules and some tasks I find it helps if the punishment is known before hand. This is both a deterrent and provides stability.

As a sub do you enjoy receiving punishments?


I personally do not have much experience as a sub and haven't been punished before. I can't really give much insight here,

What is the difference between a punishment and a funishment

This is also an area that has a lot of different opinions. I think the majority of threads you find here asking for punishments are actually looking for funishments. A punishment should have a specific purpose and be for a specific reason, it should not be enjoyable, it should not be fun.

A funishment is a total different story, many people get aroused doing things in their dislikes or things they love to hate. Nothing wrong with that at all and I enjoy this type of play, but I don't think they should be mistaken for actual punishment. Everyone's mind works different ways to there are different ways to interpret this. I don't think any of them are wrong.

[sciencegal]

What is a punishment?
For me, a punishment is used when you mess up. A broken rule, blatant disobedience, things of this nature. I have been on both the giving and receiving ends of punishments.

On the receiving end, the punishments I have received have been very mild and honestly tasks that I would ordinarily do but with a slight twist. For example, as punishment I was instructed to insert ginger and give myself a spanking. For me, this really wasn't a punishment (this was my introduction to figging, so I did not know that I enjoyed it at the time). The spanking itself wasn't bad as I used to enjoy these in the past. The ginger itself was also very enjoyable. So instead of this being an effective punishment, I rather enjoyed the entire experience. I know that this punishment was given because it resembled a traditional punishment and in theory should not have been as pleasurable. I have also received a not so fun punishment involving ripping a clothespin off of my clit 20 times in a row without opening it. This was much more intense and I did not enjoy it at all. I didn't find this to be a very effective punishment though. Sure it hurt, but it really taught me nothing.

After having experienced these lackluster punishments in the past, I adopted a different tactic for my punishments when I doll them out as a domme. If possible, I do my best to turn a like into a punishment rather than picking from my partner's dislike list. Why? Being given a task based on dislikes stinks and isn't fun, but in my opinion, it also doesn't teach my partner anything. I try to address why the punishment is deserved. What rule was broken, why did they act out? For example, if a sub breaks a rule stating that they may not cum without permission and in fact does, a fitting punishment may be to give them multiple orgasms without break in between. This turns something that they enjoy and used to break a rule to teach them a lesson. During the punishment, I explain why that rule is in place, why breaking it disappointed me (aside from the fact that a rule was broken, I mean the symbolism that they broke), and why they are receiving this punishment. This is just a basic example, but it can be adapted to fit many situations. Line writing is a like for many people, and I have used this as a punishment for a partner that enjoyed it. I choose a deliberately difficult line to write, and give clear instructions as to how the lines must appear and the order they must be written. If the lines aren't neat, lined up, and without error, I won't count it towards the total number needing to be written. I also make my punishment recipient rewrite a line that has a mistake twice before moving onto the next number. Simple things like that make the task more daunting.



What is your philosophy about using punishments in D/s relationships?
I think punishments are a good tool to use in certain D/s relationships. If you seek to have your partner act and behave a certain way, following specific rules, etc, I believe that punishments are effective at trying to instill this behavior in them. I don't think that they need to be given for any sort of minor infraction, as I think that communication should occur before a punishment is given. Often times, there is a simple unavoidable reason as to why a rule was broken. Perhaps an unexpected guest arrived, or friend or family member was present so there was no time to complete a task, or maybe the sub has reservations about a task and didn't want to risk injury but was too afraid to say something (because it often appears as though they are trying to run the task rather than follow orders), or something like this. In these cases, simple communication can be used to resolve issues, and I believe that a punishment should not be given.



As a sub, do you enjoy receiving punishments? As a Dom, do you enjoy giving punishments?
I absolutely hate receiving punishments as a sub. I know that I messed up, and that really effects me. I try my hardest to do everything to the best of my ability, so knowing that I failed is hard enough to deal with. Receiving a punishment with it only stands to highlight my failure in my eyes.

As a domme, I also do not enjoy giving out punishments. I don't like setting a ton of rules, but the ones I do give I do expect to be followed. I always ask to see if there is a good reason for a rule break before jumping to conclusions. If there isn't I will give out a punishment in a manner that I think will highlight why I am upset that the rule was broken. I attempt to show my sub my point of view as to why the rule is in place, and why I do not want it broken. I get very annoyed and completely turned off if someone constantly tries to fail in an attempt to get punishments. This brings us to our next topic.



What is the difference between a punishment and a funishment?
Punishments are used to correct behavior and should attempt to help the person receiving it grow and make them strive to do better in the future. Funishments are basically just tasks that are traditionally used a punishment, like a spanking, figging, applying clothespins, etc. Often times a sub will act up in the hopes to get a "funishment". In my opinion, if someone likes to be spanked, it's not always an effective punishment. If my partner enjoys spankings, I will likely assign them to complete spankings at certain points. They enjoy it, I enjoy it, it seems like a win-win situation. Because it is seen as a punishment, I know that often times people don't assign these actions as a task for their partner. I think this is silly. I like to use ginger and hot wax. I know that they are traditionally seen as used in punishments, but I use them as a form of play instead. My partners have always been aware of this, and we work it into play when the mood strikes.

I think if you are clear in telling your partner what you do and do not like, you can work with each other to assign tasks that you both enjoy. If you like spankings, work it into your routine and play. Don't save it for only when you mess up. You may be inclined to try to purposefully mess up just so you can experience something you find pleasurable.

In other cases, people may act out to receive punishments/funishments because of personality characteristics, such as brattiness. These people like to push and see how far they can go, knowing that when their dominant finally takes notice or has had enough, the sub will be punished. In these situations, the line is a little blurrier. Punishments/funishments may become a part of your typical play and would work well in the dynamic (possibly, depends on the dynamic).

Overall, I am not a fan of funishments when they stem from the sub acting up to get assigned a "punishment" that they like. I feel a conversation would benefit both parties better in this case. The sub gets to perform the tasks that arouse them, and the dominant doesn't feel like they have a bad sub on their hands. After all, you aren't a bad sub, you just aren't expressing yourself as clearly as you could :)


These are just my thoughts on the topic, and I know are not always 100% applicable to every situation, nor are they 100% accurate for every dynamic. They are based on my personal experiences and views on D/s relationships and the manner that I have experienced them.

[nina@]

I feel a funishment is just a task, sometimes involving a role play! I would best categorize it as a specific kink where they get aroused by playing going rogue and facing consequences!

A punishment to be given in threads to random gd players for game forfeits is just another dare or task given (suitable to their kinks and respecting limits), which could sometimes be meaner reflecting mood..lol

A punishment in a D/s relationship is something directly related to the feelings of failing, disappointing or letting down. I wouldn't like giving or receiving it, still find it a very small but inevitable part of the structure to ensure an effective power exchange dynamic. Having said that, it is often a last resort that I feel should be given only after holding the sub answerable and trying to understand the reasons behind the breach and objectively comprehending if the breach was intentional or a mistake or due to lack of clarity of rules and whether they really deserve to be punished for it.

While the type of punishment can vary (but should always respect limits) it should always fit the crime and be directed towards making the sub realize their fault at both the conscious (emotional) and subconscious (physical and behavioural) levels and also make them not want to repeat it out of care and respect for the mutual efforts put in the dynamic and their Dom(me). A punishment successfully completed should also be followed by some aftercare.

However I feel that in a D/s, punishments should be reserved for infractions only and incentivising or offering rewards is a better way for making the sub follow a desired framework of rules or actions, if at all required!