A question

[substorm]

Hello!
So recently, I had a master. Long story short, we wanted two different things out of the relationship and it didn't last very long. It got me thinking about what I'm looking for. I understand more of why I am a sub and why I want a master or mistress. I wanted to pose the question to the masses. Why is it you want to be a sub or slave? They usually make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and they attach a punishment if you fail. I'm curios to know what it is that entices you personally to look for that type of relationship. Thanks in advance!

[Doux et vivant]

I think it's important to find a master/Dom that suits you. In my experience I felt unhappy with people that didn't fit what I personally needed, and I wasn't what they needed so we just make each other unhappy.

I think you will come to know yourself and what you need and want well enough to know pretty fast if a relationship is or is not going to work.

And your other question, I think you will get some interesting and varied answers. I personally submit to someone because I want and need to. And finding the right person has made a huge difference in how I feel and approach it.

[substorm]

I think it's important to find a master/Dom that suits you. In my experience I felt unhappy with people that didn't fit what I personally needed, and I wasn't what they needed so we just make each other unhappy.

I think you will come to know yourself and what you need and want well enough to know pretty fast if a relationship is or is not going to work.

And your other question, I think you will get some interesting and varied answers. I personally submit to someone because I want and need to. And finding the right person has made a huge difference in how I feel and approach it.

Thanks for answering my questions Doux et vivant! It definitely didn't take me long to figure out that we just weren't going to work well together.

I really like how you said because you want and need to. I can related to that! What have you done to make sure that you found someone that is the "right person"?

[Grand.Master691]

Hello, Substorm!

To better understand how the M/s relationship works,the first and most important thing is that it's consensual transfer of power and all you do has to be prearranged between Dpm and a sub. You said that Doms usually make subs do things they don't want to do and they punish their subs if they fail. Well, dodcipline has to be enforced,but if your Dom gives you a task that you don't feel comfortable with,you should talk with him about it. Communication is the key for everything. Is he breaking your limits or making you do stuff you really don't want to do? Is he giving you such tasks on purpose,only to punish you? Then it's a clear signal that something is wrong.

Just like Doux said, subs serve because they love and need to serve, so ask yourself what do you want from such relationship. You probably haven't met the right Dom for yourself,but when you do, you'll ve happy to do his bidding, just as he will be happy to train you and care for you.

Dom and a sub have equal power in a relationship and don't forget that you can use your safeword or just say no whenever you're feeling your limits are broken or just not feeling comfortable with the task or punishment.

[substorm]

Hello, Substorm!

To better understand how the M/s relationship works,the first and most important thing is that it's consensual transfer of power and all you do has to be prearranged between Dpm and a sub. You said that Doms usually make subs do things they don't want to do and they punish their subs if they fail. Well, dodcipline has to be enforced,but if your Dom gives you a task that you don't feel comfortable with,you should talk with him about it. Communication is the key for everything. Is he breaking your limits or making you do stuff you really don't want to do? Is he giving you such tasks on purpose,only to punish you? Then it's a clear signal that something is wrong.

Just like Doux said, subs serve because they love and need to serve, so ask yourself what do you want from such relationship. You probably haven't met the right Dom for yourself,but when you do, you'll ve happy to do his bidding, just as he will be happy to train you and care for you.

Dom and a sub have equal power in a relationship and don't forget that you can use your safeword or just say no whenever you're feeling your limits are broken or just not feeling comfortable with the task or punishment.

Wow. Thanks Grand.Master691. That makes sense. It's hard to find someone that wants the same things as me, but I can see how communicating how I feel about a certain task could go a long ways. I can definitely work on being a better communicator.

[Doux et vivant]

Thanks for answering my questions Doux et vivant! It definitely didn't take me long to figure out that we just weren't going to work well together.

I really like how you said because you want and need to. I can related to that! What have you done to make sure that you found someone that is the "right person"?

Talking. Lots of it. Get to know them, see if they are willing to talk to you on a normal level before rushing into anything like, oh you are mine submit now. Or even a trial thing. I would rather just talk, and let something unfold, if it happens, its amazing, if it does not then forcing it by pushing sex around probably wasn't going to make a difference.

[substorm]

Talking. Lots of it. Get to know them, see if they are willing to talk to you on a normal level before rushing into anything like, oh you are mine submit now. Or even a trial thing. I would rather just talk, and let something unfold, if it happens, its amazing, if it does not then forcing it by pushing sex around probably wasn't going to make a difference.

That makes sense. Thanks so much for the advice. I'll give it a shot.

[Grand.Master691]

Don't worry too much and don't rush. You have plenty of time. Do all the things Doux said. And don't let anyone force you to do stuff you don't want to do.
Also, if you are unsure about something or someone,don't be afraid to ask others, like Doux or me. I'd be glad to help or listen to you.

[substorm]

Don't worry too much and don't rush. You have plenty of time. Do all the things Doux said. And don't let anyone force you to do stuff you don't want to do.
Also, if you are unsure about something or someone,don't be afraid to ask others, like Doux or me. I'd be glad to help or listen to you.

I think that's my biggest problem. I'm in too much of a hurry. I really appreciate all the advice and support. I'm going to slow it down and see if I can find something better.

I will definitely keep that in mind and I'll let you know if I have questions or am needing advice. Thanks again.

[Blue Fox]

It requires trust. It requires consent. For me, I yearn to serve. I have a need to both serve and to be used for the Domme's pleasure. You find out what your hard limits are. You find out what your soft limits are. A good Dom/me will respect the limits. Soft limits are to be experimented on slowly. You find out if they are hard limits. If they aren't, the Dom/me will slowly expand your soft limits. Yes, you will likely end up doing things *you* don't want to do, but you do them to please your Dom/me. Your Dom/me should know what not to push you on (or how to push you slow enough for adjustment).

Safe. Sane. Consensual. BDSM requires that.

[substorm]

It requires trust. It requires consent. For me, I yearn to serve. I have a need to both serve and to be used for the Domme's pleasure. You find out what your hard limits are. You find out what your soft limits are. A good Dom/me will respect the limits. Soft limits are to be experimented on slowly. You find out if they are hard limits. If they aren't, the Dom/me will slowly expand your soft limits. Yes, you will likely end up doing things *you* don't want to do, but you do them to please your Dom/me. Your Dom/me should know what not to push you on (or how to push you slow enough for adjustment).

Safe. Sane. Consensual. BDSM requires that.

I like that. Thanks for the advice Ze'Rehan! That's one thing that is tough that I've run into, is that I haven't completely defined my likes/limits. I'm hoping to find someone to help me explore that. I agree that trust is so important.

[Blue Fox]

Anytime. There are sites out there that have questionnaires you can complete to help figure out your likes and dislikes. Things you may not have even thought about could show up on them.

[substorm]

Oh yeah? Could you send me the links? I would love to check that out.

[Blue Fox]

I would have to resort to Google. I was sent them through LINE a long while back. No longer have that information.

[substorm]

Alright. I'll try to look some of those up.

[lilK]

I am very lazy human and sometime need to have someone push me do more. So I look for master who will enjoy making me humiliate (I like this part also) but will also make me do more work so I do not fail life. Right now for example my life is scary because I now finish all education with my graduation coming soon and I need a full job or else I have move back Japan but I am maybe to scared or to lazy to look for work.

[substorm]

I am very lazy human and sometime need to have someone push me do more. So I look for master who will enjoy making me humiliate (I like this part also) but will also make me do more work so I do not fail life. Right now for example my life is scary because I now finish all education with my graduation coming soon and I need a full job or else I have move back Japan but I am maybe to scared or to lazy to look for work.

I like that. So it can be a very motivating experience for you. That makes sense.