Own Cum Eating

[mariocb]

I'm not sure this is the right section but here it is.

I'm straight but I enjoy watching sissy hypno and such, I really don't care about thinking it being considered gay, I just like it as fantasies and I don't see any problem, so that is not an issue at all.

Lately I find really hot the idea of drinking my own cum and I watched a lot of cei (cum eating instructions), cum eating hypno and such. However I get the usual problem that I lose the urge for doing it after I get my orgasm. I managed to do it sometimes but it's really unpleasant (actually I'm somehow lucky because I produce a little amount of sperm so it's easy to just gulp it down fast). I tried freezing it in the past but it's always complicated because I share a kitchen and I can't leave it in the fridge for days because I don't want to be caught by my housemates.

A few days ago I found a video with instructions but it was different from others. It wasn't a sissy one, but it was "cum eating instructions for straight guys" or something similar (I actually can't find it anymore). It gave instructions but it wasn't humiliating, it just stated that eating your cum is the easiest way to clean you up and it is natural and straightforward. That it was ok not to like it at the beginning and that you don't have to like it after a while but just consider it part of the masturbation routine.

I always disliked cum eating and it took me months to even do it for the first time. I always thought that I liked the idea of being forced to do it and of course it should be ordered by a girl. However I watched this video and now I'm trying to do it every time I jerk off. But I don't like it, I just follow the suggestion and do it not to waste tissues and be clean. I still don't like it but I'm curious to verify whether I can get used to it after a couple of weeks. While the old humiliating videos said I would get addicted to it (implying I would get to like it in the end) this video made me curious whether I can learn to go through it without being disgusted.

And here is my question. Do you think that own cum eating should be used as a punishment and made it humiliating? Or should it become a like and used as a like/dislike since it would be humiliating wheter a slave like it or not? Should I keep doing it following this new video philosophy (not humiliating just natural) or keep it as a punishiment and do it just when ordered to (or feel like it after a good cei video)?

One of my great problems is that I never found a mistress to force me, so I wonder if this could affect any future order I can get.
Any suggestion is welcome, thanks for reading.

[mariocb]

Well, nobody answered so I will report here like a blog but maybe this time anyone will be inspired. It's been almost a month (about four weeks) that I started this habit. Since then I swallowed my cum each time I jerked off (that is around once a day). I thought it would become easier with time but I still don't like doing it. Each time is like the first one, I find it disgusting but I do it quickly managing to get over the repulsion. However I couldn't get to the next step that is savouring it and keeping it in my mouth, that's still too much for me.
This experiment proved that I need someone to force me to enjoy the punishment side and I can't get to like it or get used to it by myself. And I'm lucky that I only produce a small amount, with larger volume I might find it too disgusting and spit it out or worse.
Most of the encouraging videos I watched during these weeks (but even before) pointed out that you might dislike it at the beginning but you will get to like it in the end. If (almost) a month didn't change my view at all I don't think it's worth keeping doing it, so I think I will stop it. Anyway I'd still like to hear what you think about this and maybe tell your personal story, because I still find it exciting in the femdom/punishment point of view and I don't know if I should look for someone to force me into it or not.