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SlaveBoy
07-03-2007, 04:39 PM
Very sorry everyone my grammar is not very good and this is my first time writing a story so if it very Bad please tell me thank you.I make this story as I oso wish to do better for my test

Here a little detail to understand more:
Jelyn the leader like to lead and everyone scared her 13year old
Demi very cute girl I like her very much 14year old
Serena my best friend, cute too 13year old
Tom Me I like Demi a lot would do anything she want me to do 14year old the date is here is real
The Detail I say above are all real other than the name Tom

Part 1 The Start Of All Horror
It was a normal day at school but it very boring like normal. Most of us had fallen asleep....Then when the bell ring everyone wake up with a smile on the face School end!!! it 1.30pm.

Jelyn run beside me and say "hey Tom want to do something?",I said with a eyebrow up” anything u bet and what are we going to do and who are going?” She did not reply but just drag me up to 4th floor of the school and went into a dark boys toilet where very few want to go in. And I was scared and shock as many has say they saw ghost before and I saw Demi and Serena. So in the toilet is Tom, Jelyn, Demi, Serena.

and when I say I got something on and want to go away, Jelyn say come on don be scared if you just go out of this door right now u must be our slave for the rest of the month, I pause when I just about to open the door with my hand on the handle, and I turn back and walk to Jelyn and say with a bit of angry 'fine what are we going to do?’ and Demi and Serena oso ask the same question. and Jelyn say ok we will have a dare here and whoever lose shall be a slave for the week without any limit and must follow the rules. We said ok. Then Jelyn say that we must be naked and put it outside the door and go in to 1of them Stall of the toilet and stay inside the first one who run out of it shall be the slave. Everyone agree and I put down my shirt and pant then the underwear, when I was pulling the underwear down my face went red as this is my first time. Jelyn saw it and laugh and my face grow even more red than normal when Serena and Demi is oso first time they go red too.

After we went in the the stall and lock the door, we all set there waiting when I was worry as this is my first time and it with 3girl and I am the only boy and on top of that I like Demi so much that thinking of that make my dick went hard. After what is like 30min and chatting inside the toilet, we heard a sound that come out from somewhere and I heard closely and the sound was coming from next door which make me even more scared. Suddenly a scream come out of nowhere and I was so scared I open the door and run out forgetting I am naked. I run back into the toilet and found that Jelyn, Serena, Demi have come out of the door and wearing their cloth when they saw me. They had a smile on their face. And I was very red, even red then the cherry. When they finish wearing the cloth, they say met us at Jelyn house at 3pm her parent are out don worry if u scared her parent might saw you, understand slave?' I want to say no and go away but as you know I like Demi a lot so that make me say ok to it. Demi come up to me and slap my face and walk out I was shock I don know what happen and why she slap me and Jelyn and Serena saw it and was quite happy and walk out with a smile on their face.

When I reach Jelyn house and ring the bell they came to open the door and when I saw them I was so shock.....

If this story is not good enough I will not write anymore so part 2 is coming up if someone like this even with only 1person say this is nice thank you. And if this go on they will be more then 12part please say how many part do u want so I can write it out making the story longer or shorter

i now need to go to school when i come back from school i will make next part

molten man
07-03-2007, 09:23 PM
dont worry. iy is ok. tho d grammer in some places was a problem. but pretty intresting. continue...

SlaveBoy
07-03-2007, 11:10 PM
ty very much anyone like it too?

Bored
07-03-2007, 11:29 PM
very good i like it alot.

SlaveBoy
07-03-2007, 11:40 PM
Part 2:The Danger In The Smile

I was shock when I saw that the Girl was only dress in a bra and a sexy underwear I went hard when I saw that that is way too cool to be truth. I went inside as they show me the way up to Jelyn room which is their base and ask me to strip naked in front of them in 10seconds.I heard that and I was a bit shock and I saw no way dude, if u want me to me naked u strip in front of me first. And to what I did not expect was they DID REALLY STRIP NAKED!!!!That make me more hard as hard as a rock. And they said I must strip now or else….I strip in front of them and when taking down my underwear they laugh like hell again like what they did in the toilet and I did went red on the face and rock hard on my dick.and Demi give me a collar and ask me to put on. So I obey and put it on and Jelyn run out and take some picture and then keep them away from me not wanting to let me touch it. And Demi say ‘ok bitch u are now to server us loyal and obey every single thing we say.’ I say ok and they say the rules are
1.talk like a dog would
2.walk like a dog will
3.dress like a dog will
4.obey like a dog will
5.as loyal as a dog
6.sleep 8hour per day only

I agree to every single rules and they said ‘ the weather is so hot, so we need some ice water
‘I run to the kitchen and pour 3 cup of ice water and give it to them and they say good dog now I want you to go to the backyard first and sleep or sit there and rest for a while. I run to the backyard without any delay and lie down there when the hot sun shine on me. But cannot help it thinking of Demi make me hard again. And when I was about to turn I saw they have already come down and say come on dog we going to watch TV then I will take you out. And when I heard that take you out I was very scared as I do want anyone to see me naked so I run away when they try to catch me, I run like mad to the bathroom and what I don know is they lock the room and I have to stay inside until they let me go and when they open the door what I saw was……..

molten man
07-04-2007, 02:22 AM
excellent keep up d good work!

SlaveBoy
07-04-2007, 02:34 AM
thank you i be more than happy to do it in 24hour time

Tony12
07-04-2007, 11:38 AM
Good story plot Bad grammer.
Heres some tips if you want them :)
Try to use microsoft word or a similar program it automatically checks for you.
Be carefull with your tenses.
Check over your work a couple of times
Good luck of writing :)

molten man
07-11-2007, 04:05 AM
Good story plot Bad grammer.
Heres some tips if you want them :)
Try to use microsoft word or a similar program it automatically checks for you.
Be carefull with your tenses.
Check over your work a couple of times
Good luck of writing :)

take the advice nd u will indeed make a good story!