Why be play the Slave/Master game...?

[Loverly]

For masters; what's the point of bossing people (some you badly know) around. Ordering them to complete painful stunts while you just watch? Why do you enjoy giving them punishments for not embarressing them selves?

For slaves; why do you let random people order you around... Telling you what to wear, punishments and blackmail you?

What is the point of this "game"? Why is it fun to some people?

[Powerstrip]

It's something I enjoy. It's fun to be given tasks to carry out for someone else. It doesn't have to be embarrassing or blackmail etc. It can be whatever you want it to be really, that's why limits are made.

Now if you don't like it, leave it alone. Go elsewhere where you can have fun :)

[Komodo Jones]

Seriously along with Powerstrip if you don't like it go away. You have a seriously misconstrued view of the whole s/m community. First off, I would like to say it is not a game it is a relationship. Second, the whole s/m community is not based off solely pain. I am a switch but currently am more than a master and out of the things you listed that subs do, sure I tell my slave what to wear but not as often as some other people. I only punish her when she misbehaves and I would never even consider blackmailing her. She may be my slave but I love her with every ounce of my heart. As a switch, temporary master I am insulted that you think that we are nothing but a bunch of cold-hearted sadists. I'm sorry, that I'm ranting like this but I think you should take the time to research the whole experience before you go insulting something and making inferences that are not necessarily true.

[LilAngel]

I was just about to post a really long and ranting post... But I'd realised that I kinda addressed this issue on a previous thread. May I recommend you to read 'Misconceptions of BDSM' here. (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=25352) :)

[Komodo Jones]

I don't think that should stop you Lil' Angel but yeah loverly, seriously check out her thread on misconceptions.

[Coyote]

Jut like KJ said. It is NOT a game. It is a relationship between two people in order to find happiness in their own way. It could be compared to marrage except that marraige is well marraige. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Also, read lilangel's thread

[depp]

Why be play the getDare?

[interesting]

For reason same as all. Fun have. About fun all it is. Really.

[LilAngel]

Okay... so since KJ thinks I should go ahead and rant, I will. Plus, I haven't posted one of these for a while:

Quoting from your signature:
Love; adrenaline rushes, nude, streaking,

To many slaves in the D/s world, one of the main motifs is your first 'love'. Adrenaline rushes. Some claim that this is the very first thing that got them involved with the fetish community. A vanilla person (person outside of the BDSM world) would think that a safe way to feel the fear would be:

'similar to the attraction many people have to roller coasters; you get the adrenaline rush without actually being in peril.

BDSM isn't defined as pain, blackmail or even humiliation. BDSM is ultimately about one thing: control. Control that the submissive AND the dominant have. Another thing that is addressed in my thread is safety. To beginners, the initial 'fear' of being controlled might be highly arousing, which is also why most dominants prefers to 'only play with a safe word', to make the submissive feel safer. However, it should always be noted that MANY BEGINNERS MAY BE RELUCTANT TO USE THEIR SAFE WORD.

Next point: Trust. Quote from a Krystine on Yahoo (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070726175850AA4BHYG)...

...because I trust the person (either myself or a friend), just about anything starts to feel good, even hanging (with my feet four feet above the ground) from four hooks in my back or being caned with the same kind of cane that the Singoporean judicial system uses. I scream, laugh, squirm, pull against my restraints, surrender to the animal instincts.


Another point: Consent.

As you stated, blackmail. Something strongly disapproved by the BDSM crowd. Blackmail is a form of non-consensual 'play', also considered as abuse and not accepted by the BDSM community.

Last point: Communication.

This 'game' as you call it, is not all about bossing people around, telling people what to wear and how to hurt themselves. It is NOT all about the sadistic side of BDSM everyone seems to think they know so well. As KJ said, the Master cares about the slave's safety, and most likely, the Master loves the slave to bits. The last thing a Master wants, is for a slave to be in danger and exposed. (Mindfucks are VERY different and should ALWAYS be safe. This fact should just be unknown to the submissive.)

The Master should always care about the submissive's physical health, and just as important; their mental health. BDSM is all about communicating. It is one of the only ways a Master can nurture and help a submissive grow.

To finish off with my favorite quote in the world:
"A masochist walked up to a sadist, and said 'Hurt me'. The sadist said 'No' and walked away."
~Author Unknown

(Okay... this is slightly shorter than I expected it to be, but its late and I'm falling asleep.)

[Anjelen]

Okay - now i need to rant - and vent - a bit.

A game, you call this? I'm getting a little fed up with all 'you' - and YOU know who i mean - dominants and submissives who are in it for the 'game' - and who play the 'game' because it's 'cool'...

No. No, it's not 'cool' to be Dominant. It's not 'cool' to be Submissive - i liken this to the period that being Bisexual was a fad - screw that. No, you're not 'cool' because you can order someone to do something and they will; no you're not 'cool' when you do as you're told.
All of you who 'play' this 'game' for the 'cool' of it? Hop off a bridge, please. Stop being poseurs and messing up the face of BDSM for us who feel BDSM is a valid lifestyle - personally i feel Dominance or submission as valid a sexuality as the gay/bi/straight sexuality - i for one take my own sexuality very, very seriously.

I'm a Pansexual Dominant. This is who i am. This is what i will function as wether i am at home, in the streets or out at clubs. This doesn't mean i do not socialise with other 'genders' or 'flavors' or even with the 'vanilla' - it simply means that, while i do not have a gender preference in my partners, i do prefer to have submissive partners, and will in fact not submit myself to others under any circumstance. Period. There are three, count them, three people in this world who i will refer to as Sir or Madam because they have earned the distinction as my Dominants during my period as a submissive, however ungrateful of one i might have been, to them and to others; they taught me about myself and in hindsight i'm deeply grateful to them and the patience they showed me.

I had a well-paying job as a performing Dominant at one of the locally famous, ever-changing BDSM 'raves' - not legal, perhaps, and never twice in the same location - but a very wel-known name in a tight-knit community of Doms, subs, and switches who enjoyed each other's company.

Then the Poseurs happened.

Kids with barely any idea who they themselves were, identifying themselves as 'submissive' or 'dominant' with no idea of the impact they would have on others, or would have inflicted upon themselves.
I can't count how many 'submissives' i and others like me scared away in the initial talks when discussing their potential submission.
I can't count how many 'dominants' have taken the collars around my friends' necks as an open invitation to order them around and grope them.

I could tell you stories of those 'submissives' who i've found flying into fits at me because i would not 'play' by their rules and instead adhered to my own - even after they survived the initial long conversation we had in wich i made perfectly clear to them that from the moment they kneeled to me, they would live by my rules or safeword out, at wich point we would take a step back and evaluate the error in communication we clearly both missed during that initial conversation

I could tell you stories of those 'dominants' who found themselves laughed at by yours truly and by their potential sibmissives simply because they did not live up to standards; i could even tell you about those 'dominants' who found themselves at the receiving end of rape or abuse charges by those submissives they had found and mistreated;

- Just because they wear a collar,does not mean they submit to you.
- Their collar around your neck does not imply they have the right to demand things of you that you have clearly stated go outside your comfort zone.
- Just because they identifiy 'submissive' does not make them less than you.
- Just because they identify 'dominant' does not make them more than you.
- Just because they submit to you, does not mean they're not entitled to respect.
- Just because they're not your Dominant does not mean they do not deserve your respect.

Show respect; as much as you would have them show. Show trust, at least as much as you expect to receive. Show empathy; they're not mindless automatons existing only for your pleasure. How can you appreciate their submission if you can't appreciate how they feel while submitting? How can you appreciate their dominance if you do not respect it?

Safe, Sane, Consensual. Hurt those who long for it, but harm noone. Communication, Communication, Communication. Sympathise. Empathise. Appologise when you think they feel entitled to one, not when you feel they are entitled to one.
The lists of cliché'd rules are endless - but realise cliche comes from truth.

At best; Learn to read and write (with) your charges' emotional states; learn who they are and how they tick, at least to a decent level, preferably before you engage them... Don't rush headlong into something you simply do not understand.

I will expect you to live up to my standards. If you do not, i will inform you that you do not and on request suggest ways of bettering yourself - this goes for you 'dominants' as well as you 'submissives' and even you 'switches'.
Because you do not live up to my standards does however not mean i will not socialise with you; in my five years as a submissive and the subsequent ten years as a Dominant i have met maybe a total of six people who fully lived up to my standards. I know i'm an elitist bastard, particularly when it comes to other Dominants; I will however respect your choice of lifestyle either way.

This is not a game to me. If you consider D/s a game, then you automatically fail to live up to my standards. This doesn't mean i do not respect you, this however does mean i will take what you tell me with a grain of salt.

No, i do not think you're 'cool' because you're 'edgy' and 'kinky'. No i do not think you're 'cool' because you know how to swing a whip or land a crop. No i do not think you're 'cool' because you have a high tolerance for pain and love showing it off. No, i do not think you're 'cool' because you look good in leather.

I think you're 'cool' when you have the selfawareness to know exactly where you stand in the spectrum of Dominance, Switch, Submissive. I think you're cool when you have the self-control to know when you take or are taken too far and to act on it. I think you're 'cool' when you truly feel happy in your role - wether that's on your knees or being worshipped - without the neccesity of being 'cool' while you're doing it.

If you need my validation, then you don't deserve it. Ironic, isn't it?

Whew. Thanks. I needed to get that off my chest.

[BettyBoop]

Why be play?
I don't even know how you would get that word and just throw it in there. At least sometimes the word sound like it goes. But "Why be play the Slave/Master game?"
I thought you may have meant 'We' then I noticed the 'W' is far away from the 'B'. Anyway, enough of this. It was my understanding it wasn't a game, it was a relationship. Why do people like ice cream, why do people like dares, why do people like S-E-X. They just do, 'cause it's hot. Even the ice cream :p

[Komodo Jones]

I know I've already ranted on this post but I just need to post in a few points after reading the other posts. Like Anjelen, said it's not a game it is a relationship. To expand on this let me just put it this way, for a long while when I first met my current slave, I did not let her be my slave for a week. I put potential slaves to me through a trial period first to live up to their expectations. I was the first immersion to my slave in the bdsm lifestyle, so she didn't know much about her limits, likes or anything like that. Even though I had never been a "real" master before her I knew myself that this woman who is willing to submit to me is a person and should be treated as such. That does not make me a soft master though as I have had to punish her only a few times. During this trial period, I introduced her to many new sensations such as ice, pain, light humiliation, and light exhibitionism. I did not push her hard into anything. During this time I got to know what she enjoyed, what she didn't, and as Anjelen said what makes her "tick." The trial period for me was sort of like the conversation seeing if she would like up to my expectations of her as a slave, and for the two and a half months that we have been together she has. Granted, we have hit a couple of rough spots but he have talked through them and have maintained our relationship on the right foot. Now about maybe three or four weeks in, she began to become really exhausted because of her work schedule and she had suggested that we only continue our s/m relationship on the weekends. I will admit I was not too happy about this, but we have made it that she only gets her, as she calls them "proper", commands on the weekends. I still give her little commands during the week, that don't exhaust her from her work schedules. I realize that even though she is my slave she still has a life to live outside of that, and she realizes that I have one to. The reason this may seem different from Anjelen's relationship is because my slave and I currently have an online relationship, but my slave and I have constantly talked about getting together shortly after college. So I look out for the well-being of my slave because as in Lil' Angel's threads of misconceptions of bdsm, there can be, and should be, love in a s/m relationship and that is evident in my relationship with my slave, and you could obviously see that if you've read our blogs. My slave is no less valuable than I am myself.

Also another thing, I did not join this lifestyle just so that I could control or submit to people, I joined this lifestyle for a relationship. A girl a while back pmed me on getdare telling me that she had just been left by her master and needed a new one and asked if I would be one. I said no, not because I didn't need another submissive, because there was a possibility that I would have another sub, and I feel like I made a huge mistake of even considering this, but in the end it worked out okay since she didn't work out. But this girl that pmed me she was only 13! The way I see it, she probably saw it as a game. I am not going to dominate someone who first of all is underage, and second of all is 10 years younger than me. If I was a person who only looked for people to control and was a sadist I would take her immediately but I am not that stupid. Right now and forever more, I am very happy to have a relationship with my one and only slave, and even though we may hit some choppy waves, I will always love her.

So once again let me reiterate what everyone has said this is not a game, we are in a relationship and I find that we are a community of misunderstood people sometimes. The reason I am getting so worked up about this is that you automatically drew inferences that I, Anjelen, and other masters out there are just sadists who enjoy inflicting pain, humiliation and blackmail on people. And you drew inferences of people like my slave, purpleperdey, and I think Kitten is Anjelen's slave ,sorry if I got this wrong, are just objects who crave pain and not people. It just pissed me off. So next time, like I said before, check the facts before you automatically conclude something.

[muffinfairy]

Even the ice cream :p

Do ~I~ make your ice ~creammm~ ? :p

[fork]

It's not a game.

[Powerstrip]

Why be play the getDare?

I'm sorry, I know it's totally unrelated, but:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Source: http://kilo.naurunappula.com/nn/0/305/303/o_482846.jpg

On topic, read above posters, they're all right.

[Loverly]

I'm rather new to this sight and I read some of the stories; I thought that's how it really was... :[ I'm sorry that I offended some of you people, I misunderstood the game from all the stories, no hard feelings I just wanted to no why, and why it's fun... I am sorry, :/

[Loverly]

If you read the storie Hell or somthing like that, that's what I thought the game was like... Masters take pix so slaves don't run away, tourchore sexually and stuff, sorry I thought all the storys were based off of real games... Misunderstanding

[Anjelen]

No offence taken, no harm done, and appology accepted. I can only speak for myself, and can honestly say my rant wasn't directed your way.

If you have questions regarding the Lifestyle, if you honestly want answers, feel free to send a PM my way - i'll send you one now with some of my basics and philosophies.

[fork]

I'm sorry, I know it's totally unrelated, but:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Source: http://kilo.naurunappula.com/nn/0/305/303/o_482846.jpg


Um, what?
And the link didn't work for me. Just a blank page.

[Komodo Jones]

Apology accepted as well, sorry if I just lashed out on you like that but, I just thought that those were your viewpoints and that you got that from your own self not from reading stories. Like Anjelen said, if anyone wants to know about the lifestyle just pm us. However, I would pm Anjelen, as chances are he would know about the lifestyle a lot more than I would as I have only been on the dominant side of a switch relationship for only about two and a half months. And just one more thing, don't call it a game anymore

[BettyBoop]

I'm sorry, I know it's totally unrelated, but:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Source: http://kilo.naurunappula.com/nn/0/305/303/o_482846.jpg

On topic, read above posters, they're all right.

Laugh My Ass Off.
Those comments were funny too. SillyBilly.

[Powerstrip]

Where'sFluffy? It worked for me yesterday, but not today. Here's a new link:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? (http://media.photobucket.com/image/Has%20anyone%20really%20been%20far%20even%20as%20d ecided%20to%20use%20even%20go%20want%20to%20do%20l ook%20more%20like%25253F/amastacia2/hasanyonereallybeenfarevenasdeci-1.jpg)

[fork]

Wow.. that's terrible, I have to say. LMAO.

[LittleRayRay]

Where'sFluffy? It worked for me yesterday, but not today. Here's a new link:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? (http://media.photobucket.com/image/Has%20anyone%20really%20been%20far%20even%20as%20d ecided%20to%20use%20even%20go%20want%20to%20do%20l ook%20more%20like%25253F/amastacia2/hasanyonereallybeenfarevenasdeci-1.jpg)

I just lmfao'd!

whoa just whoa