Elizabeth's Journal

[anonymou]

About me
My name is Elizabeth and I'm a 29 year old girl who live in Stockholm. I moved to Sweden and Stockholm from Copenhagen at the age of 22. I work as a manager for a company who does technical support of software to businesses. I don't have a degree and have never been to college, but instead I was travelling a lot after school hoping to save the world.

I've always been submissive but never been in a power exchange relationship before this one. Now I've been in this online relationship with my Master for about five months, but we've known each other for an additional two months before we committed to anything. As a submissive I really enjoy the feeling of being out of control, not being able to make decisions for myself but just follow commands given by my Master. For me this can be anything from being told what to wear, having a strict (and rather large) set of rules to follow, or having to ask for permission in order to use the bathroom.

During these five months I've given away a lot of control to my Master, but we're steadily increasing the amount of control he has over me and will probably continue to do so for another couple of months. We text and talk on the phone almost every day which makes the control a lot easier. He decides what I wear most of the days, how I exercise and when I do it, what I eat and how much I have to eat. In addition to this he controls a whole lot more and has constant access to my computer and webcams so he can watch me whenever he feels like it.

My development
Every month we decide upon a new area of development for me. It can either be something which is important to my Master or something I feel uneasy about where I have to explore my limits. This journal is meant to be a place where I can write down my accomplishments and experiences a couple of times a week so I can look back at it later and see how far I've come.

January - Anal

I must learn to clean myself properly before play
After January I will always be wearing a buttplug
I wont hesitate when told to fuck my ass


February - Fitness

Take a 60 minute powerwalk before breakfast
Learn to enjoy vegetarian food
Switch from coffee to tea


March - Privacy

Setup webcams so Master always can watch me
Blog about my experiences for others to read
Let strangers rate my body and proficiency as a submissive


I will post summaries of January and February when I get the time, but focus on March and what's happening from this point and forward. In addition to this blog my Master is also looking for a small group of people with experience who could comment and make suggestions on my appearance, my wardrobe, schedule and overall proficiency. This is something I feel very uneasy about but still something I want to do to really be objectified. My Master is looking for a group of mixed people (men, female, dominants, submissives) so if you think you have anything to add to such a group please feel free to PM me and I'll forward it to my Master.

Finally I should say that if you do have any comments on my journal, suggestions for how I could improve, ideas for task I should have to complete as part of my development or any questions please post a message in this thread or send me a private message. I will respond to every message I receive and answer truthfully, with the exception of questions regarding my identity.


With love, ellie

[MasterZp]

Welcome Ellie to our little part of the next. Please relay my thanks to your Master for sharing you with us all. I would say that the first thing for you to do is describe the body your Master owns and controls to us. Let's see how well you can paint a detailed picture with your words and how clearly you can describe things in general.

[SirD]

Welcome to getdare Ellie. That is a great first post and first journal entry. I look forward to hearing more about you and tasks your Master sets for you.

[anonymou]

January development - Anal
I've never really liked anal even though I've tried it a couple of times with previous boyfriends. If anything I've liked the idea of doing it, mostly because I think of it as an act of submission. I've always thought about it as something forbidden, something we giggled at through high school when there were a rumor that someone had done it. The first time I tried it myself was the summer after high school with my boyfriend at the time. It wasn't a good experience at all since I was a bit tipsy, he was really drunk and he wasn't gentle at all.

Before January I've only done it a couple of times when Master has requested it. He has known that it is something I disliked but were willing to do at times. It is however a huge interest for Master and something we have discussed a lot because of that. The fact that I dislike it while I'm still willing to do it is something that interests him even more. Because of this, and as a result of our discussions, we agreed that it should be the focus of an entire month of progress for me.

Master had two goals that he wanted me to achieve. The first one was that I'd get enough used to doing anal that I didn't complain when he commanded me to, the second one was that I should be wearing a buttplug in my everyday life as a reminder of my submission to him. My initial reaction was that I could probably learn to smile while fucking myself, but that the buttplug was too much since it would mean something I disliked moved from occasionally happening to being an everyday thing. When I told him how I felt about it I was a little bit chocked, or rather surprised, when he after about an hour of discussion said something along the lines of "It's really up to you, but unless this is something you really cannot do I expect you to stop bitching and give me your ass".

We didn't talk more about it the next day. But the more I thought about it I know I can whine a little too much at times and I knew that he was right since I really want to give up control, and this was something so simple for me to at least try. I texted him the next day from work and said I would do it. When I got home I bought this buttplug after his instructions (http://www.justinejuliette.se/products/stalplugg-med-vit-sten?s=recomatic).

The first days after it had arrived I only had to use it for about half an hour while masturbating and talking to Master. It wasn't that bad even if the feeling of a buttplug is extremely strange at first. The first longer session was when I was masturbating and Master all of a sudden told me to get dressed and go out for a walk with the plug still inside me. It might very well have been the most uncomfortable walk of my entire life. I felt so self-conscious and as if the entire world was looking at me. I walked around the blocks close to my apartment for what felt like an eternity before Master let me go inside again. When I finally got back inside I was so proud I didn't know what to do with myself.

It quickly turned from something I was really stressed about to something which felt pretty normal when I was told to put it in after work and then keep it in until I was told otherwise. Cleanliness was however a bit of a problem for me since it was a bit.. messy at times.. Without going into details I've read more on the subject than I care to admit, and I've learned to disassemble and reassemble my shower head. Taking a shower now takes an extra ten minutes and has become a very humiliating experience.

I still don't wear the buttplug every day. But most of the day I wear it to work and unless I'm told to take it out in the evening I wear it while sleeping. I've gotten quite accustomed to it even though 140 gram is a lot more than you would think at first. Master is actually a little bummed that I've gotten so used to it that he's brought up the idea of buying the bigger model to keep me thinking of him. It is not something I will protest against, but I'm quite convinced that it wont be possible for me to wear it for as long as this one. It is simply too big and heavy for that.

Looking back at it January was a really successful month in terms of development for me. I'm used to wearing my plug and I've managed to give away additional power over my sexuality to Master. I'm no longer as hesitant to anal as I was before and even though I still feel a bit disappointed when told to fuck myself I can do it without problems. I know this has been very important to Master and that my ass is the primary focus of his desires.


With love, ellie

[tickle_monster]

Despite anal not really being an interest of mine, I must complement you on your honest and well written post. :)

[anonymou]

Hello! First of all thanks for all the kind words I've received both here and in private, it really means a lot to me to get such attention and warm welcome. Since I've received quite a few private messages with questions I thought I would post answers to them here as well since they might be of interest. Answers to these kinds of questions will be shorter than my journal entries. If you have any other questions or would like to give me or Master a comment please feel free to either post here or send me a private message.

Describe your body
I'm 167 cm tall and weigh 67 kilo with a BMI of 24, pant size 36 and medium shirt size. My natural hair color is a mix of brown and ash-blonde, quite a common color in the Nordic countries called "rat-colored", but for the moment I bleach my hair regularly to keep a blonde color. I have a little too thin eyebrows for my own liking which I can't do too much with other than pluck the occasional stray hair. I have brown eyes and wear a pair of glasses most of the time, although I've started to transition more and more to lenses. When I smile my mouth is often closed since I have a little space between my front teeth that I'm very self-conscious about. Despite being on the heavier side my breasts are quite small and I wear a 70B bra. The upside with small boobs is that they are still firm, and I have small brown nipples which is a bit too dark for my liking. There's quite a bit of fat on my stomach that I could stand to lose. Even if I flex my abs as much as possible I can pinch myself in the stomach without any problem. When I wear a pair of tight fitting jeans there's a clear tendency to a muffin top. I have a small pussy with small lips where the hair is trimmed to a landing strip about a centimeter wide. I do not bleach my pussy hair so it's on the brown side. I have quite muscular legs since I'm a runner, it is however the only muscular part of my body.

What do your Master call you?
Most of the time he calls me ellie, depending on what we're talking about he can also call me slut or fuckdoll (or their equivalent in Danish). Those nicknames are however mostly reserved for times when we're talking on the phone when I'm away from home and he wants me to do something dirty.

How has being plugged affected your everyday life?
This is a little embarrassing to write and nothing either of us had thought about before it presented itself as a problem, but I can no longer fart without my Master's permission. If there is anyone who has a tip on how to do this while wearing a plug I'm dying to know. Master is not particularly found of this problem and doesn't really want me to remind him that I have to do this. I'm only allowed to ask him for permission to take the plug out for a short while if I feel it is really necessary, and if he says no I'm not allowed to ask again. Another inconvenience for me that my Master enjoys a lot more is the problem with showering in public. Whenever I have to go to the gym in the morning just before work I have to shower at the gym without being allowed to take the plug out while showering. This has only happened a few times and there hasn't been that many people in the showers at the time. It's not really visible if I walk slowly and carefully, and make sure to stand up at all times. My biggest fear at those times is that I will drop the towel and have to bend down to pick it up. Luckily this hasn't happened yet, when it does I will die of embarrassment.

Tell us the details of your shower routine
I know that I will be punished for this, but I really hate the fucker who asked me this question, but I'll answer it. The first thing I do when I get in the shower is to clean my ass, it is really something I want to wait with until the last minute but I feel so dirty after doing it that I'd have to shower all over again. I disassemble the shower head by unscrewing a nut at the base of the shower head so that the hose (tube?) is disconnected. At that point there is still a kind of sharp metal plate thing that I have to push down a few centimeter so there's only the plastic hose at the top. If I try to do this part with the water running there's water in the entire bathroom and I have to spend 10 minutes drying/cleaning all the water up, this has happened more than once. I have mixed a really gentle brand of soap that can be used for intimate cleaning with a lot of water and have this in a dove soap refill bag (is that a thing outside Sweden?) and I start with taking the plug out and leaving it lying on the ground. During this entire process I stand on my knees with one hand to the floor. But I put the head of the refill bag in my ass and squeeze gently to get some soap in there. Then I take the hose and put it in and fill myself up as slowly as possible. I squat down over the floor drain and push the water out of me before I stick a finger inside to make sure I'm clean, then I repeat the process again to make sure. When this is done I drench the plug in soap and rub it like a crazy woman to make sure it is clean. This isn't something that is really needed, but I feel it's therapeutic in some sense. When this is done I put the buttplug in again and reassemble the shower head to the best of my ability (it leaks from the connection with the hose some times) to shower in really really hot water.

Edit: I would like to apologize for the rude comment to the person who asked this question. I would also like to extend an apology on my Master's behalf and say that I will be respectful while posting here in the future. As punishment I wont be allowed to clean myself in the shower for the rest of the week, instead I will have to do it in the office bathroom and bring the supplies that I require. I've been asked to leave the rude comment here as a reminder not to do it again.

How often does your Master fuck you?
I'm in an online relationship with my Master, even though we're discussing the possibility to extend that. We have never had sex but I have actually met my Master for the first time about 4 weeks ago. It was entirely unplanned for me and nothing I knew beforehand, but he was in Stockholm for business and called me up to ask if I wanted to meet him for dinner. It was entirely up to me and although I was really scared I agreed to it. When I agreed to it I was sure that he would want to follow me home and fuck me, but we had a really nice dinner and spoke to each other about everyday things. I followed him to the airport afterwards and it was only when we were saying good bye to each other that he said that the next time we met I would be so sore that I'd have to take a sick day, it was probably the best compliment I've never received.

Can your Master see you right now?
I honestly don't know if he is watching me or not. I live in a really small apartment of 24 m2 so a few weeks ago we decided that I should buy 2 webcams in addition to the one in my laptop that I could place so one could see the bed and another one the kitchen. He has control over my laptop and they are always connected, so whenever he wants to he can see my apartment.

Edit: Yes, he could see me when I was writing this entry, I just received a text.

How can your Master force you to buy stuff for him?
I'm assuming this refers to the buttplug. He can't force me to do anything, but I willingly do it at his command. Financial control is nothing we've explored too much but I make a decent salary, I don't have too much expenses or loans so I do have the economy to buy a toy for $40. A bigger thing which I haven't written about yet is that my entire clothes shopping is done over the internet with my Master approving or denying each item, this is also something I willingly agree to. I would however like to explore giving up control of some of my finances since that would truly put me at his mercy, but I don't know how to do this in a controlled and safe way.


With love, ellie

[SirD]

Another great entry. Thank you to you and your Master for sharing your relationship with us.

[JackEntwistle]

This is a fabulous thread and shows off the great dynamic you both have together, I shall definitely check back here from time to time to see how you are progressing.

For those who have come across the problem before regarding the build-up of gas while wearing a plug, what you need is called either a "vented plug" or "anal dilator". These have small holes in to allow gas to escape and as a result are much more pleasant to wear for prolonged periods.

[anonymou]

February development - Fitness
When I was around 20-22 I considered myself really good looking, I was quite fit and worked out several days a week. I even ran marathons multiple times each year. As I got older I exercised a little less, ate a little bit more and had a few more drinks out with friends. Eventually this lead to me gaining a lot of weight and I've put on 18 kilos during these years. January this year I was at my heaviest weighing 73 kilo with a BMI over 26, making me officially overweight.

I've spoken about my weight as an insecurity with Master before, but when I brought it up sometime in January he said that it bothered him too. Not that he wasn't attracted to me, but that he was more attracted because of my submission than because of my appearance, and that he wished they would be equally attractive to him. I cried after we had hung up after that call and tried to make my self throw up my dinner in disgust before I went to sleep. When I told Master about that the next day he made it clear that if I would ever do something like that again to try to lose weight, it would be over between us.

The goal for the month was really to introduce some routine so I would eat better and exercise more. I spoke with a nurse about how fast I could lose weight and skipping some details, about 0.8 kilo every week to start with. My goal weight is 57 kilo which I'm hoping to reach before the end of July. Additionally Master wishes that I eat more of a vegetarian diet and stop drinking coffee since it discolors my teeth.

Before this change I always got up at 06:30 to masturbate and watch porn for thirty minutes before calling to wake Master up. Those calls could last between 30 seconds to half an hour depending on his mood, but would always be over at around 07:00 when he actually had to get up. We've changed this routine so now I get up at 06:00 for an hour of brisk walking before I call to wake him up. I miss those previous calls since we had so many great shared experienced from them.

Giving up the coffee was quite easy, now I drink tea instead which works just as good. I track everything I eat in an app where we both can see how much, what and when I've eaten. I track all exercise in another app where we both can access the information as well. I may not ever exceed my daily calorie goal, and I've only overstepped it twice in the last two months. The first time was when I went out for some drinks with friends and didn't think about adding the drinks to my daily consumption before the next day, the other time was almost two weeks ago when I got a little carried away by a huge bowl of candy at the office. I've received the exact same punishment both times and I've been promised to receive it once again next time I overstep.

I have to go to the store and buy about 4 kilos of carrots, which I hate. Then I have to cut each carrot into 1 centimeter slices which are at least 1 centimeter wide. Carrots that are too thin or with a thin tip get's thrown away. Each slice has to be actually measured to be 1 centimeter, so the process takes about thirty minutes and I end up with about 3 kilos of disgusting carrots. I have to place the bowl of carrots in front of the fridge and then put my dildo with a suction cup on the fridge. After all of these preparations I get to get down on my knees, insert the dildo in my ass, put my hands on my back and start to eat the carrots. The dildo has to stay inside me and I may not get up before every slice of carrot is eaten. After only a few minutes my thighs and back starts to get sour, it's pretty hard to balance and make sure everything stays in place. My hair gets in the way and since it takes between 20 and 30 minutes to eat it all I've been completely beat afterwards both times. Master has made me keep the dildo stuck to the fridge for a couple of days afterwards as a reminder which has been really effective.


With love, ellie

[tickle_monster]

Well done for another lovely, detailed post. I'm glad to hear that you're managing to change your behaviour to lower your weight. As an addition to that, something I like for lunch (which involves those dreaded carrots) is grated carrot and hummus wraps. :)

I'm interested to hear that you're so careful in logging your food and exercise. I'd be interested in having access to this data too.

[anonymou]

How did you first meet your Master?
We met on a site similar to this one but with a bigger focus on conversation. At first we just spoke to each other for about a month before went any further, then it took us about a month more of just fooling around before we decide to commit to each other.

How did your relationship with him develop to the level of power exchange it's at now?
I was quite up front with the fact that I like power exchange. Since we had spoken to each other so much before we decided to commit to anything I already felt safe enough to do stuff on webcam, call him and so on. At that point it was quite easy to let him pick out what I should wear in the morning, let him give me tasks and assignments to complete and so on. I was the one pushing for more exchange of power in the beginning and was quite demanding at times.

Cloth control was the first real exchange, before that it had only been smaller things while we were talking to each other, but that brought it outside our conversation to my everyday life. Bathroom control really just happened one day when I was at work and we were talking on a break. When I said that I really had to hang up and go to the bathroom he told me that I wasn't allowed to, it was a bit of an " uuuh what.. okay" moment but I accepted it and since then I've always asked him. Most of the control has really transferred gradually though, no set moments really.

What are the goals for your development in April?
We have a couple of ideas which I will describe in short, but if you have any other ideas we would love to hear them, you are also free to comment on which focus we should choose.
- Sexuality and try a couple of lesbian sessions over internet (camgirls or here)
- Sexuality and focus on keeping me horny/cumming through the whole month
- Chores where I learn to really keep everything spotless

Are you looking for another Master?
Thanks for your interest in training me, but I'm really happy where I'm at now and not looking for anything else.

Is your Master looking for other slaves?
It makes me truly happy that my description of our relationship have resulted in an interest from your side, but right now my Master is not looking for another slave or submissive. My Master is however interested in making me share intimate moments of submission with another woman over webcam, it would only be one, or a few, sessions though.

Can you be my Mistress?
Thanks for your interest in me, but I'm not the right fit to be anybody's Mistress.

Did you beg your Master to fuck you when you met?
When he called me I was sure that he would fuck me. As I was going to the restaurant I didn't think of anything but how that would happen, when he smiled, hugged me and ask how I was doing I could honestly not come up with a single thing to say. For the first ten minutes of the dinner I was super nervous and barely able to speak in complete sentences. I couldn't focus on anything he said but instead tried to think of all the things we had talked about before and what he liked and didn't like. It was after about twenty minutes when he said that his plane was leaving in a while and I realized we wouldn't have time to go back to my place I could really enjoy the conversation.

I've never really thought about if I should have begged him, that it might have been the right thing to do. When I asked him about this now he admitted that he was considering making me blow him in the bathroom, but rejected that idea when he saw how nervous I was. If I would have begged him he said he would have pulled me into the bathroom immediately.

With love, ellie

[Haubergon]

This is an excellent thread and a very good read. Please continue.

[tiger777]

Great so far, but what is he making you do this month?

[Satoshi]

Interesting blog to read, keep up the juicy posts :D

[anonymou]

March

Webcams The purpose was to give Master the ability to watch me while I am in my apartment regardless of what I'm doing and without necessarily having to let me know. This would let him make sure I follow my rules even when I don't know he's watching. It would teach me that privacy isn't something I can expect anymore and that I can't choose what to show Master. Finally it would give Master access to his property at all times.

I've bought four wireless cameras and installed them in my apartment. It's a really small apartment so there's some overlap, but with all of them there are no bad angles or deadspots. One is installed in the kitchen, one over my bed, one towards the sofa and the final one in the bathroom. I've had to take down the shower drapes which is a bit inconvenient since water goes everywhere when I shower, I've also started to sleep with a night light on so Master can watch me at night as well.

These changes has really improved the dynamics between me and Master. He knows a lot more about what I'm doing and how I perform without me telling him anything. This makes a difference especially with the small details that I've otherwise failed to convey to him that he is now able to see and correct. I've been corrected multiple times when I've forgotten to immediately wash the dishes after a meal, for eating in the sofa, forgetting to put clothes in the laundry basket and washing dishes under running water. I've also been punished a lot for breaking rules, some which I had been following in an incorrect manner all the time, and some which I've previously gotten away with breaking. An example of the former is to make my bed every morning, which I've now learned means to remake it completely and aim for a hotel-style result, not just folding everything neatly. This is admittedly a bit frustrating since I'm often not allowed to use the blanket while sleeping since Master wants me exposed.

All in all the constant possibility of being watched has made me a better submissive. It is really hard at times, especially when I feel bad about something I've done, or really humiliated for something Master has made me do. We've had to focus more on this development than others since it has been a little too much some times. I still don't feel entirely comfortable with Master being able to watch me, even though I now often forget that they are there.

Blog The purpose was to get in touch with others in similar situations, and to make me entertain others and for me to know that I'm nothing but a sexual fantasy for a lot of people.

I started this blog and even though I haven't been as active as I hoped it has given me a lot of feedback. A lot of good advice has come from posting here, a new set of buttplugs, exercises and tasks to complete. I've also received quite a lot of messages telling me I'm nothing but a whore, a slut who should make them cum, a couple of dickpics and a few offers to watch men masturbate, some of which I've accepted upon Master's request.

Most importantly Master has found a couple of people willing to invest a little more time in my development and rate my current state and progression each week. It's been a very rewarding experience to read their comments and though I have a lot left to learn it is clear that Master has done a good job with my training so far. I have no direct communication with anyone myself, but send reports to Master who forwards it to them. To summarize the feedback everyone is very happy with my level of submission, that I'm willing to do what I'm asked and push myself. The women of the group thinks I should be forbidden to masturbate and kept denied a lot more than I currently am to keep me horny, they also think I should have to expose myself more on the internet (pictures here for example) and wear sluttier clothes in public. The men thinks it's important that I lose weight so I can go from being fuckable to to hot, they also think I should learn to enjoy lesbian porn a lot more and at least act as if I was bisexual.

[sir stefan]

Thanks elizabeth,
Its a wonderfull story your setting together.
Its so nice you give us a window through which we can experience a bit of your uncommon well lived livestyle.
And so well written.
Real looking forward to next one

[anonymou]

Redacted since it contained a little too much information

[Dom6BDSM]

I've had to take down the shower drapes which is a bit inconvenient since water goes everywhere when I shower,

Search and you should be able to find transparent shower drapes.

There are several options available.

[SirD]

As always a very well written and entertaining blog. Keep up the good work and I look forward to your next entry.

[anonymou]

Aprils development was about giving away more control to Master. This is something I'm really invested in and I chose to give away a lot of my financial control. I feel that's a really big step towards being actually owned by Master.

I still have all of the actual control over my finances since Master can't login or do any transactions on my account, that requires a keypad thing that I have in my apartment. But since he can access my computer at any time we have gone through my accounts so he knows exactly how much savings I have, what my salary is and how much I spend each month. So far he hasn't checked up on me, but if he wanted to we would go through my accounts again and he would be able to see any transaction that I made without his permission. He also has access via the banks mobile app where he can see my debit card account and transfer money between that account and my salary account. This access is limited to transferring money between those two accounts so no actual purchases can be made. I no longer have access to this app since he changed the password (with my permission), so I can't access the accounts from my phone.

All of my bills and my rent is paid automatically, savings are also moved to another account as soon as I get my salary each month. The money that I have left to spend that month is under his control in the sense that I have to ask for permission before doing any purchases. If I want to buy anything I have to ask Master for money first and then hope that he transfers the money to my debit card. This new control he has over me has resulted in three different scenarios that quite frequently occur, except for the times that I'm just given the money to do my shopping.

1. I call or text Master to ask for the money I need to pay for my shopping. He tells me to send him a picture of my tits, ass or pussy where there in the store if I want any money. I usually manage to deliver if it's not too crowded and I can sneak away in an empty isle, but it happens that I have to leave without buying anything.

2. I call Master to ask for money. He asks me to describe the cashier and tells me to get in line to pay while he's still on the phone and in my headset. When I start to put things on the counter/belt Master says I have to say something flirty to the cashier or he wont transfer the money and I'll be declined when attempting to complete the purchase.

Some of the things I've been told to say and actually gone through with has been "You have a beautiful smile", "You're really pretty", "Do you have a girlfriend?" and "Your lips are really sexy".

Some of the things I've been told to say but been unable to actually say has been "You've ever licked another girl?", "My pussy aches for attention", "Is your cock as thick as this cucumber?", "Can you tell I'm not wearing any bra?". I've also been told to slap my ass and yell "aaauu!", which I couldn't go through with. All of these times Master has kept his word and didn't transfer any money so that I was unable to complete my purchase.

Whether I go through with it or not doesn't really matter to Master. To him it's a win/win situation where he know I'll be humiliated whatever I end up doing.

3. I'm completely forbidden to buy a specific item that I really need. This goes on all the time with various things I can't buy, right now I'm not allowed to buy toilet paper and I've been out since Tuesday.

The money that is not spent on shopping has gone to online purchases Master has told me to do. I've bought a subscription to Brazzers that I use myself to watch lesbian porn, I've renewed my subscription to Spotify, Audible and Netflix, but Master has control of these accounts. I've also bought a really expensive remote controlled butterfly vibrator that hasn't been delivered yet.

- ellie

[anonymou]

Are your cameras password protected?
Yes, there's an administrative password where Master can change the angle, zoom and so on. And then there's a normal account where it's only possible to view the camera. The normal account is nothing we've used, but Master thought it was a really nice feature and would eventually want to invite others to watch me as well.

Can you access the cameras from the web or a mobile?
They are accessible both from the web and as an app but I can't tell you much about these since I haven't used them myself.

What's your experience so far? Are you always aware of them or do you forget about them from time to time?
The first few hours after they were connected I was really self aware and felt very uncomfortable. I couldn't keep myself from looking at the cameras all the time and kind of wanted to hide. We didn't put up a camera in the bathroom at first, so when I was in there I stayed a little longer than I needed to and "braced myself" to go out into the room again. I honestly can't say I did anything while I was at home beside being aware of the cameras.

The day when I put them up, and day after that was the worse. On the third day I was still very aware of them but I didn't resist them so to speak. Though since I was very aware of them I constantly thought about all my rules, my posture, what I did and how I did it. When I sat down to read a book I made sure to sit up straight and push my chest out for example, which was nothing I usually did when I was alone. After the first week or so I didn't really think about the cameras anymore. It was at that time Master started to notice how badly I was following my rules when he wasn't around as well, so that came with quite a lot of punishments and training to correct my behavior.

Now that it's been almost two months since the cameras went up I don't think about them at all. My behavior is a lot better and the rules Master has set for me has become a lot more like actual rules than before. Even though this can be extremely frustrating at times it is a huge step towards a real life relationship, which I really love.

[anonymou]

Tell us about your worst punishment
This was a couple of months ago, and we had just agreed that Master would be in control of my bathroom privileges a few weeks earlier. When I woke up I really had to pee and didn't want to wait until I called to wake up Master, actually thought that the punishment couldn't be that bad and made a decision to break the rule, then tell him immediately during my wakeup call with him.

He didn't comment on it at all, but when I got home that day he texted me and said I should drink 2 liters of water, then wait for 30 minutes before I called him. He told me to get dressed in a pair of white pants, shoes with low heels some blouse and a jacket. This was during the winter in Sweden, so it was below zero outside. He told me I had to walk 10 km in one direction before I was allowed to turn back home and to turn on runkeeper so he could see where I was. I thought "wow I'll really really have to pee when I get back".

I'm never allowed to wear anything without heels, and walking 20 km in hiking shoes takes a long time, walking in heels takes forever. After about an hour I had made it 5 km and I really felt the need to pee. Master called me and asked how I was doing. I told him that I wouldn't be able to make it the entire way and he said that there should be a store a couple of blocks ahead and that I could go in there and ask to use the toilet. I got there and when I was inside the bathroom I asked him for permission, and he said no.

He said that I would have to walk the entire way and that he wouldn't give me permission to use a bathroom somewhere along the way. I was really desperate since I guess when you think you'll soon be able to pee it feels much worse. I was pleading a lot and said that I wouldn't make it all the way home.

I made it about half an hour more until I couldn't hold it anymore. I was still on the phone with Master and I started to sob as I pee'd myself. It was so damn visible on my pants and I was so humiliated. Master was laughing at me and made me take pictures of myself and send him. The pee then got really really cold and it was very uncomfortable for me. The entire walk took me about four and a half hour, and I peed myself after about one and a half hour.

How often do you get punished
There's really two types of punishments, I see it as corrections and then actual punishments.

Master corrects my behavior a couple of times a week, it could be for forgetting to put away dishes, being late on my wakeup call or something else like that. These corrections are often in form of corporal punishments that I administer myself.

I'm rarely really punished, about one time per month. It's when I really fail to complete a task and it's obvious that I haven't applied myself, or when I take advantage of the trust Master has in me as the example above.

Do you like to get punished?
No I don't. I do my best to follow the rules Master has set for me and to please him. The punishments I receive are severe and are really effective in the sense that I don't repeat the same mistake.

[anonymou]

How's the fitness work going?
It's going great! I've been sticking to the morning walks, hit the gym several times a week and kept my diet under control. I'm currently down to 61.5 kg (135 lb) and it's really made a difference to my appearance. The initial goal was to get down to 57 kg (125 lb), but thanks to the comments from my reference group we've adjusted that goal to a steady weight between 52 kg (115 lb) and 54 kg (120 lb). I've also started a really serious squat exercise schedule to shape my ass as much as possible.

Do you dislike something your master likes?
Yes. I dislike anal, but it was something I had to accept in order to stay with my Master since it's such a big turn on for him. At first it was hard to get used to, but now I do it so frequently that it's become a habit.

Another thing I dislike is pee, but that's also something my Master likes, and something that he uses when I haven't been good enough. At the moment it is mostly a punishment, but Master has made it clear to me that it's something I can expect occasionally when we meet.

What are you wearing?
As I'm writing these posts I'm not wearing anything. I'm not allowed to wear clothes at home. Otherwise I wear clothes that Master has picked out for me. Now that it's summer I'm only wearing pleated mini skirts and blouses. The skirts goes down between 1/3 and 1/2 of my thigh.

This is an outfit I wore this week, and yes, all of my clothes comes from online stores. If you find something really slutty that's somewhat accepted in public that you think I should buy, please send me a link.
Blouse (https://www.zalando.se/selected-femme-dynella-tunika-se521e012-k11.html), Skirt (https://www.zalando.se/lipsy-ariana-grande-for-lipsy-veckad-kjol-monochrome-li721b00n-a11.html), Shoes (https://www.zalando.se/buffalo-sandaler-sandaletter-white-bu311l00w-a12.html)

[anonymou]

I've met Master again
This will be a somewhat short update since we've decided not to share too much of this aspect of the relationship yet. But last week Master said that he would be in Stockholm again on Thursday, and had planned to stay for Friday and Saturday. He asked if I wanted to spend those days with him and of course I said yes, he also asked if I understood that meant serving him for real, and of course I knew that even though it felt very loaded to answer yes to that question.

We had dinner at his hotel Thursday night and talked for a couple of hours before he said it was time to go up to his room. When we got to his room he soon told me to undress and even though I hadn't had any wine I didn't feel nervous at all. He really took his time to inspect me, make me spin around and do different poses for him while he complimented me and I guess calmed me down a little. Though he was really excited he took it quite slow which I'm happy for, Thursday was really about me feeling comfortable being under his control.

At Friday we went home to my place. I immediately forgot that I'm supposed to be naked while at home and received my first spanking because of that. I felt so small and so eager to please while Master was walking around in a suit inspecting my home while I was naked and unsure what to do or say.

After lunch he actually sent me away for a walk while he rested a bit which felt really weird and uncomfortable, even though he knows everything about me I felt uneasy with him being alone in my apartment. Even more so when he locked the door behind me and I didn't have any keys. I walked for an hour and when I got back and rang the doorbell I had to wait for 15 minutes before he let me back in.

Saturday afternoon I followed him to the airport. I was kind of exhausted by lack of sleep and other activities at that time, but I really didn't want for him to leave. By that time it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be by his side, and having physical contact.

We've agreed that I will spend my summer vacation at his place in Denmark, two weeks while he's still working and two weeks when he has vacation too. We discussed a lot during Saturday and after my vacation, if everything still feels as good as it does now, I'll look into scheduling my work so I can take the train to Denmark Wednesday afternoon every other week and go back to Sweden on Sunday night. That way I'll spend about 4 out of 14 days with him, Thursday and Friday can be spent on domestic chores while he's at work so I can be available the rest of the time.



with love, ellie

[sir stefan]

Thanks sharing again.
This is probably the greatest thread i'm following.
You write well, i feel the intensity

[Dom6BDSM]

If you find something really slutty that's somewhat accepted in public that you think I should buy, please send me a link.

Plenty of tops you can get like:

http://www.hm.com/se/product/47843?article=47843-A&cm_vc=PRA1

http://www.hm.com/se/product/47468?article=47468-A


https://www.zalando.se/denim-supply-ralph-lauren-blus-off-white-d3021e02v-a11.html

https://www.zalando.se/ivy-oak-blus-snow-white-iv321d003-a11.html

[anonymou]

Denial
The goal for this month has been denial, and since Master left I haven't been allowed to masturbate at all.

This hasn't been anything either me or Master was interested in at first, but a rather strong request from the women in my reference group. Their point has been that since Master prefers my ass any pussy play I'm allowed is really just for my own pleasure. I know that it might be a bit selfish of me, but even though I understand their reasoning it's something I've been very hesitant to. I feel that the relief after a challenging task or an extensive session is an important part for me to look forward to.

However, Master decided that it might be a good month to try this since I'll be going to Denmark in just a week to be with him for a month. It's been hard to resist masturbating, but I've actually managed to keep myself in denial this whole time.

Public humiliation
The most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me happened about a week ago. I was at the gym and as always I wear my buttplug, something which I don't really think about any more. They are rebuilding the changing rooms at my gym so there's just this small temporary changing room available for the women now, and there's no baskets to place your shampoo or so in.

There was a mother with her son, like 4 or 5 years old there as well. So I got in the shower and bent down to grab my shampoo, not like with straight legs or anything but bent at the knees, but I guess his angle was perfect.. He excitedly yelled (at least I remember it that way) "Look mom she's got a diamond in her butt!". I've never felt my heart drop like that. Ever.

At first his mom just said like "no she doesn't, maybe it's a tattoo?" but the boy was so damn excited and wanted to convince his mother. It can't have been more than 10 seconds but I remember it as an hour of horror. Finally the mother asked me what he meant and it was just too much for me, I started to cry and ran out of the showers to get dressed. The woman was following me because of course she didn't understand what had just happened, asking if I was alright and if she had offended me.

I don't really know what I said to her, or if I said anything at all.. But finally I got out of there and called Master. It took a couple of minutes for me to collect myself enough to tell him what had happened. He helped calm me down over the phone and told me to sit down until I was calm and had stopped crying. This took at least 30 minutes, but then he told me to go back into the gym and complete my shower. It was horrible and I honestly don't know why Master decided I had to do that, I don't know if it was a punishment or an attempt to make me more at ease with the situation. I've asked him but haven't received an answer. The mom and the boy had left when I got back in, and I could shower all alone.

Other
Weight loss is going great, I'm down to 58 kg (128 lb) now which is really amazing, I'm down to size 6 in pants and a small on tops. Master has spent all of my money the last two months buying me new clothes, some of which has been suggested by people reading this blog. All of my old fat girl clothes has been given away so there is no going back for me.

As preparation for my vacation with Master I've had to wax my pussy and ass. I've also been using an anal bleaching creme since that was something Master felt I should improve upon from the last time we met.

All in all I feel quite ready to go and live with Master.

[Dom6BDSM]

Denial
The goal for this month has been denial, and since Master left I haven't been allowed to masturbate at all.


Master has spent all of my money the last two months buying me new clothes, some of which has been suggested by people reading this blog. All of my old fat girl clothes has been given away so there is no going back for me.



Denial don't have to mean no-touch. It can also be edges.

Since it summer - here are som more suggestions of tops:

http://www.hm.com/se/product/45949?article=45949-B
http://www.hm.com/se/product/50030?article=50030-B
http://www.hm.com/se/product/49151?article=49151-A
http://www.hm.com/se/product/44898?article=44898-D
http://www.hm.com/se/product/15431?article=15431-G

Have fun

[TKMinimalist]

Just spent the best part of an hour reading through your journal. It's really well written and extremely insightful, so thank you. Hope you continue to post more and share you and your Master's journey.

[Radler]

Damn, I've been really enjoying your journal.

Keep it up!

[Nerdwedgie]

I can't wait to hear more about your adventures

[Dare_Me_Slut]

Damn, it is very well written and a very good read. Please continue.

[Gymlado]

Can't wait for the next installment

[Dr Jones]

Lady Elizabeth,

I find your blog here most interesting and entertaining and I wish you very well as you go forth. We shall enjoy reading of your developments. :p

We are a couple from Australia in our early/mid 20's. Although with limited interest and little experience in slave/master relationships, I have recently, almost by accident, acquired a young lad (18) from the UK as an online slave, a relationship that is entertaining me more than I had expected. Thus, I have been reading more into the topic and found your story here most interesting!

My love dear,

Lady M & Gentleman J
(AKA Dr Jones)

[anonymou]

Hello!

Tell us about your vacation at your Master
I will not post a full report of the vacation, but will give a few exciting details and then answer a couple of questions that has been sent to me.

Traveling to Denmark
The morning when I was about to leave I called Master as usual and had about 2 hours until I had to leave for the train. I was packed and all ready to go but then Master tells me I wont be allowed to travel with any luggage, and that I would only be allowed to wear a pair of high heels and a coat.

Master have made me wear that outfit for walks previously, but I was very uncomfortable with his decision. Especially with the border controls between Sweden and Denmark.

I was told to bring my credit card, passport, keys, phone, a headset, a vibrator and a butt plug. The vibrator would have to be on for the entire trip and I wasn't allowed to put it in the coat pocket, the butt plug would have to be in me as usual.

A couple of months ago this would have been too much for me to handle, but even though it was really stressful I could just roll with it. Figured I could hold it while walking and not being right next to people, but that I would have to go to the toilet on the train or already at the train station to "hide" it in my pussy, which was really the only place to put it.

I didn't have to put it inside of me until I was on the train. It was really hard since I had been denied for a month, and I was kind of moaning a little and sweating. Not having any clothes made everything so much worse as well. The old lady I was sitting next to (I had a window seat, of course), asked if I was feeling okay, I said I got really seasick from trains but couldn't really keep a conversation going. That's when I got the idea that I could actually stay on the toilet for long periods not having it inside of me.

When I finally got off the train Master was waiting for me. He laughed and told me that I looked a bit flushed, then he said "take off your coat and give it to me". The station was PACKED with people and I was horrified, I couldn't tell that he was joking at first, but when he saw my expression he laughed again, said it was just a joke and gave me a kiss.

Fucked while sleeping
Master had made me stay up the entire night before so I had been awake for about 40 hours before going to sleep the next night. I have no memory of the event what so ever, but Master taped it and I've seen it afterwards. This is something I had said I was okay with previously by the way.

He first tries to get my legs in under me so I'm sleeping on my knees so to speak. At first I get back to lying on my stomach but at the second attempt he succeeds and I don't do anything about it, I just mumble something. When he pushes his dick inside my ass I don't do anything at all for the first few seconds, but then I wake up and freak out a bit, completely unable to understand what's happening.

Takes me about 10 seconds to understand the situation, and when I do I get up on all four and say "Yes it feels great for me, but I wont do the dishes tonight", which is complete nonsense. After another 30 seconds I'm down on my chest and face against the bed again and pretty much sleeping, and when Master finishes he slaps my ass. I kind of wake up for a second, say "Oh" and then "Leave the money before you go to sleep, I don't take Mastercard".

When he told me that he had fucked me the next morning it felt really odd not remembering it. He didn't show me the video either, but I saw it a couple of weeks later.

Do your Master force you to pee yourself often?
No, I've been put in a situation where I had to wet the bed a couple of times, the one time I described earlier and then I've had to pee in the shower without showering a couple of times.

Master did however have me suck his dick clean after he had used the toilet.

Do your Master make you fuck other girls?
Not really, but he would want to. I've been watching a lot of lesbian porn, almost exclusively. I've spent a couple of hundred dollars on camgirls where we've masturbated to each other, something Master appreciates. I've also done the same thing with another submissive here a couple of times while both our Masters have been watching.

I know that Master would want to see me have sex with other girls, and I'm sure it will happen at some point when we find a good candidate.


with love,
ellie

[Epsilon.GD]

It's very nice to see an update from you. I'm glad to hear you are still a good, obedient submissive. What have your monthly goals been for the last several months?

[degrademeplease]

This is so interesting to read! Good job :)

[anonymou]

Fitness
Still working on my fitness and health. I'm currently down to 50 kg (110 lb) which is lower than our initial lowest goal. It's a little too low and have started to mess with my hormones, so for the last two weeks, and until I'm back at 115 lb again, I'll have to gain 1 lb each week. I weigh myself every day and sync weight and everything that I eat in an app so Master can keep track of me.

I love my new body and hope that I'll be able to keep the thigh gap even if I gain a few pounds. All the work at the gym is starting to pay of and my butt is getting firmer for every squat. I'm down to a size 4 and can wear extra small tops, something I would never have believed possible before. Master made me give away all the clothes that are of a different size, so a lot of the things he has bought for my money the last months have been given away.

I'm also starting to get really strong. Master actually challenged me to give him a blow job while sitting against a wall with my legs at 90 degrees. It wasn't easy and at the end I think I both cheated a little and got a bit of help from him, but I made it! I was rewarded with sexy underwear, a little black dress and a date at a really fancy restaurant the same weekend.

Completely powerless
As soon as we arrived at Masters apartment he took my coat and locked the passport, credit card etc in a drawer. He took my phone and replaced the phone card with a Danish prepaid card without any money so that he could call me but I couldn't call out. This was in the first 10 minutes since I had arrived with him, I was naked in a pair of heels and he was fully clothed. At that moment I was thinking "Oh shit, I'm never getting out of here..", and I later understood that was his intention.

He walked up really really close to me and said "You know you're my whore, right?" and my voice was quivering when I answered him. He pushed me down on my knees to suck him after some more talking, and then he bent me over a counter in the kitchen. I was still horny as hell from the trip and I don't think I'll ever experience something like that again.

Afterwards he showed me the key to the drawer, put it in a bottle of water and then in the freezer so I would know where it was.

Goal for July and August - Accept Masters physical domination
This was harder than I would have expected but it's an entirely different thing to accept someone telling you what to do to yourself, than accept having them do the same things to you.

Since I was naked at all times while we were inside it would often only be a couple of seconds between the moment I realized that he was going to fuck me to the moment where I felt him inside of me. Master also did a really good job sneaking up on me, and there were times where I literary just turned around and found myself with his dick in my mouth. At other times I would be doing something completely different and all of a sudden have his fingers inside me and I would have to continue my task as he gave me an orgasm.

I haven't had any goals set for September or October (yet), if someone thinks there's anything I should work on please feel free to suggest it.


with love, ellie

[Nwbie]

That was an amazing bit of reading material, also good for you that you were able to get to goal you never thought possible :D :D :D

We are more powerful than we often think ;)

[anonymou]

I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything in such a long time, but a lot of things have happened and I must admit that I have forgotten about this blog for the last couple of months. Looking back at this blog I feel as if I'm a completely different person now than I was when I started to write it, and I really enjoy being able to look back at my own thoughts like this, therefore I thought I should revive this and update everyone about myself.

This post will be a little bit different from the others since there is so much to write, but the biggest change in my life is that I've moved in with Master. As you can imagine this change has completely restructured our entire relationship and I'll need more than one post to describe all of the changes in full, but I'll start this post with a brief description of the changes and then add more details as soon as I have time to sit down and write.

Moving in with Master
Since late August I've been visiting Master pretty much every other weekend, and every weekend over some periods. The first few trips were all very exciting and I felt really nervous as the weekends approached. I spent several hours looking at make-up vid...

(Master wants me to include that at this point he got home from the gym and required my ass for some release)

...eos on youtube and several more hours in front of a mirror trying to really nail the look I was going for. Since I was so embarassed about how nervous I was I couldn't do it at home where Master could see me, so all of this time was spent at work. Not even when I was 14 did I spend so much time applying make-up just to redo it so I could really nail that one look.

These first trips all looked pretty much the same. I took the train on Friday after work wearing nothing but high heels, stay-ups and a coat to cover myself. As soon as we got to his apartment I handed over my passport, phone, keys, wallet and coat for Master to lock away and then I was either told to get down on my knees to give him a blowjob or lean over his kitchen counter so he could fuck me. Looking back at my fantasies a year ago, and what I thought I would be capable, or willing, to do back then, I had truly become a fuckdoll in every sense of the word, at least from my perspective.

Somewhere in October the trips changed and I was told to bring a small bag with clothes and other necessities for my trips. We started to do other things together such as going out to dinner, shopping, going to the movies and so on. At this point I was no longer nervous about the trips, although I was still very excited. I would say that my submission, and trust, to him evolved a lot over this period. Even though I had done some things in public before it was a completely new experience to be told to masturbate during a fancy dinner, to give him a blowjob in the movie theatre or to change into a dress, being completely naked for a while, in an uber.

In December there was an oportunity for me to accept a new position, which was actually a big promotion, and temporarily relocate to Denmark. After a lot of discussions with Master I decided to accept the new position and move in with him full time.

Even though we had discussed this so much the first two weeks were really strange for me. As soon as I got to Master's apartment after work I assumed my role as his fuckdoll and didn't feel that I could bother him with my worries and the stress from the new job, the new environment or anything else. I felt as if he had let his submissive live in his apartment, not to let me live in it with him. Even though we had talked about my work and everyday life a lot before I felt it was more of a way for him to put me in difficult situations than something I should share with him. So even though he asked how I was doing and wanted to talk about it I felt I couldn't be honest and just brushed it off.

All of this became too much after about two weeks when I was preparing dinner Friday night. I was boiling rice to make sushi and for some reason I forgot about it and burned it so badly that the fire alarm went off in the apartment. When Master came in to see what had happened I broke down in tears, crying uncontrollably and asked him to punish me. He sat with me for quite a while as I calmed down and then we moved into the living room. We finally talked, a lot, about how I felt and he ensured me that he didn't want me to keep these things to myself, and that he really wanted me to live with him.

After that breakdown we took a complete pause from any power exchange and he did everything he could to make me feel welcome and at ease living in the apartment. It wasn't until I asked him to be his complete submissive again that we sat down and discussed how that should look like from that point on.

Since this post is very long at this point I'll wrap it up and leave the details for later. I'm now wearing a choker necklace that indicates that I'm submissive, but I can always ask Master for permission to take it off as long as I tell him why I want to do that. Once I've taken it off it's up to me when I put it on again. There are a couple of rules that I must follow regardless of if I have the necklace on or not, but the majority of rules apply only when I'm wearing the necklace.


with love, ellie

[slave552]

Wow I only found your thread just today and I can say Inlove it.
Congradyoulations for moving to your master :D

Can't wait for you to write about the promised details ;)

[[email protected]]

Are your cameras password protected?
Yes, there's an administrative password where Master can change the angle, zoom and so on. And then there's a normal account where it's only possible to view the camera. The normal account is nothing we've used, but Master thought it was a really nice feature and would eventually want to invite others to watch me as well.

Can you access the cameras from the web or a mobile?
They are accessible both from the web and as an app but I can't tell you much about these since I haven't used them myself.

What's your experience so far? Are you always aware of them or do you forget about them from time to time?
The first few hours after they were connected I was really self aware and felt very uncomfortable. I couldn't keep myself from looking at the cameras all the time and kind of wanted to hide. We didn't put up a camera in the bathroom at first, so when I was in there I stayed a little longer than I needed to and "braced myself" to go out into the room again. I honestly can't say I did anything while I was at home beside being aware of the cameras.

The day when I put them up, and day after that was the worse. On the third day I was still very aware of them but I didn't resist them so to speak. Though since I was very aware of them I constantly thought about all my rules, my posture, what I did and how I did it. When I sat down to read a book I made sure to sit up straight and push my chest out for example, which was nothing I usually did when I was alone. After the first week or so I didn't really think about the cameras anymore. It was at that time Master started to notice how badly I was following my rules when he wasn't around as well, so that came with quite a lot of punishments and training to correct my behavior.

Now that it's been almost two months since the cameras went up I don't think about them at all. My behavior is a lot better and the rules Master has set for me has become a lot more like actual rules than before. Even though this can be extremely frustrating at times it is a huge step towards a real life relationship, which I really love.

Its against the rules to ask for money. We will not pay to see you on camera.

[sir sam]

This is amazing....
I really think making a book out of this would make sense.
I thank you for sharing.

It is so... at the edge....
so... beautifull
so... real

[anonymou]

Hello!

So I'll continue where I ended my previous post and write a bit more about our new arrangement and then answer some comments.

First of all, I'm now Master's girlfriend even though I'm still his submissive. Though this might not seem like such an important categorization and something that had been implied before, it was a very important moment for me when he actually said that he viewed our relationship as such. In our everyday life this doesn't really change anything, but it feels really good to know that his feelings for me does not depend on my performance as his submissive.

The most significant change is that I can now temporarily decide to step out of my role as his submissive by asking him to take the necklace off. There are however some rules, or guidelines, that we've come up with together for this. These guidelines are not really formalized or written down, but I'll summarize our agreement below.

- Master cannot deny my request to take the necklace off, but I must always explain why I want to take it off and it should never be for an insignificant reason. This means that I shouldn't ask to take it off just because I'm tierd or because there's a show on TV I want to watch, but I should ask to take it off if I feel really stressed about work or there is something serious I want to discuss.
- I should not ask Master to remove the necklace in the middle of something, whether that is during a task I've been given, during sex or a punishment.
- Whenever we have removed the necklace it stays off until we both agree to put it on again. However, we will never put it back on the same night as we took it off, but unless there's a specific reason it should be put back on again after work the following day.
- When the necklace is off there's a very limited power exchange, and I don't have to follow many rules. Since some things are hard to revert so quickly my access to money, social media and phone are still in his control, and I still have to follow rules regarding health, eating, fitness, hygiene and birth control, lastly I still always have to be reachable.

The necklace itself is a small chain in silver put together by links and is about a millimeter wide. The trinket is about a centimeter and shaped like a heart with "slave" engraved on the back of it so that it's against my skin and not visible. It's an actual lock with a really tiny key that I'm still a bit afraid that Master will lose somewhere. It fits around my neck with just enough space for me to get one of my little fingers between my neck and the necklace.

I knew that we would buy a necklace for me to wear when Master ordered it, but I had no idea what kind of necklace it would be and when it was delivered I was a little hesitant. My first reaction was that such a tight necklace would draw a lot more attention, and if anyone wanted to look at it I would be unable to take it off, and if they were to look at it they would see the engraving on the back of it. When I first wore it in public I was a little nervous, but it was such an exciting feeling at the same time.

So far I've only requested to take the necklace off four times, the reasons have varied and I wont go into detail about it.

This is really a side-note but I thought it could be interesting to share. I was a bit worried the first time we were going to meet my family and at first I wanted to take the necklace off, but after we discussed it I decided to leave it on which resulted in a very interesting dinner. When we had taken our coats on and were about to leave for the restaurant Master told me to get down on my knees and give him a blowjob, and said that the moment he had cum we would leave so I better not get anything get outside of my mouth. While I was doing my best not to mess up my make-up he gave me a task that I had to complete during the evening. I was only allowed to use the toilet once, and when I went to the toilet I had to take out my buttplug and then hold it or keep it between my thighs or knees. If I went before the starters I had to drink two liters of water before I came back, if I went before the main course I had to insert a vibrating egg for the rest of the evening and if I went before the dessert I would have to pull up my dress and sit on my butt for the rest of the evening.

I really can't do two things at once and couldn't figure out which option was the least horrible as I blew him, but I managed to swallow everything and when we got into the elevator I could see that I didn't smear any make-up either. The moment the elevator doors closed behind us he said that I could either cum before we got to the restaurant, or that I would have to cum while sitting at the table. The car ride was long enough so that it wasn't a problem, but Master kept teasing me and wouldn't give me permission until we could see the restaurant. Needless to say I didn't have the focus to think about my options during the ride.

When we sat down and got our menus I just couldn't imagine sitting there with a vibrator, and much less sitting on my naked butt since that would be visible to half the restaurant. So I chose the first option and excused myself immediately after ordering. The next three and a half hours were extremely challanging, it was so hard to focus on the conversation and I had to take my hand down under the table every 15 minutes or so to rest my legs from clenching the plug, but I made it without dropping it.

We will not pay to see you on camera
I'm terribly sorry if I gave that impression Sir. The cameras I've mentioned was only for Master to see me in my own apartment and never for someone to pay to view them. There was a few people other than my Master that had access to them for a short while, but neither these people were paying for the access.

Your master should just tied you up and fuck your ass until you don't cry anymore
Thank you for your comment Sir. I have forwarded it to my Master and while he doesn't agree with your assessment of that specific situation, he wants me to assure you that he regularly uses all of my holes and often keep me tied down while doing so.

Are you a domestic slave also?
Yes I am, I do all of the cleaning, laundry, groceries, dishes and often cook.

You have small tits you should operate them
Thank you for your suggestion Sir, you are right that I do have quite small tits. However, Master prefers my breast the way they are right now.

What is the worse and best thing living with your Master?
That's a tough question.. The worse thing is probably that I don't like the thought of pee very much, but Master enjoys having me suck him clean after he's been on the toilet. The best thing is definitely the possibilities when you can be physical. It would be too easy to say the sex, so I'm going to say (some of) the punishments. If I've been grocery shopping for example and forgot an item he mentioned (because of course I'm not allowed to write it down), being spanked, fucked and sent back to the store with cum running down my leg is an extremely frustrating, humiliating, and wonderful feeling.


with love, ellie

[little pet]

Thank you for this wonderful blog. I read your last two entries in one breath.
I can imagining you having to adjust to a life together, especially when there's a power Exchange between you two. I think you're very brave and I admire that.
Also, your blog is very arousing to read. The neklace is hot!

[slave552]

Please keep us informed I also admire you for your braveness to let somebody you met on the knternet controll you in that way... and congradulations that you are now officiolly his girlfriend.

So how is your live going?

Would he just in a sexual game swap roles with you or will this never happen?

[MasterDaddy02]

very interested from the stand point of how he shape you to fit his needs first. And he had that all along in his mind. Is that a good thing? Something to think about. What are you going to do, when he is done with you? Afterall, it will happened and it will take place. Then what will you do? Something to stop and think about!

[anonymou]

So it's been almost two years since my last post here. I'm not sure but right now I think this will be a pretty long post, since I feel like I need an ending to chapter of my life.

Since January or November I'm no longer together with my Master, depending on when you would really say that it ended. I still lived with him until January 9th, but I'm pretty sure it was over before that. Now I live in a small apartment outside of town and honestly feel pretty lost. Not really sure if this will make a lot of sense to most of you, but I'll try to include the things that feels important to me to describe the last years.

I was working as a regional manager but I quit that job because the hours and responsibilities didn't work out with Masters. The event that caused it was that I was really late home one night when Master had been on a business trip, and he had been waiting for me for hours. We talked about it a lot that night after my punishment and he finally agreed that I could get another job, but that I would quit the one I had.

I got a job at a small café as a manager instead. Master was really happy about this controlled a lot of what I did there. The only thing I got to wear to work were skirts and small tops. It really wasn't appropriate, but I got away with it even though I knew (and heard) everyone talk about it. I changed the dresscode so all waitresses had to wear skirts as well on his demand.

This summer however Master wasn't happy with me being there anymore. He told me that a friend of his was looking for people to a hotel in town. I didn't really question it since I didn't really have any friends or even close colleagues at the café. So I quit and started to work as a receptionist instead, which I still do.

During these two years I've gotten two tattoos as well. One on my wrist that is a pair of hand-cuffs with small hearts around them. The other one is under my left breast and says "In submission I'm free" in Danish.

Spring last year we started to visit a new club here every once in a while. Dresscode differed, but the first time Master told me I had to go there naked in a leash I felt so small. I wasn't the only one though and it was quite thrilling. The thing I remember most though was that we sat down with another couple, the girl was pretty large and had a pig nose on her face. Master and the other guy talked about us as if we weren't there, and hearing them exchange stories while I sat there in silence was easily the most humiliating thing I have ever experienced.

We started to go there a lot and it's strange how quickly I got accustomed to all of it. We got to know a few people there and one couple in their mid fourties especially well. The wife was the first woman I ever had sex with. It was at a dinner at their place. We had talked about that it was going to happen before and it wasn't that nervous of an experience that I had imagined. I was used to being naked in front of them and Master and her husband just sat there and watched.

Two times I was traded for someone else, both of these happened this autum. We had talked about this as well but I didn't know it was going to happen the first time it did. It was with a couple we knew fairly well. Master took me to the side and explained that I would be staying with the other guy and that Master would go home to our place with his girlfriend. After about 10 minutes I agreed to it but I was nervous as hell. I was wearing a mini skirt and heels. After Master had left the other guy sat down and we talked for an hour before he said it was time to leave. The morning after he wrote something on my ass before he gave me a drive home. As soon as he had left with his girlfriend Master wanted to see what he had written, but he never told me.

The second time I was just as nervous, and the guy I was with was also pretty nervous it seemed. He wasn't as calm and didn't talk much before we left. It wasn't the best experience, and I was really happy when Master came to pick me up.

Start of autumn we met a girl there who didn't have a Master, but was submissive and very into everything we did. We talked a lot and the two of us also met eachother outside of the club alone some times. One time we were going there Master told me that he wanted to ask her to come home with us. After that she spent several evenings and nights at our place and it was pretty fun to have another slave for me too. I felt almost like a big sister that could take care of her, especially when Master told us to do something she thought was embarassing. I don't really know when it happened, but after a while she was Masters slave as well. We started to go to the club all three of us and often wore matching outfits.

Small things started to change, and eventually Master told me that he wanted to focus on training her more. He said that he wanted me to help but that I couldn't be part of all of it. I was often told to stay late or do something else for a couple of hours before I got home. There were a lot of things, but finally I asked if he was still interested in me at all, and he said that he had lost a lot of interest. For a week I didn't know what to do and felt sick about everything. I told him that it was over, and honestly I hoped that he would argue with me, but he just said that I probably were right.

I slept on the couch the last few weeks when I was looking for an apartment. The stupidest thing of all is that two nights before I was going to move out she asked me to give Master a last present and let him fuck us both again, and I agreed.

[shadew21]

Wow that really sucks. He should have kept both of you two and used both of you equally. Or the way I plan on doing it if ever get a second slave is always to keep the one I had first my primary always getting the attention she deserves but also being open letting know the second before they join that is what will happen so no confusion happens. After I would give them each a different purpose like my current is more of an abdl and what I would be looking for the second would be a masochist who would be like a personal slut. Then the two would mix like I would take care of the second sub with TLC in their own way and the abdl primary one with slutty slavery also. They would most likely be slaves together and be taken care of together. Again the only difference is if one has to be babies over the other the understanding would be the primary one first. However that doesn't mean the other wouldn't be treated as well. That's how it should have been taken, where he took care of you first and made sure she knew you were his primary. Then she was treated and used once he knew you were secure since you were with him for such a time and made him a master to begin with. You have to respect your origins bit discard them. Hopefully you find someone though that can give that back to you and you can create another journal.

[fieldman]

If you went from a good job as a regional manager to a receptionist in a small town purely because of him, that sounds abusive to me. But it's your life and your choice.

[Master_of_humiliate]

A realy great thread.
Very intresting :-)
But i am sorry for you :-(

[Dom6BDSM]

Interested read from start to finish. Or is it the end ?

It might not have to be that.

Good luck in your search for a new job.