LilAngel
05-27-2009, 02:13 AM
First of all, I would like to say that as much as I (and many other people) want, the below is just the norm. There will always, like anything else, be people that disrespect the boundaries and the flow of ‘different’ lifestyles, so please, ONLY USE THIS AS A GUIDE. There are bad people out there. There are re also new folks that want to learn. Remember: Play safe.
(Specific genders can be adjusted. They have been used for easier understanding.)
MISCONCEPTION #1
“BDSM is all about violence and pain...”
A scene/ session can be easily adjusted to become a non-pain session. Water play, pet play, bondage, public scenes, or just hardcore top/bottom fucking are equally as BDSM-oriented if you want it to be. Many dominants claim to enjoy the submissive’s ‘humiliation’ far greater than the tears of pain. This common misconception can also lead to those in the vanilla lifestyle feeling disgusted, frightened, or simply disturbed, by the idea of such physical damage to your body.
MISCONCEPTION #2
“You must call her Mistress because she is a dominant...”
First of all... no, No, NO! I can’t believe how many times I see ads with people calling others ‘Mistress’. She is NOT your Mistress until she says so, and you are NOT her slave until she accepts you. As I’ve said on another one of my threads, there are other ways of addressing someone respectfully. It doesn’t make you any less submissive by doing so.
MISCONCEPTION #3
“BDSM is just a game...”
For beginners or a few other active lifestyle ‘players’, this might be true. Perhaps a few of you out there might even be a couple, occasionally using BDSM or D/s as a sex game. For many others, this is a lifestyle; in other words, a way of life. Whether you choose to have occasional sessions/scenes, or to live it as a lifestyle, is the choice of the dominant and submissive. An agreement should be made in the beginning, and moulded later on according to the needs of both sides.
MISCONCEPTION #4
“Those you call “Master” are actually evil and heartless sadists...”
The fact is that this thought is simply no where even near the truth, yet it is the largest perceived notion about the community from those that seem to be out to get people that are part of the BDSM community. Contrary to very popular beliefs, ‘tops’ actually cares about the submissive. The dominant would 99.5% of the time care about the submissive’s health and wellness.
MISCONCEPTION #5
“BDSM is all about forcing you to do things you don’t want...”
This misconception is actually somewhat, unlike the ones above; But... ‘forcing’ isn’t exactly the right word to use. Many dominants believe that their main job is to teach the submissive, and to push them out of their comfort zones, either emotionally, or physically. This may include extended bondage sessions, heavy pain, or perhaps even having sex with the same gender for some. This will be further explained below.
MISCONCEPTION #6
“You are a slave/submissive, therefore you must obey me...”
Believe it or not, the submissive might have more power than the dominant. Even in the stricter lifestyle of Gorean, there would be choice in the initial agreement. Never accept anyone who says that you ‘must obey them’. BDSM and Gor are all about choice. There is no forced slavery or submission on anyone. Blackmail is VERY DIFFERENT to these two lifestyles.
MISCONCEPTION #7
“BDSM and Gor are sex based lifestyles...”
In reality, most people in the lifestyle would agree that sex is not the point of the lifestyle. Some dominants use it as a source of punishment or reward. BDSM, a majority of the time deals with mental and emotional aspects, more so than physical. However, there are quite a lot of physical things used to trigger emotions.
MISCONCEPTION #8
“Mistresses and Masters are just screaming and yelling bitches...”
Believe it or not, to most submissives, ‘the look’ would be enough to trigger a reaction from the submissive. Speech is ‘assumed’ but not ‘necessary’ or ‘essential’. For example, if a switch was to dominate a submissive while spontaneously submitting to a dominant themselves, he/she might be gagged, in which case, he/she might have to use other means to indicate how you may serve them.
Remember: Always MAKE SURE you know what you’re saying. Never accept ANYTHING while drunk, and never play if you have had alcohol, any medication, or are on drugs. These things can affect the way you think, and the way your body responds to pain. If you ever are in doubt with anything, or are having trouble with something, tell your dominant. Your safety is ALWAYS FIRST. Pleasing is second.
(Specific genders can be adjusted. They have been used for easier understanding.)
MISCONCEPTION #1
“BDSM is all about violence and pain...”
A scene/ session can be easily adjusted to become a non-pain session. Water play, pet play, bondage, public scenes, or just hardcore top/bottom fucking are equally as BDSM-oriented if you want it to be. Many dominants claim to enjoy the submissive’s ‘humiliation’ far greater than the tears of pain. This common misconception can also lead to those in the vanilla lifestyle feeling disgusted, frightened, or simply disturbed, by the idea of such physical damage to your body.
MISCONCEPTION #2
“You must call her Mistress because she is a dominant...”
First of all... no, No, NO! I can’t believe how many times I see ads with people calling others ‘Mistress’. She is NOT your Mistress until she says so, and you are NOT her slave until she accepts you. As I’ve said on another one of my threads, there are other ways of addressing someone respectfully. It doesn’t make you any less submissive by doing so.
MISCONCEPTION #3
“BDSM is just a game...”
For beginners or a few other active lifestyle ‘players’, this might be true. Perhaps a few of you out there might even be a couple, occasionally using BDSM or D/s as a sex game. For many others, this is a lifestyle; in other words, a way of life. Whether you choose to have occasional sessions/scenes, or to live it as a lifestyle, is the choice of the dominant and submissive. An agreement should be made in the beginning, and moulded later on according to the needs of both sides.
MISCONCEPTION #4
“Those you call “Master” are actually evil and heartless sadists...”
The fact is that this thought is simply no where even near the truth, yet it is the largest perceived notion about the community from those that seem to be out to get people that are part of the BDSM community. Contrary to very popular beliefs, ‘tops’ actually cares about the submissive. The dominant would 99.5% of the time care about the submissive’s health and wellness.
MISCONCEPTION #5
“BDSM is all about forcing you to do things you don’t want...”
This misconception is actually somewhat, unlike the ones above; But... ‘forcing’ isn’t exactly the right word to use. Many dominants believe that their main job is to teach the submissive, and to push them out of their comfort zones, either emotionally, or physically. This may include extended bondage sessions, heavy pain, or perhaps even having sex with the same gender for some. This will be further explained below.
MISCONCEPTION #6
“You are a slave/submissive, therefore you must obey me...”
Believe it or not, the submissive might have more power than the dominant. Even in the stricter lifestyle of Gorean, there would be choice in the initial agreement. Never accept anyone who says that you ‘must obey them’. BDSM and Gor are all about choice. There is no forced slavery or submission on anyone. Blackmail is VERY DIFFERENT to these two lifestyles.
MISCONCEPTION #7
“BDSM and Gor are sex based lifestyles...”
In reality, most people in the lifestyle would agree that sex is not the point of the lifestyle. Some dominants use it as a source of punishment or reward. BDSM, a majority of the time deals with mental and emotional aspects, more so than physical. However, there are quite a lot of physical things used to trigger emotions.
MISCONCEPTION #8
“Mistresses and Masters are just screaming and yelling bitches...”
Believe it or not, to most submissives, ‘the look’ would be enough to trigger a reaction from the submissive. Speech is ‘assumed’ but not ‘necessary’ or ‘essential’. For example, if a switch was to dominate a submissive while spontaneously submitting to a dominant themselves, he/she might be gagged, in which case, he/she might have to use other means to indicate how you may serve them.
Remember: Always MAKE SURE you know what you’re saying. Never accept ANYTHING while drunk, and never play if you have had alcohol, any medication, or are on drugs. These things can affect the way you think, and the way your body responds to pain. If you ever are in doubt with anything, or are having trouble with something, tell your dominant. Your safety is ALWAYS FIRST. Pleasing is second.