LilAngel
04-15-2009, 11:25 PM
THIS POST CONTAINS VERY OBJECTIVE POINTS OF VIEWS. IF YOU CANNOT TOLERATE HIGHLY DEBATABLE AND OPINIONATED SUBJECTS, PLEASE LEAVE NOW.
Introduction
A safe word can be just about any word, but it can't be something that is commonly used during play or it will cause confusion. It has to be agreed upon prior to the start of any scene and both parties need to understand that using the safe word is the only thing a submissive can do to stop the scene. It is common for a submissive to protest during a scene even when they want to continue, so having a keyword guarantees that all the involved parties are fulfilled by the scene without it going too far.
Types of Safe Words
Stoplight Safe Word Mechanism: This is the most common form of safe wording, and is recognised universally in the BDSM world.
‘Green Light’ or just ‘Green’ means ‘you can start again’ or ‘I am ready’. The dominant would usually commence the scene, or continue a scene, when this is spoken.
‘Yellow Light’ or just ‘Yellow’ means ‘too fast or too intense’ or ‘there is a problem’. The dominant would usually temporarily stop, and ask the submissive for the problem.
‘Red Light’ or just ‘Red’ means ‘stop the scene’. The dominant would stop the scene as soon as possible and usually give the submissive a chance to recover.
On request:
In some occasions, the top would ask the bottom ‘for the color’.
Safety Word:
Safety words, in comparison to a safe word; is a word used to say 'I am injured' or 'I feel sick' so this is rather more of a physical limit, but goes beyond it. Most submissives with a safety word use it very rarely, and only if something is semi- serious, such as a torn muscle, signs of being ill, dizziness etc.
Non Verbal Safe Word:
In other circumstances the safe word may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is bound and gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or opening and closing both hands repeatedly or making three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene.
Safe Word for the Top:
It is a common misconception that safe word is only for the bottom's physical and emotional safety. It is in fact important that it can be used by all participants in a scene.
For example a common practices in BDSM involves a bottom misbehaving intentionally to indicate the desire for harsher treatment. Sometimes a top will need to safe word the scene to let them know they have gone too far for them.
Picking a Safe Word:
Don’t choose:
- Homonyms (may create momentary confusion)
- Everyday words (you never know when you might accidentally mumble it)
- Cognitive dissonance (“More, More, Harder, Harder,” “Green Light,” or “Yes! Yes! Yes!” can be problematic)
- Multi-syllabic, sesquipedalian words (It’s showing off, and trust me. Nobody likes a smart ass sub.)
- Numbers (same reason as above)
- Dramatic and emphatic, exclamations (“Ouch,” “Damn, that hurts,” and “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” can be misunderstood.)
- “Fuck You, Master” is a Safe Word probably best left to the very experienced, hard core players.
Dangers of having a Safe Word:
A submissive attaches or bonds to their chosen Dominant they begin to desire 'not to fail' their Dominant. They want to 'please' their Dominant. In the process of this their desire to use the safe word decreases to the point of utter refusal.
The Dominant may or may not realize this. As the submissive ages they become more dangerous for the Dominant to scene with. The deeper into space that the submissive can go, the higher the level of physical intensity they are able to endure, the more euphoric they become (the more irrational). The Dominant who has come to rely on the 'safe word' as the final stop can, may and will exceed that submissive’s limits. A Dominant can also get euphoric 'in scene', for some this is called a 'blood rush', 'going blind', or even Dom space.
I WAS A DOUCHEBAG SO THIS PART IS POOFED!!
Yes I'm serious. 6 months later, I just think, wtf?!
Introduction
A safe word can be just about any word, but it can't be something that is commonly used during play or it will cause confusion. It has to be agreed upon prior to the start of any scene and both parties need to understand that using the safe word is the only thing a submissive can do to stop the scene. It is common for a submissive to protest during a scene even when they want to continue, so having a keyword guarantees that all the involved parties are fulfilled by the scene without it going too far.
Types of Safe Words
Stoplight Safe Word Mechanism: This is the most common form of safe wording, and is recognised universally in the BDSM world.
‘Green Light’ or just ‘Green’ means ‘you can start again’ or ‘I am ready’. The dominant would usually commence the scene, or continue a scene, when this is spoken.
‘Yellow Light’ or just ‘Yellow’ means ‘too fast or too intense’ or ‘there is a problem’. The dominant would usually temporarily stop, and ask the submissive for the problem.
‘Red Light’ or just ‘Red’ means ‘stop the scene’. The dominant would stop the scene as soon as possible and usually give the submissive a chance to recover.
On request:
In some occasions, the top would ask the bottom ‘for the color’.
Safety Word:
Safety words, in comparison to a safe word; is a word used to say 'I am injured' or 'I feel sick' so this is rather more of a physical limit, but goes beyond it. Most submissives with a safety word use it very rarely, and only if something is semi- serious, such as a torn muscle, signs of being ill, dizziness etc.
Non Verbal Safe Word:
In other circumstances the safe word may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is bound and gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or opening and closing both hands repeatedly or making three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene.
Safe Word for the Top:
It is a common misconception that safe word is only for the bottom's physical and emotional safety. It is in fact important that it can be used by all participants in a scene.
For example a common practices in BDSM involves a bottom misbehaving intentionally to indicate the desire for harsher treatment. Sometimes a top will need to safe word the scene to let them know they have gone too far for them.
Picking a Safe Word:
Don’t choose:
- Homonyms (may create momentary confusion)
- Everyday words (you never know when you might accidentally mumble it)
- Cognitive dissonance (“More, More, Harder, Harder,” “Green Light,” or “Yes! Yes! Yes!” can be problematic)
- Multi-syllabic, sesquipedalian words (It’s showing off, and trust me. Nobody likes a smart ass sub.)
- Numbers (same reason as above)
- Dramatic and emphatic, exclamations (“Ouch,” “Damn, that hurts,” and “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” can be misunderstood.)
- “Fuck You, Master” is a Safe Word probably best left to the very experienced, hard core players.
Dangers of having a Safe Word:
A submissive attaches or bonds to their chosen Dominant they begin to desire 'not to fail' their Dominant. They want to 'please' their Dominant. In the process of this their desire to use the safe word decreases to the point of utter refusal.
The Dominant may or may not realize this. As the submissive ages they become more dangerous for the Dominant to scene with. The deeper into space that the submissive can go, the higher the level of physical intensity they are able to endure, the more euphoric they become (the more irrational). The Dominant who has come to rely on the 'safe word' as the final stop can, may and will exceed that submissive’s limits. A Dominant can also get euphoric 'in scene', for some this is called a 'blood rush', 'going blind', or even Dom space.
I WAS A DOUCHEBAG SO THIS PART IS POOFED!!
Yes I'm serious. 6 months later, I just think, wtf?!