Discussion: Belittlement

[Zeromus]

As a Slave/Master/Switch (please state what your position is when you post), Do you believe belittling talk plays a key role in a relationship, and if so why?

Speaking personally, I only see it as a kink, perhaps having to do with my upbringing, which was rather insult-laden.

[Komodo Jones]

As a master I do use belittlement sometimes but not very often. I think it kind of depends on what type of s/m relationship you have. If you see your slave as mainly an object for your own pleasure, I think belittlement probably does. In my case though where I view my slave as an object and a person I find that the term slave works just fine.

[Zeromus]

Well put, and you bring up some great points.
This isn't saying that there IS a right/wrong way, but rather what is your reasoning and why.
Great job!

[Master_Emanon]

this is my reply, i copied it from the same post in kinktalk....

I am a Master, and i must say that it actually depends, since some slaves and subs are deeply turned on by humiliation and degradation, though many are not and have that as limits, but some either have no opinion on it, or like the idea of being humiliated and degraded.

As a lifestyle Master, i often use belittlement in my speaking to slaves whence in training (which is a constant thing) can be something as little as calling them slut or whore, whence they continuously mess up or when they are bound and gagged for my amusement in the "play room".

So it depends on what the limits of the slave/sub is and if the Master or Mistress is into humiliation or degradation

As well as if it is a "relationship" such as they are not only Master and slave but are significant others, or it is simply a D/s "relationship" where he is simply her Master not her significant other, i pointed these out because in "relationships" where they are each others significant other it tends to be a compassionate mind between the two of them

[Anjelen]

As a humilliator /dominant with no small measure of experience i believe there's a time and place for everything.

Funny as this may sound - i have nothing but the utmost respect for those who choose, and choose genuinely to submit themselves.

In fact i have met the most wonderful submissive through this forum.

I am, however, a humilliator first, a dominant second. This does not mean i will spend the entire day humilliating those who submit themselves to me - this -does- however mean that those who submit themselves to me should be prepared to face belittlement and humilliation as a means of enhancing an ongoing 'scene' no matter much how i dislike the word 'scene' as such.

Yes, i am a lifestyle Dom. No, i don't believe in scenes as such - i am very much 24/7 FPE oriented, where possible.
But no, this does not mean i will humilliate, or belittle, without a reason.
I show my submissives the respect they deserve, when they deserve it - until i feel that humilliating them will heighten the pleasure both of us receive from an ongoing situation.

As i told my puppy this morning - "I love you dearly, but right now you're nothing but three holes for me to fuck."
She gasped - it jolted her, in a good way.
That's what i do it all for. :)

[sexygingerslave]

I am a sub. I am actually Anjelen's sub, and I think that humiliation is a huge part of a D/s relationship. I know that Anjelen loves and cares about me, but I absolutely adore the delicious feeling when He uses humiliation to finish me...

BUTI also think that even though humiliation is a huge part of our relationship,
Each person is different and needs to deecide for themselves what is importdand in a D/s relationship.
I know that without it, ther is no way I would be as interested, or pleasured, by the "service/activity/use" (whatever you want to call it.)



Outside of "use" he treats me with great respect and devotion,
but like he says, when it would be an improvement on the situation, Anything and everything goes.



And i absolutely loved what he said this morning. *shiver

-Anjelen's slave called puppy

[Zeromus]

As a humilliator /dominant with no small measure of experience i believe there's a time and place for everything.

Funny as this may sound - i have nothing but the utmost respect for those who choose, and choose genuinely to submit themselves.

In fact i have met the most wonderful submissive through this forum.

I am, however, a humilliator first, a dominant second. This does not mean i will spend the entire day humilliating those who submit themselves to me - this -does- however mean that those who submit themselves to me should be prepared to face belittlement and humilliation as a means of enhancing an ongoing 'scene' no matter much how i dislike the word 'scene' as such.

Yes, i am a lifestyle Dom. No, i don't believe in scenes as such - i am very much 24/7 FPE oriented, where possible.
But no, this does not mean i will humilliate, or belittle, without a reason.
I show my submissives the respect they deserve, when they deserve it - until i feel that humilliating them will heighten the pleasure both of us receive from an ongoing situation.

As i told my puppy this morning - "I love you dearly, but right now you're nothing but three holes for me to fuck."
She gasped - it jolted her, in a good way.
That's what i do it all for. :)

I am a sub. I am actually Anjelen's sub, and I think that humiliation is a huge part of a D/s relationship. I know that Anjelen loves and cares about me, but I absolutely adore the delicious feeling when He uses humiliation to finish me...

BUTI also think that even though humiliation is a huge part of our relationship,
Each person is different and needs to deecide for themselves what is importdand in a D/s relationship.
I know that without it, ther is no way I would be as interested, or pleasured, by the "service/activity/use" (whatever you want to call it.)



Outside of "use" he treats me with great respect and devotion,
but like he says, when it would be an improvement on the situation, Anything and everything goes.



And i absolutely loved what he said this morning. *shiver

-Anjelen's slave called puppy

This too is an excellent answer, as with it, both sides are covered. Thank you for the contribution!

@Emanon, I posted this here and there so that I might compare the answers between the two :)

[SubMissChievous]

As a Slave/Master/Switch (please state what your position is when you post), Do you believe belittling talk plays a key role in a relationship, and if so why?

Speaking personally, I only see it as a kink, perhaps having to do with my upbringing, which was rather insult-laden.

*states position* I’m a slave :p

I think it’s very hard to define the role humiliation and/or degradation, be it verbal or otherwise, plays in a relationship. Because since this is a more psychological and subtle aspect of D/s, perceptions are different for everyone. What is totally unacceptable for one person can be tremendously appealing to another. So one exact same word or phrase or context will trigger very different reactions and emotions. Even for people who say they love humiliation and/or degradation: everyone will at some point find a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Personally, as much as I like cute terms of endearment like slut, fucktoy, etc. I draw the line at belittlement which I consider to be different than “innocent” name-calling. For ex., I would not tolerate terms like useless, worthless or direct insults like stupid, dumb, etc. This is where, for me, it’s no longer a kink and it becomes an attack to my self-esteem. But yet again, like I said, it’s really a matter of perceptions. Words don’t have the same effect from one to another :)

So for me, yes, verbal humiliation has a role, although not necessarily a major one. It’s more like an enhancement tool. And belittlement has no role at all.

As i told my puppy this morning - "I love you dearly, but right now you're nothing but three holes for me to fuck."
She gasped - it jolted her, in a good way.

And i absolutely loved what he said this morning. *shiver

Aaawwww you guys are so cute! :D :p

[Zeromus]

*states position* I’m a slave :p



I draw the line at belittlement which I consider to be different than “innocent” name-calling. For ex., I would not tolerate terms like useless, worthless or direct insults like stupid, dumb, etc. This is where, for me, it’s no longer a kink and it becomes an attack to my self-esteem.

And belittlement has no role at all.



Another good point, that of the difference between belittlement and (playful) verbal degradation.

[Anjelen]

@Chloe - thank you for your compliment!

It's been a few days since i had any time at all to post - but Chloe brings up an excellent point.
While i know that there are those dom(me)s who consider 'me, me, me' a valid dynamic for their interaction with their slave - and don't get me wrong, i know fully well there are those submissives who want nothing more than to serve at the expense of not getting 'off' themselves - i personally feel that the D/s dynamic should be equally pleasurable for all involved.
I consider orgasm denial a punishment - and one that i'm not quick to dole out at that!

That said - i also feel that any dominant should be adaptable to their subs needs, desires, and do-not-wants. Puppy for instance loves when i belittle her - so i do. Nothing pleases me more than to see the jolts running up her spine when i 'mis'treat and 'ab'use her;
I also know that this isn't for everyone. This is why the first thing i ask of potential slaves are their limits - and then some. I sit them down to figure them out - and this figuring out is a neverending process.

What i'm trying to say is- belittlement is fine, and may even be fine to you, Chloe, if in the right situation and context - but one should never, ever, take their subs for granted... ^_^

[Zeromus]

That is -VERY- well put.