naughtylittlegirl
10-07-2014, 05:28 PM
Chapter 4: We Explored The Thought Behind The Kink
Wardell and I both discussed how we got started in D/s, which provided much insight into who we were - origins, as any Marvel and DC Comics fan will know, are important. In regard to our overall tendencies toward domination and submission, as well as certain individual kinks, we explained specifically what we liked about it and why (where that could be identified at least – sometimes kinks are like food: apart from some acquired tastes, you do not choose what tastes good; it just tastes good).
This brought to light some important nuances that would have been lacking in a simple exchange of lists, and is an on-going process. For instance, I like feeling his hand around my throat because it makes me feel so wonderfully dominated, controlled, physically overpowered even, but I absolutely do not like the idea of being choked. That's little detail is kind of crucial if one wants the session to go well.
Gaining insights into my Dom’s preferences have been similarly helpful to me – I can understand why he does certain things in sessions, making me more eager to follow his lead, and allows me to focus on certain things in reports and such. It isn't that Wardell has to explain his every command during a session (that would be awkward); but we discuss things afterwards and sort out the things that make me hesitate or that confuse me because I have no reference point. In short, I can please my Dom better when I know is intention in certain areas and particularly when I know what makes him tick.
FYI, this is also an important prerequisite if one plans on teasing one’s dom at any point…
We explored the underlying concepts of D/s relationships, and I was pleasantly surprised with the extent to which our thinking matched. Wardell stressed that he believed D/s relationships (all relationships, really) ought to be based on mutual respect, and that while he was the Dom and I would be expected to submit to him in sessions, etc. (which still makes me all tingly at the mere thought), we were/are equals. I loved this and absorbed every word like a sponge. This was not a mentality I had often encountered with other doms - to be honest, I was quite relieved, and with that comfort I felt more free to indulge in the exhilaration of it all.
In turn, I explained that I saw my submission as a conscious decision not only to obey in each and every word and action but also to give up control to the dom. Again we were in clear agreement. Please understand: I wasn’t dragging my heels and making Wardell jump through hoops to earn my trust; I wanted to be certain that I genuinely choseto be his, and that I could maintain that choice for a very long time.
I still had some fairly fresh impressions from my first attempt at formal submission that hadn’t gone so well, and I was…cautious. The dom to whom I’d submitted had not thought it overly necessary to discuss such things with me, but had (from my perspective) dumped several rules on me with no notice, little to no context regarding my life, and not a lot of discernible regard for my inexperience and corresponding concerns. It didn’t just spook me, it terrified me. I didn’t realize until too late that there was a lot of ground we should have covered first.
My conversations with Wardell thus often (pleasantly) surprised me, because I was frequently encouraged to speak freely about anything, so long as I was respectful, and I had his complete support in taking things slow, discussing my feelings, and even putting things on hold if necessary until I was ready to continue. I didn’t have to guess if it was okay for a sub to ask a dom about a certain subject, or if I was allowed to ask questions (yeah, I was pretty green). If I wasn’t 100% comfortable with something Wardell wanted, we could discuss it until I was, or it would be set aside. If I was having difficulty seeing the point in something, Wardell would tell me (in the most deliciously explicit detail) so I could understand and submit better (which is what I always want to be doing). I could just breathe and be with Wardell, an experience that was truly unparalleled.
And when it came to reports in particular (as well as any other form of discussion) Wardell repeatedly emphasized that he desired as much insight into me as possible. He was even pleased with me when I would say I wasn’t comfortable with certain things (which blew my mind). While I am now at a point where I believe this is the ideal for D/s relationships, I am no less grateful and in awe of the freedom with which I can give myself to my Dom.
Wardell and I both discussed how we got started in D/s, which provided much insight into who we were - origins, as any Marvel and DC Comics fan will know, are important. In regard to our overall tendencies toward domination and submission, as well as certain individual kinks, we explained specifically what we liked about it and why (where that could be identified at least – sometimes kinks are like food: apart from some acquired tastes, you do not choose what tastes good; it just tastes good).
This brought to light some important nuances that would have been lacking in a simple exchange of lists, and is an on-going process. For instance, I like feeling his hand around my throat because it makes me feel so wonderfully dominated, controlled, physically overpowered even, but I absolutely do not like the idea of being choked. That's little detail is kind of crucial if one wants the session to go well.
Gaining insights into my Dom’s preferences have been similarly helpful to me – I can understand why he does certain things in sessions, making me more eager to follow his lead, and allows me to focus on certain things in reports and such. It isn't that Wardell has to explain his every command during a session (that would be awkward); but we discuss things afterwards and sort out the things that make me hesitate or that confuse me because I have no reference point. In short, I can please my Dom better when I know is intention in certain areas and particularly when I know what makes him tick.
FYI, this is also an important prerequisite if one plans on teasing one’s dom at any point…
We explored the underlying concepts of D/s relationships, and I was pleasantly surprised with the extent to which our thinking matched. Wardell stressed that he believed D/s relationships (all relationships, really) ought to be based on mutual respect, and that while he was the Dom and I would be expected to submit to him in sessions, etc. (which still makes me all tingly at the mere thought), we were/are equals. I loved this and absorbed every word like a sponge. This was not a mentality I had often encountered with other doms - to be honest, I was quite relieved, and with that comfort I felt more free to indulge in the exhilaration of it all.
In turn, I explained that I saw my submission as a conscious decision not only to obey in each and every word and action but also to give up control to the dom. Again we were in clear agreement. Please understand: I wasn’t dragging my heels and making Wardell jump through hoops to earn my trust; I wanted to be certain that I genuinely choseto be his, and that I could maintain that choice for a very long time.
I still had some fairly fresh impressions from my first attempt at formal submission that hadn’t gone so well, and I was…cautious. The dom to whom I’d submitted had not thought it overly necessary to discuss such things with me, but had (from my perspective) dumped several rules on me with no notice, little to no context regarding my life, and not a lot of discernible regard for my inexperience and corresponding concerns. It didn’t just spook me, it terrified me. I didn’t realize until too late that there was a lot of ground we should have covered first.
My conversations with Wardell thus often (pleasantly) surprised me, because I was frequently encouraged to speak freely about anything, so long as I was respectful, and I had his complete support in taking things slow, discussing my feelings, and even putting things on hold if necessary until I was ready to continue. I didn’t have to guess if it was okay for a sub to ask a dom about a certain subject, or if I was allowed to ask questions (yeah, I was pretty green). If I wasn’t 100% comfortable with something Wardell wanted, we could discuss it until I was, or it would be set aside. If I was having difficulty seeing the point in something, Wardell would tell me (in the most deliciously explicit detail) so I could understand and submit better (which is what I always want to be doing). I could just breathe and be with Wardell, an experience that was truly unparalleled.
And when it came to reports in particular (as well as any other form of discussion) Wardell repeatedly emphasized that he desired as much insight into me as possible. He was even pleased with me when I would say I wasn’t comfortable with certain things (which blew my mind). While I am now at a point where I believe this is the ideal for D/s relationships, I am no less grateful and in awe of the freedom with which I can give myself to my Dom.