naughtylittlegirl
09-23-2014, 12:32 AM
Before I jump into the post there are two things I want to cover briefly. First, I considered doing a post of my own on how my views of submission have changed, but I feel like I would be repeating a lot of what I have already posted/drafted, so I don't think I will. However, I will say that those posts have helped me sort out a few more things, and I feel privileged to have the chance to read those authors' stories. If you haven't read them yet, go do it now. They are fantastic.
Second, I am firm believer in giving credit where credit is due. Thus, I need to clarify something.
Most of this is because of Wardell. And I know he is going to come back and say none of it was possible without me and all this equal credit stuff, but I get to beat him to it and say honestly that most of this came from Wardell. He has the experience and wisdom to know what ought to be covered, and he did so beautifully. Yes, I contributed (at least I hope I did), but I also know I needed someone who knew what they were doing, and I tell you the brilliance of my Dom shows clearly in the following 'chapters'. I also believe this largely is why he is worthy of that Gandalf avatar.
Gather ‘round, my kinky darlings.
This is the story of how Wardell earned my trust, to the point where I was not only excited and elated to be his, but was genuinely comfortable, prepared, and certain that I could truly submit to him. These are all things he still does, that win me over just a little bit more every day. So, for Wardell and I, this is a pretty important list.
Chapter 1: We Got To Know Each Other.
This one seems almost painfully obvious, but there was a depth to it that was lacking in all interactions I had with other doms. We didn’t just talk about likes, limits, and fantasies, and we didn’t just talk about our current day-to-day lives as they pertained to the relevant kinky activities (although all of that was important). Our conversations delved to extremely intimate levels.
Wardell asked me some of the most purposeful, probing, intimate, often awkward questions. Ever. He asked me about my past, searching out all the little building-blocks that made me the kinky little virgin I was.
He asked about my thoughts and feelings on various things, possible rules, fantasies, activities, etc., making sure he didn't just assume I was like 'most' subs he'd previously encountered. His questions were often specific, going beyond the standard ‘Tell me your likes and limits,’; rather, he wanted to know my deepest fantasies and what it was that appealed to me in each, he wanted to know how my mind worked when I was in that place of submission and what I wanted out of it, and he wanted to know a whole bunch of things I will quite possibly never share with anyone else on the face of this fair planet.
By doing all this, Wardell treated me as an individual, making me feel special. Valued. Heard. Understood. A layer at a time, like he was unwrapping me so he could figure out every angle of who I was for future reference.
There were several times where I was nervous sending my answers because I thought 'This is it, this is where it will be too much, he won't like this, this will be disappointing or unappealing, I won't be what he wants, and I cannot believe I am actually telling another human being this,' and then I would wait with as much outward calm as I could muster for his reply.
This quickly became more exhilarating than nerve-wracking. Every single time, Wardell would respond with acceptance at the very least, more often flat out approval and desire. They were little trust tests – I would venture out a bit further and share more of myself in a way I never had before, and then see how he handled it. His responses were more perfect than I could have imagined.
Eventually, that's how I knew I wanted to be his - who I was in the deepest recesses of my being was genuinely appealing to this man. With Wardell, I was not only free to be myself but could please him by being me. There are few things so incredible.
I immensely appreciated the fact that Wardell told me about himself too. We were both careful about revealing identifying information about ourselves (it is the internet after all), but he would tell me some of his fantasies, his own preferences, a bit about his day, and so forth. Like a real conversation between two real people.
(Just an aside, when people tell me I "should" do pictures or video chat or get a real life dom instead because it's more "real", I tend to want to punch them in the throat. Because Wardell is real, and I am real, and his domination and my submission are real. So if you happen to be one of those people who has said or will say any such thing to me, you may go fuck yourself. Reality is actually defined by more than seeing, hearing, and touching another person :) Okay, rant over, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.)
That ease in discussing both real life and all the assorted D/s material made me far more comfortable than if we’d simply stuck to likes, limits, and scheduling. It made it more real, because we both had lives apart from D/s. I knew I wasn’t simply laying myself out for some mysterious entity, but was given the chance to know what kind of a man he was before we dived into a committed relationship.
Through those conversations, even before I was entirely certain I wanted to submit to Wardell, I counted myself incredibly lucky to have met him.
PS: Remember how I said these would be bite-sized?
I don't think I'm even capable of short posts anymore.
Second, I am firm believer in giving credit where credit is due. Thus, I need to clarify something.
Most of this is because of Wardell. And I know he is going to come back and say none of it was possible without me and all this equal credit stuff, but I get to beat him to it and say honestly that most of this came from Wardell. He has the experience and wisdom to know what ought to be covered, and he did so beautifully. Yes, I contributed (at least I hope I did), but I also know I needed someone who knew what they were doing, and I tell you the brilliance of my Dom shows clearly in the following 'chapters'. I also believe this largely is why he is worthy of that Gandalf avatar.
Gather ‘round, my kinky darlings.
This is the story of how Wardell earned my trust, to the point where I was not only excited and elated to be his, but was genuinely comfortable, prepared, and certain that I could truly submit to him. These are all things he still does, that win me over just a little bit more every day. So, for Wardell and I, this is a pretty important list.
Chapter 1: We Got To Know Each Other.
This one seems almost painfully obvious, but there was a depth to it that was lacking in all interactions I had with other doms. We didn’t just talk about likes, limits, and fantasies, and we didn’t just talk about our current day-to-day lives as they pertained to the relevant kinky activities (although all of that was important). Our conversations delved to extremely intimate levels.
Wardell asked me some of the most purposeful, probing, intimate, often awkward questions. Ever. He asked me about my past, searching out all the little building-blocks that made me the kinky little virgin I was.
He asked about my thoughts and feelings on various things, possible rules, fantasies, activities, etc., making sure he didn't just assume I was like 'most' subs he'd previously encountered. His questions were often specific, going beyond the standard ‘Tell me your likes and limits,’; rather, he wanted to know my deepest fantasies and what it was that appealed to me in each, he wanted to know how my mind worked when I was in that place of submission and what I wanted out of it, and he wanted to know a whole bunch of things I will quite possibly never share with anyone else on the face of this fair planet.
By doing all this, Wardell treated me as an individual, making me feel special. Valued. Heard. Understood. A layer at a time, like he was unwrapping me so he could figure out every angle of who I was for future reference.
There were several times where I was nervous sending my answers because I thought 'This is it, this is where it will be too much, he won't like this, this will be disappointing or unappealing, I won't be what he wants, and I cannot believe I am actually telling another human being this,' and then I would wait with as much outward calm as I could muster for his reply.
This quickly became more exhilarating than nerve-wracking. Every single time, Wardell would respond with acceptance at the very least, more often flat out approval and desire. They were little trust tests – I would venture out a bit further and share more of myself in a way I never had before, and then see how he handled it. His responses were more perfect than I could have imagined.
Eventually, that's how I knew I wanted to be his - who I was in the deepest recesses of my being was genuinely appealing to this man. With Wardell, I was not only free to be myself but could please him by being me. There are few things so incredible.
I immensely appreciated the fact that Wardell told me about himself too. We were both careful about revealing identifying information about ourselves (it is the internet after all), but he would tell me some of his fantasies, his own preferences, a bit about his day, and so forth. Like a real conversation between two real people.
(Just an aside, when people tell me I "should" do pictures or video chat or get a real life dom instead because it's more "real", I tend to want to punch them in the throat. Because Wardell is real, and I am real, and his domination and my submission are real. So if you happen to be one of those people who has said or will say any such thing to me, you may go fuck yourself. Reality is actually defined by more than seeing, hearing, and touching another person :) Okay, rant over, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.)
That ease in discussing both real life and all the assorted D/s material made me far more comfortable than if we’d simply stuck to likes, limits, and scheduling. It made it more real, because we both had lives apart from D/s. I knew I wasn’t simply laying myself out for some mysterious entity, but was given the chance to know what kind of a man he was before we dived into a committed relationship.
Through those conversations, even before I was entirely certain I wanted to submit to Wardell, I counted myself incredibly lucky to have met him.
PS: Remember how I said these would be bite-sized?
I don't think I'm even capable of short posts anymore.