naughtylittlegirl
09-23-2014, 12:31 AM
Over the last few months I have had several people ask me how they can find a dom/me/sub/play partner/etc. Let's for the time being ignore the fact that I have been a sub for all of six months now and am in no realistic way an authority on the subject.
Now, in my first draft I started going through my usual suggestions: check the ads and respond respectfully to those pertaining to you, post a thoughtful and clear ad of your own, just keep talking to people and making friends, etc., eventually veering into: it takes time, it takes patience, the right partner won't just drop into your lap, there is no way shipping within 2-3 business days, yadda, yadda, yadda, as we slowly devolve into a list of what not to do...
And if I am tired of saying this, I can only imagine how tired you all are of hearing it.
As I already explained in another blog entry, I highly, highly doubt that there is a perfect set of steps to unlock the committed relationship level.
Heck, I didn't even do any of the things I usually suggest – I didn’t make an ad or reply to any. This phenomenal dom with the perfect Gandalf avatar gave me a task once, read through my fairly detailed info page, we started messaging back and forth, and the rest is history.
Therefore, the plan is this: I am going to share my personal experiences with my Dom Wardell as a collection of things he and I, in my opinion, did right. These were the key reasons I submitted to him, and maybe, if we are extremely lucky, something here will be useful for you lovely readers.
And even if we aren’t so lucky, at least I get to happily copy/paste this post to each person who asks me that *&%$@#! question, and I never have to cringe in my struggle to answer it again.
Hey, Look, It’s a Central Theme
Spoiler Alert: The foundation of any good relationship is trust.
I discovered through my experiences with casual play that trust is not built on a mere checklist, ensuring both parties have read the other's signature and exchanged fantasies and tasks, and then all is honky dory and let’s be together forever and ever, and everything will be perfect with magic fairy dust and unicorns and hot, kinky sex until the end of time itself. Most of the time I made certain the dom and I got through that checklist just to attempt one session – but it has never gotten me to the point where I want to share my innermost thoughts with the person.
I don’t think a ‘to do’ list is the answer, no matter how extensive, drawn-out, and detailed one makes it. Life is far too interesting for there to be a standard step by step process for human interaction resulting in long-term companionship. And thank God, literally thank God, life is not so easily simplified and manipulated, because if my years as a sci-fi fan have taught me anything, it’s that we would screw up royally if ever we had that much control.
So this is not a list. This is the story of how Wardell earned my trust more thoroughly than anyone I have ever known.
And if you haven't figured it out by now, the title of this blog post is a 'misnomer'. Like the Extremely Deadly Viper in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Actually, I'm not going to give it to you. Yet. I have rambled long enough, so it's cliffhanger time.
You're going to have to come back next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Lots of weeks. I've just decided each item in this collection will become a mini-chapter. Because I have found I talk a lot (Too much? Yeah, probably.) in these posts, and this way I can get away with less editing. But we can make it like a little weekly storytime, and start in on all that chocolate cake and cupcakes that keep getting put on the bread shelf. And for those who don't like chocolate: pie? cookies? animal crackers? Which now that I think about it are a kind of cookie?
Remember Teddy Grahams? I like them.
It's a bit awkward actually, because now I don't know how to end this. Maybe I will end it like that book referenced in The Fault In Our Stars that doesn't actually exist in real life (so disappointing). Because the ending of that fictional book was brilliant.
You know, how it ended in
Now, in my first draft I started going through my usual suggestions: check the ads and respond respectfully to those pertaining to you, post a thoughtful and clear ad of your own, just keep talking to people and making friends, etc., eventually veering into: it takes time, it takes patience, the right partner won't just drop into your lap, there is no way shipping within 2-3 business days, yadda, yadda, yadda, as we slowly devolve into a list of what not to do...
And if I am tired of saying this, I can only imagine how tired you all are of hearing it.
As I already explained in another blog entry, I highly, highly doubt that there is a perfect set of steps to unlock the committed relationship level.
Heck, I didn't even do any of the things I usually suggest – I didn’t make an ad or reply to any. This phenomenal dom with the perfect Gandalf avatar gave me a task once, read through my fairly detailed info page, we started messaging back and forth, and the rest is history.
Therefore, the plan is this: I am going to share my personal experiences with my Dom Wardell as a collection of things he and I, in my opinion, did right. These were the key reasons I submitted to him, and maybe, if we are extremely lucky, something here will be useful for you lovely readers.
And even if we aren’t so lucky, at least I get to happily copy/paste this post to each person who asks me that *&%$@#! question, and I never have to cringe in my struggle to answer it again.
Hey, Look, It’s a Central Theme
Spoiler Alert: The foundation of any good relationship is trust.
I discovered through my experiences with casual play that trust is not built on a mere checklist, ensuring both parties have read the other's signature and exchanged fantasies and tasks, and then all is honky dory and let’s be together forever and ever, and everything will be perfect with magic fairy dust and unicorns and hot, kinky sex until the end of time itself. Most of the time I made certain the dom and I got through that checklist just to attempt one session – but it has never gotten me to the point where I want to share my innermost thoughts with the person.
I don’t think a ‘to do’ list is the answer, no matter how extensive, drawn-out, and detailed one makes it. Life is far too interesting for there to be a standard step by step process for human interaction resulting in long-term companionship. And thank God, literally thank God, life is not so easily simplified and manipulated, because if my years as a sci-fi fan have taught me anything, it’s that we would screw up royally if ever we had that much control.
So this is not a list. This is the story of how Wardell earned my trust more thoroughly than anyone I have ever known.
And if you haven't figured it out by now, the title of this blog post is a 'misnomer'. Like the Extremely Deadly Viper in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Actually, I'm not going to give it to you. Yet. I have rambled long enough, so it's cliffhanger time.
You're going to have to come back next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Lots of weeks. I've just decided each item in this collection will become a mini-chapter. Because I have found I talk a lot (Too much? Yeah, probably.) in these posts, and this way I can get away with less editing. But we can make it like a little weekly storytime, and start in on all that chocolate cake and cupcakes that keep getting put on the bread shelf. And for those who don't like chocolate: pie? cookies? animal crackers? Which now that I think about it are a kind of cookie?
Remember Teddy Grahams? I like them.
It's a bit awkward actually, because now I don't know how to end this. Maybe I will end it like that book referenced in The Fault In Our Stars that doesn't actually exist in real life (so disappointing). Because the ending of that fictional book was brilliant.
You know, how it ended in