naughtylittlegirl
09-22-2014, 01:09 AM
Chapter 2: We Took Our Time
Wardell can do patience like a saint. Granted, I suspect his motivation might be a slightly different than that of most saints, but the point remains: he is wonderfully patient.
To be honest, there were a few times during that courtship phase where, at the time, I would have been okay moving faster. Now I realize the pace Wardell set was good, and suited both of us well. We didn’t rush, and skip or gloss over important discussions. We didn’t jump right into a committed relationship without covering what needed to be covered logistically, and knowing each other well enough to tell if we could actually fit together in a relationship. When it came to playing, Wardell didn’t immediately start with the most extreme kinks we shared nor did he start out with pushing my limits to the breaking point; he recognized I was new, inexperienced, and needed time to learn about submission just as I was learning to trust him.
We took the time needed to think through our responses well. I needed time to process everything, to absorb what was going on, and work through the accompanying emotions. I had been blindsided by the dramatic emotional reaction formal submission brought out in me the first time – this time I was more prepared, and Wardell ensured I had the support I needed to deal with things a step at a time.
I also needed time to consciously make the choice to tell Wardell some of the things I did. As I have mentioned, a lot of what I shared with him I have never told anyone else – and I didn’t want to get ahead of myself and do something I couldn’t take back if I decided later I wasn’t ready. The issue was not so much whether I trusted Wardell as whether I was able to handle that kind of intimacy, if I was truly willing to let someone in that far. Furthermore, I didn’t want my submission to simply be the product of momentum, the result of my being swept up in some fantastical ideal – if I was going to share myself that deeply with Wardell, I wanted it to be my careful, conscious choice. I wanted Wardell to have the real me.
I know from experience that it sucks all the good, clean…well, good fun out of D/s if both parties are not completely comfortable. Not that I don’t love the thrill of exploring new territory - that is not erased by being comfortable. (I also am not referring to physical discomfort, so let’s not veer off in that direction.) But I know as a submissive I cannot completely submit until I know it is safe to relax and give up my control to the dom. The pace we took allowed us to establish a solid foundation that made that comfort, that ease with each other possible.
The icing on the cake, though, is getting to savour every little bit closer we become, every occasion where we try something new. If we did it all at once, I feel like I would have missed so much, like trying to take in the whole theme park while whizzing by on the roller coaster. That simply isn't for me. I want to know my Dom as deeply as I can, to treasure each precious experience we have. Even for the ‘firsts’ I have already done with someone else, when they are a ‘first’ between my Dom and I they are important and prized occasions, and I don’t want to miss a single second.
Wardell can do patience like a saint. Granted, I suspect his motivation might be a slightly different than that of most saints, but the point remains: he is wonderfully patient.
To be honest, there were a few times during that courtship phase where, at the time, I would have been okay moving faster. Now I realize the pace Wardell set was good, and suited both of us well. We didn’t rush, and skip or gloss over important discussions. We didn’t jump right into a committed relationship without covering what needed to be covered logistically, and knowing each other well enough to tell if we could actually fit together in a relationship. When it came to playing, Wardell didn’t immediately start with the most extreme kinks we shared nor did he start out with pushing my limits to the breaking point; he recognized I was new, inexperienced, and needed time to learn about submission just as I was learning to trust him.
We took the time needed to think through our responses well. I needed time to process everything, to absorb what was going on, and work through the accompanying emotions. I had been blindsided by the dramatic emotional reaction formal submission brought out in me the first time – this time I was more prepared, and Wardell ensured I had the support I needed to deal with things a step at a time.
I also needed time to consciously make the choice to tell Wardell some of the things I did. As I have mentioned, a lot of what I shared with him I have never told anyone else – and I didn’t want to get ahead of myself and do something I couldn’t take back if I decided later I wasn’t ready. The issue was not so much whether I trusted Wardell as whether I was able to handle that kind of intimacy, if I was truly willing to let someone in that far. Furthermore, I didn’t want my submission to simply be the product of momentum, the result of my being swept up in some fantastical ideal – if I was going to share myself that deeply with Wardell, I wanted it to be my careful, conscious choice. I wanted Wardell to have the real me.
I know from experience that it sucks all the good, clean…well, good fun out of D/s if both parties are not completely comfortable. Not that I don’t love the thrill of exploring new territory - that is not erased by being comfortable. (I also am not referring to physical discomfort, so let’s not veer off in that direction.) But I know as a submissive I cannot completely submit until I know it is safe to relax and give up my control to the dom. The pace we took allowed us to establish a solid foundation that made that comfort, that ease with each other possible.
The icing on the cake, though, is getting to savour every little bit closer we become, every occasion where we try something new. If we did it all at once, I feel like I would have missed so much, like trying to take in the whole theme park while whizzing by on the roller coaster. That simply isn't for me. I want to know my Dom as deeply as I can, to treasure each precious experience we have. Even for the ‘firsts’ I have already done with someone else, when they are a ‘first’ between my Dom and I they are important and prized occasions, and I don’t want to miss a single second.