So you want a Slave or Master? Well done...

[Hampers]

As many of you know, I don't come to these parts of the forum often. This is because I know fuck-all about slave/master relationships. But here is a guide on how to get along while you're looking for one.

So you want a Slave or Master? Well done...
Congratulations on deciding you don't want a plain old life. You have joined the more fun side of the sandpit. Take this moment now to stand up and give yourself a small round of applause. No really, do. Go on.

Done?

Now sit down. I've got something to tell you.

There are a lot of people out there who have also joined this world, and chances are you're feeling like your voice is drowning in a sea of other requests. I'm not here to tell you how to make your advertising unique and get you that perfect partner. But I will give you some tips which might help you get along in the chat while you are looking:

Tip #1: Shut up and talk
You need to know when to advertise yourself. Let's take a sample scene:


[User]: hey i need a mistress 18/m with cam
[Everyone Else]: Good luck with that. We're busy.

Although I doubt people would be that polite. Barging into a room and declaring yourself won't win you any friends. I understand you're desperate, but finding the perfect slave is like trying to find a really good coffee - it justs take patience. If you actually attempt to join the conversation, you'll make more friends and people will remember you and maybe even want to talk to you. This has two benefits. Firstly, people will actually talk to you, making that wait until you find someone all the more enjoyable. Secondly, when you come back, you'll be spoken to again, because you won't have been blocked.

Let's see what happens if you try to join the conversation instead:

[User has entered the Lounge]
[User]: Hey guys
[Others]: Hello, User.
[User]: What are we talking about?
[Others]: Best type of coffee.
[User]: Oh really? I really love a double ristretto latte...
*LATER*
[Others]: So what brings you to getdare, User?
[User]: Oh, you know. I'm looking for a slave.
[Others]: Really? I know just the person for you...

And so on. Can you see the difference?

Tip #2: You take the high road and I'll take the low road...
Let's start with another scenario, this time in a private chat.

[User]: hey are you looking for a slave?
[Me]: Um
[User]: 19/m horny with cam
[Me]: No thanks, I don't do s/m
[User]: k

And I never hear from them again. Which saddens me, because they sounded like such an interesting person. But never mind.


My point is: don't discount someone just because they're not immediately who you want. For example, consider this: I'm a staff member. It's my job to read every Slave/Master personal that is posted on this site. As such, not only do I remember pretty much everyone who has posted one, I also know, after months of reading them, who the good ones are. So, I'm a walking mine of information. The same goes for a lot of the regular users here. But, seeing as I'm not going to be your slave, what you have done by ignoring me straight away is:
a) lost me as a source of information


b) pissed me off a bit

This isn't to say approach each of the regular users of the site and be all "can u help me find a master plzzz". But, if you befriend us, then chances are we'll be sympathetic to you and help you out as a friend if you do ask.

Tip #3: Submissives, know your place
Remember: some people are more in demand than others. For instance, ever wondered why a female slaves get 37 replies to their personal while a male slave gets none? From my observation, there seems to be an all-important order, from most in-demand to least in-demand:

Most wanted: The Female Sub
Then: The Female Dom
Then: The Male Dom
Least wanted: The Male Sub

I'm sorry to say, male subs, but you're at the bottom of the wanted pile. Keep this in mind when talking to people. The closer to the bottom of the pile you are, the more likely it is that other users have heard someone like you begging for a partner. This means they [U]won't listen to you if you randomly ask them to be your master.

Tip #4: Stay Awake

[User has entered the Lounge]
[User]: I'm looking for a female slave.
[Female Slave]: I'll be your slave.
[User]: Sweet.

Has this happened to you recently?

Yes? Pinch yourself, you're dreaming. Wake up.
No really, it has happened to you? Stop lying.

The thing you need to remember, is that this site wasn't built in the hope that one day you would come along and use it to find someone to get down and dirty with. If you think that it is, then stop thinking that, you sollipsistic bitch. Other users are here to have a good time, and everyone's going to be happier if you add something to the site besides "You are now my slave". Not everyone is here to find a slave or master, and it's foolish of you to assume that they are. Be prepared to talk to people about other stuff besides BDSM. Coffee, perhaps. In fact, why not even come up with your own topic of conversation?

Thank you for your time.

[Smile]

I like coffee, capachino, especially from starbucks, maby pret omanger...
but seriously, this has really helped me, and although i have not put up an advert yet i have been considering it for some time, lol bottom of the pile :( but when/if i do put up an ad i think/know this will help me. Thanks:clap:

[mafiaka]

So let me get this straight... there will be a coffee subforum now ? And do we have to be 18 to be able to advertise there ? Better that we are, since, well, coffee... can be fairly addicting.

So personally, I like some black coffee, or with milk. I hardly ever switch. Coffee shouldn't be too sweet (not that I just like it rough, rather, one might say I like my coffees simple, not too elaborate). Although sometimes, late at night, it might be time for an Irish coffee. A tad stronger, a bit more special, with a dominant whisky taste. O, oh, the innuendo. This thread can become the basis of a whole new code language. 'Black coffee drinker (25/M) seeks milk bottle bringer (18-20/F/webcam needed)'. Up to the point where people will barge into chatrooms, and ask 'hey dudz whassup ne1 wanna cofeew sugra'... And we're back where we started.

Seriously, Hampers - very useful post. Now hopefully (and that is a sincere thought, not a cynical one) people read it before they just drop their bombshell (used Senseo pad ?) somewhere on the M/s thread.

[Smile]

I prefer coffee with no sugars, quite milky, not big on the instant coffee, however i will drink it

pointless post but i am rarther bored:p dont ban me

[Hampers: Being bored isn't an excuse.]

[dareboy2]

Very good job
its true the ones you can talk to you become much more comfortable with, you want to be with them. Also if you talk to someone for a while you can get a better feeling if the situation will work out.
People need to be serious, you cant just say:
ASL
OPEN CAM NOW
it doesnt work that way, atleast if you want to get a good relationship going

[ty_la]

Very nice hampers, unfortunatly the people your trying to get
this information to arn't likely to read it =( . It's a shame, but it's the circle of irony/ignorance that i think every online community faces. Very nice though, and yes. I did read the entire post :P

One more question, you certainly do know 'fuck-all' about sm relationships and how to get a good one and all. which brings me to wonder if this site was always meant to be a tord and sm site? Or did that happen over time? thanks :)

[Fiendish]

I give you a cookie- a good cookie, not a bad cookie.

[Zeromus]

Ya know, I'm not a coffee person.

[rpUral]

Thanks Hampers, very useful. It's not the way I've approached it, though.

To me, the ads are almost useless. You need to have a conversation with the person, and that conversation needs to be about coffee and other things before you ever get around to "Be my slave" or "Are you looking for a Master".

Don't jump straight to "Commit to me"; introduce some play into your conversations: ask what they're wearing, a risque dare, other things along those lines. If they won't tell you what they're wearing, they're not going to jump at being your slave... today anyway. These things will also tell you if they're really submissive or just interested in chating as well.

When the time is right, jump into a full "play date". But don't start with "Strip, and beat your behind with a belt 10 times." Do something she'll enjoy. Work her up, at your direction, and make her climax. If she'll let you take her this far, then she's definitely submissive, and worth chasing. If not, then while you haven't found your slave, you may have made a friend. Don't abandon that; friends are important too.

The very best slave, and I can say this from experience, is the one that, over time, just begins doing more and more of what you ask, until you stupidly realize it. My favorite, and most loved slave, I had to ask "Are you assuming that I'm your Master now?" And her answer has brightened my heart ever since. And we're now much more than Master and slave; we're also friends and part of each other's lives, and to me, that's much more important.

I hope some of this makes sense...

It's not all about dominating. It's about communication.

[CleverGirl]

Great post, Hampers. It's really helpful! And I think rpUral posted some great ad ons. I haven't posted and ad, so I can't really critique on its usefulness, but I may in el futuro. There. A little spanish for ya! Oh, and as for the coffee thing, I myself an more of an tea conessiour. When I do drink coffee, I fill it up with lots of sugar. Sugar.....!!!!!!

[Hampers]

I think this page (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/poll.php?do=showresults&pollid=229) pretty much sums up Tip #3.

Granted, at the time of making this post, the female dom seems to be rarer than the female sub according to Chloe's poll, but I think this is because female doms do not use other parts of the site as much. However, I think it does prove my point about males needing to be aware that they are in much less demand than they much think.

[Smile]

Firstly... :'( Both hampers and clevergirl have gone :'( Brains and picnic baskets built together.

Secondly, yes, this is a thread bump. So mods, do what you must.

But there are reasons why I bumped this thread, the main one being that there is an increasing number of slaves and masters not giving enough information or putting up ads with little/no information and then breaking the rules and bumping while they wonder why they havn't got any replys.

Well here you go. A good cause for breaking rules :)

Another reason is because of Part 4 with the chat thing. I am sick of being in the chat and having someone asking if I want a slave, first through main chat, then through PM.

No offence to people who have or anything, but yeh.

I have always wanted to say this

RANT OVER.

:)

Smile

[gsyph00]

As it turns out, its just as hard (or harder?) to meet people online as off. I'm feeling optimistic though...

[Smile]

Firstly... :'( Both hampers and clevergirl have gone :'( Brains and picnic baskets built together.Smile[/SIZE]

Whooooo, now all we need is the brains :)

[Kage]

I have to totally agree with you on all of your points. I am new to GetDare, but I have common sense, and experience on how to approach this type of stuff. Being blunt and inconsiderate won't, as you said, make any friends.

[Rei515]

Once you've stuck around for awhile, you're able to see the difference between those who are and aren't a waste of time. Yet there's always the disadvantage to a "great" match-up. These things take time...binging out on sweet treat isn't the way to go. It ruins what could've and should've been.

[Mere]

Well, :clap:
One thing is, all of what depp said, is just basic gesture to talk to people.
I've learnt similar things from " psychology books" and particularly, books based on "how to get things done from others"
Certainly, I've seen people, coming into the lounge, saying, "Hey I want a Mistress" and things like that. I don't believe a long term, healthy relationship can start this way.

[semy15]

just joined an hour ago... looks very interesting and the advice on how to put up an ad, is very true, also informative...
hopefully, i ll have good time here, in europe, but hope to go to south america this year..
hope you all get at least some of what you want..hope i do too !!!
happy new year to you all...

[Star Shadows]

A brilliant thread Hampers, with some very good points, should do the site a great help- should the people who are the worst offenders actually take the time to read it. Probably won't but its worth a try... Just a few things I'd like to ad before getting back to revision on developmental psychology... see it is such a good thread I booted up my laptop just to comment.



Tip #1: Shut up and talk
You need to know when to advertise yourself. Let's take a sample scene:

Although I doubt people would be that polite. Barging into a room and declaring yourself won't win you any friends. I understand you're desperate, but finding the perfect slave is like trying to find a really good coffee - it justs take patience. If you actually attempt to join the conversation, you'll make more friends and people will remember you and maybe even want to talk to you. This has two benefits. Firstly, people will actually talk to you, making that wait until you find someone all the more enjoyable. Secondly, when you come back, you'll be spoken to again, because you won't have been blocked.

This is a brilliant point, I know a lot of the members, myself included get fed up of the unending barrage of "[time]user: give me dares" "[time]user:any female sub/mistress/cam slaves here" and so on. especially when we are already having a conversation. Which is why a lot of the time if you do it you either end up getting a smart arse reply or being ignored. It can be incredibly frustrating to find the right person for you (and a one that isn't faking it is even harder still.) but just take the time to get to know people in the existing chat conversation and in forums, take part in the community and people will know you better and your luck may improve.
Another point on the being ignored thing. If you don't get a reply it usually isn't because we haven't seen your comment/statement/question it is because no one in the room is interested don't then continue to ask again!

Tip #2: You take the high road and I'll take the low road...
My point is: don't discount someone just because they're not immediately who you want. For example, consider this: I'm a staff member. It's my job to read every Slave/Master personal that is posted on this site. As such, not only do I remember pretty much everyone who has posted one, I also know, after months of reading them, who the good ones are. So, I'm a walking mine of information. The same goes for a lot of the regular users here. But, seeing as I'm not going to be your slave, what you have done by ignoring me straight away is:
a) lost me as a source of information

b) pissed me off a bit

This isn't to say approach each of the regular users of the site and be all "can u help me find a master plzzz". But, if you befriend us, then chances are we'll be sympathetic to you and help you out as a friend if you do ask.

Also a good point, just because we cant or wont be your sub/master doesn't mean we stop existing making friends helps in a place like this, especially when it comes to narrowing down people who may have applied. A lot of the regular members know other members who have a reputation to be avoided or members that we would recommend. Take the time to get to know people and it can prove rewarding.

Tip #3: Submissives, know your place
Remember: some people are more in demand than others. For instance, ever wondered why a female slaves get 37 replies to their personal while a male slave gets none? From my observation, there seems to be an all-important order, from most in-demand to least in-demand:I'm sorry to say, male subs, but you're at the bottom of the wanted pile. Keep this in mind when talking to people. The closer to the bottom of the pile you are, the more likely it is that other users have heard someone like you begging for a partner. This means they won't listen to you if you randomly ask them to be your master.
This is sad but true and something a lot of members who talk to me don't seem to know. I get a number of messages either via thread or pm asking why as a male submissive, or a male master seeking a female sub they generate few replies, and how they could improve their ad's to generate more interest. Usually the problem is not the ad but the person that is the problem and I don't mean that in a bitchy way you are either in a majority group (male sub) or seeking the minority (female subs/doms) the female masters and mistresses if they are worth the time are snapped up very quickyly there is little that can be done. there are a seemingly endless number of male submissives on this site- vastly outnumbering the amount of any other however this does not always mean that we wont listen when you're begging for partner its usually down to the other excess quantities coming before you- which is another reason why getting involved helps. Patience is a virtue.
So yes its important to understand the social structures of the site in regards to member proportions.

Tip #4: Stay Awake

The thing you need to remember, is that this site wasn't built in the hope that one day you would come along and use it to find someone to get down and dirty with. If you think that it is, then stop thinking that, you sollipsistic bitch. Other users are here to have a good time, and everyone's going to be happier if you add something to the site besides "You are now my slave". Not everyone is here to find a slave or master, and it's foolish of you to assume that they are. Be prepared to talk to people about other stuff besides BDSM. Coffee, perhaps. In fact, why not even come up with your own topic of conversation?

This is also a brilliant point, not everyone on here wants a DS/MS/bDSM relationship a lot are just here for fun, and for some amusing conversations- which are never far away in chat. And not everyone who wants a one of these relationships will get one take part and find fun in other ways people will be happier and get on better, talk be merry and put your searches aside for a while.


To me, the ads are almost useless. You need to have a conversation with the person, and that conversation needs to be about coffee and other things before you ever get around to "Be my slave" or "Are you looking for a Master".
This is very true 'vanilla' conversation topics are important as it breaks the ice and allows you to get to know a potential friend or partner better.

Don't jump straight to "Commit to me"; introduce some play into your conversations: ask what they're wearing, a risque dare, other things along those lines. If they won't tell you what they're wearing, they're not going to jump at being your slave... today anyway. These things will also tell you if they're really submissive or just interested in chating as well.

This is not so true I know a lot of members are bored of this as much as "b my slave" and are sometimes equally pissed off by it. It still comes down to the fact that a lot of people are just here to have a laugh, sometimes we will play along but this still doesnt mean that we are interested. So use this method with caution. A lot of members also do not respond to private chats anyway- I have a hooollllleee long list of ones that have been ignored and so do others. Not always successful.



The very best slave, and I can say this from experience, is the one that, over time, just begins doing more and more of what you ask, until you stupidly realize it. My favorite, and most loved slave, I had to ask "Are you assuming that I'm your Master now?" And her answer has brightened my heart ever since. And we're now much more than Master and slave; we're also friends and part of each other's lives, and to me, that's much more important.

I hope some of this makes sense...

It's not all about dominating. It's about communication.

This bit I also agree with but shall not continue on as you put it in a nice enough way and this post is already MASSIVE!

COMMUNICATION PATIENCE AND SOCIAL STRUCTURE ARE KEY! NOT SPAMMING CHAT. THAT IS ALL!

xx Shadows

[lilysmaster]

As it has been said numerous times, Communicate! If you come into chat and immediately say "19/m looking for Master" You are going to get someone, 9 times out of 10, that just wants to play right that second but the next day may ignore you, or not even sign on for a week. That goes for both sides slaves and Masters. Get known, get pick for who you are not for your age and sex. I assume you want to be known as your username, not as Age 18 female slave.

[Blastbuster]

Great thread, hopefully it will help some people. Unfortunately I can't see it doing enough.

(Also, major bump)

[Netty]

Hi everyone

I am also a newbie to this site and just stumbled upon your thread and it's the first one I've read. And I must say, it made me feel very welcome and more at ease. So a big thank you there. :)

[slavedriverone]

Hi
I am looking through the site as per normal, and have stumbled upon this one entitled so you want a slave/master well done.
Would like to say a big thank you to you for writing it, just what I’ve been looking for, just reading in it I have found it’s been a big help (no don't worry I will be reading the rest of it :p) not just that bit, having posted for advice on the advice post I received two replies, equally as helpful.
Only being a member for a few day now and not receiving any replies concerned me, but after reading this section you have posted I can see why know coz I’ve prob made myself look like a prat, but I am now getting to find my around it and understand it a bit better.
my concerns are that being a new master without experience is keeping people away should I not advertise this fact, I only do this so people are away and can help and advice but most importantly is that I would never wish to endanger anyone, could you please advise due to you working here have you seen much success for new start masters
so on closing I would just like to make one point and that is if only they had squeezed this type of site into one lesson a day when I was at school then I would of 1) not bunked off so much 2) paid more attention while there 3) learnt the ability to speed type earlier on in life 4) won awards for spelling and grammar 5) to be able to sit down and read more.
Once again thanks and keep up the good work

[skype-sub]

Thank you! That was helpful. I pretty much always used to burst in a room and just declare what I am looking for. Generally not finding anyone ever. Also, I just learnt the hard truth. I lie at the bottom of the demand pool. :sob: