naughtylittlegirl
08-13-2014, 08:54 PM
I was planning on posting another 'courtship' piece, but I've decided that first I want to skip ahead to the present. I have become increasingly frustrated with being stood up, ignored, left hanging in the middle of sessions (sometimes just for several minutes of random silence, other times for such long periods of time all desire to continue is lost), and expected to step out of my submission to compensate. Some people apologize, but even that is becoming rare, and I've realized the resulting stress has taken a toll.
There is a degree of trust I give everyone automatically, a greater degree I give those I consider friends, and finally a kind of trust I can rarely grant anyone. I find it contradictory sometimes that I can be so trusting as to even find myself naive, while I know there is that third category guarding the side I keep hidden from nearly everyone.
In the context of D/s, my need for trust isn't limited to confidence in a dom's ability to handle safety in a session. It isn't ultimately even about knowing that he won't betray my confidence. Those are basics I expect in the first level. The crux for me is being able to trust that when someone expresses the desire or intention to do something, that, with rare exceptions, they actually do it.
I tend to believe people mean what they say, so much so that I would rather someone never make a single promise to me than break their word. It's almost cruel how much that can mess with my head. So I have come to the point where I am keenly aware that the only D/s interaction I want is the kind where, as much as humanly possible, word and action are the same.
It can be remarkably draining to be understanding, flexible, accommodating, forgiving, patient, gracious. In any context, I almost instinctively say 'it's okay' when someone forgets, puts me off, doesn't come through, or puts the inconvenience of the situation on me, because I don't want people to feel bad. And most of the time, I am okay with being that person, I have always tended toward it naturally. But I hit my limit, I am fully tapped out, when I feel I am being disrespected.
There is a point where word and action have failed to match up so many times that I no longer can give even the most basic degree of trust to someone. It is such a simple thing, common to the point that I don't even think we are aware of it most of the time (and I know I need an occasional kick in the pants to get it together), but that quiet, subtle, and consistent lack of responsibility has caused more people to lose my trust than anything else.
So in the midst of that when someone can take me to a place where I am not expected to direct, where I don't have to feel the pressure of compensating, even just for a few beautiful moments so I can breathe, it is such an incredible relief, pleasure, and privilege I can never fully express it in words. As I write this, I am struck by how deeply grateful I am that my Dom Wardell is not only a legitimately experienced dom with a genuine grasp of what domination and submission ought to be, but also a man of his word. And it is his veracity that makes him one of those exceedingly rare anchors in my life.
I sincerely hope that you have someone in your life like that - if you do, don't ever forget how wonderful they are. That person who can elicit an unnameable calmness simply by saying 'hello'; who is not just able but willing to be stable, consistent, in control; who strives to remember and care whether it's convenient or not, and puts in the time and effort to actually uncover who we are. That is kind of domination which begets a singular, unique trust with such depth as to be ingrained in our very nature. That is the kind of trust which allows us to submit ourselves fully, where we can be utterly dedicated because we know we are safe in his hands.
It isn't because of the kink, the creativity, the giving of orders, the toys and equipment, the knowledge of techniques and theories, the experience, the cleverness, or even the desire to be a dom/me. A lot of people have all this, and fall short because they do not realize it is secondary at best.
Earning and keeping a submissive's trust so as to have them at their very core starts with who the dominant chooses to be. It is their integrity, their honesty, their commitment to simply being true that makes such trust possible.
And I cannot begin to say how privileged I am to have that Dom.
PS: This thread: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?p=1420795#post1420795
needs some more entries - I know there are more people with wonderful, fantastic, mind-blowingly epic dom/mes, subs, littles, partners, slaves, masters, owners, pets, playmets, etc. out there, so this is your chance to do some bragging ;)
There is a degree of trust I give everyone automatically, a greater degree I give those I consider friends, and finally a kind of trust I can rarely grant anyone. I find it contradictory sometimes that I can be so trusting as to even find myself naive, while I know there is that third category guarding the side I keep hidden from nearly everyone.
In the context of D/s, my need for trust isn't limited to confidence in a dom's ability to handle safety in a session. It isn't ultimately even about knowing that he won't betray my confidence. Those are basics I expect in the first level. The crux for me is being able to trust that when someone expresses the desire or intention to do something, that, with rare exceptions, they actually do it.
I tend to believe people mean what they say, so much so that I would rather someone never make a single promise to me than break their word. It's almost cruel how much that can mess with my head. So I have come to the point where I am keenly aware that the only D/s interaction I want is the kind where, as much as humanly possible, word and action are the same.
It can be remarkably draining to be understanding, flexible, accommodating, forgiving, patient, gracious. In any context, I almost instinctively say 'it's okay' when someone forgets, puts me off, doesn't come through, or puts the inconvenience of the situation on me, because I don't want people to feel bad. And most of the time, I am okay with being that person, I have always tended toward it naturally. But I hit my limit, I am fully tapped out, when I feel I am being disrespected.
There is a point where word and action have failed to match up so many times that I no longer can give even the most basic degree of trust to someone. It is such a simple thing, common to the point that I don't even think we are aware of it most of the time (and I know I need an occasional kick in the pants to get it together), but that quiet, subtle, and consistent lack of responsibility has caused more people to lose my trust than anything else.
So in the midst of that when someone can take me to a place where I am not expected to direct, where I don't have to feel the pressure of compensating, even just for a few beautiful moments so I can breathe, it is such an incredible relief, pleasure, and privilege I can never fully express it in words. As I write this, I am struck by how deeply grateful I am that my Dom Wardell is not only a legitimately experienced dom with a genuine grasp of what domination and submission ought to be, but also a man of his word. And it is his veracity that makes him one of those exceedingly rare anchors in my life.
I sincerely hope that you have someone in your life like that - if you do, don't ever forget how wonderful they are. That person who can elicit an unnameable calmness simply by saying 'hello'; who is not just able but willing to be stable, consistent, in control; who strives to remember and care whether it's convenient or not, and puts in the time and effort to actually uncover who we are. That is kind of domination which begets a singular, unique trust with such depth as to be ingrained in our very nature. That is the kind of trust which allows us to submit ourselves fully, where we can be utterly dedicated because we know we are safe in his hands.
It isn't because of the kink, the creativity, the giving of orders, the toys and equipment, the knowledge of techniques and theories, the experience, the cleverness, or even the desire to be a dom/me. A lot of people have all this, and fall short because they do not realize it is secondary at best.
Earning and keeping a submissive's trust so as to have them at their very core starts with who the dominant chooses to be. It is their integrity, their honesty, their commitment to simply being true that makes such trust possible.
And I cannot begin to say how privileged I am to have that Dom.
PS: This thread: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?p=1420795#post1420795
needs some more entries - I know there are more people with wonderful, fantastic, mind-blowingly epic dom/mes, subs, littles, partners, slaves, masters, owners, pets, playmets, etc. out there, so this is your chance to do some bragging ;)