naughtylittlegirl
06-13-2014, 03:47 PM
Sharing pictures, video, or audio of myself is a hard limit. That includes video and audio chat, phone calls, snapchat, pictures with just my face, pictures without my face, pictures of me fully dressed, etc. Now, over the past few months I have been frequently pressed into breaking this limit, so I think it's time for a more public discussion, not to call anyone out or anything, just to get some clarity on this. I don't want to delve into why people press me on this, because I honestly don't know what is going on in their heads and am notably ill-equipped to make that judgement. But I can tell you what's going on in mine, my reasons for setting this limit, and ask for any comments and questions you lovely people may have after reading this. So in the spirit of discussion (and this is something regarding which I would greatly appreciate further discussion), here we go:
One reason for this is safety - I want to keep my identity secret, and therefore am careful as to what I reveal. Apart from my Dom, no one has earned that degree of trust. As much as I enjoy talking and playing with people on here, it doesn't mean I am ready (nor that it is wise) to share my identity on that level.
If people want to send pictures, etc. to me, I am okay with that. I never ask for it. To be honest, it doesn't do much for me by way of getting me "hot". I can do without and have a phenomenal session with someone quite easily. That is not to say I do not immensely appreciate it when people do send me pictures, etc. I am honored when they show that level of trust in me, and depending on the situation I am sometimes quite touched when someone takes that step and sends a picture of themselves. It's nice to know sometimes what someone looks like, and I love the human body. I truly believe it is miraculous, in any form (as cliche as that may sound), but often that appreciation is very non-sexual.
Truthfully, if I'm sent a dick pic I am not going to drop my panties in ecstatic abandon. The internet is full of easily-located porn, and I've seen plenty of pictures of cocks. It can sometimes make things seem a little more 'real' when I get pictures or audio or video from someone with whom I am playing, but I do not specifically need or desire it. When someone offers, I try to graciously accept while making it clear that it needs to be because they want to send it and that I will not reciprocate. And for the times I have not made that adequately clear beforehand, I sincerely apologize - I really do try to be as clear about this limit as I can, and I want to make sure I am fair and upfront about it. I also do not intend to criticize anyone who shares pictures, etc., of themselves - if someone enjoys that, then I hope they do so thoroughly, and I want to be encouraging. It just is not for me.
The main reason I do not provide pictures, etc., of myself is this: sharing myself with someone in that way is a very intimate act. I cannot take it back once it is done. It means a great deal to me, and I want to be careful I give myself to the right person. Remember how I said before I joined gD I had done nothing beyond solo play? That means no one has touched me. That means no one has even seen or heard me in this context. That means that the simple act of getting on here and telling anyone about anything naughty I have done or am doing is still a big step. So pictures, video, and audio are a whole other area of intimacy. It indicates that incredible trust and intimacy exists already between myself and the other person. And I have deliberately put limits on how intimate I become with people online.
Let me explain this a bit further. Pictures, etc., are not a limit for me because I am ashamed of my body or because I am insecure. I like my body, I'm just rather selective about who gets to see it. And while I am a sub, I don't really feel my body exists for everyone else's enjoyment. It isn't merely shyness that I need someone's help to get over, nor is it a defect that I need 'fixed', thank you kindly.
It is also not because I want everyone else to send me their pictures, etc, but am too selfish, manipulative, or inconsiderate to send my own back. As I said above, I never solicit them. I accept them when offered, and I appreciate the gesture, the choice and action behind it, and I endeavor to make my stance clear first. I want to be fair, and I don't want to offend anyone, but I will not reciprocate simply out of guilt.
Another misconception is that I do this because my Dom told me so. My Dom is one of extremely few people who has genuinely not put pressure on me in this area, but has left it entirely in my hands. I have chosen that such an intimate thing will be given to my Dom first, before I even remotely consider giving that part of myself to anyone else. If and when that time comes, I will let you all know :)
In a related note, I do believe that no one, including myself, is obligated to share pictures, etc., of themselves, unless this has been a specific agreement made in all willingness between dom and sub who are formally committed to one another OR is part of accepting a task, dare, etc. Then it would be part of that relationship/agreement. But apart from that, I don't believe it is a prerequisite for submission in general, as though it is almost morally wrong if I do not, as though I am inherently obligated to prove to the entire internet that I am female, that I have 44D breasts, that I am doing a task, etc. So if I've said it is a limit, I don't the sense in anyone demanding I break that limit simply on the grounds of me being a submissive.
If someone only wants and accepts pictures, etc. as proof of a task, then I am simply not the sub to take that task, and I sincerely hope they find someone to meet that desire. Same thing if someone doesn't like to play without a cam or a phone call - I am not going to be able to be the sub they want. And I do try to give enough description about my actions and thoughts as well as the physical sensations to compensate for not giving anything else. But no one has the right to try to coerce, guilt trip, manipulate, or trick me into doing things their way for one very simple reason: they do not own me.
Now, this causes some difficulties which I am tired of encountering. I try to ensure people know beforehand that I do not share pictures, etc. of myself, and I go into why if I am asked. I do not mind this at all, and actually often enjoy discussing it. What I don't like is when it goes beyond discussion, and I am frequently pressured, harassed, bullied, or ignored on this issue.
It's disappointing when someone sends me pictures, etc. so they have pretense to guilt me into reciprocating. It doesn't thrill me to be accused of being a tease because I don't just hand out dirty pictures, or told I'm not a real sub because I won't obey their every request. It can make me feel ignored when someone constantly asks if I want to send them pictures or tries to re-argue the issue when I have already told them 'no' repeatedly, as though they heard me but they didn't care enough to remember, take me seriously, or consider that I am capable of making decisions for myself. The worst for me, though, is when I am in the middle of a session and the person with whom I am playing starts telling me to break that limit, in full knowledge of the fact that it is a limit. That's when I feel bullied and betrayed, because I have trusted them to respect my limits in play and now that person is trying to demand I give up the very thing that makes me feel safe. I also feel disappointed in myself, strangely enough, because it makes me think I have failed in my efforts to please the dom. It's discouraging, and for that reason I would prefer to not play with those who want what I am unable to give, you feel me?
I understand that we are all human and we are going to forget, make mistakes, have instances of bad judgement, and I try to make as much of an allowance for that as I can while still keeping my sanity. I certainly do no fault any dom for forgetting one of my limits during play - the vast majority of the time the doms I've played with have been fantastic about things once I've given them a quick reminder. But I reach a point where if I don't feel that someone is willing to respect my choices, I am finished. If I state a limit and they take it as an invitation to push me, I am at risk. It isn't comforting, romantic, friendly, helpful, or enlightening. It's discouraging, frustrating, and hurtful, and it makes me not want to play with them anymore.
It is exhausting, always having to defend my decision beyond reasonable discussion. Trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and telling myself that they just forgot, when I know we literally just talked about it, and they aren't really asking me to favor them above my Dom. Or on the really bad occasions, trying to choke back the disappointment and think as hard I can that they aren't really that selfish and have such a low regard for me that they have consciously chosen to not care about my safety, my psychological and emotional comfort, and my commitment to my Dom.
Respecting my decision to not share pictures, video, and audio of myself really is about respecting me. It's my choice. It's my act of intimacy. I do not ask anyone to change their preferences to match mine, but I do not exist to follow everyone else's preference on the matter either.
Sharing myself in this way is deeply meaningful to me, and because of this I have chosen to take that step with my Dom. Perhaps someday I will share that part of myself with others, but today is not that day, and tomorrow isn't looking likely either. My devotion and trust lie ultimately with my Dom, above anyone else, so intimacy with me belongs to him first.
I should stop here; I want to follow up with a post on limits, but that's for another time. Thanks for reading :)
One reason for this is safety - I want to keep my identity secret, and therefore am careful as to what I reveal. Apart from my Dom, no one has earned that degree of trust. As much as I enjoy talking and playing with people on here, it doesn't mean I am ready (nor that it is wise) to share my identity on that level.
If people want to send pictures, etc. to me, I am okay with that. I never ask for it. To be honest, it doesn't do much for me by way of getting me "hot". I can do without and have a phenomenal session with someone quite easily. That is not to say I do not immensely appreciate it when people do send me pictures, etc. I am honored when they show that level of trust in me, and depending on the situation I am sometimes quite touched when someone takes that step and sends a picture of themselves. It's nice to know sometimes what someone looks like, and I love the human body. I truly believe it is miraculous, in any form (as cliche as that may sound), but often that appreciation is very non-sexual.
Truthfully, if I'm sent a dick pic I am not going to drop my panties in ecstatic abandon. The internet is full of easily-located porn, and I've seen plenty of pictures of cocks. It can sometimes make things seem a little more 'real' when I get pictures or audio or video from someone with whom I am playing, but I do not specifically need or desire it. When someone offers, I try to graciously accept while making it clear that it needs to be because they want to send it and that I will not reciprocate. And for the times I have not made that adequately clear beforehand, I sincerely apologize - I really do try to be as clear about this limit as I can, and I want to make sure I am fair and upfront about it. I also do not intend to criticize anyone who shares pictures, etc., of themselves - if someone enjoys that, then I hope they do so thoroughly, and I want to be encouraging. It just is not for me.
The main reason I do not provide pictures, etc., of myself is this: sharing myself with someone in that way is a very intimate act. I cannot take it back once it is done. It means a great deal to me, and I want to be careful I give myself to the right person. Remember how I said before I joined gD I had done nothing beyond solo play? That means no one has touched me. That means no one has even seen or heard me in this context. That means that the simple act of getting on here and telling anyone about anything naughty I have done or am doing is still a big step. So pictures, video, and audio are a whole other area of intimacy. It indicates that incredible trust and intimacy exists already between myself and the other person. And I have deliberately put limits on how intimate I become with people online.
Let me explain this a bit further. Pictures, etc., are not a limit for me because I am ashamed of my body or because I am insecure. I like my body, I'm just rather selective about who gets to see it. And while I am a sub, I don't really feel my body exists for everyone else's enjoyment. It isn't merely shyness that I need someone's help to get over, nor is it a defect that I need 'fixed', thank you kindly.
It is also not because I want everyone else to send me their pictures, etc, but am too selfish, manipulative, or inconsiderate to send my own back. As I said above, I never solicit them. I accept them when offered, and I appreciate the gesture, the choice and action behind it, and I endeavor to make my stance clear first. I want to be fair, and I don't want to offend anyone, but I will not reciprocate simply out of guilt.
Another misconception is that I do this because my Dom told me so. My Dom is one of extremely few people who has genuinely not put pressure on me in this area, but has left it entirely in my hands. I have chosen that such an intimate thing will be given to my Dom first, before I even remotely consider giving that part of myself to anyone else. If and when that time comes, I will let you all know :)
In a related note, I do believe that no one, including myself, is obligated to share pictures, etc., of themselves, unless this has been a specific agreement made in all willingness between dom and sub who are formally committed to one another OR is part of accepting a task, dare, etc. Then it would be part of that relationship/agreement. But apart from that, I don't believe it is a prerequisite for submission in general, as though it is almost morally wrong if I do not, as though I am inherently obligated to prove to the entire internet that I am female, that I have 44D breasts, that I am doing a task, etc. So if I've said it is a limit, I don't the sense in anyone demanding I break that limit simply on the grounds of me being a submissive.
If someone only wants and accepts pictures, etc. as proof of a task, then I am simply not the sub to take that task, and I sincerely hope they find someone to meet that desire. Same thing if someone doesn't like to play without a cam or a phone call - I am not going to be able to be the sub they want. And I do try to give enough description about my actions and thoughts as well as the physical sensations to compensate for not giving anything else. But no one has the right to try to coerce, guilt trip, manipulate, or trick me into doing things their way for one very simple reason: they do not own me.
Now, this causes some difficulties which I am tired of encountering. I try to ensure people know beforehand that I do not share pictures, etc. of myself, and I go into why if I am asked. I do not mind this at all, and actually often enjoy discussing it. What I don't like is when it goes beyond discussion, and I am frequently pressured, harassed, bullied, or ignored on this issue.
It's disappointing when someone sends me pictures, etc. so they have pretense to guilt me into reciprocating. It doesn't thrill me to be accused of being a tease because I don't just hand out dirty pictures, or told I'm not a real sub because I won't obey their every request. It can make me feel ignored when someone constantly asks if I want to send them pictures or tries to re-argue the issue when I have already told them 'no' repeatedly, as though they heard me but they didn't care enough to remember, take me seriously, or consider that I am capable of making decisions for myself. The worst for me, though, is when I am in the middle of a session and the person with whom I am playing starts telling me to break that limit, in full knowledge of the fact that it is a limit. That's when I feel bullied and betrayed, because I have trusted them to respect my limits in play and now that person is trying to demand I give up the very thing that makes me feel safe. I also feel disappointed in myself, strangely enough, because it makes me think I have failed in my efforts to please the dom. It's discouraging, and for that reason I would prefer to not play with those who want what I am unable to give, you feel me?
I understand that we are all human and we are going to forget, make mistakes, have instances of bad judgement, and I try to make as much of an allowance for that as I can while still keeping my sanity. I certainly do no fault any dom for forgetting one of my limits during play - the vast majority of the time the doms I've played with have been fantastic about things once I've given them a quick reminder. But I reach a point where if I don't feel that someone is willing to respect my choices, I am finished. If I state a limit and they take it as an invitation to push me, I am at risk. It isn't comforting, romantic, friendly, helpful, or enlightening. It's discouraging, frustrating, and hurtful, and it makes me not want to play with them anymore.
It is exhausting, always having to defend my decision beyond reasonable discussion. Trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and telling myself that they just forgot, when I know we literally just talked about it, and they aren't really asking me to favor them above my Dom. Or on the really bad occasions, trying to choke back the disappointment and think as hard I can that they aren't really that selfish and have such a low regard for me that they have consciously chosen to not care about my safety, my psychological and emotional comfort, and my commitment to my Dom.
Respecting my decision to not share pictures, video, and audio of myself really is about respecting me. It's my choice. It's my act of intimacy. I do not ask anyone to change their preferences to match mine, but I do not exist to follow everyone else's preference on the matter either.
Sharing myself in this way is deeply meaningful to me, and because of this I have chosen to take that step with my Dom. Perhaps someday I will share that part of myself with others, but today is not that day, and tomorrow isn't looking likely either. My devotion and trust lie ultimately with my Dom, above anyone else, so intimacy with me belongs to him first.
I should stop here; I want to follow up with a post on limits, but that's for another time. Thanks for reading :)