Slave tip reminder #1

[Etherialknight]

Here is a thought I haven't run across yet.

Set aside a time once a week where the slave can vent freely without having to worry about being punished.

Slave or not, it's tough having to hold your tongue all the time. This can build up and create all sorts of unpredictable results that seemingly come out of no where. Knowing that you can talk about an issue later freely and openly will free the slave from that distraction and the weekly discussions will allow the two to get to know each other in a much more deep and meaningful way.

In the end you will have a much closer relationship, a far happier slave and far fewer random surprises. Did I forget to mention the real prize...greater trust.

[Sum]

I never did see why people thought it necessary to have to set aside a time each week where they could communicate, a sub in my opinion shouldn't feel scared at any point to say if they're not enjoying something, or if something isn't right in the relationship form their point of view.

[SubMissChievous]

Sum, I understand what you mean and I wholeheartedly agree with you on how communication is crucial in a D/s relationship (just as in any kind of relationship, of course). But there’s not one way only to do that and for some people the process of opening up is not easy or natural at all.

Actually, at the beginning of my relationship as well as in my previous one, I used to have this “time of the week” although it was never really official, it was just something we did that way without it being scheduled in advance, where I would discuss with my Master about the last few days, how things went, etc. That was very important then because I’m a very introverted person by nature and I tend to keep things inside even when I know I shouldn’t. As much as I know how much important communicating is I had (and sometimes still have) this tendency to keep things inside. It was not by fear of being punished but more a personality thing that I needed to work on and having this time allowed helped me slowly feel more at ease with time to do it more spontaneously.

So, as much as I agree that a slave shouldn’t be scared to talk about what’s on their mind with their Masters, I can see how for some people this could be helpful, especially in the beginning of a relationship. In that same line of thought, writing a journal or something similar can also be an excellent tool.

So yeah, of course, communication is good, I think we’re all in agreement on this, and if tools like that can help some people to open up and feel more comfortable then I think they should go for it :)

[Etherialknight]

I agree Sum, fear should never be a factor and many relationships are set up where the slave has that kind of freedom. Many however are far more strict and true to form asking for a far greater amount of discipline and restraint from the slave. It is in these relationships where it's not trust that holds their tongue, but respect and loyalty to both their master and the ideals they believe in.

Regardless of how perfect both try to be, there will always be things left unsaid that we try to bury and forget about and fail. These things should not be hidden for they are important to you and so they are important to you both.

Don't think of this time as a whine session, but as a time where the slave can be open and honest. Where he/she can speak freely without guards and defenses. You can also use this time to give praise for things you noticed, progress that was made, make plans for what you want to work on and accomplish in the future. It's a special time like no other where it is only about the two of you and the lives that you share.

What is important here is to release any fears, doubts and frustrations that may be lingering and reinforce that as a master, you care and you are there no matter what, that your slave can trust being vulnerable to you on this level.

I hope I'm making sense. This is still a little new to me :)

[masterMR]

I allow my slaves to talk when not doing my command. I agree it helps build trust since it seems like u care about them.

[bones42]

This is why i have my slave keep a journal that way if she is not wanting to let me know right from her bout what she would feel better with doing or not doing she can write it done in there for me to read without being punished or talked to bout it at anypoint unless it needs to be talked over...

[forced_note]

I am a slave and ive been with my Master for a little more that 2 months. I just recently found this site when i was asked to find a punishment and have just been reading posts since so i finally became a member. He still doesn't know about the site though. But yeah with that whole idea about having a time to talk about concerns or anything sounds really good.

But how do you approach it if your Master doesnt want to really hear it???? I mean like fear is a huge thing He likes me feeling in the realtionship. Its really intimidating to bring anything up cause i get so worried ill get into trouble.

[tyte_linx]

Part of the fun for me is having the slave feel like a... slave. I do ask for input from my slave(s) on whats ok and not ok, but mostly in the beggining. I don't think its really needed to set a time for communication. If you want to be a nice master, you dont punish them if the situation is resonable, and if not, thats what the slave signed up for.

I think it's more important to make sure they know what they're gettin.

[SubMissChievous]

But how do you approach it if your Master doesnt want to really hear it???? I mean like fear is a huge thing He likes me feeling in the realtionship. Its really intimidating to bring anything up cause i get so worried ill get into trouble.

I'm afraid what I'm gonna say is probably not something you will like, forced_note, but personally if I ever had concerns and my Master would not want to hear about it I would really be worried to say the least... To be honest, I'm not even sure I would be able to fully trust him at all... I just don't understand how a slave can trust his/her Master when they are even afraid to talk with them out of fear :( No communication can't help build trust so where does a relationship goes without these two? :confused:

I know I said in my previous post that I like the idea of setting up a special time occasionally because even when the two have a good communication in general it's nice something to have also a time to look back and talk generally about things that went well, other things that needs to be worked on, etc. too. But no matter how two partners decide to "work" their relationship it should be done in good faith by both partners and not just be the slave's responsibility because it's just as important for the Master...