BDSM issues

[interesting]

Hello all. I'm reflecting on whether or not to include bondage in my stories. Now I know very little on the subject, not being into BDSM myself, and all I've gathered is from this site and some other sources. Some depictions in other stories have got me thinking. The attitudes of slaves/masters are puzzling to me. I'd like to understand more about the mindset of the relationship, but in the context of story-telling, so I can more accurately portray these characters should I choose to include them.

Here are some basic questions to get the topic going. Hopefully some of you can help.

What is a slave?

What is a master?

How does the relationship maintain itself?

Who has the real power, the slave or the master?

The submissiveness of the slave to his master and his identification to the master's gratification looks to me like a variation on the Stockholm syndrome. Am I off track or is there some association here?

Please feel free to comment.

[Collared_Slave]

um... ask fiendish or chloe or sugar.

[SubMissChievous]

Hello! :) I understand that you may be puzzled, especially by reading fictional BDSM stories. I am too because most stories do not particularly reflect reality (at least it sure does not looks like my own reality) and are most often based on fantasies. A lot of the stories on our site have been written by young users with limited BDSM experience too. I’m glad to see that you have chosen to research & ask around to make your story more “believable” and I’m gonna try to answer your questions. But I must say, first & foremost, that my answers are only based on my own personal opinions & experiences. They are not necessarily facts and another person could very well have different answers with that in mind.

What is a slave?

It’s awfully hard to give a definite answer because it is different from one person to another. For me I could explain it by saying that my need to submit & the reason why I’m into a Master/slave relationship is a deep need for control. As much as one relationship is different from another I think that one common denominator between most slaves is that word: control. What can differ is what is controlled exactly & how much control a slave wants to give to their Master. For me, I’ve always been aware of my need for control, even when I was a kid. It just grew with time & experience. For example, I got started with my ex-boyfriend in RL. It wasn’t a “real” Master/slave thing but did experiment with the most common stuff I guess like spankings, etc. But after some time I realized that just a few playin’ every once in a while was definitely not enough for me and that I wanted it in a more regular basis. Currently, I do have a regular online relationship that’s been working very well for over 9 months so far. I have rules that concerns my clothing, eating, sleeping, etc. That’s not something that all slaves want or have and some of them would find such rules too restrictive but, for me, I don’t feel restricted by them. I truly need those to feel “safe”. If I were to have only tasks & such with no “guidance” in between I would not feel as nearly as comfortable as I am with them being the “outline” of my slavery. Yet, it has not always been like that, it only grew to this point with time… And as far as my tasks goes, the only way I could describe is to say that my only concern as a slave is that what I do will please my Master. It doesn’t really matter whether I like the act itself or not. As lon as it makes my Master happy & it is within my limits then it makes me happy too, Bottom line.

What is a Master?

I don’t think I will ever be able to explain it. Ever… :D So I’m gonna let “someone else” answer:

http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=7645

How does the relationship maintain itself?

I could answer a very long answer again but all it would come down to is that it maintain itself through a mutual understand & communication. To use again my own situation for examples: like I said, yeah I do have restrictive rules & the tasks’ main purpose are to make my Master happy but that doesn’t mean that I have nothing to say about them. Most of my tasks, rules, etc are discussed both before & after. It’s very important for my Master to have as much insight on what I like, dislike, fear, want, need, etc. so he can take the appropriate decisions or just to understand my reactions. Same goes for me too… Being the slave doesn’t mean I can’t ask the same questions too.

Who has the real power, the slave or the master?

Interesting question and, as much as I don’t like admitting it, I would have to say both. Of course, a Master normally has the last say & makes decisions but in the end both parties’ happiness is important and a Master who would not take his slave’s well-being in account would find himself slaveless and consequently, powerless as well. A Master who is unwilling to negociate at times is definitely making things harder for himself as much as for his slave.

The submissiveness of the slave to his master and his identification to the master's gratification looks to me like a variation on the Stockholm syndrome. Am I off track or is there some association here?

Yeah I understand what you mean as I’ve had thoughts about it before too… But the main difference here is that being a slave in BDSM context is a free choice & I have no reason to feel like a victim since I chose my lifestyle based on my own needs that were already there before I got into this. Yeah there could be some parallels between the two but it’s still different because of the “freedom of choice” context.

I hope my answers will of some help for you. I could have also pointed you a few links to some other threads but I don’t want to swarm you with loads of reading that you may not be interested in. But in case you would like to then feel free to tell me so either here or in PM & I will give those to you via private messaging.

Good luck & inspiration with your story-writting :)

[Bandit|Queen]

I'm gana move your thread to the M/s longue. Although you are asking for ideas for your story I think it is better suited there and will hopefully get more replies because of the questions you are asking :)

Would arnswer the thread fully but these questions are something I feel differ for each person/relationship and you need to make your own mind up through experiance. Especially the "what is a slave/Master" questions. My views on these all change daily, quite literally and I now disagree witht things I thought even a few months a go.

I don't feel I have enough experiance to arnswer you fully or explain my views properly to you. Read around and make up your own mind.

These questions have no right or wrong arnswer so don't let yourself be pigeon holed or swayed by what others say. Go with what you feel/think for now and enjoy your experiances. So your stories may be fantasy? Who cares? If you enjoy writting them and its a way for you to explore your ideas and feeling then go for it!

[interesting]

Okay. No problem for the move. And thanks chloe for the answers. They do help.