Discussion: Slut

[Officelover]

getDare seems to use the word slut as often rappers use the N-word. Both words are widely used in many circles within many contexts. Both are, or at least once were, insults designed to degrade people. Both are considered politically incorrect by people outside of the social circle the slur is used in.

I guess the question I'm asking is whether or not people think the usage of the word 'slut' is acceptable. There has been a movement in recent years towards ending 'slut-shaming', and third-wave feminism is decidedly more on the sex-positive edge.

So, as a kinkster, and as a human being, when do you think it is acceptable to use the word 'slut' and its similar insults? Have you ever been slut-shamed? Do you think of yourself (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut) as a slut? Is there such thing as a slut after all?

[justJane]

I think first off I will say that I am (mostly) not offended with the word slut being used in a BDSM context. I also have a bit of a thing at times with verbal degradation that includes the term slut - in specific situations.

Generally, I think it is a horrible, sexist word. I consider myself a feminist, which caused me to struggle some with my submissive inclinations - and with my verbal degradation turn on. In the 'real world' if someone uses the term I tend to think they are a sexist asshole. Unless, of course, I know them and know their intention.

But in the BDSM context I understand there are women (like me at times) that like being called slut, so it is kind of owning the term. Much like bitch and cunt can be owned.

But, yeah, if I were out and overheard someone using any of those terms I would think they were a sexist dick. Unless it is in the right context. ;)

I don't know if that helps.

To answer your last questions: I have been slut-shamed when there was no cause for it and it was hurtful at the time because I was young and sensitive, but I also turned it into a joke. I do not consider myself a slut. I also do not think there is such a thing as a slut (it is okay for women to like sex).

[Happy Me]

I don't really ever like the word. I do understand that the use of it is some people's kink, and I respect that, but when I am reading through gd stuff and someone starts using those words in writings geared toward the general public (especially referring to the gd audience as a whole with those words, like here (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=144687)), I get a skeezy feeling. I don't mind as much when someone is calling themselves a slut, because, you know, self-identification is pretty important. Also, if I see someone start a thread asking for ideas/punishments/dares, and they don't call themselves a slut, and then one of the people responding calls them a slut... idk, it just rubs me the wrong way...

I have never been slut shamed. By that Ethical Slut guideline, I am definitely a slut, but I do not call myself such. I was not raised to think there was anything wrong with sex, sex before marriage, or masturbation. I think that sex is one of the many amazing ways we can explore during our short lives here, and it is a way to form different kinds of intimate connections with people. So, I don't believe there is such a thing as a 'slut', just some people enjoying sex more than others.

Reclaimers, and people who like that as a kink, they can use it, and I respect that. I won't. :) Out in the general public, if someone uses it, I walk the other direction as fast as I can.

[**Mandi**]

I agree completely with both of the two posts before me. After reading them, since they basically said everything I would have, I don't have much to add.

I, understand and am fine with it's use in the BDSM world when the one being called it has said that name-calling or degradation is okay with them. I personally get turned on from being called a slut in a BDSM situation but in real life get highly offended if someone calls me a slut. This is basically what Jane and Happy said above me.

And as for the last question, yes. I have been slut shamed and called a slut. Being someone who is highly sensitive to what others think and very susceptible to having a bad self image of myself I was really hurt by it. It actually happened throughout high school on more than one ocassion and I can say I ended up in tears because of it a lot. I do think of myself as a slut and I can honestly say it is probably as a result of hearing myself called it by others so many times. If I had never been insulted as such I probably would have no negative thoughts towards myself for my sexual choices because I don't ever think of other girls as sluts, as I don't really care what anyone chooses to do sexually. There is nothing wrong with sex, it is everyone's personal choice.

So yeah, I am completely against the use of the word in any context where the person being insulted has not agreed to it because I think it can be detrimental to one's own opinion of themselves.

[MissMaria]

I also agree with the above answers, in the right setting and with the right person it is just harmless, but as with everything there is a limit and when it is used outside that it is a hurtful statement.

I do consider myself a slut, but not by the regular terms, with myself it is based upon the way I dress and not my sexual activity, I have always slanted towards mini skirts and other tarty/slutty (at least in my opinion) Clothing, but that said I would never use the word towards anyone else for the way they dress/act or things they do unless it was a joke between friends or something that particular person enjoys, I also as with above do get annoyed when people that don't know me call me a slut, its not so much that it upsets me (although it douse) more that there invading a personal place when I don't even know them.