New to Master/slave

[auroranh]

a guy, who i like (who is a dom) recently proposed the idea of perhaps having a Master/slave relationship with me. he said that i exhibited characteristics of a slave. he patiently answered all my questions thoughtfully and throughly . i told him that i needed time to consider it and do more research about it before i agree to it. i started to research on the internet and i could not find much in the way of information. I have read many of the posts here and am beginning to get a good idea of this type of relationship. but i had a few more questions, if you all would be willing to help. i am not here to judge anybody, i am here to just get more information.

why do slaves choose the lifestyle? the guy who proposed this to me says that i need to find out if i truly want to do this.

how would i go about discussing a trial period with him to see if it works, if i decide to go through with this?

is there a difference between Master/slave and Dom/sub?

thanks for you help!

[appy6789]

a guy, who i like (who is a dom) recently proposed the idea of perhaps having a Master/slave relationship with me. he said that i exhibited characteristics of a slave. he patiently answered all my questions thoughtfully and throughly . i told him that i needed time to consider it and do more research about it before i agree to it. i started to research on the internet and i could not find much in the way of information. I have read many of the posts here and am beginning to get a good idea of this type of relationship. but i had a few more questions, if you all would be willing to help. i am not here to judge anybody, i am here to just get more information.

why do slaves choose the lifestyle? the guy who proposed this to me says that i need to find out if i truly want to do this.

how would i go about discussing a trial period with him to see if it works, if i decide to go through with this?

is there a difference between Master/slave and Dom/sub?

thanks for you help!
The life style is because either they were tricked into it or they have fantisies or they are curious about it.

I would probably just tell him you want to see what it is like and see if you can go from there,

No there isn't

[Insomnia]

To start at the beginning, some people define a difference between Master/slave and Dom/sub...others don't. Those who do define a difference would probably say that a slave has no choice, and his/her only purpose should be to please Master...whereas a sub can set limits, and has more say in general. At the end of it all, IMO it's all about the parties within the relationship - there has to be trust and understanding, and the dynamic in each relationship is different, so choose whichever label suits you if you want one!

slaves (or subs) choose the lifestyle for many reasons...the thing to remember is that you need to do it because YOU want to...not because you like the guy, and he wants to. Do you like the idea of someone having control over you, of you having no choice but to aquiesce to his requests?

As for discussing a trial period with him...how about "how would you feel about a trial period?" - this works for some people, not for others!

Hope this helps! :)

[willsmall]

Welcome.
I'd say you need to get the ground-rules very firmly fixed at the outset. Lots of talk at the start may seem boring, but it's essential to know that you're on the same wavelength regarding your limits and his expectations. I presume this is not an internet relationship, so you need to be very, very cautious about things like any suggestion of bondage etc.
Just take the same precautions you would if you were going out with a new boyfriend ... but times ten, and ask yourself if you will like him just as much when he has you totally under his control.

[Merlin]

The question of the why is hard to answer as this is really very different from person to person. It can range from feeling safe and secure with someone watching over you, or seeing it as a kick up to wanting to feel lower than someone else (only examples there are a lot more reasons than that and often it is a mixture of them )
To find out if you want to do it you may ask yourself a few questions, like "Do you like the feeling of being without control of yourself", "do you like to feel owned" but also that really depends on the relationship. As there is no one Master or one Slave. And one Master/Slave relationship can be very different to another one, just like 2 normal relationships will always be a bit different.

Before you think of a trial period or something like that you should first know if it is something you want. I see no reason why you should set a strict period for this or even get into a strict Master slave relationship to find this out... Try to learn more about it first and especially what and if you like it before you think of getting a trial period of some sort...

to the question about Master/Dom i think Insomnia explanation hits it quite good

You could also read some of the threads in my signature...

[Bandit|Queen]

The life style is because either they were tricked into it or they have fantisies or they are curious about it.

Hu? I've not been tricked into it for sure and don't know anyone who has, some feel they need the control and restrictions it goes beyond fantasy and some fall into it and don't even know they are curious to begin with. Don't think you can genralise like that really.

First off there is no way to explain why I personally like a Dom/sub relationship or why I like to submit. I think for some its a kink, others is a whole way of life and others they like the humiliation. It all depends on the individual.

I agree with Merlin, see how it goes. Find out exactly what he expects from you as his submissive. He may just want to controll you sexually or he might want full on all the time submission which could cover what you eat, wear etc. He can't expect you just to be able to do all this with no problems straight off, so make sure he excepts you will probably want to start off slowly. A trial period isn't a bad idea but I would recommened just seeing how it goes and not having a strict time frame again like Merlin said. You can stop it anytime you like to, no submissive should be forced into anything against their will! It sounds like he is intelligent enough to know you will have lots of questions and my best peace of advice I think would be to keep asking them. Even if it developes into Dom/sub never be affraid to ask, even if you think you'll sound silly. Its best to be clear than have it creat problems.


The difference between Dom/sub and Master/slave all depends on an individuals opinion there is no guid lines for this. Ask him what he thinks the difference is, that would be a good starting point as you will be working to his ideas for most of the time. In my personal opinion a Master controlls outside of the bed room and looks after your well being as well as everything else and a slave submits to more than just sexual they give up as much controll to their Dominant as they can. His views might be totally different though so ask :) And like Insomnia said they are labels, so choose which one you like best.

One thing is never give up your right to say no. I don't care what any Dominant says slaves and subs can still say no and have limits. These should be discussed but if you don't want to do something then say. You aren't any less a submissive for not wanting to do something you hate :D

[SubMissChievous]

Like other posters above already said the reasons as to why slaves choose this lifestyle are multiple & can be quite different from one another. The only common trait I can find is that for most slaves serving their Masters, being controled, etc. makes them happy. It's very important for slaves or subs to get some satisfaction out of it, obviously. So the guy who proposed this to you is absolutely right by saying that you need to find whether this is what you want because in the end slaves are into this lifestyle for themselves as much as for their Masters.

A trial period doesn't sound bad to me but maybe proposing to start "easy & slow" & work up as the relationship would progress would be even a better way of you getting into it should you decide to jump into it since you're new at this.

As for the difference between Master/slave & Dom/sub... I think there are just as many definitions for them as there are people into the lifestyle :D But basically the difference for most is often described as a slave is being controled not only "in the bedroom" with stricter sets of rules & such vs. a sub who would have more leeway in the relationship. I think the best thing would be to ask this guy what his own views are about it & also whether he prefers a slave or a sub according to his own perception of both.

Since you're new & searching for information I'm gonna post a few links to some resource websites that hopefully could be helpful and/or interesting for you (or anyone else who is curious to learn more about D/s) :)

http://www.bdsmcentral.com/bdsm/index.htm

http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm

http://www.bdsmcircle.net/welcome.htm

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Default1.htm

http://evilmonk.org/A/menu.cfm

http://www.seekers.org.uk/home.htm

http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Good luck to you! :)

[sub_at_heart]

I dont know about anyone else, but i like being a slave/sub because i feel safe, secure, cared for. I dont have to think, Master does that for me. He knows me, and would never hurt me. Yes, the punishments arent fun, but they are given out of love, to teach me to be better. I dont see a difference between sub and slave, but some people might. I hope that helps some.:o

[Isabell]

why do slaves choose the lifestyle? the guy who proposed this to me says that i need to find out if i truly want to do this.

how would i go about discussing a trial period with him to see if it works, if i decide to go through with this?

is there a difference between Master/slave and Dom/sub?

The best bet to figure out why they choose to be a slave/sub is to ask them. Chloe had it right when she said that deep down it makes them happy. Not all D/s relationships are about sex. Keep that in mind as you learn more about the lifestyle. Ask any question you have about the lifestyle to others in the lifestyle. Ask multiple people the same question, including him. Ask him about talking to some of his former slaves/subs. This will not only tell you more about the lifestyle but his personal style as well. It sounds like he may have a clue. Ask to talk with other Doms he knows. See what others say about him. Have you asked him where to find information?

Communication is extremely important. There is no such thing as a stupid question, unless you never ask it to anyone. Be honest by telling him that you want to take it slow and that you have no experience. But let him know that if you decide to go through with this that you are going to give it an honest try. I have no idea how often you see him, but most people will know in one month if they really like the lifestyle or not. Many will know in a shorter amount of time, but one month will give you a chance to experience more than just the good things. You have to have a lot of trust. One of the questions you need to ask yourself is can you trust him not to harm your body, spirit or mind. Not every thing is physical, there is a large portion that is mental.

The biggest difference between submissive and slave is that a submissive has the right and control in any situation to stop the session for any reason. A submissive has the right to use safe words and explain at that moment in time why they are being used. A submissive has the right to question the use of any tool on them or any punishment. A submissive has the right to ask any point time to talk as equals about the relationship.

A slave for the most part gives up the right to say no. A slave can not stop a session unless it is violating one of his/her limits or in my opinion causing major injury. A slave can not question the use of a tool on them unless it is out side the area of tools that has been agreed upon prior to the relationship starting or it is a tool that was previously agreed upon to never be used. The slave's frequency of being allowed to talk about the relationship openly and honestly is controlled. (A good Master/Mistress will permit this once a week, the time limit should be for however long it takes to work out any issues that may arise.)