Unwanted Pain

[meeacaroline]

My boyfriend and I have known for a while that I'm tight. We realized it right when we started experimenting and one finger tore me open.
And then, when we started *trying* to have sex, we realized it hadn't been fixed because it took 3 months longer than we planned because it just wouldn't go in.
When we were finally able to, I couldn't last 2 minutes before I was screaming in pain and he had to stop. The next 10 or so times we ripped the surrounding muscles.
We've been at it for almost a year now and I still sometimes cry because it hurts. I don't know if it does for you guys or not, but crying tends to really ruin the mood for us.
The strange thing is, we can't find a rhyme or reason to when I'm going to be too tight. We use about the same amount of foreplay each time. We make sure there's plenty of lube (natural or store-bought) and we usually try some sort of fingering first.
I was wondering if anybody has any advice on what we can do to solve the problem. It makes us really limited in what we can do because even on good days sometimes things go wrong and if I'm awkwardly positioned we have to stop and so we both miss out.
Things we've tried: Me playing on a regular basis, toys, extra foreplay, working through it and hoping it will help it to be better later, and different positions.
I hope this post isn't too vague, but its late and I'm planning on seeing him tomorrow so I was hoping to get some ideas before I head over.
Thanks in advance --Meea

[Dom6BDSM]

What you are experiencing is not as uncommons as you think. There are many who can experience these kind of problems.

if you are lucky its just psykologically and you are invouluntary tensing your muscles and there is some problem with the vagina walls beeing easily irritated in some way.

if you are unlucky:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulvodynia

[meeacaroline]

Well, that's nice. At best I'm involuntarily doing it to my self in such a way that I probably can't fix without a lot of effort and the more thought I put into it the less likely it is to get better.
And at worst I have a vague, at best, condition that has treatments that are vague at best that may be incurable and can potentially last forever.
Mmhmm things seem to be going in my favor. :/

[sweetsong]

It could be because of lots of things. Unusually thick or strong hymen, oddly placed cervix, oddly shaped pelvic area, etc. If you have never seen a gynecologist, you should anyways just because you are sexually active now, but also because they could start pointing you in the right direction.

You have no pain when penetrating yourself with other objects, just with his penis? Is his penis wider or longer than other things you use?

Definitely something to talk about with a doctor.

[meeacaroline]

Oh, I hate doctors, although I suppose I might have to. I went a long time ago and just haven't gone back since. My doctor has very strange hours and you have to set the appointment ridiculously far in the future :(

[sweetsong]

Oh, I hate doctors, although I suppose I might have to. I went a long time ago and just haven't gone back since. My doctor has very strange hours and you have to set the appointment ridiculously far in the future :(

Make an appointment with a gynecologist. (: And if you're a person who doesn't like visiting a doctor, read up about the gynecologists in your area. I'm sure there's lots of reviews online. Women like to share their bad experiences. lol Then you can find one you could feel more comfortable about going to.

[meeacaroline]

Sadly, I meant gynecologist. Although my doctor is the same way. My mom chooses these people that are really great, so they can afford to have awful hours, and so they're never available :(

[Thesubinme]

I'd also strongly recommend going to a gynecologist. If you're having such problems, everything should be checked. Don't expect a solution there, but at least he/she can check and exclude some possible causes to find a solution to your problem.

[meeacaroline]

An appointment has been set up. They happened to have a cancellation this morning for 2 months from now. The lady told me that from now on I should schedule 6 months in advance :/

[Castaway Darling]

I had a similar problem, and I was also pretty much a virgin before bumping uglies with my current boyfriend. (As in, I had had only one sexual encounter before my current boyfriend). My OB suggested two things before doing actual testing:

Option A:
She suggested a "stretching" kit. Basically its a set of phallic shaped objects that you can insert for period of time to help your vaginal muscles adjust to having something inside. You slowly move from the smallest one (which I think its about the size of a finger or two, to one that is the size of an average/slightly above average penis).

Option B (and the one I would try first, because its free):
If you're involuntarily tightening during sex because you're nervous, have a mental block, etc whatever the case may be, my OB suggested that I have an orgasm BEFORE any actual penetration from the penis happens. She said that you're more relaxed, both physically and mentally. If you're used to sex = crying/pain/bad experience then your mind kicks into overdrive and it will hurt because you're tensed up, nervous, and expectant of the pain.

Hopefully either of those work, and if not you should definitely see a OB/GYN about it because it could be something more serious. <3

[meeacaroline]

So for anyone that's curious. I finally had my appointment and it pretty much turns out everyone was wrong :P
At the entrance there are several glands. These glands, just like any other, can get swollen. Mine appear to be pretty much always slightly swollen which means when they are actually swollen it can get really bad.
He said it was a problem but not a serious one, but there's nothing he can do. So, he gave me some gel that will numb it.... yup.

[AtticsToEden]

Well, at least now you know what it is, and that it's not too serious. The idea of a 'stretching kit' sounds like it might be worth a try. Keep us updated, I hope you find a solution!

[Star Shadows]

An appointment has been set up. They happened to have a cancellation this morning for 2 months from now. The lady told me that from now on I should schedule 6 months in advance :/

Thats incredibly useful if you have a problem that is effecting you immediately >.< 6 month in advance is far from practical. Sorry to hear that there isnt very much he can do to help you xx hope things get better meea