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Old 06-28-2010, 11:17 AM   #1
MarisaLaugh
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Default [Fiction] My borther's sleepover

This is my first story, so don't laugh!
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Chapter 1

My brother Birthday Party was a blow. We had cake and ice-cream and all of the other things a 5 year old could want. Too bad we aren’t five! Even my parents noticed that the decorations and food choice was a bit childish, and that’s how it all started.
When the party was over, we were all relieved that we didn’t have to pretend to like everything. Most of the guests went home, but five of them stayed. Jake (My brother) had invited Ryan, Jacob, Gage, Justin, and Seth to stay for a sleepover. And, like all sleepovers, I wasn’t invited. So I was left to play video games (Bio-Shock!) alone.
Too bad for them. While I as entertained by my game, they were awfully quiet in there. It didn’t sound like they were having too much fun.
Out of the blue, Gage casually walks out of Jake’s room and sits next to me. My mind was racing as to how come he was in here and not with the rest of the guys. I’ve had a crush on Gage ever since I met him! Why would he want to separate himself from the party? Then, my mind was shushed as he said, “You want to come play truth or dare with us?” Darn, Jake had probably put him up to it.
“Nah, I’m good out here.” I answered. If Jake had anything to do with it (which he probably did), then I didn’t want to fall for it.
“Come on, it will be fun!” he said as he took my hands and pulled me to my feet. We walked into Jake’s room. I suspected the worst.


So guys, how did you like it? Should I keep writing or not??? Tell me what you think!!!!
Well, since I’ve already started, I’m going to go ahead and write Chapter 2!


Chapter 2


I walked into Jake’s room, followed by Gage. All eyes were on me as everyone fell silent. Then Jake’s voice piped up, “So, who wants to go first?”
I really did enjoy truth or dare, but I was afraid. I mean, Jake would definitely make me do something embarrassing. And my crush was here!
“I will!” Jacob said. He was a big kid, with short, light brown hair. He was probably 6ft 2’. I was almost 1 ft shorter than him. Well, I am 1 ft shorter than him, but that’s not the point. “Now, Seth, truth or dare?” He said, trying to sound menacing.”
“Truth.” Seth answered softly. He was a short fellow, skinny, with light brown hair that was about ear length. He was definitely the smallest one here.
“Wuss, but okay,” Jacob said. “Have you ever had a gay moment?”
“No!” Seth said. But I had a feeling that if anyone in this room was gay, it would be him.
“Okay, now, Gage. Truth or dare?” Seth asked
“Dare!” Gage exclaimed, trying to show off being the first one to pick dare.
“I dare you to…take off your pants and leave them off for the rest of the game!” Seth said, proud to have come up with a dare like that.
“Dude, I can’t do that, there is a girl in here!” He practically whispered.
“You have to, or you get punished, which would be way worst!
Seth explained.
“Fine.” Gage said, turning around and slowly pulling down his jeans.
If that was what the first dare was, I hate to think about what would happen when thet were all warmed up!
“Marisa, truth or dare?” Gage asked me.
“Truth.” I said shyly.
“Okay, is it true that you like someone in this room?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Really? Who is it?” Gage asked. He looked like he really wanted to know.
“Whoa, hold up! You only get 1 question!” I laughed. “Ryan, truth or dare?”

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Okay guys. Do you like it?? Any suggestions on what Ryan should have to do??
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Old 06-28-2010, 03:09 PM   #2
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i would like to read more kool!
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Old 06-28-2010, 03:17 PM   #3
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This story has potential. I like that it doesn't rush like some stories here. Keep it up.
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Old 06-28-2010, 04:08 PM   #4
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Thanks guys, but I really need suggestions for Ryan and what he should do!
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:14 PM   #5
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Best start since 'This baby sitting job isn't working out..' I like how you just started with your story, no names, character details, or anything. I figured 'your' character was female, but had to wait and find out, which I like. Most stories just state names & details, I like these kind better.

There could have been more detail at the very begining with the party, and I see you have yet to set an age group, that is usually important, but I have a feeling that will be including the same as the other details, atleast I'm hoping it is.

Really good start, keep it up.
(I wasn't planning on even logging in today, but I had to comment here.)
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:41 PM   #6
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i like it, keep it up!
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Old 06-30-2010, 02:51 PM   #7
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Great start keep it up.
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Old 06-30-2010, 03:11 PM   #8
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Default Potential!!

it has a lot of potential marisa, just increase the detail and maybe describe the characters a little at the outset to get everyone interested....
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Old 06-30-2010, 03:17 PM   #9
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I still don't know what to do wit Ryan!!!!
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Old 06-30-2010, 03:21 PM   #10
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Keep it up great start great layout looking forward to more parts
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Old 07-03-2010, 04:52 PM   #11
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This is really good, I have already subscribed to this thread, and eagerly look forward to the rest of this story...
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:17 AM   #12
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Ok for an idea make Ryan put somthing like birthday cake down his pants or have him go do a little streaking outside hope thou helps
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Old 07-06-2010, 09:53 AM   #13
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Thanks Guys, your replies were very helpful.
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"Ok Ryan, truth or dare?" I asked.
Ryan was a boy that wasn't skinny, but was a long way from being fat. He played Baseball actively, but was extremely shy. Even though he was shy, I knew what he was going to say.
"Dare." He said. Crap, I didn't really have a dare in mind. So I just improvised when I said, "Ok, I dare you to run around the block..." I started.
"I can do that!" He boasted.
"...Wearing only a diaper." I finished.
His face fell. He looked helplessly around the room, looking for someone to object. No one did. I can't believe I came up with that. Feeling proud of myself, I went out of the room, walked down the hall and then down the stairs. I opened the door to my parents room, which was only two steps away from the base of the stairs. I only went to grab the diaper, but the camera on the bedside table seemed very useful. I put it into my pocket and went back up stairs.
When I got back into the room, evewrything seemed normal. I guess this wasn't that challenging of a dare. Maybe not, but that didn't stop me from tossing Ryan the diaper. He went into the bathroom that was connected to Jake's room. It wouldn't be long before we headed towards the door.
* * *
Ryan came out, looking riduculous in the diaper that was pretty small for him. I akmost started laughing, but I held myself back. His face was already red, but that might've because he'd never so much as taken his shirt off in PE in front of girls.
We all walked out of the front door, Jake going out first. Only a few lights were actually off around the block. It was still only 10 o'clock, which meant more risk of getting caught.
"So I just run? All the way around? What if I get caught?" Ryan asked.
"Run as fast as you want. All the way around. And if you get caught? Keep running." I answered.
He started off at a slow jog, then sped up a little. He was already 1/4 of the way around. He just turned the corner, which means we couldn't see himm anymore. In a few minutes (if he kept up this pace) he would be done.
All of us waited patiently. Only a few more seconds.
"There he is." Gage pointed out. "And here he comes." And he was. Running in a full out sprint. He was sown the short street in less than a minute.
"Done." He said.
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Old 07-06-2010, 04:48 PM   #14
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He slowed down as he saw us. The boys, for some odd, boyish reason, decide to have a dog-pile. This was my oppurtunity to take my pic. I snapped a few as they finall stood up, which put Ryam in perfect veiw. I quickly put the camera back in my pocket as we walked back inside.
* * *
"Jacob, truth or dare?" Ryan asked, after he got dressed in normal clothes again.
"Dare, definetly man." Jacob answered.
"I dare you to turn around and not move until each of us have given you a wedige!" Ryan said.
Jacob stood up and turned around. The next person to get up was Ryan. He stood behind Jacob, turned back for some encouragment, and reached down Jacob's pants. He yanked up sharply, and Jacob almost yelped, but he stopped himself. Ryan almost picked him up; Jacob was on tip-toes. Finally, Ryan let go.
"Who's next?" He asked.
Seth stood up and walked over. "I am." He said.
He grabbed onto Jacob's underwear and attempted to give him an atomic wedgie. It didn't reach (or he wasn't strong enough) and he let go.
He then said, "Who ever gives him an atomic gets one free pass!"
Justin jumped uo and grabbed on. Justin was a short (Not as short as Seth) skinny boy with dirty blonde hair. He got his underwear halfway up his back, farther than Seth, but not far enough.
Jake got up and tried. Again, it was a fail. It only went 3/4 of the way up.
Then it was Gage's turn. He got it all the way to Jacob's neck. Not high enough.
I guess it was because his underwear was stretched out, or maybe becuase I'm super strong, but I got it over his head and hooked it under his chin.
Success!!!
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Old 07-06-2010, 04:49 PM   #15
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Default I forgot to add this part.

I stepped back to admire my work. Everybody walked up to inspect. I took out the camera, and snapped a couple pictures.
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