Sub Frenzy (a.k.a Sub Fever)

[SubMissChievous]

Note: This post is about Sub Frenzy but, like for everything else, it can apply to Doms as well. Dom Frenzy DOES exist too. But I'm writing this from a sub's perspective for obvious reasons But Doms are, of course, welcome to share and contribute their own experiences and knowledge from their side of the coin.

Hello, my name is Chloe and I am an unowned slave. I want a Master and I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!

No.. not really. But how many times have we seen this happen? Someone enters the chat room, offer their service to everyone in there... Or subs that post an ad only to proudly announce a couple hours later that they are owned... Then they post a new ad a few weeks later... Because, oh surprise (!) it did not work.

This is what is commonly called «Sub Frenzy» or sometimes «Sub Fever».

Sub Frenzy often hits new and younger submissives who suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to find a Dom ASAP.

When we are new to this whole new BDSM World we can find ourselves like children in a candy store. A newbie reads about BDSM, finds getDare, read stories and see that they are not alone to feel these desires and that, yes, it's all possible to find someone to share those desires and it gets them hot. The idea of being controlled, bound, spanked is highly appealing to them and these subs begin to crave the play that comes with a D/s relationship. So next they are seeking that romantic «Fantasy Dom» that will keep them naked and chained to their bed (or computer) 24/7 in a constant state of arousal.

But Sub Frenzy can also happen to those who have been involved in the lifestyle for a while too, to submissives who just ended a relationship or even to those who are in a relationship. During this Sub Frenzy state a sub feels a desperate need to have their desires, sometimes even unrealistic fantasies, fulfilled. Some subs may go through a few short relationships and breakups and they get increasingly impatient and sick of waiting for «Master Right». Some subs who are already in a relationship can see their needs or desires grow into something specific and want that one single thing so bad that they either will «push» their current Dom to give it to them or try to seek it somewhere else. A sub who has detached from their Dom will often sooner or later project their availability and desire for a new play partner.

When these needs and desires gets too high what it does is that it alters common sense, cause them to make poor decisions and needlessly compromise their values and self-awareness just to fulfill those cravings. Too often, a person «suffering» from sub frenzy will think «I am being careful, I know I am» while going out and offering themselves to just about the first person that seem available to fulfill these desires or accept an offer from the first person they meet or even accept to be «owned and collared» within just a few hours!

But what does someone do when they want so bad to get this taste of what they are craving so badly but yet have not found «The One»? Is there even something you can do?

Yes, there are things you can do: You can prepare yourself.

- If you are all new and green to all this: EDUCATE YOURSELF. Do not wait for some Master to teach you «how to be a sub». There are some people out there who are more than willing to tell you that «their way is the right way»... But the reality is that you have to know yourself first what really interest you, what scares you, what you want... You have to have at least an idea of what you really want out of such a relationship before entering one that may not meet your needs.

- I've said this before but I think there are still many people who don't realize how helpful this can be: NETWORK. Go out there, meet and talk with other subs and Doms. Read, particiapte in discussions, ask questions. There's a wealth of information and support out there that only waits to be exploited And as far as meeting a new Dom, you may actually find out that this can actually be a much better and effective way to do so than advertising and chatrooms. Among those who have been together for more than a few weeks/months I personally know MORE for whom it worked that way (including myself).

- Why not fill a checklist? You don't need to wait to be owned to do so If you are new to BDSM you will most likely find some activities in there that you have never heard of or just have a vague idea. Google them and learn about them.

- Speaking of BDSM activities... If you are seeking an online relationship you may also want to learn about safety and «how-to-do» stuff. As you will most likely have to perform some things by yourself like self-bondage, self-spanking, self-wax play, etc. It's never too soon to learn the basics, especially when you will have to eventually do these things to yourself one day.

- Another idea for online subs: set a few routines for yourself. Often newbie subs really want to be controled, have some rules set for them but once they have some in a new relationship, they find themselves overwhelmed with them as they are not prepared for it. Self-discipline is a great asset for online subs as we don't have our Doms behins us at all times to check if we do everything right.

- Do NOT compromise what is important for you. Everyone, subs and Doms alike, have their own values, expectations, limits, goals, etc. Just because you're a sub does not mean you aren't entitled to be picky! Still too many times, people who are into that frenzy state will accept to settle for less than what they need to be fulfilled and happy.

- You are still not owned but really want to «play» or at least experiment with some things? Ask for dares. Post a thread in TorD Online. Or browse the Dice Dares section on this site. You will still have a chance to try new things while having a «safety net» in knowing you can stop it if it does not feel right.

And last but not least... arm yourself with patience, a positive attitude, and respect yourself and be safe. Know that this Sub Frenzy state that you are going through is not uncommon at all. Almost everyone involved in this lifestyle have or will experience it one day.

[Star Shadows]

This is an excelent thread, I can only echo what Chloe has said in respects to this, I have seen this before, and I think from what I have read, also experienced it first hand without knowing it, and through not doing this the first time, I can safely say that chloe is right again as I can see now that there is a lot of that I wished I'd done.

Its briliant that threads like this are being made, they will help lots of people.

[sweetsong]

I pushed the gD "like" button because this is well written and true.

Good advice (:

The best dom/sub stuff I've run into in my short life happened completely on accident, not through a desperate ad...

[444]

I actually think if you're a new sub waiting to explore the world of bdsm, it is actually better to have a few small flings here and there first to you know.. test the waters and see what you do or do not like before going into "serious" mode.

[SubMissChievous]

Originally Posted by 444

I actually think if you're a new sub waiting to explore the world of bdsm, it is actually better to have a few small flings here and there first to you know.. test the waters and see what you do or do not like before going into "serious" mode.

Yes it does work for some (not everyone) but my post is about sub frenzy and not really what type of relationship or is better

Regardless of whether one is seeking a long-term relationship or a "fling" pretty much all the points in my post apply and I don't see education, self-awareness and safety as any less important when someone is more inclined to seek casual partner (s), especially if someone is experiencing sub frenzy.

[Anjelen]

Only thanked for a great thread because i'm on my phone right now. Remind me to really reply here, later.

[Chloe Edit: Thanks for the "Thanks" and oh, yeah, I will remind you if you forget to reply ]

[Anjelen Edit: Well, looks like you nolonger have to remind me. ]

First of all, Chloe - You wrote a great article indeed. Multiple, perhaps even all bases covered, friendly advice and genuinely helpful tips for those in the thralls of seeking to be thralled

Merely a few additional tips from myself, if i may - Perhaps the dom's point of vieuw will add something valuable, and otherwise - well, we all know i love hearing myself talk. Win/Win for me!

- Think! - Probably the most important thing you can do is think everything over twice before deciding. Yes, you may want to be swept off your feet, but do you truly want to lose your footing? Those of us (Dominants) with some experience tend to be capable of charm in spades, but don't let us rush you. After all, and particularly if you're new to this, one of our greaterst assets in teaching you is our patience...

- Maturity - Wether you' re eight, eightteen, or eighty-eight, you should have at least the maturity to come across as a sane person. (That's not saying i won't play tag or marbles with you if you're eight. You're probably adorable and i love kids. But what are you doing here? You should be 13 to be on GetDare and 18 to be reading this section. Probably best if you shoo now, sorry. Here's a cookie!) Let's be honest. We're probably not going to be everything you've expected us to be, particularly not during the initia - face it, we don't stand a chance against that Dom(me) in your dreams. Noone does. We're going to be doing things differently, saying things differently, and reacting to things differently. One of my own experiences here on this very board was a brief stint with a submissive whom, because i did not adhere to her ideals of how a Dominant should be, outright called me a faker. Things got ugly from there. Be prepared to adjust your ideals some to within the boundaries of realism - no offence to anyone, but we're certainly prepared to do the same for you.

and last but not least - Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, Damnit!
Wich in itself should be obvious enough. Noone's going to FIND you if you're not putting yourself out there to be found. And the wonders of the internet mean that you're going to probably have to put up a big honkin' neon sign with gold trim --- Actually, no.

Communicate well - As Chloe has said, network! Get yourself known not just being there, but get yourself known by other people.
Communicate intelligently - And this is my own personal bias speaking, but i certainly can't imagine why someone with an IQ of two digits would speak in CHATTLK or TXTTLK. OMG.
Communicate openly - This goes as much before as while a relationship. Your Dominant isn't going to know about your turnons, your squicks, that wich you like and don't, that wich you outright hate and that what terrifies you - unless you tell them, Damnit!

(heh. CCCD in Full. Who'da thunk it?)

Hope this is of any information to anyone of y'all. If not, i've enjoyed this brief ride on my high horse, thank you.

[Leopard]

Fantastic article, and something that really should be highlighted more often. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen submissives (and super overeager would-be doms) like this, and yet this is the first time I've actually seen it properly written up.

Yes, diving in works better for some, but then there have been so many cases of people burned out or badly hurt because they didn't know what they were doing and agreed to things they didn't want to simply out of not knowing any better. Education is never a bad thing.

I'll also second that any longer lasting meaningful relationship I've found has been via networking and general chatting, not 'looking for slave now pls.' And honestly, someone who's just diving forward feverishly and blindly wanting isn't really much of a turn on. Although of course there are many horny guys here that also only want to get off, so whatever works for you.

Regardless, the message here is the same: whether you're happy with that and only want a quick fling, or want something more meaningful but are charging around desperately looking for someone, educating yourself and being aware of what you are doing is always good, and knowing that you can actually stop whenever you like is vital.

[Anjelen]

Replied above! Not here, but above! Go and re-read my post above!

MWAHAHAHAhchwaaakc<COUGH><COUGH>...

[Leopard]

I want to stick sparkly stars on all of Anjelen's posts.

[Anjelen]

Aw gorsh, Leopard, you're gonna make me blush. :3

[Ch3rry B0mb]

Extremely well-written and awesomely informative. Thank you, thank you, thank you! For awhile there, I thought I was going insane. I've been running around desperately seeking a Master, all the while slamming myself into brick walls or flinging myself over cliffs in my vain attempts at finding him only to find myself hurting and feeling left empty when I find that the one I've pledged to "serve obediently without hesitation" is, in reality, someone who really has no idea what to do with me. I'm still so very new to this and I -want- to explore and learn but it becomes increasingly difficult to do so when desires and needs are ignored because the other side of this relationship isn't really what he claims to be. >_< Anyway, thank you again for this post.

<3
Cherry

[TensionRoom101]

Total kudos chloe- another sublime piece.

It is frightening to see the number of submissives that will try so hard to recruit a Master that they lose all sense of reason, and put themselves in amazing danger- not just the immediate physical D/s sense but the lifetime of pain and hurt that can follow.

"Think with your brains. Think with your hearts. Stop thinking with your pussy."

I've got lots I'd like to add, but I think I'll give the others space and time to ingest the enormity of your post.

Well done, as ever.

xx

Mike

[Star Shadows]

Originally Posted by TensionRoom101

Total kudos chloe- another sublime piece.

It is frightening to see the number of submissives that will try so hard to recruit a Master that they lose all sense of reason, and put themselves in amazing danger- not just the immediate physical D/s sense but the lifetime of pain and hurt that can follow.
"Think with your brains. Think with your hearts. Stop thinking with your pussy."

I've got lots I'd like to add, but I think I'll give the others space and time to ingest the enormity of your post.

Well done, as ever.

xx

Mike

I have to agree with you, especially the bit I highlighted in bold. It's so hard to learn to trust yourself and others when something goes wrong. It takes a lot of time and hurt to even start to get past it. What is worse is that ever so often the master/mistress who causes all of these issues rarely sees the aftermath and their effect on the submissive. Thats why threads like these are important. If I knew 5 month ago what I do now I'd never made the mistakes I had.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by Star Shadows

I have to agree with you, especially the bit I highlighted in bold. It's so hard to learn to trust yourself and others when something goes wrong. It takes a lot of time and hurt to even start to get past it. What is worse is that ever so often the master/mistress who causes all of these issues rarely sees the aftermath and their effect on the submissive. Thats why threads like these are important. If I knew 5 month ago what I do now I'd never made the mistakes I had.

And for that reason I am also posting the threads I'm posting.

I have had sub frenzy too perhaps, but not in the BDSM context.
4 years ago I was looking for an internship to graduate and took the first oppertunity I had. If I knew what I know today I would certainly have waited for another internship as 5 months of pain and heartache awaited me.

Writing the threads here call up all those feelings from back then, but the ability to help people avoid such a situation more than makes up for anything.
Also I think I will be writing more about what happened to me personally.

[Ribbit101]

Great post :-) Very true of younger subs i've seen around