[Fiction] A Bundle of Trials

[interesting]

Yesterday, I earned myself a new slave. Her name is Sarah. She is one of the most beautiful, most confused creatures I have ever met. She is hurting, that is plain to see. When I see how her ex-boyfriend treated her last night, I can only figure out why. Then again, he didn't seem to be in his right mind either. Neophytes. I loathe them.

Allow me to elaborate on this snap judgement. I have been in the bondage scene for as long as I can remember, and that's quite a long time. From my first social games as a young girl to my more rowdy teenage days and into the adult I have become, the dominant personality has always been the guiding force in all I have done. Don't get me wrong. I like a strong, powerful partner as much as the next person - for sex. But bondage is not strictly about sex, contrary to popular belief. It finds some of its satisfactions in the sexual activity (such as with my current gang, really a bunch of debauched individuals). I have, for the time being, stepped away from the eroticism of the bondage and allowed my life to be inundated with sexual play. Mind you, I'm not the one having most of the sex - I'm the one driving it. I match my friends together and watch the sparks fly. Sexual match-making, so to speak. That's what I do now. It works for me.

From what I've gathered (I took the opportunity to chat with Jennifer last night when I could), Sarah fell hard for Jim over a year ago but she waited several months before consuming it. Jim, being older than her, was also less experienced. She dragged him into her life, which consisted of sexual daring with her friends from high school. In a sense, she had not yet graduated out of it. Case in point, Sarah still lived with her ex-girlfriend from that time, still clung to an ex-boyfriend who had mistreated her (by being distant, not by being mean) and generally barely considered the impact of her actions. Jim, however, was cautious and calculated. Sarah brought him slowly into the fold, tearing down his defenses one after the other. She played with his emotions and then let him wander the field of sexual desire. It led to more and more sexual encounters. A guy as rational as Jim quickly got lost in the lust of it all. I could see it last night while he was fucking the other girls: he's grown cold, distant. Sex means little to him now other than the thrusts and the ejaculation. He finds little emotion in it. Sarah, on the other hand, is overly emotional. I can't figure out what's wrong with her. I'm almost wondering if she's not compensating for something that happened, and her overreaction is her way to deal with it.

What? Too much psychobabble for you? But that's what BDSM is all about... relationships. It's the relationship that people allow themselves to have when they let go of that illusion of power we hold so dear. Neither Jim nor Sarah are currently in control. Jennifer is a recovering individual (I tend to think she was violated when she was younger but I can't say for sure), and she's smart enough to know that Sarah needs help that she can't provide. Hence, me.

Did I want to get involved? Not really. But, as a dominant, I like challenges and Sarah promised to be one. That being said, I don't intend to keep her as a slave for very long - I don't think I'll need to. She needs therapy more than she needs bondage. She won't get therapy until she accepts that she's broken. Not just that, but she feels excessive guilt for how she transformed her boyfriend. Jim is not the shy, quiet teacher he was before. She turned him into a sex-crazed individual. He doesn't want sex to be intimate; he wants sex because his body craves it. I have met a lot of people like this. For some, it works. For Jim, it's self-destructive. The way he forced all partners with Sarah to use condoms while using none himself tells a portion of the story. The way Sarah submitted to his whims tells the other. She is desperate for his affection and because she felt him drifting away, she pushed him off before he could hurt her.

Bottom line is they both need help, but I can only do so much. That's why I chose Sarah. Call it a preference because she's a woman and I can relate better. I also think it's because Sarah needs more help than Jim at this point.

When a woman gives herself freely to a man, it's beautiful. When she surrenders her innocence and allows a partner to dominate her fully (sexually or otherwise), it's wonderful - unless it's out of psychological distress. Sarah doesn't want to make any other decisions in her life. She can't assume the responsibilities that come with it. I'm fairly certain her schooling must suffer from it.

But enough about that... let's talk about what happened that Sunday.

When I got to the boys' apartment, where I had left Sarah that night, I arrived to her being fucked by all three of my boys at the same time. That's right. They couldn't wait to pound her flesh. We had Jake in her mouth, Henry in her pussy and Winston in her ass. None of them were wearing protection. I got mad. I had asked Henry - he's my real sub, even though he doesn't act like it unless it's just the two of us - to make sure she was taken care of. He excused his actions by saying she had not resisted the suggestion, had even acquiesced to it. I allowed them to finish - I couldn't have stopped them anyway, as only Henry is my true sub, and only in isolation.

I then took Sarah to the showers, undressed with her so I could wash her up and asked her why she had let them use her like that. She gave me the same pathetic excuse that everyone says when they feel guilty: that she deserved it, that she was just a fuck-toy for them to use. I made her swear, now that she was my property, that she would never have sex without my consent. Establishing a basic ground rule would allow me to get to the root of the issue. I cleaned her well, gently caressing her body with soap and lotion, lathering her hair. I got her to talk rather normally by imposing a structure to our relationship, something she sorely needed. She called me Mistress and would have to answer any inquiries truthfully or I would deny her any further sexual activity. She asked if I would fuck her. I told her I would only make love to her, and only when I felt she had been honest with me about everything.

Then, sitting in the bath, in an inch of water, even as she washed me, we talked at length. She told me as much as she remembered from her past year with James. It corroborated all of my impressions. I could tell from her tone how much love she still held for the man and how much she regretted all she had asked him to do. It eventually came back to a question which kept popping up: could she abandon the lifestyle? She wasn't sure she could, or that she even wanted to. She confessed to the pleasure of having the three guys on top of her earlier. I asked her if pleasure and satisfaction were more important than her relationship. If it was, then there was no issue. She could go on like this and keep living the dream that so many envision. But the mere fact that she was here, struggling with the question, spoke at lengths about her desire to be happy with just one person. It didn't have to be Jim. Despite her desire for an open relationship and her need for intimacy among many people, the image I got from her was of a young girl who was still looking for 'the one'. Jim could have been it but she had (according to her) broken him beyond repair.

All of this made me reflect on my own strained relationship with prior partners, guys who were into bondage but not into my type of play. We all look, each in our own way, for 'the one'. The reality is that this individual, this ideal if it exists, is neither static nor final. People and relationships evolve. Our expectations of them also change. As long as the two work together, it can advance. When there's discord, that's when breaks happen. It doesn't have to be big either. Small things set off massive chain reactions sometimes

In the case of Sarah, it was simply one man too many. She told me about her swapping adventures over the summer, about the man called Turko. In reality, I think it had nothing to do with him. Sarah simply hit her breaking point. Feeling a stranger's cock entering her pussy, she snapped. One cock too many, quite literally in this case. He's the one that made her realize she only wanted Jim. At least, at that moment.

The problem is, she didn't stop. And neither did Jim. In fact, they overindulged. They became unable to express their true desires (I believe Jim is also looking to end or control his philandering) for fear of hurting their partner. After all, it is a major component of their relationship and to be able to change, they have to acknowledge it. It might even be that they don't want any more strangers in their beds, only people they care about. That's something they have to figure out for themselves.

I took Sarah shopping that afternoon. I made her dress and undress a thousand times, trying out every single piece of clothing in an aisle if needed. She liked nothing because she didn't like herself. I forced her to stare at her curves, at her gorgeous body, caressing it (erotically but non-sexually) all the time she stared. We didn't hit pay dirt until we arrived at a costume shop. She spotted a super hero costume (I don't know their names) and she began to sob. I took her apart and she told me about a sex video she had shot with Jennifer that Jim had directed and filmed with them. I bought her the outfit and told her she was wearing it for the rest of the day. When she resisted, I dared her. It took her back to her high school care-free days and she didn't even flinch as she stripped in the store to put it on (to the discomfort of some of the other customers there - not that we cared).

I hope you all get the importance of this. I purchased another hero costume for myself (much darker in tone for myself because I'm a goth) and put it on, and we went strolling downtown. We got a hundred looks, most of them cool. Her costume was way sexier than mine. I took her to eat some ice cream, then we took a walk along the bike path. She told me that during her teenage years, she had performed a blowjob for a complete stranger on a similar path.

Then, she froze. I questioned her but she resisted answering. To pressure her, I dragged her into the woods off the path. I always carry a silk rope in my purse. I tied her hands together, then tied her to a tree. Because she's into daring, she didn't resist. I pulled down her skirt and panties, exposing her ass towards the path. While we were out-of-view, I started teasing her crease with a gloved finger. She begged me to continue so I stopped. I reminded her that I controlled her sexual life and she needed to be honest. Again, she bucked. I began slapping her ass. I pulled her top up to expose her belly and breasts. She shivered from the wind as much as from the sensation. I insisted on her answering me. She kept declining. I walked away (not too far, just out-of-view) and left her whimpering there for at least ten minutes.

Eventually, I saw some people walking the path. I had set her up so she could barely be seen, unless people actively looked in that direction. I crawled back to her and told her that there were people passing by. This turned her on so much that she began to beg me to fuck her with my fingers. I placed two gloved fingers against the opening of her sex but left them there, idle, unmoving. She tried to masturbate herself to them but I held her ass tight. Again, I told her that all she needed for her reward was to tell me what she was keeping out of the story. We struggled like this for another good fifteen minutes.

At one point, I slid both of my fingers inside her, then pulled them out quickly. She begged even further. I was fairly certain her moans were echoing back to the path. That no one had come to investigate was a small miracle. By that time, with slight prodding (and in this case, I mean words), I had managed to understand that she was not alone during her encounter. I started asking her to give me a name - just a name - and I would fingerbang her into the next century. She had barely any will to resist by then.

"Jody!" she yelped.

I delivered on my promise. I was forced to gag her mouth with my other gloved hand for fear of her orgasmic screams alerting everyone in the neighborhood. She came hard and fast; because I am a nice person, I delivered a second climax to her with only my fingers, making her collapse against the tree. From there, I untied her, leaned her against me and let her recover.

Then, we talked about Jody. About the unrequited love, about the feeling of abandonment, about seeing her again, about how the memory of her and of their shared sexual experience had brought Sarah back to that sad moment in her life when her first 'one' had left her behind. She couldn't take the chance with Jim. She had ended it with him because of Jody - because of what Jody had done to her. Twice.

Sarah cried. She cried for Jody, then for Jim, then finally for herself. She asked me if it was like this with all my slaves. I told her every slave was unique. She asked if we could make love. I told her we could once we were back at my place. But I also told her that if we made love, that she needed to do it because she wanted to keep expanding her sexual horizons. Moving forward with me meant moving away from stability with Jim. I also told her she could see it as one final act of defiance against what she truly wanted. She considered the options.

That night, we did make love. I'm still not sure which option she reasoned. She didn't stay after the fact, not long anyway. She thanked me profusely and apologized for using me. I told her she was fascinating, a true gem, and that my only wish was for her to be happy. I asked her if she was going to back to Jim. She hesitated.

"No... not yet. I have other people I need to talk to first," she replied.
"Eventually?"
"Yes. To talk first. I'm not sure about anything else."

It's a start, I tell myself. People can change. They need to want it.