What are the warning signs of a bad online play partner?

Jdelt · 06-16-2017, 10:59 AM

In another Truth thread I started (my attempt to explore the legend of the broken cell phone camera) people keep mentioning the need of subs to lie sometimes because of pushy or rude "doms." I thought it might be interesting then to start a thread and ask, what are your warning signs that you've picked a bad play partner? For both doms and subs, what do online play partners do that warn you things are not going to end well?

Kisune Karnon · 06-16-2017, 11:00 AM

Little to no communication after initial contact.

Jdelt · 06-16-2017, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kisune Karnon

Little to no communication after initial contact.

Ah. The dreaded fade-away. Are we still playing? Did you get hurt? Did you just lose interest? Did a tidal wave drag you out to sea?

I hate that.

Allykat · 06-16-2017, 11:05 AM

As a sub: not respecting boundaries. Trying to negotiate your limits like you have those limits for fun. Being too pushy and demanding explanations for everything and then don't believe you when you do give one. Being borderline obsessive thinking you're around to play 24/7 and will get mad if you take longer than 5 mins to respond.

These are traits of an abuser, not a Dom. Unfortunately they seem way too common for a lot of "doms" online.

Jolly*FtM · 06-16-2017, 11:11 AM

I agree with allykat.

I'll add: no safeword, and a too fast procedure and the worst "doms" they don't think about health and safety and demand dangerous things.

Jdelt · 06-16-2017, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allykat

As a sub: not respecting boundaries. Trying to negotiate your limits like you have those limits for fun. Being too pushy and demanding explanations for everything and then don't believe you when you do give one. Being borderline obsessive thinking you're around to play 24/7 and will get mad if you take longer than 5 mins to respond.

These are traits of an abuser, not a Dom. Unfortunately they seem way too common for a lot of "doms" online.

I don't get the negotiations over limits. What fun is it if your partner is uncomfortable and anxious? I've occasionally pushed limits of partners before, but that's only with long-term play partners, and lots (and lots) of trust and communication before hand.

And the 24/7 thing is universal I think. Sometimes I just need to do laundry or pick up the kids.

Allykat · 06-16-2017, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jdelt

I don't get the negotiations over limits. What fun is it if your partner is uncomfortable and anxious? I've occasionally pushed limits of partners before, but that's only with long-term play partners, and lots (and lots) of trust and communication before hand.

And the 24/7 thing is universal I think. Sometimes I just need to do laundry or pick up the kids.

Pushing limits can be fun and exciting, but as you say, you need to have a lot of trust for each other before doing that, and also need to be able to communicate properly. I think people like that simply don't care which again is more a thing an abuser would do, not a dom.

Definitely. It's like people forget that most people have work and/or school and other real life responsibilities that has to take priority over some random person online. I get that it can be a bit annoying if you're having a conversation then one person suddenly stops responding without saying anything, but expecting it to be like that all the time is just silly.

IceMaiden · 06-17-2017, 10:52 AM

Butterfly posted a blog here about this. Very helpful and good advice for newbies!

motmot13131313 · 06-17-2017, 11:09 AM

Consistently showing no to little respect for your limits and boundaries especially if you haven't asked them to try push you through some of them. Like i had a dom who wanted passwords and usernames to everything and all details about me for blackmail despite me just wanting a dom to have some leverage to encourage me to do certain things. He pushed it to far i had to say no eventually and put my foot down.

Twins · 06-17-2017, 02:05 PM

No communication
Constantly pushing against limits (I state them to start don't like them go else where)
No actual care
Asking impossible things (had someone ask me to eat my own bum)
Complains if you get sick or have something else to do

Jdelt · 06-17-2017, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twins

Asking impossible things (had someone ask me to eat my own bum)

Eat your own bum...

I don't even...

Wow.

Jdelt · 06-17-2017, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceMaiden

Butterfly posted a blog here about this. Very helpful and good advice for newbies!

Like everything else she does, this is really good! Thanks for linking it.

kurious kat · 06-17-2017, 03:54 PM

Pushing for something mid-scene that you said early on that you didn't want to/aren't comfortable doing. When your endorphins are high, you're more likely to cross a boundary you'll regret later, which is why negotiations should always be completed before play begins. If it goes well, there's always room to renegotiate next time if trust has built up by then.

I also find someone who's unwilling to consider the particulars of your daily life rarely makes a good play partner. Workplaces, school situations, housing considerations, etc. can make tasks harder for some than for others. A play partner doesn't have to be a mind reader, but if you say, "Hey, I have a concern about how this will affect other parts of my life because I have to deal with ____," they should be able to adapt or replace the task without a fuss, and without accusing you of questioning their authority.

yui · 06-18-2017, 05:44 AM

The ones who think they own you after 2 messages always bother me

tcitycity · 06-18-2017, 07:53 AM

wife & I almost never do anything online unless we know who it is and they are friends or etc.. Otherwise never. As far as video... as far as GD or similar its anoumous enough

06-16-2017, 10:59 AM	#1
Jdelt Distinguished Member Join Date: Sep 2016 Posts: 824 Blog Entries: 3	What are the warning signs of a bad online play partner? In another Truth thread I started (my attempt to explore the legend of the broken cell phone camera) people keep mentioning the need of subs to lie sometimes because of pushy or rude "doms." I thought it might be interesting then to start a thread and ask, what are your warning signs that you've picked a bad play partner? For both doms and subs, what do online play partners do that warn you things are not going to end well? __________________ 47/M/straight/Dominant Curious about consensual blackmail? Check out my Beginner's blackmail for women service and FAQ. Exposed blackmail victims can be found on my kinktalk! Likes (as Dominant): games, humiliation, impact play, orgasm control/denial, consensual blackmail, Teamviewer, Qustodio, pet play, public, hidden public Limits: scat, blood, family, social suicide

06-16-2017, 11:00 AM	#2
Kisune Karnon GetDare Ninja Join Date: May 2010 Location: Imagination Land Posts: 12,190 Blog Entries: 7	Little to no communication after initial contact. __________________ Male/Married/Straight/Switch/32/190 lbs Likes and Limits Toys (So Far) PM Dares Utilizing Keywords Version 3 Kik: Kisune22 My goal is to give good dares and receive them because that is how I enjoy the game. I will send reports when I choose to or if I am asked. If you give me a repeated dare or a "do your own dare," I will be very disappointed because I like to be surprised and challenged.

06-16-2017, 11:05 AM	#4
Allykat Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 233 Blog Entries: 1	As a sub: not respecting boundaries. Trying to negotiate your limits like you have those limits for fun. Being too pushy and demanding explanations for everything and then don't believe you when you do give one. Being borderline obsessive thinking you're around to play 24/7 and will get mad if you take longer than 5 mins to respond. These are traits of an abuser, not a Dom. Unfortunately they seem way too common for a lot of "doms" online. __________________ F - Bi - 25 - sub Likes, dislikes and limits

06-16-2017, 11:11 AM	#5
Jolly*FtM Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Austria Posts: 114 Blog Entries: 68	I agree with allykat. I'll add: no safeword, and a too fast procedure and the worst "doms" they don't think about health and safety and demand dangerous things. __________________ sub/slave - ftm (male with vagina) - gay Into: BDSM, orgasm denial, anal, vaginal, torture, pee, spanking, pet play, age play, humiliation, heavy pain, control, rules, diapers, wax, icyhot, ice, being used and abused Limits: crossdressing, scat, permanent, blood, public, illegal, facepic, friends & family KIK: Jolly.ftm Telegram: @JollyJayRoger Lovense: Jolly1234 Men only! 100% sub (no switching!!) My toys likes, phantasies and what i am looking for My calender PM Dares

06-17-2017, 10:52 AM	#8
IceMaiden Truth or Dare Zealot Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Gallifrey Posts: 6,352 Blog Entries: 163	Butterfly posted a blog here about this. Very helpful and good advice for newbies! __________________ ♡ My Stories. ♡ FAQ. ♡ AMA♡ Happily loved, owned and collared by AbusiveMaster. I Love This Girl Unconditionally. Always And Forever ♡ Get a rule from me here. NOTlooking for a dom/sub or to play a game, exchange dares, pictures etc!

06-17-2017, 11:09 AM	#9
motmot13131313 Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2017 Location: uk Posts: 731 Blog Entries: 1	Consistently showing no to little respect for your limits and boundaries especially if you haven't asked them to try push you through some of them. Like i had a dom who wanted passwords and usernames to everything and all details about me for blackmail despite me just wanting a dom to have some leverage to encourage me to do certain things. He pushed it to far i had to say no eventually and put my foot down. __________________ Kik and snap is loudanonsis skype [email protected] telegram @PenelopeCDsissyOmoHoe Discord is Gooner666#5598 Hangouts is [email protected] Likes: O-denial, Edging, Xdressing, being dominated, bladder desperation, semi-public, exhib, mild cbt or humiliation, teasing with pics from femdoms hard limits: scat, drinking pee, risky public, extreme cbt, fire, wax, social suicide, Toys: fem clothes, lipstick, clothespins, shoelace dont live alone may delay dares

06-17-2017, 02:05 PM	#10
Twins Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2017 Posts: 169	No communication Constantly pushing against limits (I state them to start don't like them go else where) No actual care Asking impossible things (had someone ask me to eat my own bum) Complains if you get sick or have something else to do __________________ 19/f/au Looking to chat with all Kik: emalice40 Into pee/spanking/choking/incest And a bunch more

06-17-2017, 03:54 PM	#13
kurious kat getDare's Kinkiest Kitty Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: USA Posts: 700 Blog Entries: 26	Pushing for something mid-scene that you said early on that you didn't want to/aren't comfortable doing. When your endorphins are high, you're more likely to cross a boundary you'll regret later, which is why negotiations should always be completed before play begins. If it goes well, there's always room to renegotiate next time if trust has built up by then. I also find someone who's unwilling to consider the particulars of your daily life rarely makes a good play partner. Workplaces, school situations, housing considerations, etc. can make tasks harder for some than for others. A play partner doesn't have to be a mind reader, but if you say, "Hey, I have a concern about how this will affect other parts of my life because I have to deal with ____," they should be able to adapt or replace the task without a fuss, and without accusing you of questioning their authority.

06-18-2017, 05:44 AM	#14
yui Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 237 Blog Entries: 1	The ones who think they own you after 2 messages always bother me __________________ xyui_iuyx is my kik, feel free to send me tasks likes: edging, diapers, pet play, psin, self bondage, denial, rules, crossdressing, body writing, pics, semi public, bladder control Limits: blood, anal, extreme public I've start started doing PM dares so help me out

06-18-2017, 07:53 AM	#15
tcitycity Distinguished Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 584	nope wife & I almost never do anything online unless we know who it is and they are friends or etc.. Otherwise never. As far as video... as far as GD or similar its anoumous enough

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