Fake or Real? What Do You Think?

[IceMaiden]

Originally Posted by KittenLicks

IceMaiden has a lot of great points.


Not to derail the thread, but I'm curious as to why some people don't like sending vanilla pictures. Is it an irrational 'what if they somehow figure out my identity from the picture' worry, or just shyness or what?

Not that I'm saying people can't refuse to send 'normal' pictures (if something's a limit, I'm not going to press on it with a sub) but I'm just curious as to what is going on in the head of someone that refuses to.

For me personally, it was/is a combination of things. I have body confidence issues and in the past suffered with eating disorders to the point I was really sick and I absolutely hated any pictures of me, or seeing myself in mirrors etc. It was so bad that if I saw a picture of myself I would pick out all my flaws and agonise and cry over it and I thought along the lines of that is disgusting no one will like that/want to see that. Combined with anxiety, pictures/cam etc were an absolute nightmare for me. I still find it difficult at times even now to send some (vanilla or otherwise) to AM, no matter how many I have already sent to him and even after meeting in person, and no matter how many times he tells me I am cute, pretty, beautiful etc I don't think I will ever really believe it.

The other reason was about being found out, not because I didn't want anyone to know about my kinky side as most of my family and friends already know, but safety. I have been stalked in the past and it was exhausting and scary and I didn't want to risk that again, no matter how small the chance was, especially considering I am a parent so it isn't just me I have to worry about. With both kinky and vanilla picures I always edit out distinguishing marks still because of this to almost everyone.

And then even without the above, I am and always have been and probably always will be incredibly shy. Hope that explains some reasons for you

[KittenLicks]

Originally Posted by IceMaiden

For me personally, it was/is a combination of things. I have body confidence issues and in the past suffered with eating disorders to the point I was really sick and I absolutely hated any pictures of me, or seeing myself in mirrors etc. It was so bad that if I saw a picture of myself I would pick out all my flaws and agonise and cry over it and I thought along the lines of that is disgusting no one will like that/want to see that. Combined with anxiety, pictures/cam etc were an absolute nightmare for me. I still find it difficult at times even now to send some (vanilla or otherwise) to AM, no matter how many I have already sent to him and even after meeting in person, and no matter how many times he tells me I am cute, pretty, beautiful etc I don't think I will ever really believe it.

The other reason was about being found out, not because I didn't want anyone to know about my kinky side as most of my family and friends already know, but safety. I have been stalked in the past and it was exhausting and scary and I didn't want to risk that again, no matter how small the chance was, especially considering I am a parent so it isn't just me I have to worry about. With both kinky and vanilla picures I always edit out distinguishing marks still because of this to almost everyone.

And then even without the above, I am and always have been and probably always will be incredibly shy. Hope that explains some reasons for you

Thanks a lot for explaining that! I really appreciate hearing that perspective.

[Butterfly]

Originally Posted by KittenLicks

IceMaiden has a lot of great points.


Not to derail the thread, but I'm curious as to why some people don't like sending vanilla pictures. Is it an irrational 'what if they somehow figure out my identity from the picture' worry, or just shyness or what?

Not that I'm saying people can't refuse to send 'normal' pictures (if something's a limit, I'm not going to press on it with a sub) but I'm just curious as to what is going on in the head of someone that refuses to.

I have a lot of the same reasons as IceMaiden.

Even though I am very open to sending photos to friends and sometimes even strangers, I almost never send a live photo or do a video.

I have major self esteem issues. Everytime I take a photo, it is a process and most of the time, hundreds of photos are deleted in the attempt to get one I am happy with.

I too have been stalked and attacked. And although I feel more comfortable showing my face to friends, I have some fears showing them to strangers.

And lastly I am very shy at times. Which makes it very hard to just send photos on command.

Now, all that being said ... the fact that this Mistress was willing to send one photo but not a second, is highly suspicious.

It would have been different if she had simply refused. You could have parted ways or discussed alternate options to prove she was a female, instead she automatically got defensive. And for me that would have been a red flag enough for me to walk away.

[kurious kat]

I definitely agree that it seems an out-of-proportion reaction to the request. Whether or not the person is actually female, it doesn't sound like a compatible approach for long-term relationship development. In general, hesitancy about sending a picture with specific, vanilla indications of being taken just for you - despite willingness to send a generic photo - can be a sign that the person's appearance isn't as they'd like you to think of it. Sometimes that's just shyness, but it's impossible to tell.

I'm curious as to why some people don't like sending vanilla pictures. Is it an irrational 'what if they somehow figure out my identity from the picture' worry, or just shyness or what?

For me, part of it is that irrational fear of being identified, and some of it is just feeling private about myself. When I do share a photo, it can take about 10 minutes, because I have to get the shot, then I crop it, upload it, strip any location data from it, and THEN share it. I understand people wanting to verify sex before getting attached, and I think if I were at a point where I felt willing to share a picture (which is rare), I wouldn't have an issue sending a matching one with a specific gesture or sign to verify it was really me. It'd take me a little while to get it to them - but I'd feel safer ensuring it was a "clean" image. If someone had a problem with that and was inclined to push, I would likely choose to go elsewhere instead.