Need help!!!

[Ai_Rin]

Hi everyone!
This post is mostly for subs/slaves however if there are some doms you are welcome
So here is the question: has anybody of you ever had any nagative/bad experience I mean anything ( e.g. the reality was not like that you had hoped for or something else, some bad consequences of activities and tasks that you have done)
Or maybe somebody want to quit BDSM ?

If you have anything to share please
Kik me _AiRin_
Or contact me via Skype Emilly Korinn

Thank you

[RiskyFlame]

The title of this thread and the thread itself seems to differ on the topic. Do you need help with processing a bad experience or are you just curious if anyone else had a bad experience and possibly help them?

Personally, I never experienced any bad things in regards to BDSM. But I've talked to plenty of people who experienced the less enjoyable side of BDSM that's often created by people who are not sane, safe and consensual. Most of the people tell me that other people order them to do things or play with them even when that person doesn't want to, often becoming a form of harassment. Fewer times, they might have something that results in a form of non-consensual blackmail which is illegal. Exceptional, some people wanted to leave BDSM because of bad experiences that went on for quite a long time which results in a bad reflection of what BDSM actually is to that person. In any of these cases, the best thing is to just talk about it with someone you trust or the one who you think has a negative effect on you and be upfront with them.

[Scrap]

Just like any relationship, there are going to be good "dates" and bad "dates". Most of the bad ones I've had were because of Tops who really did not understand what it was that they wanted, or what BDSM is really about. They come to a scene expecting the book Exit to Eden and end up being Dan Akroyd in the movie adaptation.

The key is communication, both in avoiding bad situations and recovering from them.

BEFORE
1) Discuss limits, both for the Top and the bottom- Yes, Tops have things they are not comfortable doing, just like bottoms do.
2) Safe Words. Know them, use them, love them. my Lady and I use the simple "Stop Light" method: Green is good, Yellow is getting iffy, Red is stop.
3) Planning- discuss the scene and head off any trouble before it begins. this is especially true if playing with a relatively new (to you) partner. surprises can be fun, but fear can kill any enjoyment before it begins.

DURING
1) Safe words safe words safe words. DO NOT be afraid to use them. If things are getting close to your limit, let the Top know so they can adjust. If you need to stop, then stop. If you call your safe word and they DON'T stop, it is now abuse and you should get the fuck out as soon as you can. Period.
2) Communicate. what is working, what isn't.

AFTER
Whether the scene played through to completion or it stopped because of a safe word, it is important to talk about it once it is over. It can be over drinks, coffee, dinner, a bath, snuggling, whatever. Talk about what worked, what didn't, how it all felt.

The BDSM lifestyle is built on Trust. The bottom Trusts the Top to take care of them, to push them up to their limit, but stop short. The Top Trusts the bottom to communicate their feelings and needs, even while fulfilling those of the Top. BDSM without Trust is rape, and while law enforcement may not be much help, the Community will.