Training a Master

shhhh · 03-20-2011, 02:53 AM

This is odd, I know.
If you look at my sig (and I haven't changed it), you'll see I'm "in love" but also "looking for a Dom." I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend, but I'm a sub. He's very protective and wary of being controlling, so for a while I was a slave to someone else in a non-emotional way. (Which went sour after a week, but that's another story.)
It's complicated, but I've changed my mind & would rather have my boyfriend be my Master. I don't want him to take over my whole life, I just think in the bedroom it would be nice to have some s/M going on occasionally.
How can I persuade him of this? How can I introduce bondage and such to our relationship? It would be easier if I was trying to tie him up, but how can I convince him to do it to me?

theone · 03-20-2011, 09:06 AM

Maybe the best way is to introduce him to some of the better things written about bondage. Try to alleviate his misconceptions, and demonstrate that your desires are based on trust.

fromo · 03-20-2011, 09:31 AM

I'd say, slowly introduce things, from simply him using cuffs on you to eventualy going on with your fantasys, you'd need to introduce him slowly, but before you do anything, say to him that you trust him. That alone should give him some confidence.
Talk to him about fantasy's, little ones at first of coarse, but slowly introduce them to him. Make him understand your wants, talk to him about any of his fantasy's and fetishes, everyone has a fetish.
I hope this helps you.

shhhh · 03-27-2011, 12:37 PM

thanks guys, we'll see how it goes.

(still looking for more ideas, though)

CuddleRainbowz · 03-27-2011, 12:45 PM

Show him the sight. Leave small hints like:
Putting some handcuffs on his bed with a little note.
Little bdsm poems.
Put a whip somewhere and have a note that says use this on me.

Or just simply tell him!
Ask him if he has any fantasies. He will probably ask you back then you can say. He might even have the same fantasy!?

Hope this helps, Cuddles xx

bee9 · 03-30-2011, 12:22 AM

Tease him, lick his cock, make sure he's wild.

Then excuse herself for 2 minutes, put on stockings, garter, ball gag, hand cuffs and a note "Fuck all my holes like the barbarian" and see how it goes.

Good luck!

fromo · 03-30-2011, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bee9

Tease him, lick his cock, make sure he's wild.

Then excuse herself for 2 minutes, put on stockings, garter, ball gag, hand cuffs and a note "Fuck all my holes like the barbarian" and see how it goes.

Good luck!

Man... what man would question that...^.^
I think that would do a pretty good job at getting him into things

He'll be a little shocked at first sight, but if you've riled him up and talked to him about things things that've been posted, then he should be all over you ^^
Good luck.

shhhh · 03-31-2011, 05:37 PM

I like these

Thanks again!

Merlin · 04-02-2011, 05:45 PM

The old question ...

First the hard truth (not to discourage but to bring you down to the ground) ... you cant make someone dominant or submissive, as much as you can't make someone gay or hetero ... be aware and prepared for that... you may get disappointed

That doesn't mean you can not try to maybe wake an interest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shhhh

[...]
How can I persuade him of this? How can I introduce bondage and such to our relationship?

Persuade? You can't and you shouldn't... He needs to feel comfortable with what he is doing. If not that wont work.

Best way is to talk with him about it ... tell him that it would interest you to try some things ... ask him what he thinks and how he feels about it... accept a no... answer his questions ... try to comfort him if he feels it may be to "brutal" or hurting you... don't pressure him, let him decide the pace... and give him time if he needs it

Quote:

It would be easier if I was trying to tie him up

nope... both requires the same conversation beforehand

The Rev. · 04-02-2011, 08:05 PM

Just ask. When my girlfriend asked me I had no experience but it was a pretty big turn on. Now it's all I want but she doesn't like to do it as much anymore. Get freaky

JonSmith · 04-05-2011, 06:23 AM

Purely speaking from my own experience as i was in a similar position to your bf...

My first "awakening" as such started off with some fansadoxx comics...beauty of those is they'll allow you to gauge his response to some of the softer stuff as opposed to forcing it upon him or freaking him out.

Initially i was like hmmm interesting scenarios, then i found myself getting off on the more risque content of the comics. I was happy to discuss my reaction to them and things progressed from there.

DarkAndEvil · 04-14-2011, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlin

The old question ...

First the hard truth (not to discourage but to bring you down to the ground) ... you cant make someone dominant or submissive, as much as you can't make someone gay or hetero ... be aware and prepared for that... you may get disappointed

That doesn't mean you can not try to maybe wake an interest.

I couldn't agree more. D/s, Kink, Ms, BDSM - however you want to describe it is all about freeing more of the inner you, not hiding it away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlin

Persuade? You can't and you shouldn't... He needs to feel comfortable with what he is doing. If not that wont work.

To add to this - the title says it all. If you train a dominant, you are unlikely to feel they are your superior. Yes, this is a product of personal experience.

Some things to consider:

Should the two of you consider switching alternately, so you each get what you need
Should you revisit your original idea, with someone more suited to you?
Should you look at the two of you having the same dominant (which will of necessity require one of you is bi)

2 & 3 require some real thought. Involving anyone else in your relationship shouldn't be done lightly, as it can be frought with problems. However, it sounds like this is something that's causing you some concern, so you should try to deal with it and not repress it. I know (in RL) people who have repressed these feelings, and they (the feelings) have a habit of bursting out.

Considering your relationship to a dominant to be non-emotional may be difficult, as emotions are a fundamental part of being human. However, keeping it as something without the vanilla side (deep and meaningful conversations, going to the cinema, etc) would separate them, and (I think, as a piece of blind advice) help you deal with this if you cannot deal with it within the existing relationship you have.

Do look after yourself - and that includes making sure you don't bury things for the sake of your boyfriend.

03-20-2011, 02:53 AM	#1
shhhh Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 95 Blog Entries: 1	Training a Master This is odd, I know. If you look at my sig (and I haven't changed it), you'll see I'm "in love" but also "looking for a Dom." I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend, but I'm a sub. He's very protective and wary of being controlling, so for a while I was a slave to someone else in a non-emotional way. (Which went sour after a week, but that's another story.) It's complicated, but I've changed my mind & would rather have my boyfriend be my Master. I don't want him to take over my whole life, I just think in the bedroom it would be nice to have some s/M going on occasionally. How can I persuade him of this? How can I introduce bondage and such to our relationship? It would be easier if I was trying to tie him up, but how can I convince him to do it to me? __________________ I am bi, wiccan, & in love Spoiler: I like kinky, creative, & complicated dares, but I won't do anything public. Feel free to pm me.

03-20-2011, 09:06 AM	#2
theone getDare Succubus Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: UK (NE England) Posts: 1,951 Blog Entries: 2	Maybe the best way is to introduce him to some of the better things written about bondage. Try to alleviate his misconceptions, and demonstrate that your desires are based on trust. __________________ ~~~~~~~theone~~~~~~~ If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. Morpheus (The Matrix). Likes: Coffee Will Try: Tea Limits: Will not eat baby food.

03-20-2011, 09:31 AM	#3
fromo Distinguished Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: UK Posts: 959	I'd say, slowly introduce things, from simply him using cuffs on you to eventualy going on with your fantasys, you'd need to introduce him slowly, but before you do anything, say to him that you trust him. That alone should give him some confidence. Talk to him about fantasy's, little ones at first of coarse, but slowly introduce them to him. Make him understand your wants, talk to him about any of his fantasy's and fetishes, everyone has a fetish. I hope this helps you. __________________ "The cogs creak a melody Sing a lullaby for the doomed The ones who would never be Will find a vessel in the paleblood moon..." My Current Add Searching For A Sub: https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=431569

03-27-2011, 12:37 PM	#4
shhhh Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 95 Blog Entries: 1	thanks guys, we'll see how it goes. (still looking for more ideas, though) __________________ I am bi, wiccan, & in love Spoiler: I like kinky, creative, & complicated dares, but I won't do anything public. Feel free to pm me.

03-27-2011, 12:45 PM	#5
CuddleRainbowz getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: In a dark dark town. In a dark dark house. In a dark dark room. In a hello kitty bed! Posts: 359	Show him the sight. Leave small hints like: Putting some handcuffs on his bed with a little note. Little bdsm poems. Put a whip somewhere and have a note that says use this on me. Or just simply tell him! Ask him if he has any fantasies. He will probably ask you back then you can say. He might even have the same fantasy!? Hope this helps, Cuddles xx __________________ There is a hell, believe me I've seen it. There is a heaven lets keep it a secret - Bring me the horizon. <33 8Teen Female, Engurrland, Likes snuggles. Dislikes:Scat, Noticeably Public, Permanent, Death, Family, Friends and Just Stupid Things That No-one Would Do! Join rainbow sheep group! Get this gif and put it on your signature and you are a member: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/20...oldenhippo.gif Be creative

03-30-2011, 12:22 AM	#6
bee9 getDare Succubus Join Date: May 2010 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 1,797	Tease him, lick his cock, make sure he's wild. Then excuse herself for 2 minutes, put on stockings, garter, ball gag, hand cuffs and a note "Fuck all my holes like the barbarian" and see how it goes. Good luck!

03-31-2011, 05:37 PM	#8
shhhh Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 95 Blog Entries: 1	I like these Thanks again! __________________ I am bi, wiccan, & in love Spoiler: I like kinky, creative, & complicated dares, but I won't do anything public. Feel free to pm me.

04-02-2011, 08:05 PM	#10
The Rev. Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: NY Posts: 9 Blog Entries: 1	Just ask. When my girlfriend asked me I had no experience but it was a pretty big turn on. Now it's all I want but she doesn't like to do it as much anymore. Get freaky __________________ I <3 my sub, Rant.

04-05-2011, 06:23 AM	#11
JonSmith Baby Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 1	Purely speaking from my own experience as i was in a similar position to your bf... My first "awakening" as such started off with some fansadoxx comics...beauty of those is they'll allow you to gauge his response to some of the softer stuff as opposed to forcing it upon him or freaking him out. Initially i was like hmmm interesting scenarios, then i found myself getting off on the more risque content of the comics. I was happy to discuss my reaction to them and things progressed from there.