The Convent

[Elsa_Birch1]

Elsa is taken to a convent to repent for her sins. This first part of the story is a prelude to that.


The Convent

I was brought to the nuns shortly after my sixteenth birthday. I was the eldest daughter of a large family. I had a brother who was two years my senior and four younger siblings - three brothers and a sister. My mother raised us by herself for our father abandoned us following the birth of the sixth child in favour of a young maid from large house where he had been a gamekeeper. My older brother, Samuel stepped up to his role as the ‘man of the house’ and to my mother, he was a hero. He took over the job as gamekeeper that my father had abandoned when he eloped with the maid and was the main breadwinner. My mother worked as a seamstress when she could and had been attempting to train me to do likewise. I however, was an unruly child. Though I was glad to leave school at fourteen, instead of aiding my mother with her work and helping in the home, I would slink off into the woods. I was reluctant to leave behind my childhood and preferred to climb the trees, making up games and dirtying my pinafores that my mother laundered so painstakingly. As a result I was often punished. Sometimes my mother would paddle me over her knee but she was not a strong woman and frequently she would request my brother to take me out to the woodshed for a strapping. The earthy smell of damp wood will always remind me of those moments with splinters in my knees, knelt over the chopping block, my buttocks exposed through my slit back bloomers.

To have one’s own brother administer discipline is a confusing thing. It distanced me further from my family and sent me running back into the woods more and more. It was here in the woods where I clung to childhood that my body betrayed me with those terrible desires of womanhood. It was a Sunday morning and we had been getting ready for church. I was being chided as usual for dirtying my clothes and with no time to wash them, I was in disgrace. Angrily I stormed from the cottage and into the trees, expecting my family to leave me and go to church. I knew I would pay with a thrashing later, but in the moment, I was glad to be alone. After a while of running, I slowed to a walk and finally came upon a clearing. I sat myself down on the moist earth, further dirtying my sunday best. I ran my hands over the fabric, touching the bodice first and then down onto my legs. I felt most peculiar. Tingling, a slight shudder but inside of me. I leant back against a large oak tree and pulled up my skirt and petticoats. I parted my legs and touched my undergarments. Slowly and carefully, I wound my fingers in between the slit in the cotton, exposing my private area. I felt the cool of the breeze caress me and I tingled again. Very gently, I touched myself and shuddered. It was a pleasant shudder and I was overcome by the urge to touch myself more, harder. I couldn’t resist. I slid my fingers down and began to rub. It felt divine. I closed my eyes, and continued to rub, getting into a rhythm. With every stroke, I could feel something building. I couldn’t take my fingers away. Finally my motions reached a climax and I felt like I would melt, I shook and trembled and gasped and suddenly a twig snapped and I opened my eyes, heart racing, my body still spasming. Watching me in disgust was my brother.

‘Filthy, filthy girl!’ He picked me up by my collar and dragged me back through the woods. At the cottage, he flung me to the ground. I stayed on the floor, sobbing. Clearly the others had gone to church. There was no one around. I was outside on the grass, under the grey sky. ‘You sinful little whore! You abandoned church and your poor suffering mother to go and play with your dirty parts!’ He pushed me onto my back and pulled open my legs and the slit in the bloomers and then began unbuckling his belt.

‘Samuel!’ I pleaded. ‘What are you going to do to me? Please, you aren’t going hurt me there are you?’

‘You are filth and you need to have your dirty whore parts punished.’

‘I only touched them Samuel. I didn’t put anything inside of me!’

‘You are unclean now Elsa! Let these lashes of the belt cleanse your filthy soul!’

With that, he lay into me, thrashing my tender parts until they were red raw. I my desperate pleas and wails subsided into a submissive shaking. When he finally stopped, I think I was close to passing out. He picked me up and took me into the cottage where he boiled water for the tin tub. He stripped me and put me in it, scrubbing me all over, including my so very sore private parts. When he was finished, he rubbed me down with a rough towel and sent me to lie on the hearth rug, naked and exposed.

When my mother returned from church with my younger siblings, she jumped, startled to see me like that. She had seen my body before in the tub many a time but to see me lie there was not something she was accustomed to. My siblings giggled and were quickly dismissed my confused mother who looked to Samuel for an explanation.

‘Mother, I am saddened to inform you that upon following Elsa today, I came upon a most unfortunate sight. She is no longer an innocent!’

‘Mama!’ I protested, that isn’t true!’

‘Silence, let your brother speak.’

‘She was practicing self abuse. Touching herself like a whore.’

My mother gasped. ‘Elsa? Is that true?’

‘I didn’t put anything inside Mama!’

‘Is it true?!’

‘Yes Mama.’

She began to cry. ‘What have I done to deserve this? A whore daughter who refuses to go to church and touches herself like a harlot instead. Now I know what you do in the woods when you should be working.’

‘No! I don’t, Mama, I don’t!’

‘Your brother saw it with his own eyes!’

‘It happened once!’

‘How can I believe you now Elsa?’

My brother spoke. ‘She was clearing enjoying it. Who knows what else she could have done.’

My mother shook her head. ‘You’ve disappointed me for the last time Elsa. I’ve tried so hard to give you opportunities, to give you a good life, in spite of what happened with your father. And this is how you repay me?’

‘I’m sorry!’

‘Too late. Tomorrow you go to the convent. I wash my hands of you Elsa. Only the convent can help you now.’

[Elsa_Birch1]

It was my brother who deposited me at St Augustine’s Covent. My mother could not bear to say goodbye to me. My last night at the cottage was spent alone. I usually shared a room with my sister but I had been banished to the woodshed. I had a course blanket and some sacking to sleep on and I tossed and turned all night, in pain after my terrible flogging and filled with fear of what would come. When dawn came, I felt like I’d only just fallen asleep.

I was not permitted to eat breakfast with my family. Samuel brought me a bowl of porridge in the shed. I ate what I could but my stomach was in knots. He brought me a set of clothes and a basin to wash so that there would be no cause for me to enter the house. I splashed my face with the water and shivered. I climbed into my undergarments and then put on the dress he had brought. It was the plainest one I owned. I put my pinafore over it and pulled on my black boots. Finally I put on my cap and tucked my hair inside. Then we went to the cart.

Samuel had packed a single suitcase for me. It contained two more pinafores, undergarments and my winter coat. The only other item in there was a bible. I wouldn’t need any more where I was going he informed me. St Augustine’s Covent took about two hours to reach in the cart. Samuel stared ahead at the road the whole time, guiding the pony. He did not speak to me. I looked out at the expanse of fields around me. I saw our cottage shrink and then disappear beyond the hill.

When we pulled up outside Samuel pulled me down from the cart. At the gate, he lifted the iron knocker to call for attention. A young nun appeared and curtseyed. She must have been the same age as me. Very soon we were brought through the garden and taken to the office of the mother superior. I was seated on a hard bench outside the door to her office. I tried to hear what they were saying but it was too heavy to let the sound escape. As I waited, several nuns walked past me. A couple looked down at me quickly but then continued on their way. They were silent and walked with purpose and a sense of fear in their steps. Eventually the door to the office opened and Samuel stepped out. Without looking at me he turned away, walked down the long hallway and out. That was it.

Shortly after, the door opened again and the Mother Superior beckoned me in. She gestured for me to sit and then she took a seat behind her desk opposite me. For several seconds, she said nothing, staring across at me, working me out perhaps. Finally she broke the silence. ‘Good morning child.’

‘Good mooring.’ I mumbled.

‘You will address me as Mother Superior.’

‘Good morning Mother Superior.’

‘Good. Your brother has told me of your sins. He has brought you here to repent, so that you may find God. You have the devil in you child, and here at St Augustine’s, we will cast out the devil and open your soul to God.’

‘It only happened once Mother Superior, I assure you!’

‘That is not what I have been told child. And besides, once is enough to invite in the devil. You will live here under our protection. With our help, you can find mercy through humility and penitence. You will be clothed and fed and in exchange, you will offer your services to God and the Convent. Do you understand?’

‘Yes Mother Superior.’

‘Very well. I will go on. We are doing you a great favour by taking you in and correcting your sinful ways. We expect compliance with our rules and any deviation from them is punishable with the rod. Are you familiar with the rod child?’
‘My brother and mother would beat me Mother Superior.’

‘Well I am glad to see they were bringing you up properly. Clearly the devil has only got into you and not your poor family. Did you ever go to them and request the rod child.’

‘No Mother Superior. I would never want to ask for something that hurts.’

‘Then you have a lot to learn child. Here you will learn to confess to your sins and request punishment and you will be grateful when you receive correction. Soon you will be begging to be purged of your sins. This is what we teach here.’

‘But Mother Superior, I could not willingly request to be beaten.’

‘You can and you will. Now child, you must go and change. Here is your uniform.’ She handed me a bundle of clothing. ‘You will find undergarments and nightwear in there too. I will call Sister Eunice to show you to your room and help you sort out your attire. She will then show you around the convent. You may go.’

‘But Mother Superior-‘

‘You may go.’

[Elsa_Birch1]

Sister Eunice was tall and stern looking, despite her youthful age. She took me to a dormitory containing twelve beds. On one of them was my suitcase. It had been emptied apart from the bible. I put my clothes on the bed and put the suitcase under.

‘Do I undress here?’

‘Yes. When you have earned dignity here you may dress in private but this is the room for those of you that need further correction in order to let God in. Undress.’

I took off clothing and stood in my underwear. I was about to reach for the dress but Sister Eunice stopped me. ‘You wear the underwear they provide.’

For the first time I was appreciating my mother’s efforts with the laundry. My underwear had always been comfortable but the stiff, itchy thing I was being made to put on was hideous. It scratched against my sore private pasts, rendering them even more tender. I winced. Sister Eunice sneered.

‘That really is not the worst of it. Just wait until you have a scratchy rope between your legs to remind you of your place.’

I climbed into the dress - a long grey tunic. Then I picked up the matching grey cap and put it on my head, hiding my fiery hair. Sister Eunice nodded, content with my new appearance.

‘I will show you around now. Then I will take you to Sister Aurelia. She works in the infirmary. She will want to see you.’

‘I’m not ill.’

‘She examines everyone that comes. Now follow me.’

Sister Eunice took me around the covent, showing me everything. There was the chapel of course and several class rooms. There was the kitchen and the dining hall with long tables and a large one at the top where the highest nuns would sit. There was a laundry room where the convent’s washing would be done as well as other washing from the outside. There were a lot of nuns working in the steamy room. As well as the chapel, there was an assembly hall and adjoined to that was the office of the Monseigneur, who I was yet to meet. There were more dormitories as well as private rooms and several washrooms. There was also a vegetable garden in the extensive grounds that also had many nuns working in. Sister Eunice informed me that I would be given a role here within the next few days and I would be expected to report for duty in a certain area of the Convent. Our tour ended at the infirmary. Sister Eunice knocked on the door where she was met by who I assumed must be sister Aurelia - a large, fierce looking nun who’s body could barely be contained under her garments.

‘Ah, this must be the new one. The Mother Superior told me about this one. Unclean on the inside. We’ll sort this one out.’

Sister Eunice bade us both farewell and swiftly left.

I looked around at the infirmary. There were several beds and a door labeled ‘examination room’ which I found myself being led towards. On one of the beds, I saw another young woman. She was lying face down on the bed and her posterior was completely exposed. Her bottom and thighs were covered in thick welts. I could see some sort of lotion had been applied. Before I could look anymore, I was entering the examination room where I was asked to take a seat opposite the large and terrifying nun.

‘There is one sure cure for filthy whore girls. I’m going to clean you out from the inside. Now before we proceed, tell me, is your virgin knot intact?’
‘Yes sister.’

‘Well thank God for that at least. I’ll be checking mind. And what about your other dirty hole? You didn’t try and cheat God by putting it up there instead did you? He knows.’

‘I haven’t put anything inside of me.’

‘I hope not. That filthy hole is only for punishment. Now get your clothes off.’

I was too frightened to object. The clothes I had only recently put on came back off again. I lay them over the chair.

‘Very good. Now get yourself on that examination table whore-child.’ I climbed up and lay down, one hand over my breasts, the other over my private area but Sister Aurelia batted them away. ‘You are not worthy of dignity yet. Now get your feet up in these stirrups.’ I put my feet up, opening up my private area completely. The place I had only discovered the day before. Sister Aurelia snapped on some gloves and I felt her rubbery fingers parting my lips and squirmed in pain. ‘Someone felt the need to punish you here, didn’t they? And I see you have no hymen so I am not sure you were telling the truth little whore.’

‘I have never done anything like that Sister! I pleaded. I was telling the truth. I didn’t even know that anything was different down there. She jabbed her fingered harder inside of me.

‘Well it is awfully tight I suppose. Some girls lose them riding horses. Some girls lose them riding other things. You have the devil in you though. I can’t prove anything but I can open you up for God. Now’ - She withdrew her hand - ‘turn your filthy little whore body over.’ I turned. ‘Time to clean you out properly.’