Trouble staying committed?

cooperjess · 11-12-2016, 11:45 AM

I've tried one or two online sub/dom relationships in the past (only to the stage of pictures and videos, nothing live yet) and more often than not a loss of motivation on my part has led to the whole thing dwindling out quite quickly. I can't help feeling guilty for leaving people hanging, and for now have given up on long-term stuff just to avoid disappointing any more people.

I think it's mostly down to my sex drive being too unstable, but I'd probably blame a lack of self-discipline too. Has anyone had to overcome this themselves, or know of any way to better keep the commitment up?

Thanks c:

sexyred92 · 11-12-2016, 12:06 PM

Hey!

Don't feel overly guilty. The subs I typically chat with only last a few weeks or less. If you don't have a connection, it never seems works.

I have been chatting with one man now for almost 3 months.

At the beginning, we didn't talk anything sexual for probably 2 Weeks before we moved to sex. Now, some days we can get a little sexual but sometimes we just have a normal conversation. If real life is busy and for him it is super busy.

In summary, try to find someone who can talk to you as a buddy as well as sexual. For me this has worked the best. But for others it might not work.

I wish you the best of luck in finding someone perfect for you.

SluttyPig · 11-12-2016, 12:12 PM

Hi cooperjess!!

I think what helps is establishing a relationship that goes beyond just pure D/s. I'm not saying a romantic relationship, it could just be someone you can just talk to in a purely platonic way.

The reason I say this is because any relationship is formed on chemistry between the people participating in it! If it's solely dependent on D/s, then there's nothing to do when one person isn't feeling it and it could result to those dwindling relationships you mentioned.

I don't think many people can afford to play 24/7, or be in the Dom/sub mindset all the time, so if the person you're pursuing expects that of you, maybe you should look for someone else. It's not that your sexual drive isn't stable enough, it could just be that the person you're looking to pursue has unreasonable expectations about it. Or it could just be that person doesn't mesh well with you! It happens sometimes!

I hope this makes sense

I'd suggest looking for more legitimate people to have a D/s relationship with.

xarx41 · 05-24-2017, 01:19 PM

Hello!

Have you tried to build a friendly relationship outside of kink with the Dom/sub? It's always much more intimate when you get to know the other person, and I also see that in myself, I usually end up dumping subs with whom I don't really get along, or they have no interest in getting to know me. It simply gets boring when no one really cares about each other, so when one goes silent, the other goes too because the relationship isn't deep enough and, to put it simple, no one gives a shit :P
I find it hard to believe that someone can be loyal and obedient to a complete stranger. So basically my advice is to not limit it to just tasks and orders, make it go deeper.

LilBondageChick · 05-24-2017, 01:20 PM

I have the exact same problem... I think blackmail is the way to go.

11-12-2016, 11:45 AM	#1
cooperjess Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: UK Posts: 202 Blog Entries: 2	Trouble staying committed? I've tried one or two online sub/dom relationships in the past (only to the stage of pictures and videos, nothing live yet) and more often than not a loss of motivation on my part has led to the whole thing dwindling out quite quickly. I can't help feeling guilty for leaving people hanging, and for now have given up on long-term stuff just to avoid disappointing any more people. I think it's mostly down to my sex drive being too unstable, but I'd probably blame a lack of self-discipline too. Has anyone had to overcome this themselves, or know of any way to better keep the commitment up? Thanks c: __________________ Jess \| 22 \| Bi AMAB. back after a long hiatus, active occasionally(?) - msg me, if you like

11-12-2016, 12:06 PM	#2
sexyred92 Distinguished Member Join Date: Nov 2016 Location: Somewhere Posts: 773 Blog Entries: 8	Hey! Don't feel overly guilty. The subs I typically chat with only last a few weeks or less. If you don't have a connection, it never seems works. I have been chatting with one man now for almost 3 months. At the beginning, we didn't talk anything sexual for probably 2 Weeks before we moved to sex. Now, some days we can get a little sexual but sometimes we just have a normal conversation. If real life is busy and for him it is super busy. In summary, try to find someone who can talk to you as a buddy as well as sexual. For me this has worked the best. But for others it might not work. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone perfect for you. __________________ 31 year old female Likes and Limits Only message me if I have talked to you previously, otherwise, I'll ignore you.

11-12-2016, 12:12 PM	#3
SluttyPig getDare Sweetheart Join Date: May 2016 Location: America Posts: 288 Blog Entries: 7	Hi cooperjess!! I think what helps is establishing a relationship that goes beyond just pure D/s. I'm not saying a romantic relationship, it could just be someone you can just talk to in a purely platonic way. The reason I say this is because any relationship is formed on chemistry between the people participating in it! If it's solely dependent on D/s, then there's nothing to do when one person isn't feeling it and it could result to those dwindling relationships you mentioned. I don't think many people can afford to play 24/7, or be in the Dom/sub mindset all the time, so if the person you're pursuing expects that of you, maybe you should look for someone else. It's not that your sexual drive isn't stable enough, it could just be that the person you're looking to pursue has unreasonable expectations about it. Or it could just be that person doesn't mesh well with you! It happens sometimes! I hope this makes sense I'd suggest looking for more legitimate people to have a D/s relationship with. __________________ Likes: humiliation, pain, orgasm denial, icy hot (mmm..) and degradation. Limits: family, scat, needles, permanent, restrictive bondage, pictures, illegal, or unsafe. My AMA with my Wolf82!

05-24-2017, 01:19 PM	#4
xarx41 Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2017 Posts: 28	Hello! Have you tried to build a friendly relationship outside of kink with the Dom/sub? It's always much more intimate when you get to know the other person, and I also see that in myself, I usually end up dumping subs with whom I don't really get along, or they have no interest in getting to know me. It simply gets boring when no one really cares about each other, so when one goes silent, the other goes too because the relationship isn't deep enough and, to put it simple, no one gives a shit :P I find it hard to believe that someone can be loyal and obedient to a complete stranger. So basically my advice is to not limit it to just tasks and orders, make it go deeper. __________________ Female, dominant, bisexual, 22 years old NOT looking for subs

05-24-2017, 01:20 PM	#5
LilBondageChick Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: NYC Posts: 709 Blog Entries: 6	I have the exact same problem... I think blackmail is the way to go. __________________ I am such a slut. I have practically zero limits and many likes I enjoy : Blackmail, humiliation, diapers, age play, bondage, hypnotism, facial dares and much more I am looking to meet dominant men and women to put me in my place Snapchat : lilbondagechick kik is lexi_x0 / send me interesting dares