Becomming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals

[slaveboy28]

Dear Getdare users,

You may have wondered why there has been such a long break after my last blog update. The answer is hard to admit but I think it needs to be said and I can only put it directly. I fucked up. Big time. But as hard as such public admission of guilt is, my mistake was incomparable to it.

Before explaining what I did I would like you to read this update not at as a post about me, but about my Master who offered me another chance and for this chance I am extremely grateful. He also once again proved to me what a great and understandable person he is and I feel great sorrow that I abused his trust and put him in a very difficult position. I am also not searching for excuses. Yes, my mind was completely fucked up, I had a bad brain and I was extremely emotional, but I should still take one more step, try to calm down and first and most of all talk. Communicate. This was, is and will be the only way.

I really fucked up and so nearly lost my Master, because I was so stupid and so deserve to be punished in any way my Master see's fit, because now I realise how much I need him.

Not being able to offer my Master what was justifiably expected of me, but also by not doing this, feeling and fearing there is no more pleasure I can bring to my Master I decided to leave. I even sent him my last blog.

I was also giving up something that really filled my life with both pleasure and pain(-ful pleasure), helped me realise so much about myself and who I am. Helped me discover something I have never before experienced. And I think the best example of explaining this is the fact that even after sending him my last blog I continued with my routine. I had too. I just could not completely close this chapter, at least not before I could go through the punishment for my previous offence. And I wore diapers on Tuesday and Saturday even at work - this time feeling not only what I already described but also a great pain and shame for my stupid, bitchy (re)actions. And I still feel I deserved those feelings. There is nothing to be proud of what I did.

I fucked up completely, as you can see. And the worst part is, like I wrote in an apology to Sir, that I did something so horrible by shutting the door to communication too soon. I turned my back to something what stands at a core of this relationship. And by doing this I not only behaved in a nasty manner but also caused great pain to my Master who was more than generous with me from the start.

But my Master, after all I have done, offered me another chance. Is there even a way to describe the feelings of happiness for being offered so much? You can not believe what this means to me. After two days of crying (yes I cried when I was writing my last blog, when I was writing to him, to Sir), of being completely ruined by what I did, he offered me another chance. What a person he is. Only the strongest men can do this after being let down. And I would like to once again thank him for this. Publicly and openly.

Thank you Sir for giving me this chance which for me, like I wrote already, presents foremost a great responsibility. To try harder, to be more open, to talk.

Sorry for the short update, a longer update will be posted very soon.

boy A.

[b69]

Was shocked to see the blog today. I have enjoyed following your journey and thought you were past this point of not trusting your Sir. Thankfully for you he has agreed to accept you back. Not knowing the circumstances, I'm sure some form of penance should be required. Once again, good update.

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

please allow me to take you back a few days, when I was still in shock after what I did to my Master and when he showed me a great deal of mercy, which resulted in the continuation of my journey and also another chapter of the blog. Once again a huge thank you, Sir.

It was Friday afternoon when I had another deep conversation with my Master. But as always this chance needed to be deserved and I really felt I should make a step further for him (it was perhaps not visible at first but with his help I did it), for it is he who offers me so much and is steering this ship. He is the captain.
Upon returning home I got straight to work, doing what I felt was impossible for me a few weeks ago. I took out a black marker and started writing. Not just lines, but writing reminders of what am I never to do without my Master’s permission and drawing a clear sign showing to whom my useless little genitals belong. And it was not on paper, it was on my new smooth, hairless body.
I must not touch myself written repeatedly on my chest and stomach.
A keep out zone around my pathetic genitals.
Property of Master on my groin.
Not an easy task but a task that needed to be done. I needed to see what I am in the mirror and I wanted Sir to see this. To see that I will not touch myself (it is not about my pleasure) and that my dick (no matter how useless it is) belongs to him, just like my body does and just like my heart and soul belong to him more and more everyday. As a proof I sent him a picture and Master commented: “cute little cock”. I was so proud - I was proud and grateful for his comment. And even though it is demeaning to have a little cock (it really was tiny in the picture), I felt good and my dicklet rose. Yes, I got hard having all that written on my body. A slut.
But my Master soon reminded me I am not to get cocky by ordering me some more corner time - an hour staring at the wall thinking. Thinking, but first counting backwards in 3's starting from 1000. It felt like an eternity and also the counting was way harder than I imagined. I really had to focus hard and when I did this, I closed my eyes. I knew not to do this and so I went a bit slower. And I felt like I even lost my ability to count - is it 876? what was the last one? I was relieved when I came to one and thought that the timer must buzz soon. Ok .. a few more minutes perhaps ... than the agony started...computer went to sleep .. no more sounds, not even a buzz of the computer... how much more? I was alone. And I needed to pee and was getting colder. It just dragged on and on. And I was thinking "fuck, can this be really so long, what if the timer is off...". But i remained still and just tried to focus, rethinking everything Sir did for me, what I caused.
Yes it was a very long hour but it was not as long as an hour without Sir, knowing he must be so close but yet so far.
It was a relief when he came back. It was a relief when he said the words “now its time to get on cam, because you are getting one of your floggings”. Yes, readers, I was glad I could get flogged. Of course this scared me but those were his first words when coming back. He came back, it was all that mattered after that long hour.
He was again patient and just made my sorry ass pink, when I knew he could justifiably be harsher. And so, before our final conversation, I ended up collared with a body marked by my Master and a flogged pink ass.

But the biggest challenge of that day was his order to show my face to him on cam (yes, it took me that long!). And I did it. It was just a brief second and before I gathered the courage I trembled. It took time, it took patience, it took guidance from my great Master. Thank you Sir and thank you for giving me time to calm down and talk afterwards.

And it was not until Sunday when we spoke again (not until Sunday…hey, this is just a day… perhaps Getdare users..but it is a day without him). More kneeling, more thinking, opening up. And it helped .. a lot.
On Monday we exchanged photos.
I am so glad we did, as I was able to see him as well.

You can envy me, readers, for he really is a very attractive Gentleman. A Master with calm but strict eyes. I think they represent him so well.
He deserves more praise (much more), but all I will say is that it would be a privilege to get fucked and be used by him, to be able to worship him in real. And I long for this chance to the stage I started behaving like a complete slut, like a really dirty boy, not thinking about my cock but only about his man dick penetrating my boy ass.
Yes, I said it again.

I know that he deserves a boy he wants - skinny and fuckable. The way he looks, talks and guides me, he has all the right to say this. And I was contemplating on this yesterday evening kneeling on rice (uncomfortable and painful as hell, by the way). I did not loose a gram last week and this week I must work and train harder. Much harder to become a step closer to what he wants.

Now back to his strict eyes.
I could see them staring at me when I received a more severe punishment yesterday evening. He watched me flog my useless genitals for the first time, flog what I once thought of as my manhood. How wrong I was.
He heard me moaning, counting the strokes as they landed on my dick. He saw me hard at the beginning and he saw me going flacid as the strokes kept coming. And knowing what I must sound like, making me admit I made a mistake out loud, I was a bad boy who deserved this, I was completely humiliated. Humiliated and in pain as I received what Sir described “for a first time enough, not too little or too much”.
It was supposed to hurt and it hurt.
The strokes on my tiny balls, my inner thighs and just a few (a painful few) on my crack.
I learned my lesson not to mess with Sir. I disobeyed last week when I put on underwear without permission from Sir. Once again I should have talked first, than act. And I was reminded of this even today, as the burning slowly subsided. But the pain remained. A different kind of pain. An inner mental sting of doing wrong which combined, just as Sir predicated, with wish for more, even more pain (although today this still feels very distant).

Yes, this is how fucked up I am. I thought of him, his control and him causing me more pain. Because he is my Master. And I am so grateful for this.

Thank you Sir.

And as always thank you users (especially b69) for reading and commenting. With Sir’s permission I will be happy to respond.

boy A

[b69]

Very nice detailed post. Especially liked hearing about how you felt throughout the process. Glad it appears you've learned a lesson and your Sir has accepted you back and settled the account with the proper punishment. Good luck in your on-going journey. Also, thanks for commenting and noticing my posts as you go thru your journey.

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

even if the pain from my tiny dick and even tinier balls is gone, my useless little genitals are still as useless as they were. Rightly kept under control by my Master. And this slave knows there can not be any other way, especially after I disappointed my Master and not lost even a gram of my body fat. “You disappointed me”. Words so harsh, so painful.

It is not just the physical pain that followed in a form of a punishment it is something more. I realised that once again yesterday when I was home, shaving my body (thank you Sir for introducing me into “the world of smooth”. I do not know how I could ever imagine that you would tolerate that nasty hair on my chest. I was really stupid, Sir.). And then something just clicked in me. Every object in my house has my Master’s signature on it - the floor (on which I kneel, stand, eat, receive punishment, work out, even sleep) bed (where I sweat waiting for Sir, where I wake up thinking of him), my furniture (where my plug, flogger, lube, nipple clamps and many other things are kept), my shower (marked by me peeing in it like a dog, showering upon permission…), my - his underwear.
Everywhere is Sir and this is far from being a complaint, it is something I treasure and value. He is the one that gave me all this. Thank you Sir for showing me this, for taking control of my daily life. I hope I can make it up for this Sir. In comparison to you, to what you are giving to subs, there is so little this fat dirty slave can offer.

In the past conversations I could offer my Master only the acceptance of his punishment for overeating and drinking, for remaining unfuckable - fat.
“You will insert 5 melting cubes into your bum, for 15 mins or until they melt, enjoy.”
And I did. I popped them in. Yes, there was coldness, there was icy pain spreading from the inside, but the humiliation was much worse. Inserting ice into my bum, making myself even more full instead of loosing weight. Until the moment everything started to melt… dirty, cold, shitty water … no control of it, as it dribbled out. But I clenched my muscles, tried to keep my dirty liquid in me until given permission to poo everything out.
Experience of my tiny balls, hot from the flogging and now my cold, dirty, fat bum was new to me. But experience of burning shame, humiliation was not. “Fat, dirty, messy, shitty boy…”
The shame really stayed with me for a while - during the rice corner time, before going to sleep. And the absolute worst part is that I am so pathetic and perverse that this made my tiny useless dick hard. Why?? Mentally so ashamed, so fucked up that I disappointed my Master, really accepting the punishment, but my body just keeps reminding me what a perv I am.

The pain, the humiliation make me hard… But if you read my previous entries it makes me so damn hard just because of him, of Sir. Because both pain, humiliation and pleasure come from him. Like in my home he is always in my brain and everything only has sense if I at least hope he will have some sort of satisfaction. And this is another reason why “You disappointed me” feels so bad.

I am sorry for a short update but I only slept for a few hours tonight and feel like I got hit by a train. I “slept” on my floor, feeling degraded, nervous, looking at my bed for an hour, but I did not dare to climb in it. I did not. Everything hurt in the morning when I had my breakfast like I was supposed to on a “dog day”. Like I have it every day but was even more felt on such “special day”. And other meals today will only be from bowl on the floor.
Before I head out to work again I just want to say that I did not even dare to pee at home sitting down. It is my “dog day” and I did it like a dog. And, yes, lapped it up like a dog. I am sorry readers for being so dirty, but there was nothing I could do.

Thank you,
(boy) dog A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

“dog day” ended but Sir’s disappointment remained and he made that loud and clear: “get out of my sight, rice corner time, no shower, same undies, poo humping then bed, bye”. And he left the conversation.
My heart sank.
I understood immediately that he was right leaving the conversation: why should he dedicate his precious time to a fatboy, to a fat slave who did not loose weight and remained unfuckable.
I did not want to beg him to talk to me, to perhaps say at least a few more words to me. I knew I did not deserve them, I did not deserve his valuable time and I just tried to calm down. So I left the conversation and finished my daily routine.
The next day I rushed to see if there are any new messages from Sir (perhaps just one word, perhaps just an insult, anything) - nothing.
Nothing in the afternoon.
But when Sir returned in the evening I felt like a young puppy. Happy and excited, once again closer to my Master, more his.
And as a true and experienced Master he reminded me of two very important lessons which I would like to share:
1. Loosing weight is for my own benefit too. Something I forgot for a moment. It will not (hopefully) just make me more fuckable although I have to say that this is a huge motivation. I really crave to be fucked, dominated and used by Sir in real (I just can not explain how much I want to feel, smell, touch, lick and worship him and his man body).
Loosing weight will also allow me to be more active, more responsive and more fit to accept my Master’s orders, rewards and punishments. I will be able to offer him more. And this is another big benefit for me.
2. My impatience. It is something I reflected on during my corner time and realised I must focus more in the future. I need to learn to wait. If Master thinks I should wait or I do not deserve his attention I need to accept this and be grateful for any decision he makes. Focus, calm down and instead of thinking what may have happened, dedicate my time to thinking what I did wrong and what more I can do for him.
I also need to accept Sir’s schedule just as he accepts mine. There is a real life to live.
I may still sometimes be impatient, because Sir plays such a big role in my life now, but I will not moan or bitch about this. I will control myself and try to invest the time being alone in figuring out what else this boy may offer to Master.
I think this is the only right way.

Thank you for reading this short but I think very important update,
boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

today’s update could also be called another report from fatboy, trying to repent for his sins.

Yesterday my day started with a long walk. Not just a walk, but a walk with rice in my socks. More than for the feeling of discomfort, the walk will be reminded as a two hours constant reminder of my mistake and stupidity. Every step was like another harsh word from my Master.
Fatboy. Dirty slave boy. Lazy boy. Fat.
And again: you disappointed me.
But I understand it was a well deserved reminder and I tried to keep walking for as long as I could, until my soles started burning and I just had to turn back and return home.

At home I was greeted by another message from Sir: “Next 24 hrs is water only, like a dog from a bowl when possible, no food for you, you know it makes sense”. And he was, as always, right. It really made sense that the only food product a fatboy deserves is rice in his socks. So here I am writing this trying to think not of the food but of my Sir who is shaping and moulding me every day. And I would like to thank him again and again.

I would also like to say sorry again for my actions, for not loosing a gram of weight. It is something I once again reflected on during my corner time and also something I had to do “out loud” for Sir. I was to mark my body, neck to groin with a painfully humiliating but absolutely true phrases: "I am a lazy bad fatboy, sorry Sir" and "Master's boys pathetic cock" on my groin above my pathetic cock. Those words somehow burned in my flash and in my brain and they still bring back all the feelings of shame and humiliation. But I need to repent.

And with those words also came horniness. Something I am not too proud of and something I tend not to speak about when I am with my Master. He should not care about my sexual relief and I never want to start this topic myself. But he read me like an open book and said: “treated like a dog, made to mark your body, no pubic hair and no longer able to cum when YOU wish, but it makes your pathetic cock so hard, so do I!”.
He was right, 100% right.
It is after his next question that I admitted “it” wants to cum desperately. And he suggested maybe cumming will loose a few grams. I tried not to get too excited as I was not completely sure if this was just a trick but his next order messed up my mind even more. I was once again to edge on camera.
I could not last long before my useless little cock started leaking precum. Another few strokes, another few hits in the balls, a few more strokes and I leaked (for me who squirts pathetic amounts of cum as you may remember) a huge amount of precum as well as a few drops of cum. And than Sir said: enough, “it” is not cumming.
I was left without an orgasm, I was denied and all I could do was to lick what my pathetic cock leaked.
It was a mixture of feelings. Was this a ruined orgasm? Was this just edging? Did I do wrong? I was so scared I went too far, but I really had no mental orgasm, there was no mental relief. And I felt bad my body betrayed me, I had so little control - I thought I should not even squirt a drop of cum. I did not deserve this. He was right not to allow me a full blown orgasm. Why would he give such gift to a fatboy.
At the same time I would like to say I was grateful for what he allowed me to do. To slightly release the pressure on the balls and this release I will try to use further to be even more concentrated on Sir.
I was still not sure I did the right thing until Sir told me he got excited seeing me. And this was such a huge confirmation that I did right not to allow myself an orgasm, to remain on edge, to wait. His pleasure first!

I was given another gift - picture of Sir. His naked Man body. There will be no details for you, readers. There will just be my admiration, me telling you how much I lust and crave to feel him in real. To smell, lick, worship him. To suck his nipples hard (they are a gift of nature for sure!) To be used and fucked by him. To suck him dry and taste and savour his man cum. And writing this makes me forget about the food, about my last 24 hours of starving. It just makes me want to work harder and eat less and healthier. Fatboy needs to go.

Thank you Sir.

Thank you readers and commentators.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

real life is again taking it’s toll so this will be just a short update about two very different days.

Hell on Sunday and heaven on Monday.

Sir greeted me as usual: “hello fatboy”. I blushed but got even more red in my face as he said the next phrase: “you got to dribble, I shot and orgasmed.”
I was not so much ashamed of my pathetic dribble but ashamed of how much I wanted him to cum. It surprised me how desperately I wanted him to have pleasure, to have an orgasm. How much I wished I could see it, feel it and yes, taste his thick white man cum. I was ashamed what a dirty boy I have become. And he knew it. He knew how I sat there naked collared, lusting after his typed words, my useless little cock getting hard.
And he knew just how to fix this. “Lube your butt plug with toothpaste and fuck your useless boy pussy”. I was shocked. After many toothpaste treatments of my useless little genitals I knew I could expect some pain, but what I experienced on Sunday was beyond any expectations. Even when I inserted just the tip of the the plug my crack started to burn. Really burn. But I continued and got it all in. It felt like I was being torn apart, like there is a fire in my bum. It itched and hurt. And the pain and burning sensation remained there as I squeezed, sweated, fucked myself on my plug. It got worse and worse, no relief whatsoever. I stopped for a few seconds, than pumped it again. And the pain got even worse.
Why did I have to buy an extra minty toothpaste? Why am I such a slut? Why?
There was no pleasure, my useless cock went flacid. And Sir knew that, he knew I do not deserve pleasure. Not for being a fatboy. I lasted for pathetic twenty minutes before I asked him to please remove the plug. And Sir showed mercy.
Another lesson learned. Get fuckable, no matter what.

And the pain, the mental pain subsided only on Monday when I managed to send Sir a picture after a week of hard training and healthy diet. 1,7 kg lost. Goal achieved. Yes, it was not enough to deserve an orgasm but (please believe me) I did not even hope for it. I hoped for something much more important. I wished Sir would be pleased.
And my reward was magnificent. “Good, you did well my not so fat boy”. Magical words. There is a new goal ahead of me, but at that moment I felt rewarded, I felt I pleased Sir. And this is simply a wonderful feeling. To please. To serve.

I must not pig out now. I must work harder. I must reach my goal: become fuckable for Sir.

I only hope I can bring him pleasure he deserves. This is why I offered my body to him when I promised him a very vocal self genital flogging. I know it will be much harder than my last one. I know it will hurt like hell. But I also know seeing me in agony makes him feel good -(“slave may be punished purely for Master's pleasure”) as does any true Master who understands the meaning of both a carrot and a stick.
“Master will routinely punish slave in order to remind it of its status as a slave and to continually train it to better serve Master and to be a better slave.” It will be for my own good - to become a better slave for Sir.

Dear readers, as you can see my journey continues, and I will keep you posted as soon as the time allows it.

Thank you Sir.

Thank you Getdare.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Hello readers,

I have been so busy these last few days with real life and have also been very bad, I have been snooping around Getdare spying on my Master, reading his posts invading HIS privacy, not showing HIM respect, oh fuck, what have I done, he was so annoyed.

I will update this blog soon, if my Master lets me, I know I will have to accept a heavy punishments and also apologise, if he will accept the apology.I have fucked up yet again, stupid me.

I am asking you, the Getdare readers, what should I offer him as a punishment, so as to please him? The punishment should fit the crime.

I do hope my journey has not come to an end!

Thank you Sir.

Thank you Getdare.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

Work was what kept me away from Getdare, so please let me update you on my journey in the last few days when I was away. Those were very hard days and everything just got so much harder yesterday but most of all today when I read new messages from Sir.

As you might imagine I was not only away from Getdare but what is much worse away from Sir. He respected my real life obligations for what I am really grateful but at the same time I felt very bad I could not spend more time with him and for him. I missed him so much, even I was surprised how much he penetrated my mind and soul. I missed his words, his orders and his online presence. Sticking to my routine was just not enough and just a short message from Sir made my day. Even if it was a new humiliating request and a big reminder: “For making me wait for the report, buy some red nail varnish, yes you are painting your all your toe nails red, I will check on the next weigh in picture!”. My first reaction was that of him waiting, writing a message to me. Like I told Sir, I felt ashamed that my first reaction was not of shame for the idea of painting my toe nails red, but that I was so happy for a new order and a new task.

And an another new task came soon. When I got home I was to write on my body "This slave boy and his useless little genitals have so missed their Master”. As always neck to groin in my black marker. Sir new this will make my useless little cock hard but that does not mean it made the statement any less true. I really really missed my Master. I meant what I wrote on my pathetic body.

At the same time I sent a report to Sir about my feelings and thoughts. I wanted to do good, to make him happy but failed miserably at doing this. I went a step too far and even if my intentions were good this is no real excuse. I have been snooping around Getdare, spying on my Master, reading his posts invading his privacy, not showing him respect, following him without asking for permission first. His reaction was instant: “spying on me?” I felt like I was hit by a train. Completely out of words, ashamed of my actions, scared of my mistake, scared of Sir’s anger and another disappointment.

After not talking to him for a few days, after wanting to see him for so long, I screwed up. And everything had to wait again. I was given time to reflect on my actions. I waited, thought a lot about it and it all made me feel so much worse. At that time I knew the worst thing I could do is to complain and beg so I just remained silent, as still as possible. When Sir came back online it was time for my punishment, a hard flogging of my useless little genitals and my ass. It was hard, it was intense but it was also so much harder to take as I could not completely get away from the thought of how angry I made him. I was so afraid he hates me. I kept hitting my small balls, my ass, counting the strokes, waiting for his orders. More. More. Again. Repeat. 40 now. Ok, stop. No, 10 more. At the end I tried to get my breath and Sir got even angrier when I forgot to thank him for administrating my punishment. I just sobbed there, breathing heavily instead of saying thank you for teaching me a lesson.

What was the flogging like? Sir said I could have taken more, but he decided it was enough. I still do not have a clear opinion on this. I think I could have take more. And after everything that followed I wished I did. I wished I suffered more.

Our session ended with me still unsure if I did right, if I hit myself hard enough, if I was able to please Sir at least a little. But I am so afraid it was not enough. I rushed to write an apology, to try to once again say how sorry I am for my mistake. And I really am. I know this because it hurts inside. But as I read a new message from Sir today I was not only once again reminded of my position and my mistake but I got also extremely frightened. Scared I may loose Sir. Something I do not want, something i fear most. To loose him, to loose such a special and unique Master.

Sir was brief in his message, saying he needs more than words, more than me repeating my mistakes. He requires action and a slave who thinks before acting. And who acts - properly, respectfully and with gratitude. I tried to calm down after reading this but it stayed with me as I know I am far from being a good looking or in any way special. So many levels under Sir in every possible sense.

I fear he thinks I am doing this to piss him off - I would never dare this, as every time I make him angry (unintentionally of course, I literally have no balls to do something to willingly make him mad) I regret it so much.

Maybe I really am just too stupid for him, because no matter how I try to please and be a good boy I fuck up. And now writing this I am so scared that Sir may dispose me and find a better looking and smarter boy. I feel in a way broken completely, useless, humiliated to the core by Sir’s disappointment.

I am so afraid I got caught in some kind of a vicious circle where my every action leads to another mistake.

Please dear readers, I need help. How can I improve? How can I be a better slave? How can I prove Sir how much he means to me? How can I focus more on thinking before doing anything stupid? Is it ok if I ask Sir what I can offer him (I feel there is so little)? Any advice would be so helpful as this really is a distress call and I do not want to be a lazy, stupid slave. Not for Sir who rightfully wants and deserves so much more.

I am asking you, the Getdare readers, what should I offer him as an additional punishment, so as to please him? The punishment should fit the crime.

I do hope my journey has not come to an end!

Thank you for reading and please help.
boy A

[slaveboy28]

Hello readers,

I hope you read my last update where I wrote how afraid I am I got caught in some kind of a vicious circle where my every action leads to a new mistake. And it happened again. Another fuck up. But also another step forward for me on this rollercoaster ride to becoming slave A.

Sir was very determined on Saturday and I think he sensed I needed to face reality. I needed his strict and short commands before giving me an opportunity to express my feelings. It still is hard to believe how he reads me like an open book. Or are we all slaves just so predictable, lacking brain power, imagination and creativity?

Leave now or get another hard flogging.

It was an easy decision, I had no doubts. I had to obey and face his punishment. Hard flogging to my ass and useless little genitals. The ones that got flogged a day earlier.
I prepared and waited for his order to start. A few strokes to start, than more and more. I kept hitting my sorry ass before I was given an option. “Another 40? Your choice”. It was not really a choice. I knew I had to obey, I needed to to take more and try to do amends. Try to make him feel good in seeing me in pain. And the pain continued with my pathetic genitals. 50…another 50? Yes Sir….another 50? Yes Sir. i took them all but was again to slow to thank him. Immediately means immediately and not in a minute. Another 50 for a reminder. “Good boy” (magic words, readers). “Now edge”. It took me some time to get hard and start. Everything seemed to be going so well. It was not an easy task as it has been 25 days since my last orgasm. But I focused and remained close never reaching the point of no return. I dribbled, but without climax.
And then - a disaster. My battery ran out as I was not connected to the mains. Not thinking I again ruined Master’s pleasure, I ruined his enjoyment. I really did not care about my edging (the fact I dribbled made everything just so much worse), I just thought what I must have ruined for him.
We both went offline. Me feeling ruined forever, fearing the end of my journey. And Sir (what a strong and strict but fair person!) to calm down before doing anything out of rage. He surely was mad. He had every reason to be.
When we met again I reflected for an hour kneeling on rice on my stupid, stupid actions. We discussed everything again (thank you Sir, thank you so much) and the discussion calmed me down a bit. It is amazing how he is able to calm me down with just one word; just as he is able to get me to sob or shiver.
It was a very open conversation and he reassured me to the point that I was willing to do a step forward which for me presented a very big barrier. I finally asked Sir if we could talk on cam next time, face to face, with the microphone on. And Sir said yes.

We met yesterday and as you can imagine I was nervous as hell and Sir also said he is feeling nervous. I remained collared when I clicked the accept incoming call button. (To remain collared was a decision I made yesterday although I was still not very keen on wearing a collar on cam on Saturday. I was afraid, but the collar actually calmed me down and made me feel safer. What was even better - Sir was happy because I was not afraid to show myself wearing it. He even wanted to see it from all sides and it felt so good to show him “live” what I bought for him a few weeks ago).
And than I saw him, saw Sir! Heard his strong voice for the first time! Wow! He really is all I could wish for.
It is hard to describe how I must have looked like at that moment: scared, nervous, blushing, shaking, voice trembling. But not feeling I did something wrong, which I think is a big step for me. I was actually happy Sir guided me so far. A complete beginner, a scared young boy now face to face with Sir.
Sir was of course a complete opposite, not a single trace of nervousness, just plain experience (he knows and understand so much) and authority. It made me feel instantly inferior and it was so hard to find proper words or stop smiling like a little school girl. His English, his look and his looks, his body, his words…huh.
I tried to relax, try to listen to him saying how I should count to 10 before speaking. And slowly I managed to express more than just yes Sir, no Sir (the Sir part felt completely natural). Not much more but still. His guidance helped and after an hour (an hour!) I got a few things out (even managed to ask for a permission to pee), the most important one being I would like to do this again, of course better prepared, perhaps even with some notes.
Not because my useless little dick got hard (“blush”) during the conversation but because it felt right. And it felt right because of him and everything he offered me so far. Thank you Sir.

We talked of cam for a few more minutes before I asked for my permissions. And at the end I was given a new order: “the next hour edge your pathetic cock hard, but you are not to cum! (you can think about me!)”. It was both a blessing and a course. But I managed to suppress my urges and did as told. For him. For Sir.

And because he is such a wonderful Master I would like, at the end of this update, to once again ask you for your help (please please respond). Could you please write your suggestions on what I should offer my Master as an additional punishment for my recent failures, so as to please him? The punishment should fit the crimes mentioned. Please help and thank you in advance.

Sir, thank you for everything you have given me so far and I truly hope there is more to discover on my journey to Becoming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Hello readers,

Since my last update I had another very open conversation with Sir. I think it should stay between him and me (at least for a while), so today I would like to dedicate this blog to the replies I received on the blog page.

First of all I would like to say a very big thank you to the users who posted their comments, particularly to b69. He is a very kind, open and intelligent commentator. And this helps a lot, as sometimes it feels I am in a way alone in my journey. Saying that I would like to stress that Sir is of course always there for me (thank you Sir) and is my first and only priority, but for a beginner like me (after all this is my first journey) advice or opinion from other Masters or subs helps me better understand and accept that I am not the only one with such wishes, hopes and dillemas.

And so the comments really made me think and rethink how far I got in my journey. And the answer would be far but not yet far enough. There is so much yet to be discovered and every new step just opens both new opportunities and new challenges. So how am I to achieve as much as possible (Read: how am I to bring Sir as much as possible)? I think the only way is the way proposed by b69 and which has also been deeply and naturally felt by me. To continue listening to the one who is at the centre of all this - my Sir. To strive to obey and to be obedient to Sir. He is the reason for my journey, he is the one cruising the ship, he is the one I want to please. Without him I would still be just a pathetic online wanker, not knowing my real place - to serve. So thank you very much for publicly speaking about this and reminding me of this. I felt it myself but I find it helpful to hear from other subs who have more experience that the only way a slave can grow is if he remains obedient and respectful. It may be a simple advice but a very important one and it really made me think and it also made me write this blog update.

Another important topic and lesson was that every sub also has a feeling he is going to fail. It was very helpful to hear this as sometimes this feeling really made me think I am the only one who is afraid of failing and that everyone is so much more secure in their journey, that they just do it, no matter what. That they have no dilemmas, no questions. This of course does not give me an excuse to keep failing or fearing and I will do my best to achieve what should be the only possible consequence of myself and others admitting their mistakes and fear of failing - overcome it. Accept your mistake, apologise, accept punishment, atone and try to grow. Once again this sounds simple but it is one of the hardest things in life in general (at least for me). Not to dwell on your own mistakes. I will work on this and hopefully progress also in this direction and perhaps even get rid of my all-pesimistic way of thinking.

Writing this brings me to the question I repeated in my reply to the comments, as it really stuck in my mind. Am I a punishment slut who will slip up just to get punished? Giving it a second thought, writing this blog, I would say I am definitely not. The punishments from Sir are hard and always well deserved but I never intentionally provoked them just to experience pain. Yes, I accepted the fact that I like some level of pain and pain does also bring some pleasure but not if it a consequence of a punishment. Punishments really are punishments and they hurt - both physically and mentally. Once again, they are something I do not want to receive. A reward and a kind word from Sir for doing a good job is just so much more satisfying that it never even slipped my mind to instead just slip up. I want to please Sir, not to screw up. Perhaps I also just focused too much in my blog on punishments and sometimes ignored the importance of the journey as a whole. If I wanted a punishment or to experience pain I would just ask for a dare. But there is something more, there is a great difference. The need to please Sir and to hope he will one day use me in real and thus give me a chance to really prove him I am not just some punishment slut.

Thank you readers for making me think about all this.

Thank you Sir for allowing me to reflect on the comments and for being my Master.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Hello readers,

Once again thank you for you comments and remarks. They made me think and they also helped in becoming a little more optimistic and open about my feelings. It is nice to know there are people out there with similar experience and wishes. The main one being the wish to please and serve.

b69 put it so well: “A submissive longs to please and serve. When you fail to please and serve it eats at your very core. “

My last few days were spent having this sentence in my mind. And knowing that I need to please, serve and obey Sir who really is an extraordinary person: strict but kind, demanding but fair, sincere, honest and patient. Anything one could hope for. Because of Sir my journey so far exceeded all my exceptions. Thank you Sir.

So how is my journey going now? I would say I really am back on track, dear readers. I opened up to Sir a bit more. I try to face my fears immediately but mostly just do as told. I trust my Sir and he knows best.

He knows best I look better with my toe nails varnished bright red (all the time) and he knows I need to be reminded of what I am by also varnishing the nails on my hands whenever I am alone. You may find this humiliating but for me it became humiliatingly rewarding. I never imagined I would varnish my nails but as Sir likes it, I started to like it. It feels good to feel dirty, when you know your Sir appreciates it.

It really is all about Sir.

And I got another confirmation of this yesterday when Sir told me he has not had an orgasm for a long time. You know he is an amazing Master, I know he is, but the fact that he even wanted to set a good example for me, denying his own final pleasure, was what made me feel guilty, scared I am not doing enough for him, and also completely aware of my desire that I want and need him to have an orgasm. To cum. For his pleasure and in any way he wants it. At that moment I wrote him a report, explained him my feelings, explained how much I would like him to climax. Not because of me, not because I wanted to influence him in anyway but out of a genuine and honest wish for his pleasure. Not for a second did I think about my useless little genitals (they are and will remain denied of pleasure for a while). My brain was focused just on him.

And when I received his next message “I came heavy and hard after 30 mins of kinky porn” I felt like a slut in heat, like an overexcited puppy. So extremely excited, so happy, so grateful, so unbelievably good. It was a complete reward, it felt like I climaxed. His pleasure was the best thing that happened in recent days. And when he added: “yes, you came to mind too, during my session” it was all I could wish for.

Thank you Sir, thank you so much and please please keep me, train me, mould me. To bring you more pleasure Sir and to please you Sir.

It is all about Sir.

Thank you all and thank you for reading this short update.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

My journey continues and I would first of all once like to say thank you to my great Sir who is guiding and controlling me. He really is amazing and he knows best.

I trust him more and also try to offer him more, not just by doing as told but by also trying to open up even more. I understand it is also for my benefit as communication and trust really are the key to progress.

And knowing Sir is feeling good is one of the biggest rewards possible. Like he repeated yesterday (we talked on cam again and it was so much easier than the first time and also so extremely rewarding. Thank you Sir) his needs should always come first so a good boy should listen, serve, answer with a simple “Yes Sir”, do as told and forget about his momental pleasure. Only than the boy can really get the pleasure he seeks - being satisfied by satisfying his superior, by doing as told. And I want to be that boy. I want to be a good boy for Sir.

Thinking about this and having another very open conversation also made me forget about my own silly hornyness and my useless little genitals (Sir chose the title of this blog so appropriately as it really is a recurring theme. Thank you Sir). It did not of course disappear completely but the mental reward of talking to Sir and also seeing his wonderful body, knowing he liked what he saw on cam (a naked and plugged aroused boy with all his nails varnished, wearing a collar, craving his words and also full heartedly enjoying the sight of Sir) was huge and perhaps very hard do grasp for you readers, especially if you never had the luck and gift of meeting someone like my Sir.

When I came home from work today I was rewarded with more of Sir’s messages. He came again after our cam to cam (thank you Sir and I so wish I could clean the mess Sir) and I felt very satisfied again. He had his mental orgasm and I in a strange way had mine - being chaste, not feeling it physically in any way, and also not having a mental rush of a Man’s climax (I am just a slave) but just a deep feeling of satisfaction. I do not know how else to explain it.

At the same time I was once again reminded that a slave can only get as much pleasure as Sir allows. And I got more than I imagined and perhaps deserved yesterday. Sir opened his shirt for me! Hot, hot, hot! And like Sir said that is more than enough sexual stimulation for me and I need to cool down my dirty fucking mind a little by having only cold showers this week (he knows how much I hate them). I will also have to contemplate on my errors by fucking my ass on my plug for one hour, facing the blank wall, nails painted, naked, collared and marked "Master’s Property". No chance of cum of course as I need to learn to control my useless genitals.

I could not have written this a few months ago when my blog was started but today I can only think of saying: “thank you, Sir. Thank you for your orders and the cold showers. Thank you for having your pleasure Sir and enjoying your orgasms Sir. I will of course do all that was ordered, having in my mind what a gift you gave me and how naughty I was yesterday, Sir.”

I am also very grateful for the routine Sir planned for me. Yesterday he said it became normal to me now, but, dear readers, it is normal to a point. It is a routine yes, but it is once again a daily challenge and reminder to focus on Sir and to be allowed to do as he wishes. And I want it to stay this way, not ever just do it automatically without having Sir in my mind.

To be a good boy.

I will keep you informed of new developments and am already looking forward to potential comments.

Thank you Sir.

Thank you readers and commentators.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

I am sorry for a delay in an update but had to focus on real life again. This of course does not mean that Sir is not always there with me. Nor that I am not focused on my daily routine and Sir’s orders. His orders and the routine he planned for me I find even more important when I am not able to talk to Sir every day - it reminds me of my role and the need to serve. Just like my varnished toe nails - something I now consider almost like my second collar. Hidden but there. A constant shout: slave. Master’s property.

It will be not be a very long update because time really is not on my side at the moment but I would still like to say that I did as told and fucked myself on my plug for an hour facing the blank wall, nails varnished, naked, collared and marked "Master’s Property". No chance of cum of course as I need to learn to control my useless genitals. And cum I did not, for a very long time now. No orgasm for 39 days. I never imagined to get this far but I know how important it is not to focus on my useless little genitals but only on Sir and his pleasure. And I am determined to remain chaste until ordered otherwise by Sir.

Of course I am constantly aroused but there is not much I can do apart to try and focus my sexual energy on becoming a better boy. And not waste everything for a few pathetic dribbles of spunk. I am only allowed to do daily edgings (morning and evening) which are becoming harder every single day but I am grateful for them and try to do them having Sir’s orders in mind. I do believe this is also a method of learning not to spunk in a brief second like inexperienced boys usually do, although I do not know how I would be able to resist if I was touched by Sir or even close to his Man body. But I am working daily on this and in a way try to reprogram my brain on serving Sir and not my worthless body pleasure. As I said before serving Sir is always bringing me so much more.

Recently Sir said I must be enjoying my freedom but it is definitely not that simple, dear readers. I would enjoy spending more time with Sir, much more than my so called freedom. I really miss Sir, I miss him after not being able to talk to him for a day. I miss his commands, guidance, words. I miss “captivity” more than I missed freedom when we were talking daily.

And that is another reason why spunking is out of the question. Only Sir deserves this pleasure and when he writes he wanked and cummed it is simply a reward for me. His freedom and my slavery.

And yes it is also something I think about - his warm, thick, manly spunk. It must taste and smell delicious. It simply must. As it is his cum, from his balls.

I do not want to get carried away here as I would soon be crawling the walls so let me perhaps move away a bit from “erotica” and once more take a look at my journey so far. It is a journey! It is not just some one time dare (and I do not want it to be, I never wanted it to be). It is a journey of an (yes I admit) inexperienced and shy boy who is slowly getting to know the world of submission, who is opening up. But not to everyone, only to the person he likes and he chose - his Master. Just like his Master chose him (thank you Sir!).

And after three months I do think I am doing well - not everything can be achieved in a day and this is also something I wanted to express by writing this diary. Basically how to start from scratch in the sub/Dom world. I do not wish to be overly smart but realistically speaking, looking back I crossed a lot of bridges, I pushed myself, I was pushed by a person I can trust. And I hope you readers can understand this and also why I focused not (just) on achievements but also fears and moments of, yes, even despair. Does this make me weak? Does my Master’s understanding, helping, talking and trusting make my Master weak? NO!!!

I am not afraid to admit that I am a late bloomer when it comes to Master-slave relationship. But I truly believe entering such a relationship is mostly about the brain, the mind. It is not (just) sex or tasks and dares. It is so much more. And I could not commit to it a few years ago when I was perhaps a bit better looking and attractive (and thinking only of getting my relief and my satisfaction. And yes, I did get it - enough bragging.

Another important moment is trust. And trust can only be achieved through communication. This also takes time, especially if we are talking only online. Who is behind the computer? Does he have a life outside cyber world? Is he just another wanker? Maybe, dear readers, you only have good experience but I do think there are a lot of insincere people here and being careful should not be considered bad. Especially if the reward is as great as it was for me - meeting someone really special who is prepared to invest himself in steering my ship. For this I can only be grateful.

Of course hearing from you also helps so comments are still welcome, as they help me grow and learn. And they are also read by Sir who is I think always taking them into consideration.

All in all … we all seek different things and I am just glad I found what I was looking for.

Thank you for following this journey and if you continue reading perhaps you may also get to know what I bought for Sir and myself. Nothing extraordinary but still something I would not buy if I remained the same shy boy I was three months ago.

boy A