[Non-Fiction] Johanna

[Diluculum]

I have thought for a long time about sharing this story and I finally decided to do so. It is fiction, and it is not. It is the story of one of my most intensive experiences with bdsm, close to ten years ago, but of course edited here and there. Polished, one could say, and reduced to the more sexual part of it. I am also not telling it from my own perspective, which might seem strange, but is more suiting the story itself.
I will keep writing it down in the following months, but don’t expect more than one update every other week, at least not regularly. Life is too busy. I hope that whoever reads this will enjoy it nevertheless. Let me also disclaim that I am not a native, and there might be mistakes in my written English. I hope this does not spoil the story for anyone. My sincere apologies if it does.




Prologue
She could still sense his presence around her, even though her eyes were covered. The scent of his sweat hung heavily in the air, strong and captivating, always reminding her of what they had done. He had had her in any way a man could have a woman, yet he still wanted more. And she would let him have it – all of it.

She heard him approaching her again and felt the cold sensation of leather straps on her back, gently petting her. She knew he loved her skin and called it alabaster made flesh, but he would not spare her, not this time. His hand grabbed her long, blond hair and pulled her head backwards. There was a short hiss and she felt the oh-so familiar sting as the whip hit her. She did not cry. She realized that he did not need to tie her up anymore. Her bonds were not physical, but they were always there, within her. All of hers, her mind, her heart, her body, was his now, and yet she had never felt so free in her life. She would obey.

***

Six months earlier.
Johanna was always slightly nervous when she was going out with her friends. They seemed to have much more fun than her and loved being around other people, dancing and singing along to songs she barely knew. She felt left out the instance the group entered their friend’s house. A party was already going on, obviously with a lot of alcohol and possibly some drugs. As usually, she grabbed a drink and made her way to a quiet corner while the rest of the girls joined the dancing crowd in what appeared to her was one blurred mass of bodies, one indistinguishable from another. ”What is it with these people?” She thought to herself. “Why can they let themselves go like this and forget everything around them? How is that even possible?” She had never managed to lose control, even during the few occasions when she was drunk. Reality was always there and kept up with her. She took a sip of her drink and prepared herself for another weird evening. At some point some guy would be drunk enough to ask her out, which she would refuse. “Same procedure as last year, Miss? Definitely.” She thought bitterly.

She took another look around. The blurring mass was always there, dense and colorful, dominating most of the room. Groups of two or three were standing next to it, drinking and gabling nonsense. And yet there was somebody who caught her interest. He was talking to a distant friend of hers, but she did not remember seeing him before – and she was good with faces. It seemed like they were engaged in a vivid argument about something, but she could not make out any words. What she found disturbing, though, was that he never stopped looking at her while he talked. Not once. He smiled and she realized that she must have been staring at him herself. She looked away immediately and took another sip of her drink, but her heart raced when she saw from the corner of her eyes that he excused himself and was walking straight towards her. “Here we go again.” She thought.

“How comes that you entered with a group of girls, but end up all by yourself within seconds?”

She turned around to face him, putting on a smile that never reached her eyes.
“Did you come up with that all by yourself? Impressive, especially since I literally just walked in.” She said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just curious. I’m David, by the way. And I’m not going to tell you that it makes me wonder why such a beautiful girl is standing here all by herself. Because, frankly speaking, you are hardly beautiful.”

That made her jaw drop. “Why would I even answer to that?” She replied and turned away.

“Don’t get me wrong, you are fascinating.” He said quickly. “But beauty depends on attitude. And you are displaying distaste for everything you see. It is written all over your face. How can that be beautiful?”

Johanna thought about walking away, but decided to turn around again. She would not let him treat her like that.
“Is that how you talk to girls? Tell them they are not beautiful? Good luck. David, was it?”

He laughed. “It seems to work. You are still talking to me.”

“Not anymore.” She replied, turned around and walked away.


It was two hours later that he approached her again, holding two glasses of wine.
“Do you care for a drink and an apology?” he said. “The wine is terrible, though, and I am not good at apologies either.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You are well trained in next level charming, I grant you that.” She took the wine. “Cheers.”

“Honesty, it is a curse.” He answered grinning. “Let me try it again. I’m David, and I am intrigued by your obvious disliking of all this” he waved his hand around “happiness.”

That earned him another eyebrow. “Happy fools, I would say. I’m Johanna. Nice to meet you.”

“It is, isn’t it? I get that a lot.” He laughed again. “It is nice to meet you, too, Johanna. It really is. But what is so foolish about being happy?”

“This is not happiness. This is simply people losing themselves, forgetting that they are human once in a while. Something I never manage, as you pointed out acutely.” She tried the wine. It was terrible.

“Then what does make you happy?” he asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“Why would you care?”

“Because now you are beautiful. When you drop your mask.” He focused her. “The next time we meet, the wine will be a lot better, I promise.”

Johanna smiled, and this time her eyes joined her lips.

***

They met again two weeks later when he took her to a little bar which served wine and snacks. As he had promised, the wine was excellent. She told him about her studies of psychology and sociology, which made her always judge people by categories and behavior, and he explained to her his fascination of astronomy and how he believed that mathematics and philosophy were basically the same, just with a different perspective. When they were finally thrown out by an unfriendly waiter, she realized that it was late at night and the fresh summer air made her chill.

“I should go.” She said, pointing towards a line of taxis at the other side of the road. “Thank you for the nice evening.”

“You don’t want me to walk you home?” He smiled. “I’m just kidding. I had a lot of fun, too. You really are beautiful when you’re yourself.”

“Look, this is awkward. Let’s just say goodnight.” She held out her hand.

David grabbed it and pulled her towards him. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, but his lips avoided hers and found her ear instead.

“I am not going to kiss you goodnight, Johanna.” He whispered. “Not today. But I want you to know that I want you and your desires. I want all of you to be mine.”

She could feel his breath in her hair and for the first time smelled his scent. For a moment she hesitated before she pushed him away.
“What do you mean, being yours. Do you think I am some kind of pet?”

Their eyes met. “I told you that honesty is a curse. It seems that you are teaching me how to apologize. I’m sorry. But that was the truth. Good night, Johanna.” With this he turned around walked away.

“Good night, David.” She whispered to herself.

[uzaho]

Kudos to you. This is very well written and was a pleasure to read.

I patiently await future installments!

[sammyGurl]

i very much like this and cannot wait to read more!

[Diluculum]

Chapter 1 – First Steps

The next morning Johanna received a text from David. “Meet me”, followed by a place and a time: “nine pm, fountain at the market place.”
Her head was still spinning from his words last night. “I want you to be mine.” What did he mean? He had lost most of his perky attitude during the evening, save some remarks, but those last words still echoed in her head, over and over again. “I want you to be mine.”
There was something about him, and she was quite sure that he felt the same about her. But what, exactly, was it? Johanna couldn’t name it, no matter how hard she tried. She would have to find out. With her heart racing, she quickly replied: “Sure, I’ll be there”.

She was curious about what was going to happen. But was it really curiosity? It is more than that, she reluctantly admitted. Desire. How could he know? It was something she barely accepted herself and had clearly never expressed to anyone. Yet there was this longing within her, the wish for dark lust, for being preyed upon. “Abuse me.” She whispered, while her hands slowly moved between her legs. Her phone buzzed, bringing her back to where she was. It was another text from David: “I know.”

Johanna pulled herself together. This was not the time for daydreams. There was work to do, and with her exams approaching she’d better focus on her studies. But whatever she read, her mind kept slipping away to David. After what seemed like days and weeks it was finally eight pm, time to leave.

***

David was already waiting for her when she arrived at 8:45.

“Hi Johanna.” His cheeky smile told him that she didn’t do a good job in hiding her nervousness. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” She replied. “You’re early.”

“So are you. I wouldn’t let you waiting. Let’s walk, shall we?” He said, offering his arm. “This place is rather crowded.”

She nodded and took hold of him. They walked in silence for a few minutes until they reached a small park in the city center, filled with old trees and fading flowers. She knew the place, but had never noticed how bad it fitted in the scenery of crowded streets and shops in the area. “This feels weird.” She thought. “He isn’t even talking to me.” Finally, it was her breaking the silence.

“David.” She said. “What’s this about? Are you trying to be mysterious?”

“I figured my words caught you off guard,” He said, “and I owe you an explanation.”

“About why you think you could treat me like that?” she snapped.

“About your desires.”

There was this word again.
“What do you know about my desires?” She stopped walking and turned to face him. “Do you really think you’re that irresistibly confident? Let me tell you, you’re not.”

David just stood there and smiled, which did not help to calm her down.
“What?” she said, raising her voice.

He took a quick step forward and grabbed her waist, forcing her towards him. She wanted to push him away, but wasn’t fast enough. His lips pressed against hers, forcing his tongue inside her. He tasted like sweet peppermints. She pushed again, as hard as she could, and he stumbled a few steps backwards.

“What the hell?” she yelled. “What do you think you’re doing, Casanova.”

He laughed. How did he dare laughing now! Her cheeks were glowing with anger. She should probably run away, but was rather going to hit him.

“You see?” He said, still smiling. “This is the desire I’m talking about. Fiery. That’s you, Johanna. That’s what I want.” He took a step towards her, still keeping some distance.

She stood there with her mouth open, unable to reply.
“You told me that you cannot escape reality.” He continued. “Don’t. Don’t run away into mental hideaways. I want you to be mine, from here on. And believe me, Johanna, I will be yours as well.”

She relaxed a little, but still did not move.
“You don’t know me.” She finally said, but her voice sounded weak, not convincing as she intended.

“Do you think knowledge is greater than understanding?” He asked. “I do understand you. And you understand me too, don’t you?” He took another step closer. “Aren’t you tired of living up to what society tells you? Don’t you want to give in to what you really want?”

His voice sounded softer now. She looked up to meet his gaze.
“I am.” She said quietly. “But this has nothing to…”

“This IS it, this is now, and it is real.” He said. “I want you, Johanna, as much as I have ever wanted anything.” He kept getting closer. “Dangerously close.” She thought.

“Be mine.” He whispered, looking at her.

Johanna closed her eyes. She didn’t know what to believe, what to think. David was now directly in front of her. She could feel his breath on her face, the warmth radiating from his body. She thought she could even here him smiling. As if accidently, his fingertips brushed her hands. Johanna shivered. His lips were so close now, almost touching hers. She twitched when she felt them gently biting her. She opened her mouth, waiting for him, but he was not reacting.

“Kiss me.” His voice sounded far away, yet demanding.

She slowly bent forward searching for his lips and found them ready for her. Johanna gave in.
Their Kiss was long, soft and gentle. She was craving his taste and the feeling of his tongue touching hers. Her body relaxed when she was flushed with joy and lust.
David’s hands reached behind her and his fingers ran along her back, sending shivers down her spine. He led her backwards, still kissing her, until she was pressed against what felt like one of the old oak trees that decorated the park. She put her arms around his neck, their lips still not departing.
Suddenly, she felt his foot next to hers, pushing her legs apart. She finally let go.

“What are you doing?” She breathed.

“You should spread your legs while you kiss me.” He said in a soft voice.

“What?” She snapped back into reality.

“Shh.” He said, placing one finger over her mouth. “You heard me. Open your legs.”

“David, I don’t…”

“Do as I tell you.” He said while his hand moved along her waist.

Her head was spinning. This was so weird. She barely knew him, but this was what she had wanted for so long. Her breath quickened even further when she, inch by inch, gave in to his command.

[Black Panther]

Loving it! I hope you continue!

[Diluculum]

The light was starting to fade and the upcoming summer breeze made her chill. There were a few people strolling around the park, but no one seemed to notice the young couple at the tree, or at least pretended not to pay attention. David held her hands behind her back and let his fingers run along her thighs. Johanna was slightly relieved that she was wearing Jeans instead of a skirt today.
“What am I doing?” she thought. “Here I stand, spreading to somebody I barely know.”
Spreading. Even the sound of the word sent another shiver through her. She could feel her mind wandering off, watching herself from above. What a disturbing sight that must be to everyone else. Would somebody even like to watch, secretly from across the park? He suddenly grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.

“Don’t dream away.” He said. “Stay here with me, Johanna.” He stroked her hair. “I want you to know what you are doing; what I am doing.”

She breathed in heavily. The whole situation made her more uncomfortable than she had expected, but she felt her arousal growing as well. Her nipples were rock hard and she could feel the wetness in her panties. She moved her lips towards him, craving his kiss. David let go of her hands, slipped his hand under her top and started to tenderly stroke her back. She closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch. Suddenly, he opened her bra. Johanna’s body stiffened.

“Don’t.” She said, putting her hands on his chest.

“Don’t worry, Johanna.” He replied. “We’ll not go far tonight.” He smiled. “But you will keep your bra loose. Nobody will notice, except you and me.”

Now it was her turn to smile. “You misunderstood me, David.” She said. “I meant: don’t do that here, there are too many people around.”

He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. Then, without a further word, he took her arm and led her deeper into the park. Her bra was lifted slightly with each step, reminding her of what had just happened.
“We look like just another couple”, she thought. “Except that he undid my bra. And I spread my legs while I kissed him! And I don’t know him!” Something screamed inside her. “What am I doing?” Johanna’s heart was trembling, but her body was not letting her resist this new desire that had befallen her. “Where is this going to end?” She thought, scared and curious at the same time.

They finally arrived at a little square where the raising darkness had already been conjured by large surrounding trees. There were two benches, but nobody else to be seen. Even the noises from the city, all day companions, were dimmed and hid behind the wall of green leafs.

“I actually meant my place when I said less crowded.” She said, not sure what he was up to.

“I know.” He replied. “I misunderstood you on purpose.” He turned towards her. “Take your arms behind your back. We might go further than I expected today, after all. ”

There was this grin again. He treated her like she was being owned. Johanna wanted to scream, damn idiot! He felt his eyes on her like she was prey. She met his gaze.

“Trust me.” He said calmly. “I would never truly hurt you. I just WANT you, Johanna. Be mine.”

WHY! Her inner voice kept yelling at her. Just. Walk. Away. Instead, she obeyed. Her legs were shaking when he gently started stroking her neck. He kissed her.

“I adored you from the moment I saw you.” He whispered. “Your pride, your beauty.” He moved his lips along her cheek and gently bit her. “But the one thing I cannot resist is your scent.” He breathed in and she could feel his body shaking. Maybe it was true, and he was drawn to her as much as she was drawn to him.

“You told me I am hardly beautiful when we met.” Her voice felt even weaker than the breeze making her chill again.

“I lied.” He said. “You should be gazed upon, Johanna.”

She felt his foot again, pushing her legs apart. She led it happen.
He moved his fingers along her neck and shoulders down to her bra. David lifted it just enough to let her nipples touch the fabric of her top. The fact that he was now seeing how hard they were made her blush. He already knows, she thought.
His fingers continued their journey downwards along her belly and navel. He slipped under her top, just enough that his fingertips barely touched her skin. His hands followed the edge of her jeans until they found the upper button. Her body stiffened again and she held her breath. David played with the button until she relaxed again, then he slowly undid it.
Johanna gasped. It was so hard to keep her hands behind her back. She wanted to hold him, wrap her arms around him, kiss him. Her fingernails wanted to scratch over his back, making him scream her name.
Her breathing became faster to keep up with her heart beat. She craved to be with him, touch him and even more be touched by him.
“Take everything you want!” she thought, hoping he would read her mind. His fingers were on her lips now, parting them, and she welcomed him with her tongue. He pushed them deeper into her mouth and let her suck his fingers until he pulled them out slowly and wiped her face. Johanna was dazed by her own lust. How could she fall for him so easily?

“I’m yours.” She whispered.

“I know." He said. He guided her to one of the benches and kissed her forehead. “Bend over.”

“What are you doing?” he had caught her off guard again.

“It is ok.” He said. ”I understand you, Johanna. Trust me.”

Her body was once more flushed with desire. Her panties were so soaked that they outlined her skin. She could even feel her Jeans through the wetness.

“David?”

“Yes dear?”

“Fuck me.”

“Not yet.” He pushed her hands on the bench. “I said: bend over.” He raised his hand and slapped her ass. The sting made her gasp. “For now, you will count.”