Could I get some help?

[hornyworrior]

Hey guys!
I would like to ask y'all a few questions. To start out, I have been searching for a mistress. So far, I have had absolutely zero luck. My first reaction was to be frustrated with everyone else for not responding, but now I'm starting to think that maybe the problem is with me. It's been said that the majority of active users seeking sub/dom relationships is males and I get that, but I still see people have had success looking. When I post an ad, everyone that responds is male.

I would like to ask those of you that have had success in finding a mistress, what did you do to stand out in he crowd? I'm not the only one looking so what can I do to make myself stand out? I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong and what I need to change to find what I am looking for. Any advice or ideas would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[pet monkey]

Hello and nice to meet you. I feel that I meet the standard to answer your question as I have had some luck finding some female dominants on the site. The first Domme I found was due strictly to an ad I posted (and a LOT of luck), she happened to be looking at the time and we were very kink compatible. There was no trick to it really, I spent some time reading the 'best of' ads to get an idea for a format and basically took headers from them and filled them in, not only with my details, but with my personality. An unintentional (but happy) side effect of that relationship was that I posted a lot of my reports as blogs and stayed very active in forums and in chat. Once that relationship ended and I was ready to start searching again, I reposted an ad but, that time it really wasn't the ad that did any of the work, it was my reputation online, and from reading my posts and blogs people already had a feel for who I was and (again with luck) I happened to find out that someone in chat that I spoke with a lot was willing to offer herself as my Domme. I still spent a lot of time on line, getting to know people, and, unbeknownst to me, being stalked apparently. I found my current Domme when a fortunate timing event led to us both having ads up at the same time. She was one of the people keeping up on my postings and once I read her ad I felt we could be good for each other.

Having said all that, my method may not work for everyone, it took a lot of luck and timing. What I can say is this, stay active on the site, visit chat rooms, if that is something you are into. A lot of people will tell you to make an ad, and while that is great advice I will go one step further and say make a GREAT ad, don't create an ad saying what you want, everyone does that and let's face it, women on this site are spoiled for choice. Create an ad saying who YOU ARE. Sell yourself and make the women want to respond. Be honest in your ad, if you lie about who you are or what you want you will not find the girl you are looking for, guaranteed.

Open yourself up to the different experiences on the site. Visit the areas of the site the women you might be interested in would be. Do you like denial? Join a thread based on denial (but don't blame me if you get stuck). Do you enjoy playing games? Join one of the online game threads that interest you... etc. Basically, be where they can see you and get to know you. Do not send random PMs to random women asking them to dominate you, that's the quickest way to get blocked. Turn your desperation down, be an approachable human. When you talk to the women on the site do so with respect and as a potential friend NOT as a potential sub/dom, that will only get you marks against you (or worse blocked).

So, basically, make yourself stand out as THE sub they are looking for, not just A sub they have to sort through.

If you would like to chat more I'm online a lot and would welcome any PMs or questions you have.

[Jaro]

Like you, I never thought I would find a mistress, but I did, due to sheer luck.

I had posted an ad three times I think. I put a lot of effort in the last two and they were very elaborate in what I had to offer and what I was looking for.

I got 0 response to any of them.

So I gave up.

I started posting a lot in my blog. Making posts about me and my kink, what I liked and what my curiosities were.

One of these posts apparently caught the interest of a woman who was not actively looking to dom someone but gathered I would be interested in being dommed and offered to try it out with me. She read my ad after that too, but initially she just contacted me based on my blog.

So my tip to you would be: don't bother with ads but get yourself known more on site. The best place to do that, I think, is through your blog because most of the more serious people on here are always following the blog.

Good luck!

[iSpuds]

I might also add that one of the things you're going to want to ask yourself is:

Why do you want to submit?

Very many subs on this site are mainly interested in being dared, being told what to do, being hurt, being humiliated, et cetera. While those are all perfectly fine kinks to have, they are not very inspiring motivators for submission. I cannot stress this point enough:

Your Dom does not serve YOU.

That is to say, while your kinks are all well and good, you, as a sub, serve at the pleasure of your Dominant partner. That's your motivation (ideally). Therefore, if all you're worried about is being dared, consider that you may not be a submissive, necessarily, but more like a Bottom (which is totally fine, but it helps to use the correct terminology).

The reason I bring this up is because many of the more serious Doms I know, including myself, aren't interested in feeling like they have to constantly run behind a sub, giving them task after task for fear that once they get bored, they'll leave. We are interested in building relationships with people wherein they are inspired to submit themselves, wholly and honestly, in whatever capacity or form that may be required of them (within limits).

So don't just play up the sex part of it. What other skills do you have? Are you a musician? Good cleaner? Athletic? Artistic? All of those skills and traits can be utilized by the imaginative Dom. As a submissive, start getting yourself in the mindset that every part of you will belong to your Dom. So offer up every single part. If there's one thing I've always hated about putting out ads as a Dom, it's that men always come to me with their sexual interests and that's fucking it. Frankly, I could give a rat's ass what people are into sexually when meeting them for the first time. What I look for is emotional and intellectual compatibility.

[sir sam]

Hi,
i just posted a reply in a similar thread >>here<<

Looking to you: 11 posts..... that would never raise my interest.
ideally I would see you fooling around with stupid posts in some lounge-game thread. In addition participating in some punishment or other game-like threads. Teaming up in teh boys-versus-girls thread.
So.... being a social present guy.

Jaro had a similar concern some month ago (check his posts). I remember me telling him in pm that I was sure he would find someone quick and that definitely happened. He was sooooo present. I wanted to include them in our play even though I already had my pet and was not into dominating man at all.

[sir sam]

Originally Posted by Jaroface

Like you, I never thought I would find a mistress, but I did, due to sheer luck.

As I said in above post.
Not sheer luck at all... It was very clear to me this would happen!

misstresses are a minority here so waiting for a misstress definitely takes time but to me it was very clear it would happen.

[sir sam]

Originally Posted by colosubguy

Having said all that, my method may not work for everyone, it took a lot of luck and timing.

Same comment as for Jaro,
Although its just my opinion,... I dont think at all its luck. You were really on a solid path to gat a domme that way.

and... be patient,.. mistresses are a minority,.. it will sure take a few months. But these months can be really enjoyable on this site.

[Jaro]

Originally Posted by sir sam

As I said in above post.
Not sheer luck at all... It was very clear to me this would happen!

misstresses are a minority here so waiting for a misstress definitely takes time but to me it was very clear it would happen.

Thank you!

[hornyworrior]

Hey, thanks everyone for the replies. I really appreciate the feedback! There is some really great advice here. Fingers crossed!

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

As Jaroface said, if you build up a friendship and communication with a person, they might not be looking, but if you impress them they might consider something. You also have to understand why a person might not be looking. In my case it is time commitment. If you want once a week versus a communication every day, mention that. Spell out the level of commitment you are willing to give and what you want back, but do not ask more from the Dom then you are willing to give of yourself. I might not have the best advice because I am not actively looking, but the friends and people I talk to on here and sometimes exchange dares and tasks with are people who I have created a connection and friendship with. I have also considered taking some of these friends on if time were to allow it. So in conclusion relationships and communication are super important.

[hornyworrior]

I will revisit how specific I am and see if that helps. And I agree. It's better to become friends first and then see where the relationship goes. I'm just a little more on the shy side, so it can be hard at times letting people get to know me. That isn't an excuse though. I'll do my best. Thanks for the advice!