Funny?

[Iodine]

Im going to get in on this, ive got a great knock knock joke. But the next post has to start it.

[Jaro]

Knock knock... ....

[Runesmith]

Julie and Jan died and met at the pearly gates. Jan asked Julie, "how did you die?"

Julie replied, "I froze to death."

"Oh that must have been terrible" said Jan.

"No, it wasn't that bad, I was cold at first and then I got sleepy like in a dream".

Then Julie asked, "How did you die?"

Jan replied, "I was convinced my husband was sleeping around on me. So one day I came home early, rushed into the house, but my husband was in his easy chair reading a newspaper. But I was convinced her had a woman in the house. I ran upstairs in a frenzy and checked the bedroom, went through all the closets, ran downstairs into the basement, looked all around there, went back up to the main floor and checked all around there, had a heart attack from the exhaustion and dropped dead".

Julie sighed and replied, "we would both be alive if you had checked the freezer first".

[Runesmith]

How many women does it take to wall paper a room?

If you are a psychopath, the answer would be:

Spoiler:

Four... if you slice them thinly enough.

[Runesmith]

A guy is driving around rural Nebraska, and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten bucks,' the guy says.

'Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the garden'

[Runesmith]

Since most readers of this site are Americans, who are used to your color-coded terrorist threat levels, I thought it might be good to educate you on the terror threat classification systems the European countries and Australia use. This might just save your life if you happen to be traveling, so pay attention!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[Runesmith]

I can read your mind over the internet. Open the spoiler and I will tell you what you are thinking:

Spoiler:

You think I am lying

And here's more...

Spoiler:

Now you are thinking - how did he guess that? That's uncanny!

[Iodine]

Originally Posted by Jaroface

Knock knock... ....

Whos there..... *trollface.jpg*


Seriously that joke never works....

[Jaro]

Originally Posted by Iodine

Whos there..... *trollface.jpg*


Seriously that joke never works....

trollface.jpg who??

[Runesmith]

Originally Posted by Jaroface

trollface.jpg who??

Now we know why people who tell knock knock jokes have a higher than average chance of dying a violent death.

A dwarf working as a soothsayer in a circus was arrested for being a fraud. One night the dwarf escaped from prison and a massive manhunt was launched. The headlines proclaimed, "Small Medium at Large!"

[Zoeys fun time]

How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?

Spoiler:

It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

Love,
Zoey

[Runesmith]

Hahaha... That goes perfectly with the wall paper joke.

[cooperjess]

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler:

Seriously, I have like five in my basement now and it's still dark.

[Zoeys fun time]

Originally Posted by cooperjess

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler:

Seriously, I have like five in my basement now and it's still dark.

lol this is great

[Zoeys fun time]

what kind of bees make milk?

Spoiler:

BOOBEES

whats the deference between your job and a dead hooker?

Spoiler:

Your Job still sucks!

Love,
Zoey