How To Find The Perfect Dom/Domme

[Yuiodio]

So I have been in the BDSM community for a while now but haven't been on getdare for long. Getdare has a much friendlier vibe than most BDSM sites and that is because it wasn't meant to be one. It has however one of the best BDSM sites I have ever seen.

The thing I have seen though is there is some problems.

-Underage People

-Fake People Or Catfish's (Never meet or send pictures to someone who won't send them back and always image search and compare pics you get as I have had ones sent to me that have just been of google).

- Begging for Pics

- Begging For A Dom/Domme

Now I am a male sub and I have managed to find perfect Dommes on here because I use sense. So I have written this guide to help submissives find doms.

My first tip is read the ad. The amount of times I have seen people post a reply and you can tell they haven't read it. For example if someone says they are looking for female subs and your a male don't reply it's as simple as that.

Secondly don't reply on the thread or just with your kik saying kik me. I turn down doms who do that and I know they do the same. You don't need anything special just a little bit about you and make your limits clear or that could either turn into you being forced to do it if you are in a blackmail situation or something else.

And for god sake don't beg or make unrealistic offers as for one it shows that you are desperate or needy. A needy sub is a bad sub.

Last one is don't be afraid to turn a dom down. Your dom is someone you should get along with not someone you put up with. Make sure they respect you.

If you follow these tips you should be able to find yourself a good dom. I will be posting new tips as time goes on so keep an eye on this thread.

[m55uk4younger]

Originally Posted by Yuiodio

So I have been in the BDSM community for a while now but haven't been on getdare for long. Getdare has a much friendlier vibe than most BDSM sites and that is because it wasn't meant to be one. It has however one of the best BDSM sites I have ever seen.

The thing I have seen though is there is some problems.

-Underage People

-Fake People Or Catfish's (Never meet or send pictures to someone who won't send them back and always image search and compare pics you get as I have had ones sent to me that have just been of google).

- Begging for Pics

- Begging For A Dom/Domme

Now I am a male sub and I have managed to find perfect Dommes on here because I use sense. So I have written this guide to help submissives find doms.

My first tip is read the ad. The amount of times I have seen people post a reply and you can tell they haven't read it. For example if someone says they are looking for female subs and your a male don't reply it's as simple as that.

Secondly don't reply on the thread or just with your kik saying kik me. I turn down doms who do that and I know they do the same. You don't need anything special just a little bit about you and make your limits clear or that could either turn into you being forced to do it if you are in a blackmail situation or something else.

And for god sake don't beg or make unrealistic offers as for one it shows that you are desperate or needy. A needy sub is a bad sub.

Last one is don't be afraid to turn a dom down. Your dom is someone you should get along with not someone you put up with. Make sure they respect you.

If you follow these tips you should be able to find yourself a good dom. I will be posting new tips as time goes on so keep an eye on this thread.

Some very good, valid points made.

Sir.

[sir sam]

If I may add a few:
- have your profile filled in
- have likes/dislikes/limits

be active!!!
Enjoy some threads, either casual threads or longer punishment threads.
As a dom I ALWAYS check profile and post-history when getting inclined to react.
Sure (no)pics/underage is a concern, but if I read through a post history of 50..100 posts and check a profile then I get a prety good idea of what kind of person you are.

Have some PM-dares.
It sounds funny, but PM-dares show a lot about who you are. They are ready-made examples of what you would enjoy. Also (i said it many times), sending a pm-dare is a really low thresshold method for a dom to make a first kinky contact. I have done it frequently, sending pm-dares always together with some personal text. I did meet my pet by sending soem pm-dares first.

Finally.......
BEWARE OF THE DORKS!!!!
To a Dom it may be quite easy to quit with a sub that is clearly nok. A sub may have much more emotional difficulties, feelings of guilt in deciding to quit if the relation does not feel well. Please quit if it does not feel well. The reality is that there are definitely very good, reliable, great doms here. Unfortunately however there are also many immature or abusive doms. Pleas getout if you feel not comfortable. Getting abused is NOT the same as submission.

Since it is so difficult to quit....
As a sub I would do the same as I do being a Dom. Check profile and check post-history. Actually, i would stay away from people with fewer than 50 posts, and actually be carefull with anything below 100 posts. I know its a bit sad, but getting to 100 posts is not that difficult so I don't really buy the argument that such is a real problem.
Submissing to a wrong person I would see as a bigger concern (I say this as a guy who has put some serious effort in pulling some girlls from a clearly abusive and sad relation).
A dom that is a clear happy poster is what I think you want! Not a dom that is just lurking,.. waiting for a victim.
How would you react to a guy in a bar who would say: "you don't know me but lets go to my place such that i can beat you up"?
GD is not realy different.

(and to the OP: pretty sure you get your postcount up , please feel welcome)

[m55uk4younger]

Originally Posted by sir sam

If I may add a few:
- have your profile filled in
- have likes/dislikes/limits

be active!!!
Enjoy some threads, either casual threads or longer punishment threads.
As a dom I ALWAYS check profile and post-history when getting inclined to react.
Sure (no)pics/underage is a concern, but if I read through a post history of 50..100 posts and check a profile then I get a prety good idea of what kind of person you are.

Have some PM-dares.
It sounds funny, but PM-dares show a lot about who you are. They are ready-made examples of what you would enjoy. Also (i said it many times), sending a pm-dare is a really low thresshold method for a dom to make a first kinky contact. I have done it frequently, sending pm-dares always together with some personal text. I did meet my pet by sending soem pm-dares first.

Finally.......
BEWARE OF THE DORKS!!!!
To a Dom it may be quite easy to quit with a sub that is clearly nok. A sub may have much more emotional difficulties, feelings of guilt in deciding to quit if the relation does not feel well. Please quit if it does not feel well. The reality is that there are definitely very good, reliable, great doms here. Unfortunately however there are also many immature or abusive doms. Pleas getout if you feel not comfortable. Getting abused is NOT the same as submission.

Since it is so difficult to quit....
As a sub I would do the same as I do being a Dom. Check profile and check post-history. Actually, i would stay away from people with fewer than 50 posts, and actually be carefull with anything below 100 posts. I know its a bit sad, but getting to 100 posts is not that difficult so I don't really buy the argument that such is a real problem.
Submissing to a wrong person I would see as a bigger concern (I say this as a guy who has put some serious effort in pulling some girlls from a clearly abusive and sad relation).
A dom that is a clear happy poster is what I think you want! Not a dom that is just lurking,.. waiting for a victim.
How would you react to a guy in a bar who would say: "you don't know me but lets go to my place such that i can beat you up"?
GD is not realy different.

(and to the OP: pretty sure you get your postcount up , please feel welcome)

More good advice for newbies as well as seasoned pro's!

Sir.

[Kid.Art]

Originally Posted by Yuiodio

-Fake People Or Catfish's (Never meet or send pictures to someone who won't send them back and always image search and compare pics you get as I have had ones sent to me that have just been of google).

This.

I wasted like a month of my time talking to someone who wasn't who they said they were. I was careless and didn't ask them to verify. Always ask for a picture where they are holding up a sign with their username or some sort of message to identify them with.

[m55uk4younger]

Originally Posted by Kid.Art

This.

I wasted like a month of my time talking to someone who wasn't who they said they were. I was careless and didn't ask them to verify. Always ask for a picture where they are holding up a sign with their username or some sort of message to identify them with.

Lesson learnt. Only trust when you know they can be trusted!

Sir.

[Foxy Rose]

This is such good advice from everyone who commented on here.

In the past I've been trolled by a good number of "subs" / "slaves" where I actually went as far to hide my information on this site to only my friend list.

The males or fake males need to consider that the female population on here is little and the active females usually have partners.

Out of respect for both these parties, make sure of the facts before engaging in any type of contact. Especially if a profile is directing you to the said partners' profile.

I've gotten to the point were I actually laugh at the silliness and desperation of these "humans" and I've come to love the ignore / delete / block / report buttons

My number 1 suggestion is have respect! Respect for yourself and anyone on here. Don't be a d-bag.

[sexyjoe]

I agree with a lot of posts on this thread but I have had some experiences that really frustrate me especially regarding PMs

I agree with Foxy Rose that there are very few actual females around here so one should actually take the time to read posts & the history. And that is where I have some problems. I usually do like Sir Sam said, i.e. read their posts & blogs etc. What frustrates me is that I spent usually around an hour reading old posts, learning about the person and more time actually writing the message.

But despite my hard work, I don't get a reply. And if anyone wants a sample, I'll gladly share. I never am desperate but I do expect someone to reply even if its to say "No, thank you".

Would like to hear your thoughts


I've also decided to heed Sir Sam's advice & so I'll be having PM dares. I hope it helps me grow on Gd

[Hammarling]

Gonna give a few opinions of my own here, using the quotes as starting points. Some of these are designed to play a sort of devils advocate role to try and show off some alternative views, as so far the posts are all very much agreeing with each other.

-Underage People

Take notice of what your legal position is. GD as a site has it's own rules of course, but be aware of what your and their nations legal's are. Rules vary around the world and what might be ok for one of you is not ok for the other. No matter how good someone might seem, it is not worth the legal risk.

It can be hard to find out how old someone actually is. Beyond them showing you a legal document like a drivers license or passport, you cannot tell. I have worked with young adults before and i all honesty, sometimes you honestly cannot tell what their age is by their appearence and mannerisms. Equally there are some people in their mid-20's who i'd think were 15 given their look or actions.

If in doubt, don't risk it. Protect yourself above all else.

-Fake People Or Catfish's (Never meet or send pictures to someone who won't send them back and always image search and compare pics you get as I have had ones sent to me that have just been of google).

Yep we can all give countless examples of this. This is why so many people want proof of some sort.
Personally i don't care much about pics or video. If it's possible, brilliant! But as long as they can write a report i'm happy.
But i do want to know this person is who they say they are. For this i will always ask for "proof". This isn't sexaul, just a unique image i know cannot be faked.
I've got a couple of things i rotate around: sign with my name on it. holding certain objects. certain handsignals.
Nothing sexual or compromising. From one of those i'll usually be satisfied, if not i'll ask for a second from the list. No identity is compromised and nothing is risked from the other party. If someone can't do that, i know the relationship won't work because i won't be able to trust them.

Note, i'm not asking for a proof inside an hour. I am happy to talk for a bit, and will only ask the proof if we are taking the step to go s/m. And i will always provide proof of me. Can't ask for something you're not willing to give.

My first tip is read the ad.

It sounds so simple doesn't it? And yet people just don't do it!

However sometimes i will "ignore" part of an ad. If most of the ad is great, but one line i don't agree with or fulfil, sometimes i will message that person anyway. This is because i feel i can explain around this point and show why i can still be worth considering.
If said person comes back and says "no thanks", fair enough. But as a male dom with no interest in a male sub, pickings are so slim i feel almost forced to try this method to maximize my chance of finding someone.

Last one is don't be afraid to turn a dom down. Your dom is someone you should get along with not someone you put up with. Make sure they respect you.

It's true. As said, there's a difference between s/m and abuse. And sometimes you are just not working as a relationship. Saying no is important.

But you should really say no. Talk to you dom/sub. Sometimes one party doesn't know there is a problem. I've had this where a Sub left me but never talked to me about it, only notifying me sometime later and in a rather rude manner.
Talking can solve a lot of problems. At least have the manners to explain your decision. A good person will be ok with it and understand. And it is worth trying to maintain cordial relations with people, you neve know if they'll pop up again or with a reference in the future!

As a dom I ALWAYS check profile and post-history when getting inclined to react.

Doing background is important, agree. Very useful etc etc.

My counter-point's. Post count - Some people are new, doesn't make them less good people. This is where you'll have to talk more to find this out, but don't discount people because they have not posted a lot. Just be more cautious.
Post content - Errr, some of my past posts arn't great. A lot of them are no longer relevant to me as a person. I started out here as a Sub, so obviously those posts don't come into play with me as a dom, too much.
I've also discovered various new kinks over time, and become less interested in others. So whilst you can find out all sorts about me from my past posts, the only real way to know me is to talk to me.
It's the same with others i'm sure, and know. People change and you have to remember this. Past posts and activity is not a guaranteed representation of who a person is. Talking direct and asking questions to them is the best way, by a long way, to find out who they are.

__________________________________

Something i'll add to the helping pot.

Why havn't their previous relationships worked out?

I've seen various people post a lot looking for someone. I always think to myself, why has no-one taken them? If they did, then why didn't it work out?
It can set of a flag to me that this person may not be all they claim. And as such i'll want to get an answer out of them if we chat.
It can be simply nothing, and i don't need to worry. It could be a recurring problem, and i need to be aware. It could be a problem, and i should worry and perhaps stay clear.
Being open and honest about why previous relationships ended will help, don't get evasive as it makes it sound worse.

_____

Anyway, just a few probably rambling thoughts

[maxblank]

No one has mentioned signatures or blogs yet. I think it should be the bare minimum to have a list or brief explination of what you're into. This is commonly done through a likes/limits blog, a brief list in the sig, or as has been mentioned before, some PM tasks (although some people this isn't always aplicable).

A list of toys can also help clue people in on what sort of play you might want to focus on, or on your compatibility. If you only have a hairbrush and some elastic bands but your new Dom is going to want you in chastity, that might present a bit of a problem.